Better than I deserve

            I get lost sometimes.  At my bookstore...I don't do it consciously.  It's just that, sometimes I find myself walking down a row of books, looking at each one, without seeing them...I guess it's kind of like sleep walking, but during the day. 

            Today, I was lost in Science Fiction, when I heard someone say "Are you finding everything allright?".  It was one of our finest Booksellers, Paul, walking towards me with a grin.  "Uh, hi Paul...sometimes.  Sometimes,  I just like to look at the books to see if one of them speaks to me."  "Are you OK Dave?"  he asked.  Sure.  "How are the kids?"  "Everything."  I told him.  And then Paul hit me between the shoulder blades - "You know, I don't know if Kim ever told you this, but one time, I told her how much you mean to us.  How much you inspire us and keep us upbeat.  We never see you down.  But, I told her, if you ever see Dave down, you please tell him this."  I thanked Paul.  He went on.  "You know, I have a better relationship with my wife, because of you and Kim."  My heart.  "Paul, thank you.  When people tell me things.  Like that. It, well, it...it just helps me know she is still here helping people, as she always did."  And, it also makes me know that she did not die in vain...I pray there are people still feeling as Paul does.  And I can't tell you how blessed I am - to have someone tell me that, especially when, there I am, wandering, lost...doing nothing...

             Earlier in the day, I had the pleasure of speaking with Sister Jeanette over at Our Mother of Sorrows.  When I called, I asked her how she was doing today.  "Better than I deserve to be doing!" she answered enthusiastically.  "Sister, would you mine if I borrow that line?"  I asked  begged her.  "Please do.  You know, we spend so much time worrying about little things - what ails us, what we must do, what people might think, what we don't have - and we fail to see just how blessed we really are.  How much we really have.  So, I thank God for all He has given me and blessed me with -I'm alive!  I can do so many things that others cannot! and I realize, I am better than I deserve to be!!".  I am that. I love her! 

              And, I am too.  Lupe cooked up another incredible dinner for the bambini and me, after picking them up from school, helping with homework and engagin them in a stunning array of arts and crafts!! She truly cares for the bambini and makes time to be there for them...for us.

            So, thank you Paul...Sister Jeanette...Lupe/Manny...Angie...for boosting me up today, so I could feel better than I deserve to feel!

                Love,

                       Dave

PS Oh, and to Aunt Becky, for her hilarious post about 'foodies' - Kim would have absolutely loved that one!  She always said "I am NOT a foodie!  I just like to cook!" 

Survived the Weekend!!

                    Ahhhh, Monday...It was nice to see we could hit the curve ball, to a certain degree...although, there were some minor meltdowns this morning - some tears...some fears...we all stayed up too late - it was my first close at Barnes & Noble since Kimmy got sick back in October and the bambini were anxious to tell me about their day!  Thanks to the multiple folks who helped with the little ones!  Cody and I stayed up until after 1 a.m. - riveted to http://www.80smusicvids.com/ (thanks Tom, my old District Manager, for sending us that link!).  Laughing at some of the 'hair bands' that I thought were so cool in the 80's (many of which, Kim and I had actually seen!  Like Britny Fox) And, reminiscing some of the 'better' bands, like Bauhaus and their David Bowie cover of Ziggy Stardust.  Cody couldn't stop talking about the fantastic cookout Janene and Brad treated him to at their house - steak, potatoes, etc, as we searched through the videos...Thanks guys!   Overall, the kids had a fun weekend!  We even got in a Starbucks run and grocery shopping trip with Angie, who brought her can in case she needed to whack somebody with it, but is doing so well, she doesn't really need it to walk.  The kids stayed up until midnight Saturday watching 'Soul Surfer' with Breanna and Lexy and still got up in time for 9:00 Mass and Viro's!

                   I came across Kimmys planner, from Rincon Vista Middle School, as I hustled to get the three kids out of their comas and ready for school...I always loved her handwriting - it makes me smile...so neat, yet care free and, well, happy.  The extra large loop on her lower case g's, the soft, double swoosh of her w's.  Cute side notes to herself.  Two years ago, she had been planning Vail Pride Day teacher/staff and volunteer luncheons with Amy Smith.  She had lined up a lot of information for an event that wouldn't take place until February.  She was focused!  The theme that year was "Making a Difference".  She enjoyed the work and would take over as chair to plan the event in 2010...

                 Picture day was this week two years ago...it is this week, this year, as well...She had begun planning the Spirit Assembly for September and an upcoming dance.  She had organized coverage for the school's snack bars, for all events - what was needed, who was supplying it, how many volunteers.  It was interesting to see, that the number one provider of donations to Rincon Vista, was Wendy Anderson, manager of our Safeway in Rita Ranch!

                 There were notes about Book Fairs she was assisting with.  Entertainment book fundraiser (hey, that's this week, too!). Donation letters that needed to be written (I was her 'ghostwriter' and Cody and I were put in charge of knocking on business' doors! 'Because I'm a behind the scenes girl', she tell me!). Notes about taking care of National Junior Honor Society's community hours, and a golf tournament at Santa Rita Golf Course she was working on.

              She was busy.  Everyday.  We used to joke that she was her own best volunteer, as she was only paid for 15 hours, but worked at least 40 per week to keep the events rolling smoothly for the kids!  AND still did so much around our home, cooking, decorating, etc!!

               In her planner, I found an old school newsletter tucked neatly in the rear flap...Kim had a full page 'Thank You Parents and Volunteers!' in it.

          " December was a huge month for our volunteers!  Nicole Delgado and Nancy Niemer rock the band room!  The holiday performance was amazing with the help of these wonderful ladies.  Classroom volunteers include Gina De La Ossa, Louise Rempfer, Kathie Lorenz, Donna Mysak and Della Ellis.  Our teachers couldn't imagine their day without these valuable team members.  Sports registration ran smoothly with the awesome help of Ana Huizar, Shelly Urias and Rita Sassone.  Lorraine Faoro and Veronica Marcantonio continue to give their best with all their PTA hours!

