Happy Birthday Bella!

        Today is Bella's birthday and the bambini's have been busy planning a fun day for her.  Autumn wants to give her a bath (not Bella's choice!) and they want to take her for a long walk in the desert...of course they got her gifts - a new bone, a box of treats and a new squeaky toy.
       Bella has become extra special to our family - a gift from Kimmy.  I know I mentioned before, when our pup, Zona, passed away in March, I wanted to wait for a while before looking for a new puppy...but Kim had been doing her research online, looking for puppies to save.  She found an organization, B.A.R.K. (Baby Animal Rescue Coalition), that really grabbed her heart and the St. Francis in her.  When Kim noticed that they had a litter of lab/border collie mixes, she called B.A.R.K. to see how we might be able to see them
        The young lady at B.A.R.K. told her they currently were at their offices over by the Tucson Mall and we could come by around 2:00.  Kim asked about where the puppies had come from.  The lady told Kim that the pups were from a ranch near Tubac.  Apparently, the rancher's border collie got mixed up with his neighbor's lab and had puppies.  He was planning to use his shotgun to take care of the unwanted litter.  Kim burst into tears and said we have to go see these puppies today!
        When we got there, there were a few other people chosing puppies, but Kim and the kids gravitated to Bella immediately.  She was the runt of the litter, and her little puppy eyes locked in on Kimmy's - and that was that.  Right after Kim picked her up, another couple came in and told her 'if you choose not to take that puppy, we would like her'...Kim smiled at them, tearing up, and said, 'I'm sorry, this is my 'Bella''.
       Although Bella has her mischevious side, her and Kim were inseparable, whether gardening or in the kitchen cooking.  She loved that girl.  And Bella has been so good with the kids since day one.  They love to wrestle with her, throw her a ball and take her for walks.
      The house is definitely colder without Kimmy here, but we sure are blessed that she insisted on getting Bella, who has put smiles on all of our faces.  Today we celebrate Bella and we'll know that Kimmy is watching down on us smiling...
      Love,
               Dave

Happy New Year, again...

   We had a nice time with our neighbors, Betsey, Brian, Amy, Tom and their children, ringing in the New Year together...all of the kids had so much fun, but Cody and Antonio didn't quite make it to midnight...And so, it was only Autumn and I who made it to see in the New Year...and we went outside, into the cold night, to wish mama good night and to wish her a Happy New Year...

   I'll never forget how Kim used to seek me out on New Year's Eve, making sure she was close to give me a kiss precisely as it turned midnight...I sure missed that tonight...

   Happy New Year,

                    Dave

Happy New Year

   The bambini's and I would like to wish you all a safe and Happy New Year - may you make some of the best holiday memories tonight!! 
   We have so many of the great, family New Year's we have spent with friends and neighbors over the years...we always like to stay home or walk next door to be with friends, make some good food to share and play games.  Kim always took things up a notch, as you might imagine, whether bringing her Tuscan bean dip, twice baked potato skins or some other cullinary masterpiece!  And for the kids, well, you can imagine that they all had hats to wear, necklaces, noismakers, etc.  She'd also get them their own bottle of bubbly to pop at midnight and make special desserts - like mini tiramisu.  When they were younger, she'd lead them in a parade around the house, outside to set off poppers and back through the whole house, the kids squealing and following her lead.
    In the morning, on New Year's Day, she'd typically make us a big breakfast - french toast using panetone, handmade at Viro's Italian Bakery - thanks Vito!, bacon, hashbrowns and coffee.
    Kim taught me, over the years, that family truly comes first.  I used to want to do something fun, exciting, exhilerating on New Year's Eve every year...and Kim came to show me, that being with my family is all that, especially when you leave a lasting, good memory, in the minds of your children.
    When we were still dating, we'd like to get downtown Philly to see the mummer's parade - if you've never seen that, it is majestic and comical all at once - try you tubing it to see if it comes up.  We'd have a lot of fun in Philly, watching the parade, the people and then walking the streets looking for another great place to grab a bite to eat.
     Before we built the beautiful family we have, we'd enjoy going out to eat on New Year's Eve and then finding a place to be alone to ring in the New Year together.  Although, sometimes we'd get together with her sister Terri and her husband Todd, which was always a good time too.  I remember we all got a hotel room together once and stayed up until the wee hours of the morning and Terri and I both had to go to work fairly early on New Year's Day, but we didn't let it slow us down!
    They've all been fun...but none so memorable or special as the ones we've shared with our children, as family, staying home or nearby to enjoy being together.
     We'll continue that tradition tonight, with neighbors and friends coming to our home, to ring in the New Year with the bambini's and me...Cody has cleaned up the garage and made some fun games for the kids to play together.  Mostly revolving around the plethora of Nerf guns they got for Christmas!  They'll play ping pong, too.  I did remember to pick them up their own bottle of bubbly, too.
     This morning, as we ate breakfast at Bruegger's, we talked about how we looked forward to 2011, putting 2010 behind us...the hopes we have, for school, for friends and for each other...and these guys have a lot of that...hope.
      Thank you for all that you did for our family in 2010...and, once again, Happy New Year!

