Halloween '13

                           I never got around to writing or posting pictures this Halloween. I'm no longer a big fan of this time of year.  The holiday's stretching, seemingly taunting me, from now until New Year's. Each week bringing a new anniversary, a reminder.
                          It's alarming how fast Halloween came and went.  I had Cody pull down the decorations at the beginning of October, determined to celebrate this holiday in Kimmy fashion...I had the bambini carefully unpack the assorted ghosts, ghouls and goblins that Kim had put together over the years and place them about the house where they liked...And, I resisted the urge to reposition any of them!
                       We typically did not put out the outdoor decorations until the day of Halloween and the bags of pumpkins, etc lay waiting in the garage...only, they never made it out.  We did not make it to the pumpkin patch for the first time ever - the kids were so gracious about it. "It's really ok Dad." Autumn told me...

                       Halloween day, I finally ran down to Walmart...WALMART!?!?! (you know I'm broken...running low!!) and picked out a pumpkin for each kid....and candy for Cody to hand out.  For the last few years, he has stayed home, transformed the front of our house into a haunted house and scared trick-or-treaters.  This year, he told me that he was going to see a movie with his buddies...the thrill had worn off.

                   We were invited to haunt in Lupe and Manny's neighborhood with Monsi...I LOVE Monsi's zombie costume!!!  This girl and Tonio are best buds, she has the greatest personality!!  Autumn dusted off, literally, Kim's Cruella DeVil costume and ROCKED it!!  Complete with makeup she did herself.  Tonio pieced together an old Cody costume (which Lupe had to make last minute emergency alterations on because his bones kept falling off!!).  I had taken these guys out costume hunting to several places...they looked carefully, and after much consideration, told me they were going to put together costumes from the box of old costumes in our garage.  I overheard them talking about price..."I'm not having Dad spend $30 on a costume I'll only wear one night and that I'm not even that crazy about." Tonio told Autumn.  Autumn not only agreed, but told Tonio she thought the same thing but wasn't going to say anything in case he saw a costume he really wanted!!!

                            Preparing to trick or treat at Lupe's house

Leaving Lupe and Manny's garage to score some candy.  As little trick or treater's approached, gleefully shouting "Trick or Treat!!"  I tried to school them, telling them to just scream "Treat!!"  cuz did they really want a trick?  Seriously, no one is in it for the tricks, just the treats!  The kids had so much fun with Monsi - it made their Halloween!

Autumn felt honored to wear Kim's favorite costume...she looked so good!

                                           Tonio wore Cody's old alien costume to a neighborhood function we went to the weekend before Halloween with our neighbor's Rachel and Dave.
                                          The kids had a blast walking the streets with Monsi near our old neighborhood and collected a ton of candy!!
                                         The weekend after Halloween, we finally found a minute to breathe...and carve the pumpkins!!

Bella helped out!!  I never did quite catch up in time for the holiday...it amazes me how quickly the time goes...I know what to 'fall by the wayside' means. But, the kids had fun and reassure me that it was a good Halloween!

Autumn has done an amazing job on the soccer field!!  Her and Lexy, may very well be the smallest two on the field, but both play with such heart and determination (Lexy scored the team's first goal on Autumn's assist!!).  Autumn is #4 in this shot and Lexy has a foot on the ball.  They have been so fun to watch.

And here's Tonio, in the ring, in his second sparring match.  He's such a hard worker!!

I had a neat shot of Cody driving us around Sunday, but our computer is last legging it (another 'by the wayside' example), so I'll have to try to put that one up a different night....

 WAIT!!! Got it!!  Between the dilapidated laptop and the dying PC, I managed to cross morgify this photo to Kim's blog!!

The nice thing about having Cody learn to drive, is, that he wants to go everywhere with us...so he can drive!!  It's nice to have his company and he is doing a fantastic job on the road!

These kids keep me going...

But, if anyone knows a good/cheap landscaper, to help me catch back up and/or carpenter...and computer wizard...I'm starting to get buried.  A bit.

Today, after my 10 hour shift, I went to get a crown put on.  At our new dentist.  Our dentist of 20 years, Dr. Jack, has retired.  His wife, Jane, had helped us find our first home and referred us to her husband when I needed a crown back in 1994.  They were like family to us.

