House of Leaves

                Lately, I feel like that character in Mark Danielewski's book, "House of Leaves".  He finds, that his house has somehow become sentient...and is growing, and he finds new rooms...and corridors, in his cold, cold house...
               This post may come as a bit of a ramble, but bear with me...it must be leading somewhere...
               Today, I took the bambini's to see 'Megamind'.  They are absolutely nuts about Will Farrell and have been dying to see it (thanks to Mrs. Lopez, Cody's algebra teacher, for funding this outing!)...It did not fail to deliver and they kids thoroughly enjoyed it.  But what got my emotions going during the movie, was the soundtrack...particularly when they played ELO's 'Mr. Bluesky'...instantly, I was transported back to 1977, when ELO had a few hits that Kim and I really enjoyed (Sweet Talking Woman, was my favorite....guess who it reminded me of?).  And I could remember those days, when, after football practice, that song was played often and Kim and I would be walking home together, listening to my 8-track boom box, that probably weighed at least as much as me.  We would also listen to ELO while walking to the Westgate Mall, where we met.  It was about a 2 mile walk and we had plenty of time to hear our music and talk as we winded our way, seemingly aimlessly, through neighborhoods, back alleys, etc, to the mall...It is funny how a song can just bring back an experience, in vivid detail, so bitter sweet...there are many songs that do that for me.
              The bambini's have banded together into a nefarious group (thanks Aunt Sherri for introducing this word into our vocab, we all use it, especially Autumn!).  The watch reruns of Will Farrell on SNL, constantly quoting, none as funny as Antonio, who has nearly every skit memorized - his favorite is the Lawrence Welk show where there is a lady with baby hands and Will Farrell sings.  They have been very good for each other, especially Autumn and Tonio, who hug each other as we drop Tonio off at his classroom and wish each other a great day.  They enjoy staying after school together and hanging out with the principal, Ms. Bryson, who keeps them entertained...and, of course, their teachers, Mrs. Schrantz, who brought in an air popper to make fresh popcorn for her and Tonio, with hot sauce on it, of course.  Mrs. Rudzena took Autumn out for ice cream again this week and has really helped her keep on top of her homework. 
              So, we had fun together today, beginning with breakfast at Jamba Juice.  This place was one of Kim's favorites.  It became a routine of mine to stop there on my way to the hospital each day, to get her a Mega Mango smoothie, her favorite!  Kim so looked forward to that each morning...I order that one now, even though I like the raspberry based drinks better.  The boys and I had oatmeal and berries with our smoothie and Autumn loves their yogurt parfaits.  When we left there, we went over and visited with Angie and Mark...they helped me sort some things out while the bambini's played Wii...their family has been so supportive...then we saw our movie, stopped by Target - we saw Ami Bunch, who has been so helpful in posting my blog while I waited for my new laptop to arrive - and it is working great!  Thanks again Ami!
              Ami also posted the photo of our neighbor, Amy's tattoo...Her and Betsey went down to my friend Dave's shop, Tattoo Artistry, to have them done yesterday.  Betsey's husband Brian, designed the tattoo.  Amy, Betsey and Kim had planned to get a tattoo of a sea turtle as soon as Kim was well enough...so, they kept the sea turtle and added the shooting stars, one for each of them...they stopped by last night to show us - Dave sure does a great job!
             Here's another entry from Kim's journal:
                                                                                                                Sept. 29th, 2003

            Another beautiful day in Tucson!
            Antonio's Batismal outfit arrived today from Italy.  It is a beautiful romper made entirely from Italian silk in ivory.  It is "sailor" styled for our little prince.  It has a little cap to match.  We look forward to his Baptism in early November.  I'll have to shop for special outfits for Cody and Autumn for Tonio's big day!

             So, we find Kimmy in our daily lives, in the sunrise, in the clouds, in the mountains and, of course, in the stars...we just keep moving, looking and watching, gathering strength from each other and those around us...always looking, never wanting to miss a sign...

             Love,
                   Dave

             For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present not the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God, that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
~ Romans 8:38, 39

   Ok, so my point was, we find Kim randomly throughout our day,  never know where or when...sometimes we just ramble...just like this post!

Arizona

       When we moved to Arizona, back in March of 1994, almost 18 years ago now, we were so hungry to see every inch of this state...so, we made a committment to taking advantage of any days off that we had to explore...it seems that our early journeys focused on the southwest part of the state...
       Organ Pipe National Park - now closed, due to drug and people trafficing, this is a most amazing natural setting in our state...about as far west on Ajo as you can go without leaving the country, we drove and drove and drove until we got there.  Our 'first born', Cajun, rode along, as she always did.  We had a jeep wrangler, it was a beautiful day and we had the top off.  To get there, you travel through some pretty desolate, but gorgeous, areas.
        The park itself consists of winding roads and picnic areas.  We spent the day driving on each and every road, including a little off roading down some washes.  The park was so filled with organ pipe cacti - similiar to the amount of saguaros you encounter on the drive out to the Desert Museum.  Every where you looked were green, tall and proud organ pipe cacti, framed out by mountains.
         We had a nice picnic lunch together, Cajun used to like to stand right on top of the picnic table and eat her lunch with us.  As it got later, monsoon clouds began to come in, like a high tide gently arriving on a beach.  Tall storm clouds, filled with purples and blacks and brilliant strikes of lightning were coming our way...quickly, and, oh yeh, we had the top down on the jeep.  Working together, Kim and I could put that top on pretty quickly!  We put Cajun in the driver's seat and scrambled to beat the downpour, the wall of water, that we could literally see coming right at us....we made it, got inside and just sat there enjoying the pounding rain, the sweet smell of the wet creosote bushes and the instant cooling of the air...then, we headed back to Tucson...

           Today was the 100th day of school for the bambini's!  Where did this year go??  Mrs. Rudzena asked me to help out with some fun games in Autumn's class today, to help celebrate.  I offered to take care of the game planning and made some suggestions, like bobbing for poison apples, razor blade toss, knife throwing, etc, but Mrs. Rudzena said she had the game planning under control and just needed me to run one of them...well, it was still fun.  My game involved the kids putting a stocking on their head.  The stocking has a baseball in the foot and the kids had to pretend they were an elephant and use the weighted stocking to swing like a trunk, trying to knock over a couple rows of water bottles I had set up, within a minute.  The kids had a blast.  Tonio even got to try as his class passed by for lunch and Mrs. Schrantz sent him over to play.
          The teachers kept the kids after school, Autumn even got to go for ice cream!  While I cooked, and cooked and cooked some more.  I made albondigas (meatball soup) and salsa for dinner tonight and a fresh batch of marinara for the weekend!  The kids friends, Lexy and Breanna and Andrea joined us for dinner and the kids set up elaborate forts throughout the living room and had Nerf gun wars...good times...Cody got to play ping pong and do a little BMX jumping with his buddy Alex and then it was time for Guitar Hero...The kids are looking forward to having a three day weekend - we have a lot of stuff lined up!
          I think that is everything...we'll go outside soon, and search the night sky for signs of Mama, wishing her a good night and asking her to watch over us...and let her know how much we miss her.  Thanks for listening,
                Love,
                        Dave

More on Roadtrips..

Well, today is the 13th, my new favorite #.  In speaking with Vito, over at Viro's Italian Bakery, he said that in Italy, the #13 is considered to be very lucky.  I finally brought back Kimmy's wheelchair to St. Joseph's today.  I parked it back in the lobby, out of the draft from the automatic doors, in the spot where I parked her the day Monsignor Tom prayed with her and lit up her day...