      Love,
           Dave
 'In the Lord, I put my trust...'
                      Psalm 11

On Tidal Waves...

    Ok, so today was a pretty rough day for the bambini's and me...don't worry, we know we'll have them and everyone tells us we will - we made it the best that we could.  Here's a story about a reoccurring nightmare that I've had since I was very young...please, if anyone feels like psycho-analyzing this one, do not read this story...or at least, do not post a reply...this is part of my journey...

     Starting with today, Grammie and Grandpa Jim made their way back to Pennsylvania...it was a sad goodbye and the weather was most bizarre, with snow showers and driving wind.  Until we approached the airport, when the wind settled down and the sun cut through the storm clouds above the airport.  The bambini's were pretty quiet, they will miss Grammie and Grandpa Jim, having had a lot of fun and comfort from them.  They have been a great help.
     When we left the airport, we headed down to 4th ave on the southside to pick up Kimmy's death certificates.  We talked about it on the way there...and the bambini's wanted to know why they have to call it a 'death certificate' - we are certainly discovering the cold side to losing a loved one, the bureaucratic, red tape required by so many.  We all went into Desert Rose Mortuary, the new 4 musketeers.  Afterward, again, we tried to make the best of the gray weather and our sadness and went to Micha's, right across from the dog track.  We were able to enjoy a meal and each other's company - these little bambini's are so inspirational!  We picked up some skates for Autumn and prepared for another night at Skate Country.
This helped cheer the kids up - Angie, Andrea, Kristie and Janene arranged for it and all of their kids were there and this time, our neighbors, Betsey, Brian, Amy and Tom and their kids all went.  Everyone skated and it helped Cody, Autumn and Tonio.  We are so blessed to have the love and support of wonderful friends and neighbors!
  