As I sat in the chair, waiting for our busy new dentist, I lay looking out the large window at a rambling rose bush.  Many sparrows darted in and out of the beautiful bush...I got a sense of what Kim tried to describe to me one day, while on the 5th floor of St. Joseph's...after a long night, made more tolerable by the kind visit of RN Kim (Andrea's sister), who works overnight there.

Kim told me to look out the window.  At the trees.  And the birds.  And to notice the breeze, slightly bending the branches...

"I love to watch the birds.  And to see the mountains."  She said to me.  "But, I wish I could hear the birds.  And feel the breeze.  And smell the trees..." 

I sat there, straining to hear the birds at play.  And the wind.  I could not.  Sitting there, I could feel what Kim did - the frustration, desperation...and it reminded me of sitting next to her in the hospital, looking out the window as she enjoyed doing, imagining her straining her ears to be able to hear the slightest bird chirp, or wind through the trees...

My crown was a challenging one.  As I dug deep to ward off the pain and have patience, I asked Kim for help...soon, I noticed that the billowy white clouds, had formed into what appeared to be a large, white dove...and just at that moment, the dentist was successful in removing my temp crown and fitting my new. 

I thanked her.

When I left his office, I breathed deep the air...and stopped to watch the sparrows and hear them sing, with the majestic Catalina's rising in the background....

3 years

 It's been three years, today (I began writing this post on 10/19, sometimes life gets in the way!), since Kim went into the hospital...diagnosed with a bad gall bladder...and didn't come home.  She just didn't.

   It wasn't what we planned. 

   "I will probably die tripping over our great grand kids Tonka truck when we are in our 90's"  She told me.

    That night, just dragged on and on...From the time I met her at St Joseph's ER around lunch time...til they did xrays, sonograms, blood tests...putting her in a hospital bed in the hall, no rooms available and the man in the bed next to her babbling incoherently...
    I cannot describe to you the look in Kimmy's eyes that night...full of concern, pain, wanting. 

    She'd always had things under control.  And such a great perspective on life, enjoying the moment, never getting too hung up if things didn't work out quite the way she imagined.

       "I'm a plan B person" she'd tell me.  That way, no matter what happened, she'd have a happy ending.

         There was no plan B for this.

         Autumn...asks me 'Does it seem weird to you Mama's gone?  Cuz it seems weird to me!'

 

She's still right here, I tell Aut.  Her beauty is in our memories and our dreams.

 

'I don't get it Dad...why Mom?'

 

There's no 'getting it'.  To try to 'get it', is to bring on insanity.  I told Autumn that we were blessed with Mama in our lives.  I believe these things happen to help us appreciate what we do have.

 

 

And this little guy...coming into his own.  Always caring for others first.  Seen here with his Mama on July 4th 2010....timebomb ignited within...

 

                    I don't think I've ever posted this one.  Kim looks spectacular!!!  Love the bambini in this one too, Autumn holding my tea, Lil Kim...Tonio's unbridled happiness...Cody, in the 'Joe Cool' shades, flipped back ball cap (and broken collar bone)...

 

Oh man...I DEFINITELY out ran my punt coverage!!!! 

 

 

What have I learned after three years?  Grace?  Maybe.  I'd sure like to go back and have a few 'do overs'.  I was a bit of a train wreck.  It's as they say, 'you are always the last one to know when you are at your lowest'.  How  to 'bear my cross'?  A little better, perhaps. It's still heavy.

 

I don't know. 

 

 

 

 

Cody comes to me Monday evening, excited.  Animated. 

 

"I got the new Eminem Dad!"

 

'But, it's not out until tomorrow...' I begin, stopping myself, since Cody is the master of getting us tunes, why am I asking?   He knows.  These tunes, they bond us.  We get each other like never before. He's become such a young man - I can imagine how proud Kim would be of him...

...and the driving thing.  Well, she didn't want him to drive until he was 18.

 

"16 year olds have too much on their minds to drive!" she believed.

 

We struck a deal.  Maintain A's and B's and he could get it by 17 years old.  He's done his share, so last week, we went down to the MVD and signed him up.  That place is an adventure in itself.  I often wonder if the MVD was created by the folks who brought us Walmart....or the other way around perhaps?  The people watching is fabulous, complete with Buddhist monks in full regalia, young men cheating on their permit tests, even taking pictures of the screen!  We ended up making three, fun filled trips.  Cody failed his first attempt.  Studied hard and partnered with Andrea's son, David, to prepare and go the second time.  Well, we ended up getting to the MVD at 4:35 only to be told "you have to be here by 4:30 at latest to take a test - you should bring the boys around 3:00." a compassionateless lady informed us.  "uh...then I'd have to take them out of school early." I replied.  She treated me to a shrug.

