Suddenly, the bambini have discovered the Jason Bourne trilogy. I believe, they saw the trailer for the fourth in the series, The Bourne Legacy, while we were seeing a movie at the theaters. They had questions. "Who is Jason Bourne?" Autumn. "Is he a HERO?" A wide eyed Antonio. "We own the first three on DVD." Cody. Long pause, while the reality of this sinks in....and then, simultaneously: "CAN WE WATCH THEM????". Kim loved this series. She bought each of the movies for me as soon as they came out.
And so, about a week ago, we did. We watched the first in the series "The Bourne Identity". The kids immediately liked Matt Damon's character, Jason Bourne. The felt sorry for him, as he begins his journey with amnesia. The cheered for him, as he escaped the bad guys, the agency that once employed him, but want him dead. And they were excited for him when he met Marie...
Over the next few days, there were many questions regarding the movie. "Do you think, Jason Bourne could do _________??" Fill in the blank with some amazing, daring feat of bravery. And, "When can we watch the next one??". We ended up watching it the other night, but, about half way through, tired from a long day at school, the little ones succumbed to dreamland. I stayed awake and watched the whole movie. One scene caught in my mind...
Tonight, we thought we'd get an earlier start and try again. The Bourne Supremacy.
Most of the time, sequels do not live up to the hype. Even though the first is awesome, it seems that the story goes stale. Or maybe the movie guys tried to fit in too many special effects. Whatever the case may be, part two's, usually are not to good.
The Bourne Supremacy is. The bambini wanted to skip the beginning...they had seen it before. "It's too sad." Autumn begins. "They kill Marie." Tonio finishes. That's it. That's what is stuck in my head...something I've not been able to blog about, but, goes around and around in my head throughout my day...and my nights....like some cosmic whirlpool...
Of course, the horror of it all is hard not to think about. I am reminded constantly...around the house, finding medical docs and diagnosis' (stumbled across one yesterday, somehow had found it's way into my Puma stash...from November 11, 2010 - reaching across the span of that time, to, once again, rip my heart out - only reading it now, it's all clear...unmistakable. Back then, a million years ago, I was optimistic. Idealistic. Full of faith...). It's a time that I want to write about, but, feel uncomfortable about airing out those scary times, the sheer insanity of what we faced...and what happened. I can feel it jammed up inside of me, wanting to share it, release it...Up late, reliving it all...
Then, there was this scene in the Bourne Supremacy, that fully and with stunning clarity, brought my goodbye back in a violent rush - like taking me instantly from the comfort of my sports room, that Kimmy lovingly adorned with all of my memorabilia and BOOM! I'm back, by her side...for the last time.
http://youtu.be/DrIsPRZL578?t=1m
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrIsPRZL578&feature=player_embedded#t=56s
For those 55 days, it seemed we were underwater. The weight, the way we moved, talked, comprehended (?). Maybe it was just me. That is how it felt like. And, like Matt Damon, I could not save my love. ("Is he a HERO??" echoing in my brain).
These days, I've got my arms mostly around what happened. Although, I still side slip from time to time, as watching this movie triggered it...
....and I'll pacify the memories, siting out back, after the bambini are long in their beds. Tonight, in a chilly, but light, rain...the smell of the creosote drifting on the breeze, Bella chasing toads...watching the clouds drift by...the olive tree sway, Autumn's tin owl swinging from it's branches and her Talavera painted donkey huddled beneath...
PS I know I still have some more stories for you...they are just so stuck within me, by events that occured in the days following Kimmy's passing...sometimes, I feel them shifting and think they might come out...recently, I've turned to author Max Lucado for some help rectifying the situation...and hope to share more soon!