          But back to the dream, well nightmare...I've always had bad dreams involving tidal waves.  Usually, I'm at the beach, enjoying the day, sometimes with Kim or the kids.  The waves are always beautiful, seagulls in the air, when, out of nowhere, will come a monster wave, engulfing everything. I've woken Kim up screaming, coming up from these dreams, thrashing as I try to find the surface...
         I need to tell you I have no fear of water.  I love to swim.  In the Atlantic Ocean, I always enjoyed swimming the 30 yards or so out to the sand bar during low tide and riding the waves back to shore.  On both coasts, I always love going out on a boogie board or doing some body surfing.  I do not have any memories of a bad experience in the water to explain the dreams.
         Recently, I had one where Tonio and I were sitting on a bench on the beach.  Watching the waves break, Tonio was feeding seagulls and the day was perfect.  He began to tell me something and I leaned in to listen.  When I looked back to the sea, the wave towered over us, casting a dark shadow - it crashed before I could reach out and save Tonio...I could see him somersaulting through the water and could not quite reach him...
          A few years ago, we took a family trip to San Diego and went up the coast a bit to La Jolla to see if we could find any seals to show the kids.  The surf was pretty rough, as there had been some storms at sea.  We told the kids they could build sandcastles and play near the surf, but not to go in.  Kim, Tonio and I were on a blanket further away from the water's edge, enjoying the sun and watching Tonio dig, creating a fort for himself.  I glanced toward Cody and Autumn, who were trying to fill their buckets for their sandcastle they were building.  Little Autumn had her back to the surf and, just like in one of my nightmares, a huge wave was cresting.  It broke, sweeping them both right off of their feet.  Cody quickly regained himself and ran to safety.  Autumn went under and was quickly heading towards the sea.  Unlike in one of my bad dreams, I sprung up and sprinted towards where I'd seen Aut go under - and again, unlike in nightmares, I've never run faster, scooping her up, just as she was about to be pummeled by another wave, which crashed down on my shoulders, but I kept my legs pumping up the beach, never faltering.  Autumn had taken in some water, but she was ok.
           The wave dream comes and goes...I do not know what triggers it, as it happens during periods that are good and ones that are stressful, equally...and it's not as if they happen often, either.  Sometimes, it can be years between them.  But, it usually plays out the same, I can't save anyone with me or myself...
           While Kim was pregnant with Antonio, we took Cody and Autumn to San Diego to go to Sea World, the San Diego Zoo and to Mission Beach.  They absolutely loved Sea World (I promised them we'd try to get there this summer), especially the dolphin petting tank and the dolphin show.  Cody likes the rafting ride there quite a bit, too.  The Philly Zoo was always are favorite, followed closely by the Baltimore Zoo and then San Diego.  We were actually members of the Phoenix Zoo for a few years, going up 3 or 4 times a year to see a sporting event, staying over night and taking the kids to the zoo in the morning.  And, we've been members of the Reid Park Zoo, here in Tucson, since about 1997. 
           On this particular trip to San Diego, Kim had another surprise for us...she had bought whale watching tickets.  The boat would cruise around the Sand Diego Harbor, before heading out to sea.  Cody and Autumn were excited, and so was I...again, I have no fear of water or the ocean.  But, the area had been hit pretty hard by storms and the harbor had some pretty good sized swells coming in.  We were all given life jackets and the boat headed out to harbor...it was a little rough, but we were enjoying the day, watching seals swim and keeping an eye out for a whale.  As we got closer to where the harbor met the bay, the size of the waves began to increase.  The waves were around 8-10' high as we entered the ocean and rising.  By now, I had Cody and Autumn in headlocks...the captain began turning the boat into the waves to prevent captsizing and the announced that the waves were getting to big and we were turning back - we would be given a full refund.  When we made it back, I overheard the captain say, he thought the waves were between 12-14' high in the ocean...
            When we got off of the boat, I realized I had never shared with Kim my tidal wave dreams.  She was so sweet, saying she would never had booked the trip if she had known...but, I told her, I'd go back out on a calm day, I really wanted to see the whales!  But, that day, I was fearful that Cody or Autumn would get tossed overboard by the rough seas.
           Well, I had the dream again the night Kimmy passed...and I had some level of understanding...the tidal wave had come, for real...in this nightmare, I was able to scoop up all three bambini's, keeping them safe and not losing them, like I had previously in every other nightmare...but, I could not save Kimmy.  I thought I could.  I bathed her, washed her hair, fed her, helped her walk, held her hand at her bedside, brought her cool drinks, ice packs, enjoyed her company and gave her her medications, including the twice daily injections of Lovenox, the blood thinner that her cancer outsmarted...and, while I was kneeling down, like the day I proposed to Kim, getting ready to give her a shot, she told me 'you are my knight in shining armor'...but, I wasn't, I couldn't be, no matter how much I did, it wasn't enough and as the wave engulfed me - I clung to the bambini's and reached for Kimmy's hand...but I couldn't hold on...she slipped away...as in my dreams, I never saw the tidal wave coming...
            The death certificate brought home that reality with a cold finality today...as I walked out, with my copies in my hand, I wanted to shout out 'what the hell happened?'...not with any anger, mind you, just shock.  Swirling around beneath the water, clinging to the bambini's. It's one of those things that never happens to you, always to someone else, yet here I was leading my three little ones across a bleak parking lot, under a gray sky, with a piece of paper that I needed to prove their mother had passed...  Instead of shouting, I grabbed all three in a large embrace and told them "I'm here for you, now and always.  We are together, here for each other.  And mama is watching over us now and will help to guide us."  Then I told them it was too cold and we should move somewhere warmer, which got them all smiling and offering suggestions...'how about the equator?' Tonio chimed in.  We moved on to our lunch at Micha's...
            Since Kimmy passed, I have made it a habit to spend some time out back, after the house was quiet, searching the stars for Kimmy.  Telling her about our day and listening for her advice.  Before going back in each night, I tell her how much I love her.  How much I miss her.  And pray for her.  Tonight, we started doing this together, as a family and the bambini's are so sweet in their wishes for their mama 'I hope you are warm in Heaven' Autumn calls out.  'Good night, don't let the bed bugs bite' Tonio yells...I tell him, there are no biting bed bugs in Heaven...that makes him very happy.  Cody whispers 'Sweet dreams'...
          So we end a dark day on a bright note, just like Kimmy would have wanted us too...

"She brings to him good, not harm, all the days of her life.  Give her the reward she has earned and let her works bring her praise at the city gate"
         Proverbs 31:10-12

          Love,
              Dave

And the morning comes...