Of course, since we moved to Arizona back in 1994, we always looked forward to our road trips to California, the beach, Disney, Sea World, Little Italy, etc.  Five or six years ago, Kim told me that she'd like to visit with her Aunt Beverly, Uncle Russ and see her cousin, Kyle and his family on the way through to Disney.  They lived in Perris and San Bernandino.  When we go to California, we always seem to stop for breakfast in Gila Bend, Arizona - literally a wide spot in the road on I-8.  This time, we decided to hit the McDonald's.  When we pulled into the parking lot, there was a colorful old man leading a donkey through the desert.  Cody was fascinated and wanted to meet the donkey.  We waited for him to make it to the parking lot and went over.  The man looked like a gold prospector, coming out of the hills after many months of panning and he said that Cody could pet his donkey.  He saw how Cody brightened and said 'hey, would you like to ride my donkey young man?'....Cody beamed with joy.  The man hoisted Cody onto a well worn saddle, told him to hang on and proceeded to lead his donkey around the perimeter of the parking lot.  It sure made Cody's day!

We made it to Perris and met up with Beverly and her wonderful family.  It seemed as if we had known each other for years - the kids all hit it off right away...here's how Kyle's wife, Jodi, remembers our time together:

          

We were so thankful to meet you guys when Cody was a baby.  We had a very short, but joyful meeting.  Carl's Jr. in Perris, I believe.  Before we moved from CA to TX, we got to hang out at Disneyland.  What a fun treat!!!  The boys hit it off instantly and had a blast on the Buzz Lightyear ride and Megan will never forget that she got to drive Kim around Autopia.  Joke was on Kim.  If she had whiplash later that day, we know why!!!  What a GREAT time we had!

If we were to put our experience with Kim into one word, it would be Hospitality.  When we decided to stop and see you on the way through Tucson to our new home in TX, we asked where we should go to dinner.  "Oh no way!  Come over to our house and we will have dinner," Kim insisted.  I thought it would be a super easy meal like spaghetti or whatever.  NOPE!  If I remember correctly there was pasta and more than one sauce to choose from.  All homemade, of course.  There was a HUGE salad with every topping, bread, etc... TONS of food.  We completely pigged out.  THEN after dinner there was a homemade cheesecake and coffee.  Whoa, did I feel pampered!  I wanted so badly to park there and stay for good! 

We booked a hotel room, since we were hauling not just four kids, but also our menagerie of pets.  Though Kim insisted we all stay (and really meant it), she actually managed to keep three of the kids there, which really made the hotel stay quite smooth and easy.  We made it back in the morning hoping for some toast and a hug for the road.  We were greeted with what could rival a buffet in Las Vegas!!!!  Belgian waffles with all kinds of toppings, toast, eggs, sausage and bacon (Dave, how is your cholesterol!!!  lol), several types of juice and coffee.  It absolutely blew us away.  We wanted to stay forever. 

The last time we went through Tucson we didn't have the courtesy to give you any warning.  We literally called from the freeway saying we would be coming through.  We were still greeted with the same love and generosity.  We hung out at the park, enjoyed some time catching up and were back on our way. Kim was digging around looking for treats for the kids to make the car ride more tolerable.    What a Kim thing to do!!!

You, Kim and the kids are amazing and we have had so much fun with you on our brief visits!  In the past month or so I have imagined getting together again, dreamed of you guys coming to TX and how much fun we would have.  Maybe some day....   Give the kids big hugs from us.  


Oh, and Lauren and I saw the Big Dipper last night in our crystal clear, but FREEZING 30 degree night air last night and said a prayer for you guys! 

I thought these verses described Kim to a T. 

1 Timothy 5:10 ESV

And having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work.

Romans 12:13 ESV

Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

Love from the McDonald family!!!!! 

Thanks Jodi

Our trip was very memorable for us, too!  I remember, after leaving Perris, we headed up a winding road out of town that led to San Juan Capistrano, where the swallows migrate each year.  The mission church there was so beautiful and the town very scenic...we sure enjoyed our time in California...

This morning's sunrise was so pretty in Tucson...the bambini's all commented on how beautiful it was, with the pinks and peach colors highlighted on the low clouds...Mama wishing them good morning...

       Love,

                Dave

The Desert Museum

   I need to mention that I've had some technological problems that have nearly prevented me from posting.  First, it seems that my Dell PC, does not care for blogspot.com, the site I use to do my postings.  It will not allow me to post and often will not allow me to connect.  So, I've been using my laptop for posting and have had no problems...until 3 nights ago, when it irrevocably crashed.  It was over 7 years old, which means it automatically qualifies for the Smithsonian as an antique relic.  I ordered a new one, which should arrive soon...meanwhile, thank you Ami Bunch, who has helped teach me a lot of the tricks, like putting a photo directly into my post.  I've been emailing her, so she can cut, paste and post (using her laptop, as her PC does not like the .com either - she also has a beautiful blog about her triplets and family) and she has made sure my Kimmy stories are getting posted until my new laptop arrives!

                      One of our favorite places to visit, over the years, has certainly been the Desert Museum.  Situated about 1,000 miles out in the middle of nowhere, roughly west of Tucson, it offers a lot of rare, desert beauty and is a historical landmark.  The drive out there, alone, is so spectacular...once Speedway ends and Gates Pass begins, twisting through the Tucson Mountains...and when you turn that final corner, BAM!  your breath is taken away by the stunning view - a sheer drop-off, framed in the background with another peak and saguaros galore!  The road lazily twists back down the mountain pass and then several more twisty miles until you get to the museum.

                      Kim and I first visited the Desert Museum on a trip here back in 1989 and fell in love with it.  The museum offers a huge variety of plants and animal life, making it zoo-like, but in a very natural setting, so as not to feel institutionalized.  When we first visited, they even had large cats, like jaguars.  When we moved here in 1994, one of the first things we did was become members, making frequent excursions to the museum.  Sometimes we'd pack a lunch, pull off somewhere in the desert, hike a little ways and eat together.

                      When we had the bambini's, it seemed natural to continue our membership and visit often.  You would think they would grow tired of visiting, but each time, they would get so excited and participate in a new activity or learn something new.  Kim especially loved to take the family out their on Saturdays during the summer, as they would stay open until 10 p.m. and have a lot of fun things for the kids to do, like look at constellations and planets through telescopes, find scorpions with black light flashlights (Kim made sure each kid had one and we found a lot!).  They used to have story time at night, hosted by a Native American, who told great legends, like how the heavens got their stars.

                      As members, we enjoyed free ice tea and coffee - Kim loved to get that at the lower snack bar, near the otters, so we could get the kids an ice cream, a ritual that got me in a little trouble on Cody's 3rd grade field trip there when I bought my whole group ice creams...sorry Mrs. Sutterly!  We would get our ice creams and eat together on a bench before going to check out the otters, Kim's favorite exhibit.  Then, we'd make sure the kids all got to play on their favorite exhibits.  They have one called 'life on the rocks' that has a little secret passageway for the kids to climb through.  Again, they've done these things over and over, but never got tired of it.  Cody did a fantastic report on the history of the museum in 5th grade.  We have known one of the ladies who works at the desk, Yolanda, for at least 15 years, and she was able to get Cody interviews with long time employees and hand outs for his whole class.  She always enjoyed seeing our family and Kim and her would talk about their children before and after our visit.  Yolanda once helped us jump start our car when our battery died one time years ago...during a raging monsoon, complete with wicked lightning strikes.

                    The museum also became a destination for special occasions...we visited on our anniversary, more than once, eating in one of the restaurants after walking the grounds.  Also, we all spent a birthday there at least one time.  And, we ate pancake breakfasts on Mother's Day and Father's Day there, as well.  The kids loved sitting on one of the outside terraces, so they could attract birds and feed them, something Kim always loved to do when we were at the beach, too.

                   We've watched the museum grow, over the years, too.  Adding new exhibits, like the desert trail that features javelinas and coyotes.  Kim really loved the new amphitheater, where they would hold animal shows and allow birds to fly out and over the audience.  17 years of great memories there...

                   Well, back in the 'hood, we sure had some excitement today, not the good kind, but it all worked out.  Around 4ish, our neighbor Brian, ended up in the ER at Tucson Medical Center, with what turned out to be a bad appendix.  It was about this time that Kimmy took a ride to the ER, but at St. Joe's.  His surgeon, was Dr. Atkinson (Ed Norton), the same Dr. who removed Kimmy's gall bladder.  When I told the kids what was going on, little Antonio piped up "Daddy, I sure hope they don’t find anything else bad inside of Brian"...and we prayed for Brian together.  Well, he made out just fine and is recovering nicely.