               Fieldtrip chaperones for the "Shyann Kindness Project" included Chris McDaniels, Deborah Caufield, James Upsaur, Jinnifer Lugo, Martha Figuera, Gail Herr, Dan Godwin, Wendy Anderson, Amy Jo McCarty and Jennifer Sidoma. 

              A huge thanks to all our 'Cruise-In for Pancakes' volunteers, including, Gina and Juan De La Rossa, Dave Conca, Jenna and Brent Edwards, Amy and Tom Muszynski, Brian and Betsey Deevers, Grant Taylor, Marcus and Jennifer Gonzales, Veronica Marcantonio, Lorraine Faoro, Aubry Wilkes, Joan Sturgis and Bradley Warnack.  Thank you a million times over for your help with this event!  We served over 450 people in this great event and had nearly 20 cars on display. Going from  to car show to recruit classic car owners, acquiring donations, setting up volunteer coverage, etc, etc.  It was a lot of fun!).

              If you would like to be a part of our Volunteer Team, please stop b for a volunteer packet!  We'd love to have you join us!

                                                         Kim Conca, Volunteer Coordinator

               Wow, she was motivated and motivated so many to help out at Rincon Vista - for a 'behind the scenes girl', she sure had great communication skills, too, as everyone knew what their roll was and where they were supposed to be.  I loved working with her on these events - she was a fantastic team player, making you feel appreciated, important and necessary!

               Her smile brightened the day... : )

               Love,

                    Dave

Ordinary World

           ...8 months...

                  Before you go any further, do me a favor - que up 'Ordinary World', use the drag down bar and look at the lyrics...then read (and thank you, faithful readers, for continuing to read!).

                  Each night, before I write, I pull up Kimmy's blog, never knowing which song is going to play first.  I guess it is coincidental, yet, the song that begins to play, typically fits the type of day that I had, or expresses what I am feeling as I prepare to bleed  pour everything out/write...

                  Tonight, on the eve of it being 8 months since Kimmy left, passed away - it's still so hard to know how to phrase her leaving, hard to know which feels right - "Ordinary World" came right on...and I thought "Yes, that's about how it feels today."

                I don't dream much - but, I still don't sleep much.  Which works out just fine, as I have a lot to do and there never seems to be enough time to get it all done.  It's ok, though.  Some days, I cannot wait for the sun to set.  Others, I cannot wait for it to come back up.  And, sometimes - I can't care either way.  Last night, though, I did dream.  It was our last night, after those five, incredible days (thank you God, thank you Kim, for those fabulous memories!).  But it wasn't.  I was telling someone, a Dr., I think, about that last, terrifying night - I was trying to relay the horror, the helplessness...the hopelessness - wrapped around the 'how will I care for the bambini and get Kim back to St. Joe's?!?!'.

               As the blackness began to creep in, and I inadequately attempted to replay that night to the...who? Dr.?  Maybe.  I abruptly woke up - sweating - a scream on my lips...and looked at the clock: 3:16 - "For God so loved the world, He gave His only Son..." flashed through my mind instantly.  My next thought was; 'This was around the time, that Kim woke, desperate. Panicked.  And we began that final ride together...into the vortex.'

              What woke me??  I did not hear a sound.  Was it the dream?  Why precisely at 3:16?  I felt the urge to go into the living room - as the red chair came into view, the hair on the back of my neck stood on end...nothing.  I walked into the kitchen, looking.  Nothing.  I flicked on the light and locked my eyes on Kimmy's urn, looking for something, anything...

               Drained, I limped back to bed and fell asleep...until the alarm brought me soaring back into the daylight at 5:00 a.m.  The dream came back to me.  My search, too.  And I knew what was coming - I spent the day fighting it, and mostly succeeded (I had some help, thanks! ; ) - justifying, trying to matter, make a difference...

              

               8 months...an eternity, yet, a blink of an eye...

Desert Rash

             Tonio had a good day...in school, at least...

         I spent the morning in Jenny Rienstra's class helping out wherever she needed me...I put up some new pictures on her bulletin board and she told me to be sure to look for Tonio's, commenting on how creative and artistic he is.  I told her, he gets all of that from Kimmy - we both agreed that we wished we were more creative and I told her how I'm even paint challenged when it comes to painting rooms (like the baminis bathroom I just had to re-do!).  She said she hates all of the taping and cutting in - I told her how Kim never taped anything!! She free handed ceilings, around mirrors, fixtures - everything, with her steady hand, making it look like a professional had done their due diligence and taped off the area...
        It was nice to be in class with him - he got all of his work done again today, three days in a row!  I also got to spend some time in Casey Rudzena's class.  Autumn does a nice job interacting, contributing and Casey brings out the best in her students.  I graded a bunch of papers, and Autumn always does well (and I don't even have to 'fix' her answers!).

       The evening was cool...88 degrees, you might say it was chilly.  So, we decided to take Bella for a walk around the outer perimeter of our neighborhood along the desert.  We spotted some large, white birds flying a little ways off in the distance - I said I bet they are headed for the cattle pond that fills up just southeast of our development each monsoon.  Cody wanted to walk down there and see.  It has been several years since we last attempted that.

       The last three times, ended in disaster,  well, it didn't go well.

       First of all, you have to slip through a barbed wire fence to get to the 'path' to the pond.  We were nearly there, one time when, suddenly, the herd of cattle that grazes there decided to head for the pond, too!  It was pretty startling - I think they were just as surprised to see us, as we were them - and we beat a hasty retreat, our pups, Cajun and Zona protesting the whole way, wanting to just make friends with the cows.