    The night is so cold and dark...seemingly lasting forever...
    But did anyone catch the sunrise today?  While the sky was still dark, you could see Saturn near the moon.  The sky had an ethereal feel to it, with wispy clouds hanging between the stars...
    Then, over the Rincon mountains, a touch of light...and as the sun slowly began peeking over the mountain top, those clouds became soft hues of pinks and peaches...Father Harry's words came to me then, and I knew that Kim was pushing back the darkness and the coldness and greeting us with a new day, new hope...
     We saw many sunrises together.  My favorites were always when we were staying at Long Beach Island, N.J., cuddled together in the dunes, listenen to the soothing sound of the waves meeting the shore and waiting...
     When the sun comes up over the Atlantic ocean, the rays reach out like bright tenacles, bouncing off of the ocean and reaching towards the beach.  We'd lay there, silent, enjoying the spectacular beauty of it all...then, we'd get up and go to the Beach Haven diner for some breakfast, head back to our hotel and sleep until noon or so before getting down to the beach to work on our tans, throw frisbee, ride the waves and take shell hunting excursions along the shoreline.  It was always magical.
      One of my favorite sunrises was on my 21st birthday.  Kim surprised me with a champagne, hot air balloon ride!  We met the balloonist (is that what they're called?), in a large field at around 5 a.m.  He had his balloon packed in a small trailer attached to the rear of his pick up.  It was amazing to see him prepare it.  He worked quickly with his team to pull out the balloon, stretch it across the field, get the basket ready and then, he fired up the flame to inflate the balloon.
       It was a roaring flame, that lit up the dark morning, bringing the balloon to life.  Kim and I held hands, shivering a bit in the morning chill, the dew wet on our sneakers.  We were so excited.
       When the balloon was ready, the first hints of morning had begun to announce itself.  We climbed into the basket, arm around each other and the crew untied the tethers...we quickly began our ascent to the deafening roar of the flame, giving the balloon more float...as we rose, we stared to the east, as the sun came up over the hills, we were so high up in the sky, it seemed as though we must be heading for Heaven...
        The ride was incredible, we could see forever...and when we landed, the balloonist popped the cork on the champagne and we celebrated each other...another greatest time...
       Kim's favorite time was morning.  She greeted each day with enthusiasm.  She loved to wake up, make herself a chai tea and sit on our back porch, listening the birds, watching our pup play and soaking in the beauty...
      May all of your sunrises be beautiful...

      Love,
             Dave

John 8:12
"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life."

Let the children come to me...