                    Cody and I worked together to replace our irrigation valves, which had been placed underground and became overwhelmed by roots from our lemon tree and fig tree.  It was nice working with him.  He is a hard worker and we were able to have some good conversation.  Then, we had some awesome chicken and rice (thanks Andrea!!) and settled in to watch a movie together - Night at the Museum 2 - worth a watch!  When it ended, around 9, we all went out to say goodnight to Mama.  Did anyone see that sky tonight?  I cannot describe the beauty of the swirling, celestial clouds and the shape they formed - it was absolutely incredible.  We looked for the Big Dipper, but did not see it tonight...and then we all wished Mama a good night, together.

"Ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds of the air, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish of the sea inform you. Which of these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this? In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind." (Job 12:7-10)
                               Love,
                                                  Dave
                             

Roadtrip!

                      Over the years, Kim and I sure took a lot of road trips.  We loved to go on impromptu excursions, as well as, planned vacations.  Although it seemed we always returned to Long Beach Island, NJ when we lived on the east coast and Laguna Beach or San Diego since we've moved here, we really tried to see and do different things together...

                      One of my fondest memories, is of the juggernaut of a trip we took back in August of 1989, with Kim's sister Terri and her husband Todd.   I had always wanted to take Kim to see Niagra Falls, so we began planning to drive there to take in its beauty...then, we thought, since we would already be in Canada, we might as well check out Toronto...pretty soon, we had involved Terri and Todd and our list of 'must sees' began to grow.

                      I wish I had written down how many miles we covered, and I think we did this total round trip in 10 days (correct me where I'm wrong Terri and Todd!) - but we took off from Philly and made it up to Buffalo, where we stopped to see the Buffalo Sabres hockey facility - being a huge sport fan, it was important to me to be able to see stadiums and arenas along the way!  Then, we headed to the Canadian side of Niagra Falls...  If you've never seen the falls, you need to.  The sheer amount of water running over the top of those things is absolutely incredible!  I've been to the Grand Canyon twice and found it to be breathtaking, but, as I love water, I think the falls edge out the canyon.  At night, they light up the falls in multiple colors.  The rushing, roaring sound is so soothing...and the constant spray in the air is refreshing.  We spent a lot of time walking around the rim, going below to check out the sights and enjoying this gift from God.  Funny thing about this beautiful piece of nature..it, of course, attracts tourists.  And, although, I still can't figure out this combination, I remember the main street across from the falls, being a mish mosh of wax museums, Ripley's Believe it or Not museums, etc....we took a look at some of those, too, just for fun!

                      After the falls, we headed north to Toronto - I remember cruising on the highway, brushing my teeth to save time and spitting out the window doing 70ish (never a good idea!).  Oh, and all the while, Todd was recording our trip on their new camcorder!  Remember, this is 1989 - that camcorder was as big as a Hollywood set camera!  It was state of the art back then and Kim and I thought we'd love to own one, too, but damn, that thing was HUGE!  And Todd would be hanging out of his car window filming me brush my teeth, or we'd pull up next to them and make goofy faces - one time, I put one foot out the window and the other on the dash as I drove at top speeds through Canada.  We stayed in Toronto (yep, drove by Blue Jays stadium!) and I remember how good the Canadian beers tasted on tap - and finding out that the liquor content is much higher in Canada than the U.S.!!

                    The next day, we headed north east and up to Montreal.  We got to Montreal pretty late, it was dark...I don't remember too much about the city, but, somehow, I got turned around and lost Terri and Todd and did some crazy manuveur/u-turn/over the median type thing to get back on the same track as them.  The next morning, we went to McD's for breakfast - we were in french territory now and wanted to be safe.  Those silly frenchmen pretended they didn't understand english and we ordered egg mcmuffins and received big macs...we let them have their laughs and took off for Quebec!

                    That night, we thought it would be so cool and pretty to camp along the banks of the might Lawrence River on the outskirts of Quebec.  We had brought along tents and camping gear, planning to stay in hotels sometimes and camping others, depending on where we ended up.  We found a camp sight, paid and started to look for the perfect spot...only, it wasn't so scenic, in fact, it was pretty barren, trees were sparse and after being there a short time, we decided to take off and drive a little farther to see if the scenery improved.  We were sort of embarrassed to tell the lady at the entry gate that we thought the campsite was ugly, so we said were trying to find a store to buy some supplies...she gave us directions and we fled like criminals.  We finally ran out of steam and settled on staying at a tiny, little hotel in the middle of nowhere and I think the proprietor was a little Norman Bates like, so we slept with one eye open. 

                    Well, we had enough of Canada, so we turned south and made a beeline for Maine.   I thought it would be a good idea to bring some cases of that good Canadian beer, with the higher alcohol content with us, but the folks at the border disagreed and decided to keep my beer.  I've never been back to Canada.  We camped in a  little town across the border called Moosejaw.  It was so beautiful, right out of a Thoreau poem, with huge, dense trees, a lake, lots of grass and, we hoped, moose...although we kept our eyes peeled, we did not see any moose that night and in the morning, we made our way to the scenic coastal highway 1.  We made it to Arcadia National Park that day - it is still the most beautiful place I've ever been.  We explored its coast and ended up at Bar Harbour, where we could see seals playing in the surf and a classic light house, beckoning to passing ships.  The beaches were stunning, mostly large slabs of rock - I remember commenting I've never seen such large surface rocks.  We hiked through the trees and up the beaches, before the call of the surf got the best of me.  Despite there being no sand, just rock right into the pounding surf, I waded in...immediately turning purple (think George Constanza "shrinkage!").  Even thought it was August, that water was frigid, but it was worth it.

                    That night, we stopped along the shore to buy lobster from a fisherman who had just brought in his catch, paying about $8 a piece for huge, live lobsters.  We took them back to our campground, nestled beneath some of the biggest, greenest trees I've ever seen, and had lobster races!  Then we boiled them up over the fire we had built and they were delicious.  Reclining by the camp fire, with Kim, Terri and Todd, I felt at peace.  The sky had a large, bright moon and countless stars, much like our beautiful night skies here in Tucson.  I could have stayed in Maine for a lot longer, but we still had a lot of coast to cover...

                    We hugged the coast on US 1, going through New Hampshire/Vermont and into Massechuesets, where we stayed in Boston (excuse me if I get the order of towns/places incorrect, you see, I got a 'D' in Geography), right across the alley from Fenway Park.  Boston is a neat city, but it is a challenging one to drive in as every street is one way, and you'd better be prepared for which direction you need to be heading in, as we found out, turning onto what we thought was an eastbound one way road and staring into oncoming traffic and the unforgiving stares of hardened Bostonians with no stomachs for tourists.  We spent some time taking in the rich history of the city and its historical sites, which were neat, but I had one goal when I got to Boston - to make it to Cheers!  Cheers was at the pinnacle of its popularity back then, so when we got there and saw the line snaking out of the basement entrance, onto the sidewalk and well down the block, we were undeterred.   We only had to wait an hour or so to work our way down the basement steps, anticipation growing and then, finally, we squeezed into the packed bar...to find that it looked nothing like the bar on the t.v. show!  We did not let it spoil our time, though, and even bough souvenir shot glasses (yes, they went into our living room décor that I described a few posts ago).

                    Ok, here's where I get hazy, I know we went to Salem and to see Plymouth Rock, but not in which order.  Salem was pretty neat.  The town is made up of incredible Victorian style mansions and bed and breakfasts.  We chose one of the bed and breakfasts, based on the promise that it was haunted...we flipped a coin to see who would get the 'haunted' bedroom and who would sleep in the living room.  Kim and I 'won' the toss...but were not disturbed by any supernatural forces.  Neat place, though.  It was a pretty town to walk through and we saw a few of the museums and where the trials occurred and hanging tree, etc.  Plymouth Rock, on the other hand, was a let down.  It was much smaller than I imagined it, and back in the 1800's, in an effort to save the historic marker from the rising tides, the townsfolk decided to move it...cracking it in the process.  They patched the crack with cement - kind of looked like one of my 'home repair' jobs (Kim was always the handyman in our house!).