        Next time, we successfully navigated the barbed wire, avoided cattle, only to come across a random ranch hand out fixing the fence we had just climbed through.  He was none too friendly - I bet he was headed to the Cactus Moon that night - so we left.  And he put his rifle back down once we were through the barbed wire fence.

        The next time, and last time, I was out in front with Zona and Cody, moving quickly towards our elusive destination, when, from about 10 yards behind us, Kim told us to freeze.  I do not know how she saw the rattler, or, more precisely, how I did not see the rattler, that was about two feet to my right, coiled beneath a scrawny creosote...we gingerly back tracked as it began to rattle irritatedly.

           So, tonight, when Cody asked, my first instinct was 'no'.  But, it was a beautiful night and I thought it would be a rare chance to see the pond (Tonio has never seen it) and maybe see the big white birds, too.  We headed down the trail towards the barbed wire fence...

          ...when a big, old yeller, style hound bounded out of the tall brush.  It eagerly sniffed Bella, who doesn't know she's a dog and was offended, trying to move out of the way.  As I grabbed for the leash, the stray became angry, lunging at Bella who took flight, dragging poor Tonio across the Afghanistan like terrain for a few feet before I was able to grab him by the heels and tell him to let go of the leash (he's got a little 'desert rash' on his wrists and knees).  Meanwhile, Cody began chasing her down - I yelled at him to stop chasing Bella and she would stop too.  He did.  And she did.  Thank God.

          I gathered the bambini in a huddle, made sure everyone was OK, relax Tonio and explain that panicking wouldn't help us, we had to stay cool and stick together - the stray nosily trying to get into the conversation - and told them we were going to walk calmly the way we usual go on our walks and ignore the dog.  It worked.  As the dog left, Tonio said 'maybe we should have looked at the dog's collar to call it's owner.'  I told him 'I'm not calling the owner of any dog that just dragged my boy through the desert.'  'I think Mama would have tried to find his owner.'  he told me.  ' I think Mama would have been pretty mad at that dog for hurting her boy and said it could find it's own way home.'  He agreed!

          We just don't get why people buy dogs to be outdoor pets.  All along our path, we hear the same dogs barking, night after night...where's the enjoyment in that?

          The rest of the walk went well, although, I decided to stick to the original path we typically enjoy - I felt the stray dog was a sign that we should stay out of the deep desert and not temp fate.  We  played a little soccer with a good sized rock on the way back, which really excited Bella as she'd race from between the bambini trying to intercept the rock!

       

          It was a gorgeous night...

       

                         Ahhhh....soothing, which is nice, as this weekend presents all sorts of curve balls...

                           Love,

                                Dave

http://www.bandbacktogether.com/?p=15651

            

               

Tonio's Meltdown

        Tonio had a rough one yesterday...it could have knocked me down, quite a bit - but, his teacher, Jenny Rienstra, was there for the save!

       As you know, this little bambino has had the toughest journey, so far.  He has been more than up and down, he is on Mr. Toad's wild ride!  He had a great summer, but, I feel that the stability of me being off from work and the extra care that I could give him make a big difference.  Now that I am back to work...he struggles.

        He had had a bad night of sleep - waking me several times during the night.  In the morning, he was a challenge to wake up and was quiet, withdrawn.  As he brushed his teeth, I made a big deal out of his outfit to buoy his spirits, telling him how cool he looked and that I really liked the pattern on his polo shirt and how they matched his shorts.  He began to turn around...

         Jenny related, later, that Tonio's morning was  a strong one.  He was happy, getting his work done and on task.  Then, came lunch time...
          Tonio loves to buy lunch.  He never minded taking a packed lunch, but, when I asked him, he told me he preferred to buy.  I think he enjoys the whole freedom to choose what he feels like eating and the social aspect of hanging out in line to get his food.  Yesterday, pizza was his choice, a Tonio favorite!
          But, he put his tray a little too close to the edge of the table...and when he dropped his slice of pizza, right on his new polo, he over compensated, leaned forward.  This caused his tray to tip, sending his apple juice right into his lap.  Tonio was humiliated...
         Jenny found him back at the classroom - crying so hard, he was gasping for breath - his whole body hitching with the force of his sobs.  She quickly consoled him, helping him get cleaned up and telling him everything was ok.  Tonio was so upset that I wouldn't be able to get his clothes clean - that the pizza would stain and, he told Jenny, our washing machine was broken...except it wasn't...
         That morning, as the bambini prepared for school, they noticed me loading up a shop vac and dryer snake that I had borrowed from Janene.  Andrea and Mario's dryer wasn't working properly and it sounded like the same problem we had back in the fall - a clog vent.  I told the kids I was going over to help Mario try to get his dryer working again (and, as I climbed up on his roof, I remembered that Kim was adamant that I not climb on our roof - she was afraid that I would topple right off - and Mario even commented 'it sure would be nice if they still made flat roofs!' as we made our way up to the top of his dryer vent).  Tonio, got things backward, thinking that Mario was coming to our house to help me fix our washer.

           So he was a little distraught (prompting Jenny to ask me if I beat the kids when they soil their clothing - causing me to promise that I would stop!).  Jenny reassured Tonio that I would be able to get the stain out and got him down to the nurses station to get him a clean, dry set of loaner clothes.  She called me up at work to let me know what was happening. I imagined that the loaner clothes would be mismatched and oversized - Jenny told me "he looks normal"!  My first instinct was to bolt and go to help Tonio, but, Jenny told me she had things under control and just wanted to fill me in.  I was so relieved - and, the nice thing was, I believed that she had things under control, trusted that she did - which was a great feeling.  She spent the rest of the day lifting him up, everytime he started to feel down again. 