   One thing I always loved about Kimmy, was the child in her, deep in her heart...she loved to laugh, get caught in a driving rain, give a surprise gift, see a Disney movie, sleigh riding in the winter, - I could go on and on...
    And the child in her, really helped her relate to children in her life...she worked at a preschool in Bethlehem for about 8 years.  This preschool was located on the edge of  a government housing project, so the little 3 and 4 year olds that Kim cared from, often came from pretty broken homes...but while they were in Kim's care, she provided them with perhaps more love than they would ever find outside of the preschool's doors...
     She would come home and tell me how one little girl came in, crying - Kim asked 'what's wrong, honey?'.  The little girl related how, while she tried to sleep last night, her mom's boyfriend, burst through a window, with a knife and stabbed her mommy in the belly...Kim held that dear child and comforted her.  I remember attending that funeral, Kim remembering to bring the little girl a new teddy and giving her a reason to smile on the darkest day. 
     This day care was operated by a bottom line oriented owner, so at snack and lunch time, nutrition was not the goal...Kim used to be so concerned, that we would go shopping for fruit and other healthy snacks that she would bring in to make sure the kids had a good meal while they were with her.  One time, the owner saw what she was doing, flew into a tirade, believing someone had over spent meal budget.  Kim explained that she brought the food in and told him how important it was to her that these children were fed properly...he allowed her to continue the practice, but would not adopt Kim's program into his budget.  Kim tried to make the people work there to see how truly important their work was.  These were lonely, affection starved little ones and Kim devoted her time there, even though she was making mininium wage, to making their lives a little better...In fact, I'll never forget the time, about ten years after she left, we were at a festival in downtown Bethlehem, when a huge teenager came hulking up to us - I quickly scanned my memory to try to think how I might have wronged him, but he started to smile and said 'Miss Kim?'...Kim instantly recognized the young man and her smile was like a thousand suns...'Yes Eric!'...'Miss Kim, I just wanted to say thank you.  I appreciate all that you did for me and it's made me who I am today'.  This from a young man, who as a small child, confided in Kim that his daddy had been taken to jail by the police, who broke down his door, for selling drugs...
      We'd spend many days scouring sale racks for children's clothes that she would bring in for the 'borrow' box, which was supposed to be for the children that had accidents, but Kim turned it into a wonderful time for the children to trade in ragged clothing...For Christmas, there was a little gift for each child, and Kim put a smile on each of their faces...
      Of course, as a mother, she has been incredible.  When we had Cody, back in 1997, I was still so full of impatience and awkwardly inexperienced...Kim gracefully and, seemingly effortlessly, became the most caring mother, all the while teaching me how to be the father that I have become.  She would show me tricks...like being able to recite Maurice Sendak's 'Where the Wild Things Are' would almost instantly settle Cody down when he was upset.  She hand made Cody's Halloween costumes - a ferocious, well cuddly, lion...an adorable scarecrow...a fearsome dinosaur...Autumn and Antonio each wore these at one point, too.
      When Autumn blessed our lives, I figured we were complete...a little boy to carry on the Conca name and a little girl for Kimmy to be her little shadow...but Kim said...'we should have 3, what if we regret not having a third?'...and along came sweet little Antonio...who Kim let me name.   I wanted to call him Vincenzo, and in typical Kim fashion, she gently coaxed 'well, that is a really nice name...and if we still lived in the Philly area, Vincenzo would be a great fit...maybe we should go with something  a little more southwestern...'.  And always guiding me and making me better without making me feel resentful or put out.
      These bambini's never had a box mixed anything...I mentioned Bisquick one day and received blank stares.  You've all heard about the ladybug cupcakes that Kimmy sent to school with Cody on his first day of kindergarten - she just felt that events in their lives were so special and she wanted to show them how much she cared and how very special each of them were to her...so it is, that I found myself again this morning making pancakes with apples cooked with cinnamon and brown sugar and bacon for their breakfast this morning and butterfly pasta with homemade marinara for their dinner tonight (ok, took them to Taco Bell for lunch - I still have a ghetto side to me! But we had a blast!).
      Each birthday, she would hand make banners, posters, hats, depending on what theme the child wanted.  From 'Wild Things' to Curious George, she's done it...and I'm sure the teachers that the bambini's have could chip in with stories about Kim helping them decorate their classrooms.  These little ones were so well loved...
      She was there for them in sickness, sat with each of them before they went to bed to listen to their thoughts and was there for them in the morning to lovingly get them ready for their day.  Their lunches all had little messages written on their knapkins, extra snacks packed, just in case - their clothes ironed and ready for them and, as I mentioned, a home made breakfast.
       And if you've ever been to our home - you've probably seen their rooms!  Cody's featured a image of a BMX'r making a wicked jump, hand painted by Kim.  He's had a lot of custom paint jobs over the years, beginning with a highway that Kim painted around the walls of his room and drew different vehicles 'driving' on it.  Autumn's room currently has a birding theme, as she loves birds.  Previously, she had a princess theme.  Tonio has dinosaur bones and a huge wild thing jumping off a shelf. 
       These little ones are reflections of who Kimmy was...who she has shaped them to be...they are my glue right now...
        Of course, if all this 'work' (of course, it was not work to Kimmy), wasn't enough, she also loved to help out at the kid's schools.  On any given morning, dozens of children would come flying over to give Kim a big hug, squealing 'hi Mrs. Conca!!!'.  The children Kim worked with, were left with a sense of self worth and accomplishment - it wasn't necessarily her goal and it certainly wasn't work...it was who Kim was and how she loved children - and how she still had so much child living inside of her...I can still hear her angelic laughter...
      "Let the children come to me - theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven"...
  
       Love,
               Dave

The Wedding...