                    Other than that, we went to see the aquarium in Mystic Conneticut, which was fun and had a bizarre experience in Providence (is that where we were?).  We had spent the day on a beautiful beach on the cape and wanted to find some night life.  We stumbled upon a quaint town with plenty of bars and started walking down the main avenue to decide which one to go to.  It was a bit of cultural shock that day, as we soon came to realize that 90% of the revelers were same sex couples ('not that there is anything wrong with that' Jerry Seinfeld) ...which, being super mature, Todd and I could not resist in making as many jokes about as we could...to the point that Kim and Terri thought we might just get killed...we didn't, but go out of there pretty quickly!

                   Along our way, we were able to stop and enjoy many of the coast's beaches - all of them different and offering scenic beauty and features like lighthouses, jetties, tidal pools, varying sands and slopes and we tried to get into the ocean at each stop.  Again, I don't know how many stops we made and I used to know how many miles we covered, but it was unbelievable how much we packed into 10 days - we'd often marvel over that during reminising about that trip...

                  Tonight, one month ago, Kimmy took the ultimate roadtrip - our shooting star, at 7:59 p.m...although the actual date was the 13th, it was four weeks ago today...the bambini's and I celebrated Kimmy by making pork milanese, one of her specialties and about the only way to get us to eat pork.  Cody and Autumn helped me in the kitchen (Tonio has been sidelined with strep throat, so I'm a nurse once again!  When he was diagnosed, he became quiet and introspective...I asked him what was up and he asked 'Dad, can I die from strep throat?').  Andrea brought the poor boy some home made soup and he gobbled up a huge bowl! Oh, and the toothfairy made it the other night, barely, remembering around 4:30 in the morning that a tooth had been lost!  But, if you are outside tonight, something that has become a family ritual for us before bed each night, looking up at the night sky, please watch for the shooting star...it will be there, Kimmy, once again, gracing us with her prescence....

                    Good night,

                         Love,

                                 Dave

 

A Good Sunday...

One month ago today, we enjoyed an incredible day with Kimmy...starting out in the morning, I made everyone breakfast.  We looked at photos that we had collected over the years, and Kim wept with joy, saying 'what a wonderful life we've had'...I remember telling her we still had a lot of wonderful memories to make, and right now, we would work on getting her healthy again.  I helped Kim get cleaned up and dressed, and, as the day warmed up, we set up a lounge chair that Betsey had brought over, outside so Kim could enjoy the beautiful sunshine and blue sky.  She was not on oxygen and in good spirits.  As we sat outside, all of neighbors came by to enjoy Kim's company.  Amy, Tom, Betsey and Brian all sat around and basked in the glow of our sunshine, Kimmy.  She really enjoyed herself that day, but not as much as we enjoyed her. 

As the day began to get cooler, we moved inside.  Our friend, Andrea, came over to visit with her daughters, Lexy and Breanna.  Kim was so happy to see them and we set about making dinner for everyone.   Although Andrea told me later, that Kim had told her she could actually feel the tumor in her lung, Kim showed no signs of feeling poorly, but this was when the nagging cough had begun, signalling the tumor had further deteriorated the artery in Kim's lung and it was bleeding. 

Kim and I sat up in bed and watched Sunday Night Football.  The Eagles defeated the Cowboys.  Kim was cheering the Eagles on, and, in particular, DeSean Jackson, who she had on her fantasy football team.  When Jackson ripped off a 90 yard TD run, Kim was cheering loudly and clapping.  We had a lot of fun.

Today, to celebrate Kimmy, we got together for breakfast at Viro's Italian Bakery.  The Deever's, the Muszynski's, the Castillo's, Angie, Janene and her boys all joined us.  Their families have ensured that the bambini's and I are finding our way as we begin our own journey - they have been so loving and caring, as have Vito and Rosa and their family - both of their son's, Vito and Joe and his wife, Deanna were there and Vito's niece, Franca and her family and his nephew, Mauro, too.  We are truly blessed.  Without them there to listen and to lean on, we'd be lost.

After breakfast, Mario, David, Brenden, Cody, Tonio, Autumn, Lexy and I went to see the Univeristy of Arizona play Stanford in basketball.  It was Autumn and Antonio's first basketball game and they really enjoyed themselves (and the dipping dots!).  Even in a crowd that large, we saw a lot of people that we knew.  And the best part, Arizona won pretty easily, only giving us a scare in the final minutes as Stanford closed within 6 points.  A young man, Mike Christy, who has never met us, was generous enough to send our family the tickets for today.  He had heard about our losing Kimmy and had lost his father to cancer last year around the same time and wanted to brighten our day...he did this and touched our lives at the same time!

       
                 When we got home from the game, we let the kids play outside, with the Castillo's kids stayed here so Andrea and Mario could go catch a movie together for their wedding anniversary - happy 13th!  I made a stir fry dish from a recipe that Andrea had given Kimmy years ago and the kids loved it.
                 And there you have it...celebrating Kim - she would have loved to see that game with us today and it would have pleased her that the bambini's enjoyed it and we didn't even think about leaving early!  And although I felt a little anxiety coming on, I was able to be strong, battle it off and make a great, memorable day for all of the children, who never, ever, suspected a thing...again, drawing on Mother Teresa, who related this Bible verse "My heart hath expected reproach and misery.  And I looked for one that would grieve together with me, and there was none: and I sought one that would console me, and I found none, Psalms 68:21.  To this, Mother Teresa wrote, in her own time of darkness, 'I looked for the one that would comfort me and I found none....Be the one.'  And so I was, thank you Mother Teresa!
               Love,
                         Dave

Kim's Kitchen

  Today, I spent nearly the whole day in the kitchen...and as I just finished putting away that last of the dishes, I realized that was something Kim did on a frequent basis...
  Starting with the big breakfast, bacon, eggs, hashbrowns, toast and blueberries - Andrea had dropped her daughter Lexy with us in time for the feast and we ate...shortly after I cleaned up the kitchen - the kids wanted lunch - I wanted them to have a later lunch, since we had tickets to go see the Univerisity of Arizona play Stanford in basketball this afternoon - Lexy and her brother David were going to come with and Angie was taking their cousin, Branden, so we were all going to go down together - but, when our House Representative, Gabrielle Giffords, was shot and rushed to UMC, the game was postponed until tomorrow...
So, I made the girls pasta and the boys ate quesadillas...cleaned up, took the kids outside to run Bella and then, right back in to make a new batch of marinara sauce...and hosted Angie, Andrea, Mario, David, Lexy, Breanna, Kim, Mariah and Micah for a large pasta festa!  The bambini's sure had fun, putting on a show for all of us in the hallway.  
      I have more Kimmy stories, but, feeling a little off tonight, so thought I'd share another excerpt from the journal Kim was keeping for our family...
                                                                                                                         Sept 27, 2003
   "It's 98 degrees and we are out on the 'slip 'n slide".  Tonio's taking a little rest on his bouncy seat and I'm out watching Cody and Autumn have a blast!  Cody runs full force and throws himself in the air like Superman!  No fear for the little man.  Autumn tries to imitate, but inches along on the ground yelling 'woo hoo!', cute as a button in her Elmo swimsuit.  Dave has another week to go and his new "Kohl's" department store will open.  He'll be home soon to enjoy some of these festivities.  Another beautiful, cloudless day in Tucson!"

     Although we never had a pool, Kim sure loved to get the kids out back to play on a slip 'n slide or a inflatable pool.  She'd make the kids parfaits or shaved ice as a treat.  At the home we live in now, we often take the slip 'n slide across the street to the little park, stretching our front hose across the street.  Kim liked to bring over snacks or sandwiches for a little picnic for the kids...and they sure had more room to get up to full speed over in the park.

    Well, Antonio lost a tooth today, so we'll expect a visit from the toothfairy tonight...!  It was a good day in Kim's kitchen...
 