           Later that night, I asked him - what was so terribly wrong?  He told me he did think our washer was the one broken and that Mario was coming to help me fix it.  The compliments that I had given him that morning stuck with him and he was upset that his 'favorite outfit' was ruined.  Then, he told me he just could not stop thinking about Mama, Mrs. Rienstra helped him by telling him he could write or draw about Mama.  We came up with ways he could turn that around next time...
          

          Today, Jenny volunteered to stay after late with Tonio to help him get caught up on his classwork that he has been struggling to complete.  I couldn't quite get out of work on time and ended up getting back to school around 4:30 - Tonio saw me jogging across the grass to his classroom and burst out to tell me "I had a bad day!", but he couldn't conceal the smile from his eyes, and as soon as we entered his classroom, Jenny told me he had his best day ever!!  They had worked together to catch up all of the work that Tonio was behind on.  He kept his spirits high the whole day and showed Jenny that he understands all of the lessons she has been teaching him.  Tonio beamed with pride...Once again, the fabulous teachers at Cottonwood come through, as Jenny helped Tonio find his way through this rough patch!  And Jenny told Tonio "and we are going to have a great day tomorrow and Friday, right?"  Tonio answered with a robust "Right!".

      

           Meanwhile, Casey Rudzena, Autumn's teacher, lovingly helped Autumn with her homework, once again helping us out by staying after for Autumn - she has been incredible for Autumn, who has done a fantastic job this year - she is so comfortable with Casey, who has helped Autumn keep her morale high!

           I am so blessed to have these two teachers in my life, to help the bambini get stronger and to make sure that they are not falling behind in school, feel cared for and given a safe, friendly environment while I am at work...no matter how much I write, or say how thankful I am, how blessed I am, it doesn't seem to scratch the surface of how deeply I feel - Thank you Jenny and Casey!!

                Love,

                         Dave

The Monocacy Creek

             The Monocacy Creek runs roughly north to south in Bethlehem and meets the Lehigh River, not too far from where Kim and I grew up.  We spent countless afternoons along its banks.  Sometimes walking, sometimes wading.  Sometimes riding down it in big, oversized truck inner tubes.

                     This spot was known as Illick's Mill.  We used to bring bread to feed the ducks. The ducks were huge.  Kim would always want to take one home and would remind me that she once had a pet duck, 'Snoopy'.  We'd picnic  beneath the ramada at the top of the stone stairs and walk along the creek in the grass.  The falls pictured on the right...we would take our shoes and socks off and walk along the top to the other side...and, when we were tubing, we'd slide right down them - they were slippery with algae.

             These little falls were another favorite spot along the creek of ours.  We would walk from home, crossing the bridge in the background to downtown, grab a soda and when we'd walk home, we'd climb down beneath the bridge and spend time by the water.  We'd walk across these falls, too - sliding on the algae.  The water was fairly deep at the bottom of the falls, but there were rocks, so if you jumped off, you had to watch where you were going to land.  There was enough space between the falls and the rocks it came over to put your head up for air...
              Just upstream, beyond this bridge, was Casilio Concrete company.  The creek was a little wider and there was a deep pool there.  Someone had hung a rope swing from high in a tree and we would take turns swinging out into the center of the pool and splashing down into the chilly waters...

                    This little wooden bridge was downstream in the opposite direction.  We crossed it many times into the land of yesterday.  This was the area that the Moravian's settled back in the day.  It had a grist mill (whatever that was) and a lot of old buildings that had been restored some time ago after the city cleaned up the junk yard that had been there.  My favorite was the refrigerator house - where the settlers diverted a bit of the stream and built a log house over it.  They knew that the running water would keep the temps down in the building and used it to store meat.  One time, they showed us how the settlers would make bees wax candles and Kim and I got to make one.                  Anyway, I had kind of forgotten about some of our days along the Monocacy, but my sister, Lauren, introduced me to this site called 'If you are from Bethlehem', or something like that and it opened the floodgates - I almost immediately remembered Casilio's and our days on the rope swings - so much fun...but, some of the names of the people posting brought shivers down my spine - man, did we have some tougher characters!  I called Cody over, and asked him if there had been anybody he had been afraid of in elementary school..."No Dad, why?"  I told him to check out some of the kids that I remembered as bullies - and they still looked scary and posted about how they had blown windows out of businesses, etc!  I don't miss any of that - I'm off that site!
Although, it is sort of addicting as people post their favorite places to get cheese steaks, etc...just when I thought I was out, it pulls me back in!  As I scan the other names of folks posting, I struggle to see if I recognize any of them.

                 I was glad to remember about the Monocacy...Musikfest, which started as a German Oktoberfest type of heritage celebration and has devolved into something much larger and spanning a lot more ground.  We saw many concerts there - mostly old 60's groups like the Turtles, The Little River Band, The Rascals, etc. it was pretty much contained along the Moncacy in the early days.

              And I remembered how much Kim and I enjoyed being down there by its soothing waters.  There were large trout in it.  Kim's Dad fished it regularly...we did a couple of times, too.  A lot of our early dates, before either of us drove, were spent sitting on its banks...for hours...    

              ...as the sun set...and then some!    

                 Love,

                         Dave

                      

Knees

            Knees are a funny thing.  Tough to walk without them.  Over the last few weeks, I've become increasingly aware of just how important they are...

            Beginning with Angie's knee surgery at the end of June...She's just about shed her cane and went out to dinner with Kim, Rashon, kids and us at Culver's for burgers last night.  The P.T. is going great and the scar is fading. 

             Friday night, Cody fell from the sky...

                 He's been getting pretty good on his scooter and likes to go to the skate park with his friends - Brendon and Cody have mastered all of the jumps there and like to create new one.  And, he gets some serious air.  Here's a little peak at one of his rides.