   Kim and I had a storybook wedding...really.  We moved here to Tucson in March of 1994, following the worst winter we could remember back in Pennsylvania.  In fact, the night before we were about to leave, we had a foot of snow fall on top of all the snow that was already on the ground.  We didn't care, we were getting out of the frozen tundra one way or another!  We drove to Baltimore and picked up my Dad, who drove my Toyota Tacoma across the country for us, while Kim and I drove a 29' box truck with our Jeep Wrangler in tow.  It was a fun, but harrowing journey, as we braved winter conditions across the country.  We opted for a southern route, thinking it would be a little clearer, but met with severe ice even through Tennessee!
    We arrived in Tucson, knowing noone and having no place to live...but, we spotted Chuy's on 22nd and Kolb on our way in to town and knew where we were having dinner that night!  Chuy's became a special place for us and we were thrilled when they built one within walking distance of our current home.  My Dad was such a big help to us when we got here, getting us into a hotel room, which was a challenge, because back in 1994, Tucson was a major spring sports town - there was a woman's tennis championship going on, a major golf tournament and spring training baseball and hotel rooms were scarce.  We were able to find an apartment quickly and began planning the wedding...
    Prior to moving here, we thought it would be so romantic to be married at the San Xavier Mission out on the Tohono O'Odham Indian Reservation.  Father Kino had the mission built back in 1797.  It is so beautiful out there, an oasis in the desert  nicknamed the dove in the desert.  We contacted the Mission and got permission to be married there by Father Dulmeyer.  Kim thought it would be fun to dress in old fashioned western wear, so her and I took a roadtrip down to Tombstone, the town too tough to die.  We packed a picnic lunch and ate it in a little park on the main street, sitting next to each other in the grass and goofing around on the swings after we were done.  We walked main street, hand in hand, visiting the OK Coral, posing for touristy photos that we laughed about later and stopping for a beer at Big Nose Kate's saloon.  We found some great vests for my Dad, the best man, and my college buddy, Spike and her brother, Kenny, who was to give her away on our wedding day.  I bought a pair of rustic cowboy boots and a pretty pair of old style high heel boots for Kimmy.  We had bought her wedding dress in Philadelphia prior to moving to Tucson, it was a beautiful, old fashioned looking dress with lots of lace.  She was absolutely breathtaking wearing it...beyond radiant.
     Our wedding day was May 21st, 1994.  It was a cloudless day (what a surprise!), with the deepest blue sky I can remember and the temps were low 90's...there was not a large crowd at the church, again, we knew noone when we moved here and about 15 friends and relatives made the journey for our most special day...there were also about 30 or so tourists that happened by! I cannot remember a happier day in my life...nope, not even close.  I was walking on clouds, my face hurt from smiling and the tears of joy flowed freely...
      I remember bursting in to tears as Kim walked toward me down the long, scenic aisle at San Xavier that day and again when the musician sang the Ave Maria.  My sister, Lauren, did the readings for us and everything was perfect.  Halfway through the Mass, a desert stray dog lazily wandered down the aisle...Father Dulmeyer did not miss a beat...not even pausing as he delivered our vows, he whispered 'it's ok, the dog is a Catholic..'!  Kim and I giggled. 
     Afterward, one of the tourists slipped me a $20 bill and told me it was the nicest wedding he's ever been too! 
     I had tied cans of Tecate to the rear bumper of my Toyota pick up and hoisted Kimmy into the passenger seat, literally sweeping her off her feet...we took our wedding party, friends and relatives to scenic Gates Pass to have a picnic lunch.  This is the most incredible vista in Tucson.  As you approach on Speedway Blvd, through a forest of towering Saguaro cacti, the road becomes a series of switchbacks as it climbs into the Tucson Mountains...then, you turn the final corner and...WOW!  you are faced by a severe left jog in the road and presented with a stunning view of a mountain in front of you and a huge dropoff if you are not paying attention to the road - it is so hard to multi-task while driving this road - impossible to thoroughly soak in the view and maintain control of your vehicle.  We had a fantastic lunch and then continued on to Old Tucson Movie Studios, where a lot of Clint Eastwood, John Wayne and the Bonanza series were filmed.  We all had a fun time participating in stunt shows and walking the town.
      In the evening, we drove to the extreme eastside of town, way out Old Spanish Trail, to Reddington Pass Cattle Co., where we had a real cowboy cook out.  There was a huge bonfire and a cowboy playing guitar.  Grilled steaks, beans, etc and a beautiful cake made by our friends Rosa and Vito, who own Viro's Italian Bakery on 22nd & Sarnoff.  Everything was delicious.  The sunset was so brilliant, full of oranges and reds.  I've never had such a good time...it was a story book wedding...beginning 17 years of a blessed marriage. 
      I can't imagine having done anything different to make our day more perfect.  Kim had planned in so many nice surprises and details to our day, from the outfits she chose for us to wear, to the wonderful bagged lunches she had prepared for everyone, to the rustic floral center pieces she made for our cowboy cookout...you know Kimmy, she made perfect even more perfect, every time...but somehow it was even better on our magical day...

       Well, I try to tell the bambini's a different story every day, to keep their memories alive...they have done such an incredilbe job through this difficult time - sometimes, I don't even know how they do it...they give me such deep hugs, kisses and we have enjoyed our times together even more over the last two weeks...yes, two weeks already...at 7:59 tonight.   They are truly what hold me together right now and each day, I do everything as extra special as Kimmy used to - from homemade fruit smoothies to start the day for breakfast (and the boys and I ate fried eggs and tamales!), to taking them to Skate Country with their friends Lexy, Breanna, David and Alex tonight...we are staying busy, keeping Kimmy alive in our hearts, and building new memories for each other...
  
        People ask me everyday, how are we doing?  Is it getting easier?  No, it's not - we all miss Kimmy so deeply...but, again, I turn to Mother Teresa, who said:

        "If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other"

        And with my little bambini's, we are making our way, finding peace...