So, that third time, on Halloween, with Breanna in tow for good luck, we tried again...And Cody nailed it!

Now he is on the road and doing a great job!  I always thought it would be Kim doing the teaching when the time came for the kids to drive, as I did not believe my patience could handle such an endeavor...So far so good!

 

 

 

We continue to honor and remember Kim every day, every chance we get.  We went to the Dia de los Muertes celebration downtown on Sunday for the third year in a row.  Behind Breanna, Tonio and Autumn, there is a band playing.  There was an enormous parade, with floats and people dressed up.  On the side of one of the larger buildings, a slide show of loved ones who have passed away was on a continuous loop.  The kids liked the huge stage with Aztec dancers and other performers.  It was breath taking - the feel was electric.

 

And somewhat surreal....another example of it being 'thin' between here and There...

 

 

More and more, as the third year approaches, I am drawn to San Xavier Mission...always lighting candles...and finding comfort in the peaceful surroundings where we were married.

 

Three years...these two months, it does come back, unbidden. It was a lifetime ago...yet, it feels like yesterday.

Each day, I am thankful for all we had.  This year, I've run across parents who have lost children, one passing at the tender age of 6 from, you guessed it, cancer.  And divorce - I am grateful that Kim and I were in love, never had to face infidelity, falling out of love, separating with children, etc.  Of course, there have been other people that I've met this year who lost a spouse - some of them suddenly, with no chance to say goodbye.  I am reminded daily, that there is always someone else who has had it worse.

 

We continue our nightly ritual of going out back to say goodnight to Kim, blowing kisses to the stars.  The bambini like to pop in a movie, to fall asleep to, as Kim used to..."Let's watch a show to fall asleep" she'd say.  Invariably, it's a Disney classic that they choose, knowing those were Kim's favorites.  Tonight, it's Peter Pan.  George and Martha, the parents, reminding me of Kim and I.  Me loosing patience with the kids, as George does at the beginning and Kim making everything ok.  Wendy reminds me of Autumn.  "I kinda feel sorry for Wendy.'  Autumn commented tonight.  "Why?"  "Well, she has so much responsibility, taking care of the boys and all, and she's only 13."  Lost upon her is the irony of her comment.  She is Wendy!  I couldn't tell her at that moment, that she does even more than Wendy for our family. 

The other piece of Peter Pan that brings Kim to mind, is that you need a 'happy thought' to be able to fly.  Kim always liked to refocus us with 'Where's your happy thought?' if one of us were down or upset.

 

I still go back, revisit those days she was sick and wonder what I could have done differently.  And, looking back on the wonderous years we shared together, I still scratch my head and ask myself how I pulled that off.  Kim Ardle?  I married Kim Ardle??  I married Kim Ardle!

 

Seriously.

 

 

 

 

"Yesterday is gone.  Tomorrow has not yet come.  We have only today."

                                                         -Mother Teresa

 

 

 

 

 

The space between here and There

             Today was one of those days where between here and there was thin.

             If you have ever lost someone close to you, you know what I mean.

              In the cool, crisp Autumn air, I could feel Kim this morning, as I ran my circle, taking first Tonio to Cottonwood (and just squeaking in the back gate, as Kim used to say, before the bell rang) and then over to Desert Sky to drop Autumn.  Mr. Edwards greeted us curbside, broad smile, hand shake - a reminder of the support Kim had, his wife, Jenna, an RN, ready to assist Kim at home, to nurse her back to health...
             When I drop Autumn, before she leaps to the sidewalk, she quickly turns to me, holding a Mary medallion towards my lips...
            
               "Did you kiss Mary today?"  she asks, her brilliant blue eyes searching mine...

                 Those eyes....Those eyes, so like her Mama's...but I don't need to tell you that.

                "Do you have to go into work right away Dad?"  she asks.  She's so worried about the amount of time I put in.

                 "No honey, I'm off to Mass at the Mission."  I tell her.

                  And the concern is gone in a flash - she's lit up like the sun coming over the Rincon Mountains at dawn.