                Friday night, he got just a little higher, and there were some winds from an incoming monsoon - just enough to throw him off.  He fell to the earth and landed directly on his knee cap.  Our friend, Joe, picked him up, took him to his house and put ice on it - I called Kim (Angie's youngest daughter, the RN at St. Joe's on our Kim's floor) and she said if he could put weight on it (he could) and bend it (he could), it was probably a deep bruise - the patella is super strong, and they aren't able to do a lot for a broken patella.  We go to the same pediatrician and she suggested we take Cody to see him Saturday morning, as she knew they had office hours until noon. 

                Saturday morning, Cody's knee was still pretty swollen (it did not keep him from sleeping over at his friend, Jesus' house!), when I picked him up and took him to see Dr. Rick Williams (no relation to Angie, OR Ricky Williams, the Dolphins running back), who told us, nearly verbatim, the same thing Kim had told us the night before.  He said, if Cody is still hurting Monday, we should take him in for an x-ray, but he did not believe Cody had any ACL damage, just a bruised knee cap.  the Dr's nurse did all she could to make me feel like a bad parent..."were you wearing pads?" she asked Cody.  "No", he told her.  Daggers for me.  "a helmet?"  "No"...more daggers.  She looked about my age, so I asked her if she even owned a helmet as a kid...no answer.  I took that as a 'no'. I never did.  In fact, I finally got a helmet just a couple years ago when Angie's husband, Mark, had a biking accident in Fantasy Island and his helmet saved him some serious head trauma.

               He seems much better today, making it to Viro's for breakfast with us and getting around out front a little better this evening.

               Saturday, our neighbor, Betsey hurt her knee while taking a Tai Kwan Do class (or however you spell it) and was laid up on the couch the rest of the weekend.  Then, today, Andrea and Mario's son, David, sprained his knee badly, after shooting a 3 pointer during a basketball tourney - he landed the shot in traffic, took a hit and his team won by 1 point!  That's courage.

              I remember Kim starting to feel some knee trouble coming on...and worrying she would have to have knee surgery before too long as the cartilage was wearing thin on her, just as her Mom needed surgery, and Angie.  My right one pops loudly after I've been squatting down - it amazed Tonio while we were weeding the other day. "What was that noise?"  he exclaimed.  "My knee."  "Ouch!", he said.

              As a parent, we do all we can to keep our kids safe.  Sometimes, they still get hurt - even if we are right there with them.  When Cody got hurt, I was torn between rushing him to the hospital, and keeping a cool head and letting things play out.  It is a delicate balance.  I don't know if I am getting better at giving him the space he needs to grow and develop into an adult, but I try - especially based on the level of trust we have built up between us.  It's been especially challenging for me, as Kim typically handed the decisions on where he could or couldn't go and what he was allowed to do or not do.

             Anyway, we are relieved that Angie, Cody, Betsey and David are on the mend!!  Knees are important!

           And Cody and I got to spend some 'quality' time together, watching the 'Transporter', starring Jason Statham, while he iced his knee. Catching him up on all of the 'classics'.  Good times.

            Tonight, when we went out back to say goodnight to Mama, the stars were all obscured by clouds (Pink Floyd album circa 1972)...the bambini strained to see one, but could not..."it's ok", Tonio finally said, "The clouds look beautiful.".

              Love,

                     Dave

I love Friday's

              I look forward to Friday's.  I cannot tell you the comfort I get from going to Mass at San Xavier each Friday.  The clouds today were so beautiful above the Mission.  I really enjoy greeting and talking to the custodians who work so hard to keep the Mission clean.  They asked where the bambini were today and I explained that we are part of the Vail School District, with a 'year round' schedule.  Even though it's not.  It's just better spaced than 'traditional' schools.  Whatever that means, depending on where you live in the country.  Where we grew up, that meant school started the day after Labor Day.  Out here, some school districts start 8/8, some 8/15.  It's pretty random.

             Anyway, this routine really starts my day off right.  Today, the Homily was about Moses.  And how the Jews he led through the desert were begin to complain.  They were tired.  They were hungry.  They were thirsty.  Etc.  Moses stopped them.  Put a halt to their whining and complaining and reminded them of all the great things God had done for their people and the blessing they had.  It motivated them to continue.  I love when the Gospel and Homily easily relate to what is going on in our lives.  For we may be wandering in the desert, but we are blessed!

                  It's a long walk down to Mary's Chapel, where Kimmy's photo sits on the altar...I can't even tell you how many times I walked down this sidewalk with Kim...

                   As you exit the 19, this tile mural greets you at the bottom of the off ramp.  I looked in my rear view, and no one was behind me, so I snapped this shot.  When I looked again, there was a cop waiting patiently behind me!

                  After school, the bambini are hungry.  Always.  And on Fridays, we've been picking up their friends, Lexy and Breanna, too.  They usually like to go to Eegee's but, it was so hot today, they just wanted to come back to the house.  They had a good time unwinding from a long week at school!  I cooked them shrimp tacos and they had ice cream...

                 The bambini finally went to bed around 11...another school week behind them.  Autumn and I were the only ones left to say goodnight to Mama..."cloudy and no Big Dipper" Autumn observed.  And then, blowing kisses to where the Big Dipper normally is, "'Night Mama!", she cried.

                 Love,

                        Dave

                 
                              

Amazing Autumn

           She's done it again.  Just when I think she can not get any sweeter.  Or more thoughtful.  Or considerate, compassionate - well, more Kim-like, she surprises me!

          This morning, as I walked through the dense fog into the living room, my bare foot suddenly encountered a wet spot...