       Love,
              Dave

A dog's life

   Let's talk about Kim's love for animals...before we left Pennsylvania, Kim had worked very had at a day care where she loved the kids, but her boss wasn't very kind.  Then, she worked at Alphagraphics, a very demanding job, where Kim thought she could use her artistic ability, but found out it was rarely needed.  When we moved to Tucson, Kim took some time to plan our wedding (a story for a different day...) and then thought about looking for work.  I asked her what she'd like to do and she said she would really like to work with animals.
    Kim did a little research and found that Pima Tech Institute offered vet tech training courses.  She prepared to enroll, but thought it was a lot of money to take the classes and was worried about the expense, while not being able to bring in money.  I told her to call around to animal hospitals to ask vets their opinion of the school, if they would hire her when she graduated and how for how much.  After a few calls, she found Bear Canyon Animal Hospital, who told her not to waste her time and money.  They would interview Kim and if they liked her (ha ha), she could spend a day with them to see if she even liked working in that environment.  Of course, they loved Kim, Kim loved them and came home absolutely gushing about her day!!  They offered her a position and she quickly learned how to assist a vet and the technical jargon. 
    One day, she showed up in the parking lot of Toys R Us to pick me up from work.  It was a few days before my birthday.  Kim couldn't wait for me to open the truck door and I was suspicious, but unprepared for the little black furball, Cajun, who greeted me.  I know I've mentioned her before, she was black lab/border collie, a beautiful black with a white markings on her chest, nose and paws.  As our first born, she slept with us that first night, right on our pillows and we took her everywhere.  Grocery shopping, to Target and on all of our weekend excursions.  One of the benefits of working at an animal hospital, was, that Kim could take Cajun to work with her.  At Bear Canyon, she would spend her day on a couch, with other employee's animals...this was a challenge, at first, because Cajun had so much love for everyone, that she wanted to jump down and provide a warm, sloppy, greeting.  Kim worked with her, patiently, until Cajun would sit all day with her pals on the couch.  Soon, one of the Drs, Dr. Burrows, left to open her own practice, Ventana Animal Hospital, where we still take Bella, and liked Kim so much, that she took her with her to help open up the business.
     Kim really enjoyed working there, learning how to draw blood, anesthetize animals, help in surgery, etc.  She loved her work and the people she worked with.  Cajun had her own little cage and loved hopping into it each day.  When people came back to see her, her tail would thump against the stainless steel walls, beating like a drum.
     Kim loved all animals, like St. Francis, caring for sick ones and never leaving a stray wander.  We'd often have to take lengthy detours to coax stray animals to us to see if we could determine if they had i.d. and reunite them with their owners.  I can't count how many times we'd have an extra pup or two living with us until Kim could get them safely home and how many birds, etc that she would nurse back to health.  She had so much love and care in her, not just for people, but for all animals.
     We loved to take day trips back then and would often go hiking in Sabino Canyon, hiking in the back way to allow Cajun to go with.  One weekend, we traveled to the NE corner of the state to Canyon De Chelly, to meet some friends from high school, Karen and Mike Miholics.  We drove our black Jeep Wrangler up there, about a 6 hour drive and Cajun sat between us.  We took her hiking through that beautiful canyon - we all had a blast.  That night, we found a hotel for like $19/night near the Navajo reservation up there.  It had no lock on the door, so we pushed the refridgerator in front of it and Cajun snuggled up with Kim - I think she was scared of the place, too!
      Cajun made trips to San Diego with us, to 'dog beach', where Kim and I would take long walks with her and let her get wet in the surf.  We'd stay at the cheapest hotels to save money, in some pretty hairy areas, with our dog Cajun to protect us...actually, she was so gentle, she would have probably loved to meet an intruder.  We drove from Tucson to Pennsylvania with Cajun several times, as well.  This is a 2500 mile drive, taking about 40 hours, straight through.  Kim and I would take turns driving until we got tired and then we'd switch.  If we did stop, we'd have to sneak Cajun into the hotel room with us, luckily, she was not a barker!  My sister, Sherri, used to live in Muskogee, OK, which was exactly half-way and sometimes we'd stop in for a nap, a shower, a good meal and then hit the road again!
       We took Cajun to the Jersey Shore, where she got to frolic in the Atlantic surf and to many of the streams and lakes in the area we grew up in to let her play in grass and water.  The Lehigh Parkway had been one of our favorite spots to go when we were dating.  It has the Little Lehigh river running through it, surrounded by large weeping willows and plenty of grass for Cajun to run in.
      She was so well travled, having gone more places then our youngest, Antonio!  She even went to Disneyland with us - they actually have a kennel at the main entrance and they walk your pup and play with them while you are in the park!  She road the tram from the parking lot to the entrance like a champ.