                 "Lucky!"  She squeals in her best Napoleon Dynamite voice, genuinely excited for me, knowing it's the best way for me to start my day.

                  And it can be.

                   Today it was.  I was compelled to stop in the gift shop, instead of going towards the little history of the Mission museum a few doors down, to get my candles (always one for Kim and a friend).  I like to buy them at the museum, because the kind lady who peddles them always shares a 'secret Mission fact' with me.  In a conspiratorial way.  Like:
           
                     "Those candles you buy?  Do you know what they mean?"  She looks at me from behind her candle laden counter, smiling.

                       "Uh...that I want to light them?"  It's early.  No caffeine.  Yet.

                     "The Virgin Mary of Guadalupe and the San Xavier Mission candles are for special intentions.  The Father Kino and St. Jude are for the critically ill." 

                         I'm enlightened....delicately choosing a Mary and a San Xavier.  They will work.

                       But today, I'm drawn to the gift shop, where they only have the San Xavier candles.  Which will work.  And further, instead of just getting the candles at the front cashier, I need to go back into the shop, where the crucifixes, statues and biblical books are...I'm drawn...and I see, among the statues of angels...

                   I buy it, with the notion it is for Autumn...from Kim.

                    I take my candles, first to the main church, before Mass begins, up to the altar for Mary.  As I pray, thanking the Lord for Kim.  And the mother that she was.  And the wife that she was.  And the best friend too...I felt warm and peace coming over me - as if my prayers were being answered right now.  Kim was there.

                     Anyone who has ever lost someone close to you.  So close.  As close as the ocean's waves are to the sands of the beach, intertwined - so close, you cannot separate the two...you know what I mean.  I could feel her.  So, she was there.

                     I finished and headed to the side chapel dedicated to Mary, where Kim's smiling picture patiently waits through the days and the nights.  Toni was there, cleaning, always keeping Kimmy up front on the altar.  And dusted.  I embrace her and tell her - 'Kimmy's here.'  She knows.  And she fills me with stories, from the reservation.

                      I believe that Ivan and Toni, keepers of the Mission, know things.  Things that I can only suspect.  They are more in touch with their loved ones that have passed before them.  They lovingly relate to me stories...and happenings.

                      And when they are done..."Hurry, Mass is starting!"  Toni urges, breaking the bond.

                       The Father tells us it is St Teresa of Avila's Feast Day.  He described her life as one of helping others and urged us to walk away with the desire to do the same...Somehow, I'm feeling it's Kim, channeling, reaching out to me, as bits and pieces of our wedding day flash before me...but it's not sadness, or longing, that comes with these memories - but warmth and knowing that the moments that I am reliving were as monumentous to me as any miracle. 

                        I carry these feelings home with me, delighting in them...and choose to place Autumn's Mary on her desk, where she is sure to find it...

                        And I'm right - she texts me a picture of it and asks:

                         "What's this from?"

                        I'm working late...

                          "Mission"  I answer.

                       "That's pretty!"

                          "I'm pretty sure it's from your Mama..."

                           "When I saw it, that's what I thought too!!"  she exclaimed.  "Because it was sitting right next to my journal."  She still writes to Kim.  Every day.  About her day and how we are doing and what we did and who helped us through our day...

                           "How's it look?"  She needs to know...

 

 

                          As I wrapped up the busy day, getting home close to midnight, I logged onto email...

Hey Dad!
You are even sweeter dad! Mom would be so proud of you. The only reason I'm like this is because you and mom are such great role models and so caring and giving. Thanks so much for everything dad. :) Hope you had a great day today dad! Soccer was good but by the time we got home tonight I felt like I was going to fall over with exhaustion! Soccer for about 2 hours is hard work after a day of school! I hope I'll be ready for the championship games because I hear we don't get much of a break between games and they are hard work! well, hope you sleep good! Thanks again for my statue! I love it! Sweet dreams! Good night, love you.


Love, Autumn
xoxoxoXXooXOoxXooOx ;)

---

Subject: Re: Good night!
Date: Mon, 14 Oct 2013 23:34:56 -0700

You are sweet Autumn!!  I know that you make Mama so proud of you everyday  and me too!!  Love you!!  Dad

From: Ciao Bella 

Sent: Monday, October 14, 2013 10:20 PM

To: Dad

Subject: Good night!