      Love,
            Dave      

The Nitcho

   Today, Brian and I were able to lay out the footer for Kimmy's nitcho (nicqua in Italian), basically, a niche built into a wall.  If separate from a wall, or free standing, it is an altar or altare' in Italian.

   While we worked, we talked about the miracle that was Kim...and how 'easy' she made this on us.  During this time, unsolicited, I get to hear stories from others about their on loss, their nightmares, their unplanned for departings...tidal wave stories...most horrific, as was our experience, however, Kim worked so hard to keep our journey as pleasant as possible.  We know it could have been so much worse for all of us. RN Kim, who has taken such good care of our family, further related, that some of the nurses on the 5th floor, where Kim was so well cared for, spoke about how Kim said she never asked 'why me?', but said 'well, maybe when I get to Heaven, I may ask God why he chose me...no, I probably will not since I know I will be at such peace.'  Goodness, how we miss this positive influence in our lives.  Tonio had the toughest week and we had everyone's support at Cottonwood, where he passed out gifts at an awards ceremony and had apple pie with his teacher, Mrs. Schrantz today after school - he was well cared for.  Autumn has done a super job with her journal to Mama and Cody has gotten on board with joining us each night to say goodnight to Mama in the back yard as we look for her in the beauty of the night sky.
    She was amazing...when did I know, for sure, that I would lose her in this life?  The day the donkey was gone.  The other morning, my southwest mom, Angie, arranged for me to join her for breakfast at Kim's favorite 'hole in the wall' Brawleys for breakfast...seems I keep forgetting to eat.  Anyways, during breakfast, I told her about Kim's love for donkeys.  She said, that, one day, she would really love to have a donkey for a pet.  I would tell her, that I would buy some acreage and we would surely do that.  Well, there is a stable, not far from our home, called Pantano Stables.  They've had a donkey, amongst the horses, for years.  When we would drive out Houghton, she would always look for 'her' donkey...she had the bambini's look, too.  They loved that donkey.  One day, in late November, while driving by, I noticed the donkey was not there...I got cold chills and shakes and knew....the next time we drove by, Aut asked 'where's mama's donkey?'...I explained that sometimes they are inside for grooming, etc...but, when Kim came out of the hospital, however briefly, I made a point to drive home a different route.  One day, I forgot.  As we came down the steep hill leading towards the stable, it suddenly occurred to me that I had made a mistake - I felt, much like the D.H. Lawrence story, where the narrator has painted a leaf on the wall behind a vine to keep their loved one alive, that if Kim did not know the donkey was gone, there was still hope.  I engaged her in deep conversation as we went down the hill, telling her how happy I was she was coming home and what a relief it was and all we had done to prepare for her, to make her comfortable...yet, I saw her eyes, floating, drifting, towards the horses, the pens where her beloved donkey should be...but wasn't.  "Oh, the donkey is gone..."  she whispered.  So softly, so sweetly...and just like that, I knew, that no matter how many prayers, no matter what I believed, God was going to take her.  We looked at each other, until I had to look away, or surely end up in the desert...deeply, lovingly - me, probably about as sad as I've ever been.  It's been suggested that I stop in, to see where that donkey went...I believe I will, but I think I know...

 

   Tonio took this picture for me...I told the kids, in addition to the nitcho, I felt the need to comorate their mama.  I have a friend, Dave Williams, who, as a young man in his teens, came to work with me at Toys R Us many years ago.  He was a very talented artist and a drummer and left to play with a band and do tatoos.  We've kept in touch over the years and share mutual acquaintances - his childhood baby sitter, Ami, was Cody's kindergarten teacher.  I called him, told him what had happened and we got together to work on a design. 
    The shooting star.  How many people saw one the night the love of my life left us?  There were at least 25 of my closest friends/family at the hospital that night...and, as we said our goodbyes, we saw Kim, the blaze of light that had lit up our lives, burning through the chill of the night, leaving us speechless.  I've spoken to several people in different states, who told me, shortly after my text, that my sunshine had set, they too, saw a shooting star, blazing in the night sky...so I had to have one, forever.  For Kimmy.  She came into my life 33 years ago, when I was a train wreck, self-destructive, selfish and taught me what it meant to appreciate life, to not take anything for granted, to leave behind the life that was killing me and to forge something beautiful with her, willingly - it sure took awhile, but, after bottoming out, I finally got it - she reached me, however briefly...and her loving, caring, ways were fleeting, so brief, but left an indelible footprint to guide me, for the bambini's and their future.  She taught me to believe...'credere' (KREH-deh-reh) means 'to beleve' in Italian...originally, I had done some research on believe designs and liked the Japanese characters.  I showed the design to the bambini's and Autumn said 'I don't get it.  Why would you have 'believe' in Japanese?'  I told her, I liked the way it looked.  "yeah, but, why not do it in Italian?"...she is as wise as her mama in so many, many ways that it just melts my heart....so, I consulte Rosa and Vito and there you have it.  And although I did believe, whole heartedly, it did not work out the way I believed...but, I have new beliefs and continue to believe.... :)
     While Dave worked on my tat, once again, the Cottonwood teachers took care of the bambinis and Betsey picked up Cody and his friend Ryan.  They were so excited to see my ink when I got home and loved it.  Betsey and Brian had us over for pizza, along with Amy and Tom - all great neighbors...Amy showed us school pictures that she had found, stashed deep within Kim's desk - she never liked her school photos, and, of course, they were beautiful.  And the bambini's fell right to sleep when we got home, tired from their long week, but, doing better as they heal.  Wendy, the chaplain from St. Joseph's checked in with us this evening as the kids played on the sidewalk and I told her we were making our way...
      And now, there it is in ink, permanently...the shooting star that lit up our lives, the new belief...

      Maybe, now, following in the footsteps of Mother Teresa, she is "lighting the light of those in darkness on earth."...I know that my days seem brighter...
       Love,
             Dave
 

Kimmy's Journal

   Today, while hunting for a good pork milanese recipe, I stumbled upon a journal that Kimmy had started years ago...her idea was to write about our family and experiences, inspired by one that my Pop had done back in the early 1900's and that my Dad made my sisters and I copies of.  Here is an excerpt:
                                                                                                           Sept 22, 2003
   "Today, I will begin to write about our life.  We had meant to begin this years ago, but never did.  Antonio, now 10 weeks old, laughed at me for the first time today.  I wanted to record such a wonderful milestone.  Cody and I were changing his clothes and we were blowing on his tummy, making silly noises.  It struck Antonio funny and he laughed some short giggles.  I thank God every day for the blessings I receive from these three children.  They are such a joy."

     Ahhhh, these three children...they are a constant source of inspiration.  Tonio was the one having a challenging morning, missing Mama.  Aut put her arm around him and stoically walked down the long sidewalk to his classroom, giving him a big hug and telling him 'I love you Tonio'...it was the sweetest thing and made me so proud.  Mrs. Schrantz picked up on Tonio's melancholy today and gave Tonio special jobs to do, so that, by the end of his day, Tonio was his usual smiling self.  I know I've written about the fabulous teachers and staff we are blessed with at Cottonwood, but they just keep giving and helping the bambini's.  Today, Mrs. Hoover called me to let me know that Autumn and Tonio were doing fine, that she had checked in on them.  That's peace of mind.
    Meanwhile, I did some red tape surfing.  More Cottonwood connections helped!  I met with a lawyer, Mr. Daniels (father of two great teachers, Mrs. Montes and Mrs. Bunch, who taught the bambini's in kindergarten), who assisted me in figuring out where I'm at, and where I need to go - incredible guy.  I stopped by one of Kim's favorite places, the DeGrazia gallery afterward and sat in the little chapel that DeGrazia had erected on the grounds there, shortly after his family emigrated here from Italy.  It is so peaceful and tranquil there.  Also, working on a Kimberly Memorial Foundation, and seems like we'll do something private, with St. Joseph's, as most of the people I spoke to advised that doing it privately would allow more money to go to those who need help, rather than being eaten up in administrative costs that the larger organizations incur...a work in progress.
    This evening, Father Harry took time out of his busy schedule to come visit with our family.  I told him our house was so cold without Kimmy...he agreed. And he fielded questions from the bambini's like 'can we fly over our house?'...yeh.  We're both big soccer fans (his Man U. is in first place in the Premier League, while my team, Juventus, in the Italian Serie A, is having a tough season and is in 6th - but look at Napoli!!  1st place??), so we talked a lot about the season.  He has been a huge help to our family.
     Tomorrow, time to get rolling on the nitcho...still a little sore after loading and unloading the materials, but it is a good sore.
      And, we went outside and said our goodnight's to Kimmy - the stars brilliant in the night sky. Autumn letting her know I had refinished my desk for her...the boys praying that she is warm in Heaven, as it is still pretty chilly here!
      And now, enjoying a Menabrea (thanks Vito, who fed me and kept me company on a cold afternoon!), and getting ready for some sleep...