          "Ok, who spilled something?"  I asked Tonio and Autumn.  No answer.  But, their silence was damning.  "Was it water?  Or juice?" I asked.  "I dunno.  I didn't spill anything"  they answered in stereo.  "Ok, so what is this wet spot?"...upon closer inspection, I found that Bella had an 'accident'.  These guys like to get her crazy first thing in the morning.  Bella loves it, but they don't let her outside first to do her business.

         I lost it.  Steam started coming out of my ears as I told them that they know better, Bella will go inside more often if she is allowed to and we don't clean up right away.  The house will smell.  Did they want to live in a nasty, dirty house?  The volume rising as I wound up.  When your teachers come for home visits, what will they think?  Do your friends want to come see you at a trashed house? 

        By now, they are in motion, one getting paper towels, the other Resolve and they are cleaning.  I've clammed up, hating when I get upset with these little guys (Heckle and Jeckle) and go to get the steam cleaner, to deep clean it.

         The thing with carpets, is, they always seem to hold the dirt.  And when I was done with this spot, the water was pretty nasty.  I decided to leave the steam cleaner out and would try to 'chip away' (one of Kimmy's favorite phrases) at the carpet over the next few days.  Kim would do this every other month or so.  This would be my first attempt at it.

        After helping out in Autumn's class this morning, I came home and was able to do half the living room before it was time to go get the little ones.  The water from the steam cleaner looked like coffee.  Thick coffee.  I think the carpet has had it - anyone know a discount tiler?  There are multiple 'bald' spots, where, Bella, as a baby, ate the carpet down to the threads.  Kim would chase her around, so mad, trying to get her to stop and put her outside!  At the threshold of Autumn's and Tonio's rooms, our previous pup, Zona, had tried to eat her way out of their rooms, when locked in there for periods of time.  Kim had done a pretty good job of patching it up, but, Bella had dug Tonio's straight out.  Wherever carpet meets tile, there is now a gap, and, every now and again, a barefoot bambini screams in pain as they snag a bit of carpet tacking. 

            Well, when the little ones got home, I got them a snack (Tonio, my banana bread with cream cheese on it and Autumn, some fideo soup I made last night), they started their homework - they are both getting much better at this! Autumn noticed that carpet looked...improved, and said it looked nice.  I left them while I went to pick up Cody and his friend Jesus from high school and when I came back, Autumn presented me with these:

         Just like something Kim would have done for me...

         Yesterday, Tonio felt a little sad while in Mrs. Rienstra's class...she spent some time talking to Tonio, who told her he missed Kim.  She caringly  took him into the pod (room between the classes) and asked if he'd like to draw a picture for her or start a journal.  He drew this:

          The tree, is our largest olive tree in our front yard...our 'angel' tree.  He says it reminds him of Mama.  She loved birds, so, he has a nest of doves living in the tree.  He told me to look carefully at the tree, because, hidden in the leaves are eyes and nostrils - it's a T-Rex!  Note the short arms of the olive tree!  I asked him about the cloud, to explain that.  He says 'That?  It's just a monsoon rolling in!'.  He's still a little lost, just a little out of step...Mrs. Rienstra has already made him feel so comfortable in her classroom and stayed after with him yesterday to help him with homework and play games with him.

..........And Cody?  Cody has immersed himself into high school life.  He is enjoying all of his classes, and, the social aspect of high school, as well.  He's pretty automatic - gets his homework done first and then enjoys playing video games for awhile - often, after the little ones go to bed, we'll watch a movie together.  He's good company.

          We know we have a couple of challenges over the next few weeks or so - but, I feel, that we continue to be better equipped to help each other through...and when I start to slip off of the path, one of them, intuitively, nudges me back onto it...bambini sorprendenti!!  (Amazing children!)

         Love,

                 Dave

The ups and the downs

          In our lives, there are going to be ups....and there are going to be downs...I've had so many conversations, over that last day or so, about appreciating what we have in our lives.  About being thankful and knowing that, in so many ways, we are blessed.

         I used to come home, to Kimmy, give her a big hug and kiss (sometimes sweep her off her feet), and tell her how much I loved her.  Then, I'd relate to her how I saw someone we knew who was now wheelchair bound.  Or someone we knew who was getting a divorce.  Or had been in a horrific accident.  I'd tell her, that I always appreciated her, and felt bad, that it took seeing or hearing about someone else's misfortunes to make me really feel it.  To bring me back into focus on what is truly important.

         Each day, I thank God for times Kim and I shared.  When I see a beautiful sunrise, I thank Him for every sunrise Kim and I shared.  When I take the bambini for a walk, I thank God for every walk Kim and I took.  When I wish someone a Happy Anniversary, I thank God for every anniversary that Kim and I celebrated - and we didn't just celebrate our wedding anniversary, oh no, we celebrated the anniversary of the day we met, the day we started dating in 7th grade, the day we started dating in 1984, the day we moved here to Tucson, etc, etc.  Nearly every day was our anniversary!

         This very day, I had the opportunity to multiple times to remind co-workers of what is truly important.  Family.  I preached to them 'Don't get all stressed out about work or your job - there are plenty of jobs out there.  But, your family, well, 20 years from now, whatever company you work for today, won't even remember your name - but, my hope is, by letting my kids know that they are more important than anything, that they will love me and I will love them - forever.'  Kim and I talked a lot the last two months or so that I was blessed to have her - NO ONE, on their death bed EVER says "I wish I had worked more!".  It seem so simple, doesn't it?  Yet, we still get hung up on bills, finances, office politics, economics, Washington politics...I say, forget about what someone in another state, or even city, is brain washing you into thinking...be here, now.  Be there for your family.  Your school/church.  And your community. That is what is important.