Hey Dad!
Hope your day was good even though it was so long. Did you eat dinner? Hope you did! :) That's not fair though that you had to work pretty much all day, at least 12 hours! You can't keep doing that Dad! Well, I hope you get good rest. Love you lots! Sweet dreams, good night!


Love, Autumn

 

           Autumn gets it.  She knows.  

 

           She's so caring and deep like her Mama - brings me to my knees sometimes.

 

           Some days it's just thinner.  Whether it's hummingbirds that linger, clouds that flash pinks/oranges as the day prepares to end or that feeling of warmth and love deep in your heart...

 

            Today was one of those days....

 

Dangerous Type

Watering the pots out front the other day, a passer by mentioned 'Kimmy clouds'...

 

How about Kimmy tunes?

                                               Chuy's, Tuesday night - playing the '80's...

 

Absolutely Kimmy...Especially the ocean scenes...so alive...

 

And then, I heard this one....

 

 

Sometimes, these classics bring such vivid memories...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Swim for Kim!

       The Kimberly Conca Fund....administered by Carondelet.  When Kimmy passed, of course I was devastated.  She was an amazing person - always optimistic, upbeat and a good word for everyone.  She gave and gave and gave to our schools, church and community in so many ways.  She could not say no - she believed in people helping people to make our world a better place.  And she never grew weary or complained. 

      As Volunteer Coordinator at Rincon Vista Middle School - she worked on the clock 15 hours per week and put in 40 hours to help the school and district.  "You are your own best volunteer!" she was told.  She LOVED it!!

     The beautiful thing about Kim was, no matter how much she gave, she never expected anything in return.  She was so humble, she was embarrassed by thanks and praise.

      To keep her giving spirit alive, the bambini and I decided to start a foundation in her name to keep giving back to Tucson, as Kim would have wanted.  But where to start?  I looked into starting an entity on my own, but, I could not focus through the grief to get through the myriad of red tape and government requirements.  I looked to national cancer groups, and found that advertising and administrative costs would eat away about 60 cents of every dollar before it got to the people who needed help and I would have no control over where in the country the remaining 40 cents would be used.

      I researched and researched before deciding on Carondelet.  They administer Kim's Fund for me cost free.  So, 100% of every dollar goes to help people.  AND every penny stays here in Tucson!  I have been able to spearhead the fund raising, determining what the larger need is, and have those funds allocated directly.  Immediate help and I get to do the best part - work with our incredible and generous community!!  No red tape to filter through my fog.

       We've done a lot of neat events!  And, through your generosity, raised $10K towards the new all faiths chapel at St. Joseph's Hospital....where we found ourselves today...running the stairs, as we had done so many times that Kim was in the hospital...the bambini wanted to see the nurses, doctors and technicians who had helped their Mama while she battled cancer at St. Joe's.  And, they were rewarded...We stopped in at ICU, and Autumn would not go past the waiting room (where the phone of nightmares still waited on the desk)...She asked that Tonio and I go on, and if we found Deborah and Vivian, we should come get her. We went to ICU East, where Kim spent most of her time while in ICU.  They told us Deborah had just gone to lunch and Vivian was working in either West or North.  We went to West...nothing.  We went to North and were told that Vivian just went to lunch, but they'd let her know we were there.  They were taking lunch together.. Deborah and Vivian ran out to get Aut and then took Autumn and Tonio into the breakroom and gave them bowls of Rocky Road ice cream.  These two work tirelessly to take care of patients, put a smile on their face and help them on their road to recovery.





     After our visit, and run back down the spiraling stair case...I took the kids to see the chapel...and the paver that says "Cody, Autumn and Tonio Conca...in loving memory of our mom, Kim"

      Here they are at the entrance, just north of the Outpatient entrance - there is a wall with Kim's name on it.

                 (can you spot Kimmy's name just to the right of Tonio's shoulder?  And yes, Autumn is wearing one of Kim's tshirts!)

      Another $6K was raised for those diagnostic machines on wheels that they roll into patient's rooms, hook it up to their index finger and take their heart rate, etc - Vivian tried several times to teach me technical name for these, but it escapes me.  The rest, so far, has been used for families, with loved ones in a Carondelet facility, who are having trouble with groceries, gas, medical bills...they can apply for a $250 grant through Carondelet and Kim's Fund. 