      "Take whatever He gives and give whatever He takes with big smile."
                                                          - Mother Teresa

Good night,
        Love,
                Dave

Kimberly on decorating...

Sure, there is Martha Stewart, Nate Berkus and plenty of other interior decorators out there...but, if you ask me, Kimmy was the best!  If you've never been to our home, here's a few snapshots - they cannot do what Kim did justice - how she would pull together all elements, furniture, photos, art and color, to create such a warm, inviting environment.  The bottom photo, in our kitchen, Kim's kitchen, she had daringly painted a mellon green and infused the phrase 'Che la nostra casa sai piena di calore e di amici' in Italian...'May your home be warm and your friends be many'...Kimmy epitomized this saying - our home was so warm with her love and the absolute care that she put into how it looked and felt - and of course, the friendships she built helped to warm it even more.

And over the last few months, Kimmy went on a color kick.  Out of the blue, she began painting each piece of furniture we owned.  First, the kitchen table, a sea green.  Then, our living room table, and coffee table,white.  Then, she painted our computer desk, dresser, amoir, end tables and book cabinet varying shades of blue.  When I asked her why, she said she was tired of all of the brown and wanted a punch of color.  She would ask me before she painted each piece if it was ok and what color I thought she should use. 'Me?  What color?  Whatever color you choose, dear, will look fabulous' I'd tell her.  When she would ask me my decorating opinion, I'd always tell her I just am the financer and grunt laborer of her visions!  Whatever she touched, sparkled...

And you just never knew what she was going to do next!  I think she even owned stock in Pier One, her favorite store and a source of her inspiration.  She had the chance to work there for two late night Christmas sets and LOVED it!  In fact, she went to work the Sunday night prior to being hospitalized that Tuesday - I remember her coming home around 2 a.m., saying she did not feel very good, but thought between the late night and the pizza she ate, she would feel better the next day.  But there would be many times that I would come home, walk in and just stop dead, wondering 'uh...is this my home?'.  Kim would have rearranged the entire living room or bedroom, moving the heaviest armoirs and furniture by herself!  And she'd always say 'I just wanted to do a little something to brighten up our home...'

But Kim wasn't always a decorating wiz...in fact, when we first moved in together, I had the heavy decorating hand in our first appartment.  An impressive shot glass collection, collected during our adventures and travels, graced the top of our entertainment center.  A framed photo of Clint Eastwood, brandishing his famous "Dirty Harry"  44 magnum was on one wall.  And above our couch, a framed Pink Floyd poster from 'Wish You Were Here'...it was the inner album sleeve with two men in suits shaking hands and one of them is on fire.  It's actually on the front cover of my copy of the CD...sure wish I still had that one.  Anyway, you get the picture.  Kim was not immediately concerned with decor.  In fact, we nearly got evicted because of Kimmy!  One day, our neighbor's hot water, which were located in our closets, burst and flooded the place while we were at work.  Our landlord stopped in our place to make sure our apartment was ok and left me a note saying we had 30 days to get out.  I called her and pleaded with her, but you see, she did not appreciate the fact that Kim did not use a dresser for her clothes - clean and dirty laundry was strewn from one end of our bedroom to the next.  In the kitchen, Kim had made a sandwhich for work and left the lunch meat, pieces of tomato and cucumber, etc all over the counter, etc, etc, etc...neither of us was very worried about the tidiness of our apartment...we had better things to do!  And, I felt my decorating skills were fine...at that time.

 I was able to talk our landlord out of evicting us, and, Kim grew and blossomed into the amazing decorator, housekeeper and home builder that she became.  When we moved to Arizona, she lovingly convinced me that it might be better to leave the shot glasses, Clint Eastwood photo and Pink Floyd poster behind...how could I not agree with her?  She had that way of making you better without you even knowing it, realizing it or even thinking about putting your heals into the dirt.

Recently, I was told that one night, around 3 a.m., our friend Kim, a nurse on her floor, went into Kimmy's room to check on her.  She found Kim crying and asked what she could do?  Kim told her 'you are all angels here'.  Kim told her 'no Kim, you are the angel of our hospital.  You don't even know how you've touched our lives'.  Kim told her she was at peace with where her journey was taking her, but she was so scared for me and the bambini's and asked Kim to be sure we were taken care of.  Sometimes I feel that Kim was put into my life to shape me, make me who I am today, to be able to do what I am doing today...she had that way, she was amazing. And, I have to say, Kim and her whole family have been taking great care of us, just as Kimmy asked them to, checking in daily, helping with the bambini's, and keeping us going.

Yesterday, I travled to Tucson's westside, to a little shop just at the base of 'A' mountain and picked up this statue (thanks Angie for spotting this for me!).  While on that side of town, I was also able to take the opportunity to eat some great chile rellenos, two, which was a bonus.  I always try to find a new hole in the wall place when I am over there, the food and the people are great! I felt that St Francis, gently embracing the birds, was perfect.  Kim so loved to sit on our back porch first thing every morning, chai tea in hand, and delight in the birds singing and playing in our fountain.  This will be the center piece of our nitcho for Kimmy, a sanctuary that the bambini's and I can sit and enjoy when we are in the backyard...with such fond memories of our Kimmy...

Love,

        Dave

"For it is in giving that we receive..."

St. Francis of Assisi

Saint Pius

    Saint Pius lived back in the late 1700's in Italy, and his life was characterized by helping the poor and down trodden, giving people happiness in their darkest hours...much like Kimmy, who truly found the good in everyone she met and brought that to the surface - I think this gift she had, was the reason she was able to touch so many lives, as, when someone brings the good out of you, you cannot help but feel great!
    Today was the first day we went back to St. Pius to go to Mass since Kimmy's celebration.  We had been on church grounds to visit with Father Harry, but not to Mass.  It was difficult, at first, as gravity tried to betray me, but firmly holding Autumn under my left arm and Antonio under my right, like crutches, we made our way to a pew...I held the bambini's tight, just as I did the day of Kimmy's celebration, and, once again, they were my inspiration, my reason to be strong.
     During the Mass, the congregation joined in to sing In Excelis Gloria and, instantly, I was transported back to the Christmas Kim and I were in 7th grade.  I had a very vivid memory of sitting in the auditorium at Nitschmann Jr. High for a Christmas choir performance.  Yes, Kim was in the choir...now, I could see her up on stage, wearing a red gown, looking everybit the angel that she was - she had a beautiful voice too, but rarely could you catch her actually singing, as she was too shy and did not believe her voice was angelic.  They had performed In Excelis Gloria that night and my eyes were locked on Kimmy's as she sang, totally oblivious to anything or anyone else around me - she had that affect on me, to this day.
    After the show, I rushed back stage to embrace her and tell her what a great job she did.  She looked both ways to make sure no one was listening and whispered 'I wasn't really singing, just mouthing the words'.
    