         In talking about the current state of economy and what it means for retail, I've made sure to be up front and honest with my team...'Have a plan B', I tell them (Kimmy's words) - that is why I have a real estate license. I am expendable.  I can be efficiently replaced, hell, my team has run my store for me for approximately 9 months, they do not necessarily need me. We saw the passing of the Lizard King - no one saw that coming. But,  I try to look out for them like they are family, because they have worked so hard to keep the business going so that I can take care of the bambini.  Yet, some of them, see this advice as a calamity - I tell them - it's an opportunity to refocus on their families, what is really important to them and to see if what they are currently doing really makes them happy...what a wonderful thing!

         

        And, one of our blessing that I thank God for, is the Barrios family.  Lupe, Manny and Monsi have shown love and caring towards all of the bambini.  Taking us in, primarily on Tuesday nights,making sure the kids get their homework done, giving them snacks, fun activities, sharing their home and dinner table with us - even when dealing with their own family sorrows and set backs.  They have such upbeat, positive outlooks on life (especially surprising/refreshing because they are Cowboys fans! : ) ).  I told them, if there were more families like theirs and more like the Williams' family, and the Croce family, this world would be a wonderful place, all the way around.

         But, I've come to learn, that along with the ups, we need to experience the downs to better appreciate the ups and all that we have - even when we are down.  They can take my house.  They can take my cars.  But no one can ever take the bambini and the love we share from us...and that is all that matters!

            Love,

                     Dave 

Tonio's Star Student

            This week, in Mrs. Rienstra's class, Antonio is the 'Star Student'!    He gets to make and 'all about me' poster and share this with the class, so they get to know more about each other this way.  He came home bubbling with excitement and asked if we could run to Fry's right away to pick up a poster board.  Tonio took great pride in scanning through our photos and choosing the perfect ones for his poster.  He printed them, trimmed them down and laid them out the way he wanted to, carefully gluing them down.  He wrote a little about each photo.  When he finished this part of the poster, he decided to go back and draw some colorful pictures of other things he likes.  I was pretty proud of him!

         First of all, in the upper left hand corner, Tonio put a picture of him, Cody and Autumn at Mission Beach.  He said it was his favorite place to be.  In the right corner, there is a picture of Tonio and Bella sitting together on the couch.  He wanted to put his favorite music artists on his poster and decided on Eminem and Bob Marley! Favorite movie?  'Rango'.   Lower left corner, eating pizza, his favorite food, with Cody.  And lower right - his family, at his favorite restaurant, Zona 78.  His drawings: a lizard, frog, puppy and a star above the heads of him, Cody and Autumn at the beach...He was so thoughtful as he chose each 'favorite', and sweet.

        This morning, I started the bambini, including Brendon, off with a big breakfast of hash browns, pancakes and bacon.  They all ate well.  While doing this, I decided to try to make Kim's banana bread, so the kids could eat it for breakfast or an after school snack.

            It actually came out good - the bambini couldn't wait for me to take a photo of it before they tried it!

               Here's how Kimmy did it!

             Ingredients:
             - 1 cup sugar
             - 8 tbsp ( 1 stick ) unsalted butter, room temp
             - 2 large eggs
             - 3 ripe bananas
             - 1 tbsp milk
             - 1 tbsp of cinnamon
             - 2 cups of flour
             - 1 tsp baking powder
             - 1 tsp baking soda
             - 1 tsp salt

        Preheat the oven to 325.  Butter a 9 x 5 x 3 inch loaf pan.
       
        Cream the sugar and butter in a large mixing bowl until light and fluffy.  Add the eggs one at a time, beating well.

        In a small bowl, mash the bananas with a fork.  Mix in milk and cinnamon.  In another bowl, mix together flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt.

       Add the banana mixture to the creamed mixture and stir until combined.  Add dry ingredients, mixing just until flour disappears.

       Pour batter into pan and bake 1 hr, test to see if it is done with a knife or toothpick.  Set aside to cool on a rack for 15 minutes.  Remove bread from pan and put on rack to cool completely.

       Here's something that used to crack me up about Kimmy - as great a cook/baker she was, she would manage to use every available bowl, pan, pot, plate, utensil, you name it!  I'd come in and get to work cleaning up the aftermath and she'd begin apologizing right away, always saying she didn't know how she ended up using so many dishes!  She'd turn the kitchen into a war zone.  I'd clean it up and then she'd detail her stove.  I always told her, I didn't mind how many dishes she used, because everything came out tasting so phenomenal!!  And, I knew she was making more work for herself by cooking everything from scratch for us.  She was so sweet.

         Well, after the bread was done, we went and met Angie, Janene, Kim and all of their kids at the cheap theaters to see Mr. Popper's Penguins (or Mr. Penguins Poppers, as Janene started to call it!).  All of the kids loved it - Autumn brought her big - I don't know what you call it, purse? Bag?  Tote thingy?  We hit Walgreen's on the way down and stocked up on candy, brought in kettle corn and drinks, too!  It was a great time.  Janene took Brendon and Cody skating - they had a lot of fun!
         The little ones helped me make lunches and get clothes ready and then we took Bella for a walk together.  Autumn reflected on the movie - she thought parts of it were pretty sad.  I told her, that I thought the take away was - life sometimes can be sad, but, if we don't try to hide our emotions, there will be people there for us to help us find happiness again.  'You mean like Angie and her family do for us?', she asked, her head tilted up towards me - those bright, blue eyes (Kimmy's eyes) searching mine for the answer...'Yes, honey, exactly!  We can be sad and miss Mama, but we have help through it, right?'  'We do Dad, we sure do.'...

            Love,

                          Dave

Just Keep Swimming

        Sometimes, I forget to breathe...usually at the damndest times, or over the seemingly inconsequential events.  Yet, it happens...