      When Cajun was two years old, Kim decided, for practice, to run a full blood panel on her...finding that Cajun had a liver ailment.  She was put on a special diet and on several medications.  We were told she may live to 4 or 5 years old...Kim loved that girl and, I believe, kept Cajun so well cared for, that the girl actually lived longer because of it.  Right around the time Cajun turned 5, we started talking about getting another puppy, as a companion and to ease the blow on us, and now Cody, who was 2, in the event she passed away.  Then Kim got pregnant with Autumn...
       That complicated things, but, I thought 'what a great maternity gift a puppy would be for Kim!'.  So on a Sunday in March, with Kim 8 months pregnant, we were headed to church and then had tickets to see the Diamondbacks play the Rockies in Spring Training baseball (our city officials have since allowed all of our teams to migrate to Phoenix).  On a the corner of 22nd and Harrison, which was desert land, but now the site of a Walgreens, there was a van parked beneath a huge Palo Verde tree with a playpen full of puppies!
        The lady had about a dozen black lab/australian shepards - but I fell in love with the runt of the litter, a little girl who had just a touch of white on her chest, but otherwise was full black.  I told the lady that we were on our way to church and then a ball game, so couldn't get her right then.  On the way to church, I told Kim, if she is still there when we come back...we'd get her. 
         That was the longest day, and maybe the first time I wanted to leave a ball game early!  We hurried back across town and as we approached the corner, the lady was getting ready to pull out.  I literally pulled my truck in front of her, jumped out and asked about the puppy...'last one left' she said...and that is how Zona came into our lives!
         Kim and Zona did not get along at first.  Zona was so full of energy and pretty destructive...the first night we had her, we penned Cajun and Zona in our hallway and went to sleep.  Around 2 a.m., Kim woke me up and said she heard noises in the living room...sure enought, I could hear something going on.  I snuck out and found that Zona had jumped the gate, leaving poor Cajun cowering, looking at me as if to say 'Daddy, I told her not to'.  Zona was on our couch, joyfully shredding the pillows, the couch and the stuffing was all around the living room!
         On top of this destructive personality, it was May, Kim was ready to give birth to Autumn, and she had no patience for a puppy!  I guess this maternity gift had not been the best idea!  One day, Kim called me to look out back.  The lawn sprinklers were on and there was Zona, digging frantically to find the source!  Before I could get out there, she had grabbed hold of a piece of pipe, bit into and started shaking her head back and forth - a geyser erupted as I approached to grab her.  From the porch, I could her Kim absolutely bellowing!!   I had to talk her out of getting rid of Zona that night... A few weeks later, Kim called me again to look outside - there was Zona, with one of the landscape lighting we had surrounding the grass, in her mouth.  I opened the door and zoom!  She took off running - pop! pop! pop! went the lights as she pulled them all out of the ground.  If you've never heard Kim's deep bellow of a yell, it is somewhat frightening, but humorous, in that you'd never expect something so deep and loud to come from a girl so small and so sweet!
That night, I had to talk her out of getting rid of Zona...
            Zona started to calm down by the time she was 6...she was a great friend and companion for Cajun, and kept her company until Cajun passed, in Kim's and my arms, at the age of 11.  Kim was devasted, but, by this time had begun to develop quite the bond with Zona.  They were now inseparable.  Zona always slept with us and follow Kim around the house all day, keeping her company.  She was very sweet with the bambinis, too - letting them use her as a pillow, actually allowing Antonio to ride her like a pony and playing ball and tug of war with them.  Although Zona never got to take the same trips with us that Cajun had, she took plenty of walks, hikes and had a lot of fun.
            We lost her in March, at the age of 10, to cancer...Kim held her until she passed away in her arms...
           This time, it was me that did not want a dog.  I wanted some time to properly mourn Zona, but Kim got right to work, research on the internet to try to find us a lab/border collie mix, like our dear Cajun was.  I tried to talk her out of it, but about a week after Zona had passed, she had discovered that an organization called B.A.R.K. was advertising Lab/Border Collie mix pups and persuaded me to drive the family over to take a look...once again, it was the runt of the litter that attracted Kim's eye and the family's...and Bella came home to live with us.
            Kim loved Bella so much, bringing her to bed with us each night, teaching her to shake hands, not getting made at her as she ate some wood off of our dining room table.  She taught Bella to catch a ball and wanted to work on more agility training as a means to bottle some of the enormous energy that Bella had...then she went into the hospital.  Our neighbors, Amy, Tom, Betsey and Brian took good care of Bella while Kim was in St. Joseph's and when she came home, briefly, she marveled at how much Bella had matured, not jumping up on her, being caring and loving - I think Bella knew how sick her mama was - and if you've been to visit, you know Bella is a jumper and not very calm!  Bella would not leave Kimmy's side the few days she was with us...Kim so enjoyed her company and was comforted by Bella's presence.
            Bella is a really good girl, she is so loving and absolutely loves the bambini's.  She takes turns sleeping with them, in their beds, with head on pillow.  I am so very glad Kim persuaded me to bring her into our family - she brings us plenty of smiles right now!
            Hope your holiday season is going well!
          
           Love,
                   Dave
John 3:16