Too close to the sun...

             In the end, we flew just a little too close to the sun...

                                                                   Myrtle Beach 1986


                   Autumn asked me today...'Dad, if our house was on fire, and you could only save one thing, what would it be?'  "You guys".  "No Dad, we are already safe.  Outside.  So is Bella."  "Our wedding album...NO, the computer - there's so many pictures of your Mama on there..."

                  The memories...they keep me going.  I am so thankful for each and every memory. 

                  While at Viro's on Thursday night, enjoying the Italian Wedding Soup...Vito's cousin Mauro pulled up in a new Lexus FSI.  First time I had ever seen one, beautiful car.  Mauro told us the story, about how he had been looking online for one for many months, finally finding one in Chico, CA.  He flew into San Francisco and drove the three hours to Chico to get his car.  He told Vito, the bambini and I about driving back along the Pacific, the scenery, the wineries and the beaches. 
                 "I've never made it north of Huntington Beach" I confessed.
                   There followed a stunned silence.  Vtio and Mauro couldn't believe Kim and I never made it farther north.  "We meant to."  I told them and maybe, one day, I will take the kids there.  I told them how we had been as far north as Quebec, Candada, to the tip of Florida, on the east coast....but had only talked about, dreamed about, getting to visit northern California...the Redwood Forrest...Monterrey...and driving the coastal highway.
                 But, I have the memories of the roadtrips we did get to enjoy...
                 Memories are a funny thing...sometime bringing a smile, floating out of the mist...sometimes, pulling a tear.  Instead.
                  I embrace them both.  Either way, memories are a beautiful thing...
                  The walks...we loved them.  The first two years that we lived in our current house, we would walk every day, taking the 'loop' around the perimeter of our neighborhood, out into the desert. The bambini and our pups always enjoyed this.  Cajun and Zona.  Then just with Zona.  And now, with Bella. We'd see animals, like javelina, coyotes, road runners, quail, chipmunks, rabbits and the occasional stray cow from the neighboring ranch.  This time of year, Kim would be on the lookout for a wild vine, growing on the barbed wire fence between us and the desert.  Sometimes, we slip beneath that barbed wire fence and escape, into the desert beauty.  We'd follow the rugged, dirt, ranch road.  Or the paths that the cows would forge.  Or, we'd make our way, carefully through the cholla and creostote.  These walks were fabulous, through the pristine desert.  We found a watering hole,  She always wanted us to collect the gourds that grew there, as the monsoon faded from our summer.

                   We took one tonight.  The clouds and the sunset evoking fond memories.  The bambini reciting them, like folklore.  And Tonio, spotting the vine first, "DAD!!  There they are!!!  Can I pick one??", already sprinting forward. Of course.  We picked three.  And saw two road runners and two bunnies.  Thanks Kim!
                   Working in her garden.  Trimming the olive trees that we planted together, after Kimmy had me rip out the mesquite trees that had been planted by the builder.  I worked on hanging some more angels..

                  ...lately, I notice, the tears fall from memories pulled to the surface by songs.  And movies.  When I am 'alone', on my way to work, or on my way home.  In the darkness of the theater (or so I believe).  And late at night, writing.  Remembering...
                   Music.  Anberlin. Train. Autumn has recently discovered "50 Ways to Say Goodbye"  Any Motown or Bowie. The new Muse - "Madness". 
Skylar Grey and her haunting voice, in "Rescue Me".  Again ("I Need a Dr", I think her voice sounds like Kim's).  Giving the highway that far away feel as they take me back.
                  The movies.  I notice that the ones we've gone to seen lately (Batman, Spiderman) or watched on DVD (Bourne Identity) have a common theme.  There is a hero.  He falls in love.  The girl is in perile.  The hero saves the girl and they enjoy another day.  Brings to the mind the 'Why couldn't I' questions.  I mean, Spiderman, bullet wound in the thigh, but with the community of crane operators support (I certainly had the community support, but couldn't save the girl), is able to make his way across NYC and save his girl.  Shot in the thigh!  And he still made it.
                 Always makes me wonder...

                                                     Hard to see, but, as I hung the angels, I noticed a little dove in the tree, sitting on her nest...watching over me...

                           

                                     

               
            

Do you have a story?

            One of the things that I truly love, is when I run into someone and they say 'I remember the time Kim...'  If you have any for me, please don't hesitate to let me know! It's especially great when they relate a story that I did not know about.  I tell the bambini stories nearly every day.  They always ask a lot of questions, not wanting to miss out on one detail, hanging on every word that I say.  The memories replay themselves, in my mind, in stunning clarity.  And, it's always nice to have her back for that moment...

             ...Labor Day fell on a Monday this year.  Wait, does it fall on a Monday every year?  The kids were off, and I thought I'd see if I could get them out to San Xavier for a Mass with me...Monday's are special at the Mission.  The Mass is held in a little side room to the south of the main church.  It has such atmosphere...and is comfortable, like a warm embrace.  If you get there a little early, everyone says a rosary together.

                              Even the wooden door is somehow inviting, in this tucked away little chapel.  Tonio, eyes closed against the rapidly rising sun, was excited to explore this room of the Mission he had never seen.
                              When Tonio opened his eyes, to his immense delight, a brilliant, green hummingbird was enjoying the vibrant orange flowers on the red bird of paradise just to his right.  "DAD!!!! It's Mama saying 'good morning!'!!!!  We bring Kimmy where ever we go...or is she just following us?

 

These two sure love each other.  Oh, they get on each other nerves, but they are largely inseparable, telling each other that 'love you', at least three times a day, melting my heart each and every time.  It does not get old.

We arrived just in time for Mass - there are only 5 rows of rustic benches.  And my favorite church lady, Mary, was getting ready to begin the Mass...

 

The feeling of peace...and Kim's presence...envelops you in the Diego chapel...we sat next to this golden cherub.

 

                                    Mary of Guadalupe in all of her glory - one of my favorite stories!

 

A statue of Juan Diego beneath an ornate wall hanging.

 

And a beautiful statue of Mary in front of a window alcove.

 

 

 

 

Here is where the Host is kept.

 

And the altar - great stencling around the crucifix.

 

 

We were married here...and had been all over the grounds, bell tower, baptism room (where Cody was baptized), center courtyard, museum, etc, etc, but had never discovered the Juan Diego Chapel...the church continues to hold mysteries.

 

After the Mass, we lit candles for Kim in Mary's chapel...and one for a friend, too.  The little ones are always very solemn while lighting their candles for their Mama...thoughtful, as to where to place their candles and what to pray today, searching for memories that they can give thanks for....

      Then, they crane their little heads, towards the east facing window, placed high on the wall.  For on the windowsill, a dove has built her nest...'It's Mama, watching over us...she loved the doves.'  Yes, we always keep her close...in the sunrises, the morning hummingbirds, the clouds...

                   Cody, Brendon, Breanna, Autumn and Tonio marvel at the Kimmy-like clouds on a beautiful evening at the ball park...
             
                   ...And in the butterflies and lizards...and the sunsets...she's with us in all we do...

 

 

Just love this memory...and photo...Autumn, Breanna and Tonio enjoy a Padres game from the outfield grass area...taking a break from the jumping castles that they have...creating new, 'greatest times' together...