                   They come in flashes, remembrances, or occasions that I know Kim would have so appreciated....Here's one - Tonio, simply enjoying an afternoon shower (yes, you need to turn your computer sideways)...he is so ecstatic, it is so rare that the bambini get to actually play in the rain.  It typically comes with apocalyptic lightning...or winds that make me want to tie large rocks around the kid's waists, so they do not blow away.  This afternoon shower was just right - Tonio giggled with joy and shrieked "It's so cold!!".  A nice moment...

                 On the way to the Desert Museum last night, Autumn captured the darkening desert...They are open late on Saturday nights during the summer - until 10:00 PM.  Kim loved to go out there several times during the summer.

              Here is where Kim and I had our picnic lunch on our wedding day...we had Baggins deliver the sandwiches to San Xavier Mission, and led our party of 15 out into the desert en route to Old Tucson Movie Studios.  This rest stop is just before you pass through Gates Pass, as far west on Speedway as you can go.

                           Autumn was able to capture these shots as we hurtled through the desert, on winding roads, doing my best Hunter Thompson impersonation (See or read Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas -by Hunter Thompson, starring Bill Murray in the original movie and Johnny Depp in the remake).

                The Desert Museum was pretty crowded.  The temp had dropped down into the 80's following the rain.  So, I passed into the Staff parking lot, past the "Do Not Enter" sign and got an optimal parking spot.  We were greeted by this little guy just next to our vehicle.  Our friend, Yolanda, was working the ticket window - we've known her since 1994 when she worked down the road at Old Tucson.  She's been at the Desert Museum for 11 years now.  She always gives the kids little treats - tonight...flashlights!  And she told me to be sure to tell my 'sister' Janene hi and let me know she gave Janene and her family passes to get in when they went out last week.  She always takes good care of us...

                      This was not on our front porch.  We viewed this rattler and many others in the reptile house, protected by safety glass.

                     Autumn snapped these beautiful, night blooming flowers near the prairie dogs.  The mountain lion was very active tonight, the kids loved that!  They have a lot of fun activities for the kids on Saturday nights, including scorpion hunting with black lights, a live animal show (tonight, was owls flying over the audience's heads in their auditorium) and it was astronomy night.  The kids got to make constellation charts, planet charts, necklaces and bracelets with white beads that change to various colors of the rainbow when exposed to UV rays.

The kids got to see how high their vertical leap was and then the lady would multiply the inches times 9, letting you know how high you would jump if you were on the moon!  She said Cody had the highest vertical leap out of any children she had tested that night, 19".

                                                   Autumn and Antonio both leaped 6"...

And below, the kids are making meteors!  The demo guy, from Kitt Peak Observatory, was there last year.  I remember Kim saying he reminded her of the Heat Miser's brother, Snow Miser.  We laughed so hard, we had to leave the room...and suddenly, I could not breathe and I was sitting down, not knowing whether there was a chair behind me or not...the room, the people, all slowing down...and I hit, the chair, thank God, hard.  Sitting, watching...deja vu.

When time started ticking again, my breath returned, in time to see Tonio add ammonia to this mixture (he's in the orange, striped shirt, slightly hidden).  Cody remembered this guy's every joke and tendency - so this night, it was he and I who were amused.  He raffles off a Galileo telescope, at 9:00, or so he says.  As we put in our entries, Cody said "Watch Dad, he says 9, but then he'll make another meteor at 9 and do the drawing at, like, 9:20 or so."...and I remembered last year, I had to work early the next morning at Barnes & Noble for our Cafe' inventory.  I told Kim I wanted to leave at 9 and she said we'd leave right after the drawing.  She so badly wanted one of the bambini to win a telescope "We'll get a better look at that Big Dipper" she told me with a smile and a squeeze of my hand.  And I remember it exactly as Cody remembered it...the drawing was late, we ended up leaving around 9:30...and yes, it happened that way again this year.  Except, I was hoping one of the kids would win one this year, so we could get a better look at the Big Dipper, for Kim.  No such luck...

We had a good day today.  Great Sunday start, going to Our Mother of Sorrows with Angie (bionic knee doing good!), Andrea, Mario, Lexy, Breanna, Autumn and Tonio (we let Cody sleep in today!) - the we all went to Viro's, meeting Aut's teacher Casey, her husband Jack, grandmother, friends Julie, Josh and Alisha - Vito graciously saves us the 'big table' each week for our family.  We grazed for two hours!!

                            The girls were playing with my phone during brunch and took these shots.

We zipped home, picked up Cody and met Janene at Skate Country so the kids could burn off some of their breakfast energy!  Then, dropped Janene's son Brendon and Cody at the skate park, 'cuz they didn't get enough energy out!

Tonio is ready to skate with the ladies!

Angie's youngest daughter, Kim was hosting 'bunko' night at her house - so Andrea dropped off Breanna (we already had Lexy), we took Brendon, too and we met Kim's husband, Rashon at Peter Piper Pizza, with his two, Mariah and Micah and Andrea's son, David.  It was the busiest I've ever seen it!  This place is huge, too - it used to be the Linens 'N Things that I managed for a couple of years.  It even has a mini roller coaster in it!  The kids went on it several times and played many games, oblivious to the noise around them.

Breanna, David and Mariah enjoy that Peter Piper pie!

As if this wasn't enough fun, Rashon said 'let's go get ice cream!'.  A new burger place, called Culver's just opened - it was equally crowed and chaotic!

It was pretty late by the time we were done with ice cream and swung by to pick up Brendon and Cody at the skate park...we dropped the girls off to Mario and kept Brendon with us to sleep over with Cody. 

Just getting settled in at 11 - the boys watching the classic "Fight Club"...'this is your life, and it's ending one moment at a time.' Tyler Derden, Autumn and Antonio watching Rango, starring Johnny Depp, together...tired, but happy...

And they have the day off from school tomorrow!!

"He gives strength to the weary..."

          Isaiah 40:29

Love,

   Dave