     It's been a challenging transition for the bambini's and I on our new journey...Cody, in particular is feeling the strain.  And I've found some understanding of my wave nightmares and what I'm living through - perhaps the wave has been building up my whole life and I've been riding it perfectly, with Kim as my balance - the cancer was the tidal wave, the breaking point that swept over me, engulfing me, taking my breath, disorienting me as I struggled to save Kimmy and the bambini's and find the surface for just one sweet breath of air, but unable to figure out which way was up...yesterday, I got that breath, thanks to a good friend...I actually slept decently last night - my first since the wave broke on October 19th...6 hours - I've had anywhere between 40 minutes and 5 very broken hours of sleep within a 24 hour period, mostly settling for about 3 hours - so this morning, I had the epiphany - which, after listening to the Gospel reading, having to do with the season of the Epiphany - today, the church celebrates the feast day of the Epiphany.
       After church today, we went to Jerry Bob's for a big breakfast.   Kim loved a good diner, a good 'hole in the wall' type of place - we always loved the food, atmosphere and the people.  Whether at home or traveling, we sought out these hidden gems.  Anderson's Diner on Union Blvd in Allentown, Pa, was a favorite.  We actually went there for Thanksgiving one year - and it was our favorite place to go for late night meals after going to Canon's, another 'hole in the wall' type place in Allentown.  Out here in Tucson, there are some great spots we loved to go - Brawley's, Joe's Pancake House, and Jerry Bob's - they just feel more intimate, more real, like more Kimmy-like.  Sometimes, our instincts were a little off - one time, we were down at Myrtle Beach, S.C. and found a place called P.J's.  Looked like our type of 'hole in the wall' night club.  We should have been tipped off when we entered - there was a lady behind a glass wall who collected a cover charge and buzzed us in to the bar area...we've never been buzzed into any place ever again.  There was a pretty good cover band on that night and we did have fun - but I remember Kimmy's beautiful big eyes getting a size bigger when I came back from the men's room to tell her there was a pretty good fight going on in there while I was going and a lot of blood...we ended up staying till closing and talking to the band, who invited us back to their hotel for an after party...we declined!
       When we got home, we all changed into gardening clothes and went out back, together, the four musketeers.  We began preparing our garden for a 'nitcho', for Kimmy.  Cody dug a footer, I relocated plants and Aut and Tonio removed broken lights.  We'll put in new lights this week and work with our neighbor, Brian, who designed the nitcho, to build it.  Tomorrow, I am going to go statue hunting and Janene and Andrea have provided us with candles for it already.  We talked about how we can talk to mama at any time in any place, but her nitcho will be a great place to come pray, light candles and feel closer to mama.   We'll post a photo when we are done.  It's so nice to work together the garden that Kimmy loved to keep looking so green and lush, with all of her love.
       And, for the first time, I feel like I've hit the beach, I can stand and breath and I've got the bambini's tightly in my loving grasp - thank God for them!  I know there will be days that I feel like I'm back under, twisting and turning in the grip of the wave, but, my friend helped me find the way up, the wave's subsided, for now, I've got my breath...and I still may be lost, but I'm finding my way and can be there more completely for Cody and Autumn and Antonio...Thank you.

      'This child, Jesus, will be a light for revelation'
       Luke 2:32

       Love,
               Dave
 

Happy Birthday Bella!

        Today is Bella's birthday and the bambini's have been busy planning a fun day for her.  Autumn wants to give her a bath (not Bella's choice!) and they want to take her for a long walk in the desert...of course they got her gifts - a new bone, a box of treats and a new squeaky toy.
       Bella has become extra special to our family - a gift from Kimmy.  I know I mentioned before, when our pup, Zona, passed away in March, I wanted to wait for a while before looking for a new puppy...but Kim had been doing her research online, looking for puppies to save.  She found an organization, B.A.R.K. (Baby Animal Rescue Coalition), that really grabbed her heart and the St. Francis in her.  When Kim noticed that they had a litter of lab/border collie mixes, she called B.A.R.K. to see how we might be able to see them
        The young lady at B.A.R.K. told her they currently were at their offices over by the Tucson Mall and we could come by around 2:00.  Kim asked about where the puppies had come from.  The lady told Kim that the pups were from a ranch near Tubac.  Apparently, the rancher's border collie got mixed up with his neighbor's lab and had puppies.  He was planning to use his shotgun to take care of the unwanted litter.  Kim burst into tears and said we have to go see these puppies today!
        When we got there, there were a few other people chosing puppies, but Kim and the kids gravitated to Bella immediately.  She was the runt of the litter, and her little puppy eyes locked in on Kimmy's - and that was that.  Right after Kim picked her up, another couple came in and told her 'if you choose not to take that puppy, we would like her'...Kim smiled at them, tearing up, and said, 'I'm sorry, this is my 'Bella''.
       Although Bella has her mischevious side, her and Kim were inseparable, whether gardening or in the kitchen cooking.  She loved that girl.  And Bella has been so good with the kids since day one.  They love to wrestle with her, throw her a ball and take her for walks.
      The house is definitely colder without Kimmy here, but we sure are blessed that she insisted on getting Bella, who has put smiles on all of our faces.  Today we celebrate Bella and we'll know that Kimmy is watching down on us smiling...
      Love,
               Dave

Happy New Year, again...

   We had a nice time with our neighbors, Betsey, Brian, Amy, Tom and their children, ringing in the New Year together...all of the kids had so much fun, but Cody and Antonio didn't quite make it to midnight...And so, it was only Autumn and I who made it to see in the New Year...and we went outside, into the cold night, to wish mama good night and to wish her a Happy New Year...

   I'll never forget how Kim used to seek me out on New Year's Eve, making sure she was close to give me a kiss precisely as it turned midnight...I sure missed that tonight...

   Happy New Year,

                    Dave

Happy New Year

   The bambini's and I would like to wish you all a safe and Happy New Year - may you make some of the best holiday memories tonight!! 
   We have so many of the great, family New Year's we have spent with friends and neighbors over the years...we always like to stay home or walk next door to be with friends, make some good food to share and play games.  Kim always took things up a notch, as you might imagine, whether bringing her Tuscan bean dip, twice baked potato skins or some other cullinary masterpiece!  And for the kids, well, you can imagine that they all had hats to wear, necklaces, noismakers, etc.  She'd also get them their own bottle of bubbly to pop at midnight and make special desserts - like mini tiramisu.  When they were younger, she'd lead them in a parade around the house, outside to set off poppers and back through the whole house, the kids squealing and following her lead.
    In the morning, on New Year's Day, she'd typically make us a big breakfast - french toast using panetone, handmade at Viro's Italian Bakery - thanks Vito!, bacon, hashbrowns and coffee.
    Kim taught me, over the years, that family truly comes first.  I used to want to do something fun, exciting, exhilerating on New Year's Eve every year...and Kim came to show me, that being with my family is all that, especially when you leave a lasting, good memory, in the minds of your children.
    When we were still dating, we'd like to get downtown Philly to see the mummer's parade - if you've never seen that, it is majestic and comical all at once - try you tubing it to see if it comes up.  We'd have a lot of fun in Philly, watching the parade, the people and then walking the streets looking for another great place to grab a bite to eat.
     Before we built the beautiful family we have, we'd enjoy going out to eat on New Year's Eve and then finding a place to be alone to ring in the New Year together.  Although, sometimes we'd get together with her sister Terri and her husband Todd, which was always a good time too.  I remember we all got a hotel room together once and stayed up until the wee hours of the morning and Terri and I both had to go to work fairly early on New Year's Day, but we didn't let it slow us down!
    They've all been fun...but none so memorable or special as the ones we've shared with our children, as family, staying home or nearby to enjoy being together.
     We'll continue that tradition tonight, with neighbors and friends coming to our home, to ring in the New Year with the bambini's and me...Cody has cleaned up the garage and made some fun games for the kids to play together.  Mostly revolving around the plethora of Nerf guns they got for Christmas!  They'll play ping pong, too.  I did remember to pick them up their own bottle of bubbly, too.
     This morning, as we ate breakfast at Bruegger's, we talked about how we looked forward to 2011, putting 2010 behind us...the hopes we have, for school, for friends and for each other...and these guys have a lot of that...hope.
      Thank you for all that you did for our family in 2010...and, once again, Happy New Year!

      Love,
           Dave
 'In the Lord, I put my trust...'
                      Psalm 11

On Tidal Waves...