       Deborah and Vivian would like some new recliners for ICU.  They are down to 1.  They vividly recall the joy it brought Kim to be able to get out of her bed and sit in a recliner.  It gave her back her freedom, for a brief moment.  Made her feel like a functioning human again.  She could not sit in the regular chairs that they have, it was too painful.  For me, my hours visiting were made so much more pleasant in a comfortable recliner - catching a nap when I could, watching tv with Kim...in the regular chairs, I could sit about an hour.  So, that's what we will be working towards.

         And, if you can't make it out to help at Breakers, but would still like to donate, you can! 

If friends and family would like to donate with a credit card we have two options:

1.      They can call the Foundation 873-5000 and give their information over the telephone

2.      They can go to our website: www.carondelet.org

 

If they would like to send their donation by check, the address is:

Carondelet Foundation

120 N. Tucson Blvd.

Tucson, AZ 85716

The check should be made payable to the Kimberly Conca Fund.

 

You can also give checks/cash to me and I will run it over to their office!

 

      They will send you a letter that you can use when preparing your taxes.  If any large donors need the Fund's tax ID #, let me know and I can provide that!

 

     I don't know what else to tell you...Kim was everything to us...everything.  Her Fund, helping people, helps us....

 

      Please let me know if you have any questions OR ideas on what we can do next!!!

 

                                                      Thank you!!

 

                                                                  Dave



 

 

The end of summer

                                     The world can be a lot better than we settle for...

                         I tried to not settle  the last couple weeks and reach deep for energy and inspiration...and, of course, help from so many of you good people, to help the bambini's summer end on a high note.
                         'Tried to not settle' doesn't come close - the bambini are so special, I was determined to make highlight of their highlights and not waste a moment of their time off....beginning with Mary and Ami taking them to Golf 'N Stuff!

 

One of the 'Greatest Times', according to the bambini and their tribe!  It must have been 100 degrees out, but these golfers braved the elements (and thanked God for the shade, not to mention Mary being 8 months pregnant!) and put in 18 holes.  Golf 'N Stuff is always a big hit with these guys.

 

Tonio informed me that we had 32 days straight of 100 degrees or higher.  So, one day, we just turned the sprinklers on in the back yard.  Bella truly enjoys the spray and playing with her kids.  Autumn tries out the Super Soaker Andrea got Tonio for his birthday on Bella, while Tonio engages Bella with a soccer ball.  That girl has mad skills. She can leap high and pluck that soccer ball out of the sky - it's beautiful to watch.  And the kids howl with laughter...

 

I took the kids as close to 'A' Mountain as possible on the 4th of July and we sat in the back of my pick up.  Autumn took pictures of the display and the kids delighted in the small brush fires that popped up on the mountainside.  Not to mention the home fireworks displays spontaneously erupting around us in the residential areas!

 

 

Back to School????  WHERE DID THE SUMMER GO???  One day, I had to go to Phoenix for my performance review.  I decided to take Tonio and Aut with me, so we could hit the outlet mall, just south of Phoenix for back to school shopping.  All the bambini got brand new Pumas.  Autumn took this shot of the plaza.

 

Another day, the girls decided they just wanted to stay home and hang out.  Watch movies on Netflix. Relax, lay low.... And make kettlecorn!  Lexy found a recipe on her phone and the girls went to town making it.  They were fun to watch, especially as the corn began to pop at full speed!!  Unfortunately, most of the kernels burned...but, the bright side was, we went to Viro's for dinner!

 

Forgot to mention on Tonio's birthday, 7/11...the convenience store 7-11 offers free Slurpees!!  He loves this, and we always tell him that it's all for his birthday.  Cody wanted me to tell the employees that not only was it Tonio's birthday, but he was born in a 7-11....just to see if they'd hook him up with more free stuff!  Autumn spotted this new soda and snapped this shot.

 

 

Back to back to school preparedeness (if that is a word).  From time to time, I need to put on my 'Mom's Hat' and take care of Autumn's needs...(Kim has taught me so many 'household tricks' - Use club soda to polish chrome. To remove cherry stains, rub them with tomato and wash as usual. The key is not to panic. To pick up broken glass from a jimmied window or broken shot glass, you can blot up even the tiniest shards with a piece of bread and so forth).  All she wanted to do, to get ready for school and have one final fun day, was get her nails done with Lexy, Breanna and Chloe...I managed to talk Angie into joining me, marking one of the very few times that I've had adult supervision with me and the bambini on our outings since Kimmy passed!  And Angie and her girls did a lot, over the summer, to include these guys in their plans - it was great having her along as we took the kids all over town for the day!