    Ok, so today was a pretty rough day for the bambini's and me...don't worry, we know we'll have them and everyone tells us we will - we made it the best that we could.  Here's a story about a reoccurring nightmare that I've had since I was very young...please, if anyone feels like psycho-analyzing this one, do not read this story...or at least, do not post a reply...this is part of my journey...

     Starting with today, Grammie and Grandpa Jim made their way back to Pennsylvania...it was a sad goodbye and the weather was most bizarre, with snow showers and driving wind.  Until we approached the airport, when the wind settled down and the sun cut through the storm clouds above the airport.  The bambini's were pretty quiet, they will miss Grammie and Grandpa Jim, having had a lot of fun and comfort from them.  They have been a great help.
     When we left the airport, we headed down to 4th ave on the southside to pick up Kimmy's death certificates.  We talked about it on the way there...and the bambini's wanted to know why they have to call it a 'death certificate' - we are certainly discovering the cold side to losing a loved one, the bureaucratic, red tape required by so many.  We all went into Desert Rose Mortuary, the new 4 musketeers.  Afterward, again, we tried to make the best of the gray weather and our sadness and went to Micha's, right across from the dog track.  We were able to enjoy a meal and each other's company - these little bambini's are so inspirational!  We picked up some skates for Autumn and prepared for another night at Skate Country.
This helped cheer the kids up - Angie, Andrea, Kristie and Janene arranged for it and all of their kids were there and this time, our neighbors, Betsey, Brian, Amy and Tom and their kids all went.  Everyone skated and it helped Cody, Autumn and Tonio.  We are so blessed to have the love and support of wonderful friends and neighbors!
  
          But back to the dream, well nightmare...I've always had bad dreams involving tidal waves.  Usually, I'm at the beach, enjoying the day, sometimes with Kim or the kids.  The waves are always beautiful, seagulls in the air, when, out of nowhere, will come a monster wave, engulfing everything. I've woken Kim up screaming, coming up from these dreams, thrashing as I try to find the surface...
         I need to tell you I have no fear of water.  I love to swim.  In the Atlantic Ocean, I always enjoyed swimming the 30 yards or so out to the sand bar during low tide and riding the waves back to shore.  On both coasts, I always love going out on a boogie board or doing some body surfing.  I do not have any memories of a bad experience in the water to explain the dreams.
         Recently, I had one where Tonio and I were sitting on a bench on the beach.  Watching the waves break, Tonio was feeding seagulls and the day was perfect.  He began to tell me something and I leaned in to listen.  When I looked back to the sea, the wave towered over us, casting a dark shadow - it crashed before I could reach out and save Tonio...I could see him somersaulting through the water and could not quite reach him...
          A few years ago, we took a family trip to San Diego and went up the coast a bit to La Jolla to see if we could find any seals to show the kids.  The surf was pretty rough, as there had been some storms at sea.  We told the kids they could build sandcastles and play near the surf, but not to go in.  Kim, Tonio and I were on a blanket further away from the water's edge, enjoying the sun and watching Tonio dig, creating a fort for himself.  I glanced toward Cody and Autumn, who were trying to fill their buckets for their sandcastle they were building.  Little Autumn had her back to the surf and, just like in one of my nightmares, a huge wave was cresting.  It broke, sweeping them both right off of their feet.  Cody quickly regained himself and ran to safety.  Autumn went under and was quickly heading towards the sea.  Unlike in one of my bad dreams, I sprung up and sprinted towards where I'd seen Aut go under - and again, unlike in nightmares, I've never run faster, scooping her up, just as she was about to be pummeled by another wave, which crashed down on my shoulders, but I kept my legs pumping up the beach, never faltering.  Autumn had taken in some water, but she was ok.
           The wave dream comes and goes...I do not know what triggers it, as it happens during periods that are good and ones that are stressful, equally...and it's not as if they happen often, either.  Sometimes, it can be years between them.  But, it usually plays out the same, I can't save anyone with me or myself...
           While Kim was pregnant with Antonio, we took Cody and Autumn to San Diego to go to Sea World, the San Diego Zoo and to Mission Beach.  They absolutely loved Sea World (I promised them we'd try to get there this summer), especially the dolphin petting tank and the dolphin show.  Cody likes the rafting ride there quite a bit, too.  The Philly Zoo was always are favorite, followed closely by the Baltimore Zoo and then San Diego.  We were actually members of the Phoenix Zoo for a few years, going up 3 or 4 times a year to see a sporting event, staying over night and taking the kids to the zoo in the morning.  And, we've been members of the Reid Park Zoo, here in Tucson, since about 1997. 
           On this particular trip to San Diego, Kim had another surprise for us...she had bought whale watching tickets.  The boat would cruise around the Sand Diego Harbor, before heading out to sea.  Cody and Autumn were excited, and so was I...again, I have no fear of water or the ocean.  But, the area had been hit pretty hard by storms and the harbor had some pretty good sized swells coming in.  We were all given life jackets and the boat headed out to harbor...it was a little rough, but we were enjoying the day, watching seals swim and keeping an eye out for a whale.  As we got closer to where the harbor met the bay, the size of the waves began to increase.  The waves were around 8-10' high as we entered the ocean and rising.  By now, I had Cody and Autumn in headlocks...the captain began turning the boat into the waves to prevent captsizing and the announced that the waves were getting to big and we were turning back - we would be given a full refund.  When we made it back, I overheard the captain say, he thought the waves were between 12-14' high in the ocean...
            When we got off of the boat, I realized I had never shared with Kim my tidal wave dreams.  She was so sweet, saying she would never had booked the trip if she had known...but, I told her, I'd go back out on a calm day, I really wanted to see the whales!  But, that day, I was fearful that Cody or Autumn would get tossed overboard by the rough seas.
           Well, I had the dream again the night Kimmy passed...and I had some level of understanding...the tidal wave had come, for real...in this nightmare, I was able to scoop up all three bambini's, keeping them safe and not losing them, like I had previously in every other nightmare...but, I could not save Kimmy.  I thought I could.  I bathed her, washed her hair, fed her, helped her walk, held her hand at her bedside, brought her cool drinks, ice packs, enjoyed her company and gave her her medications, including the twice daily injections of Lovenox, the blood thinner that her cancer outsmarted...and, while I was kneeling down, like the day I proposed to Kim, getting ready to give her a shot, she told me 'you are my knight in shining armor'...but, I wasn't, I couldn't be, no matter how much I did, it wasn't enough and as the wave engulfed me - I clung to the bambini's and reached for Kimmy's hand...but I couldn't hold on...she slipped away...as in my dreams, I never saw the tidal wave coming...
            The death certificate brought home that reality with a cold finality today...as I walked out, with my copies in my hand, I wanted to shout out 'what the hell happened?'...not with any anger, mind you, just shock.  Swirling around beneath the water, clinging to the bambini's. It's one of those things that never happens to you, always to someone else, yet here I was leading my three little ones across a bleak parking lot, under a gray sky, with a piece of paper that I needed to prove their mother had passed...  Instead of shouting, I grabbed all three in a large embrace and told them "I'm here for you, now and always.  We are together, here for each other.  And mama is watching over us now and will help to guide us."  Then I told them it was too cold and we should move somewhere warmer, which got them all smiling and offering suggestions...'how about the equator?' Tonio chimed in.  We moved on to our lunch at Micha's...
            Since Kimmy passed, I have made it a habit to spend some time out back, after the house was quiet, searching the stars for Kimmy.  Telling her about our day and listening for her advice.  Before going back in each night, I tell her how much I love her.  How much I miss her.  And pray for her.  Tonight, we started doing this together, as a family and the bambini's are so sweet in their wishes for their mama 'I hope you are warm in Heaven' Autumn calls out.  'Good night, don't let the bed bugs bite' Tonio yells...I tell him, there are no biting bed bugs in Heaven...that makes him very happy.  Cody whispers 'Sweet dreams'...
          So we end a dark day on a bright note, just like Kimmy would have wanted us too...

"She brings to him good, not harm, all the days of her life.  Give her the reward she has earned and let her works bring her praise at the city gate"
         Proverbs 31:10-12

          Love,
              Dave