 

 

Chloe, Lexy and Breanna wanted pedicures, which I learned was to have their toenails done.

 

Autumn went with a manicure.  Fingernails.  Huh.

You can see Tonio, patiently sitting on the couch waiting.  At one point, Lexy, Chloe and Autumn's principal, Micah Mortensen, stuck his head in the door and said 'Aha!  I knew you came here to get your nails done!'....I said 'Yep.  And what time is your appointment?'  He was actually taking his children to the pizza place next door, NY Pizza - Kim and I frequented this 'joint'.  Great pizza, picnic tables and video games for the kids.

Afterwards, we rewarded Tonio's patience by taking him to Toys R Us!  He had gift cards from Kim and Janene burning a hole in his pocket.  Breanna, Autumn, Lexy and Chloe settled in while he shopped.

 

He came out with a dragon Lego set and some eyeball character for his Wii game, Skylanders!!  We sent this pic as a thank you to Janene and Kim.

Finally, we took them all to Starbucks for some nice drinks to end our day!

 

 

Mary and Ami had already taken these guys to Breakers Water Park, but they insisted that I take them too....They make fine little pirates!

 

Tonio, David, Brendon and Cody wait for the wave pool to start cranking up some surf!

 

Autumn getting ready to swim!  They had a great time, although Tonio go pretty sunburned!  David, Brendon and Cody went on all of the slides, while Autumn and Tonio preferred the wave pool.  They got me to ride some tubes with them, which was fun. 

It is a lot more relaxing, now that the little ones can swim, going to Breakers.  I had pulled a lounge chair below one of the massive umbrellas and was watching the kids, when a man suddenly appeared out of nowhere, dragging his own lounge chair.

 

'Mind if I borrow some of your shade?' he asked.

"Help yourself." I told him.

 

Over the next hour or so, we made small talk.  His name was Marty, a lawyer from Oregon, visiting his grandson.  After awhile, he asked about my tattoo "per volonta' del Signore", so I told him it meant 'for the will of God'.  He dropped it a minute, and we talked about the bambini.

                                                   "Where's your wife?" He asked.

                                                           Coincidentally, I was lost in the clouds that had been forming as we talked...light, artistic...'Kimmy clouds'....I hesitated...

 

                                    "Right there.  She's right there."  I pointed to a particularly beautiful set of clouds.

"Thus the tattoo."  He deduced.

                       He wanted to talk about it, so I explained what happened with Kimmy and how, sometimes, I get impatient with things and need to be reminded that it's God's will.  Not mine.

 

"Ahhhhh"  Marty sighed. "I know what you mean.  40 years ago, I came home to find my wife had committed suicide."

Dammit.

He went on to tell me about how that had thrown him, the depression and wandering that followed and then how he pulled himself up one day, and went to law school.  It all worked out.

Once again, proving that I am blessed, and that someone is always worse off.  I feel like Kim knows whenever I need to remember that...

I waved the kids over then, to introduce them to Marty - which would somehow make him real, and he introduced us to his grandson, Max...I went to join the kids for the waves and when I came back, they were gone, as mysteriously as they had arrived.

 

5 hours of the surf, and finally everyone was hungry.  We had packed making for BLT's, one of Kim's favorite picnic lunches, but, in light of the great day we had all had, I decided to surprise them and take them to the Mariscos Chihuahua for some seafood.

 

The boys shared calamari and everyone had shrimp!!!

 

The next day, it was back to school for the little ones.  They helped me pack their lunchboxes and back packs with all of their supplies.  I asked them to pick out what they wanted to wear for their special first day.  Tonio going to 5th and Autumn to 8th...I had just gotten Tonio a Napoli jersey with #28 Paolo Cannavaro on it and he chose that to wear.  Autumn always loves her owls (and a shirt that Andrea got her).

 

 

I managed to get up early, get them breakfast and make it to school on time (parking a bit haphazardly and illegally up a curb and next to a fire hydrant)...and nearly neglected to snap a few first day of school photos, as Kim habitually did...luckily, we ran into Mary on the way to find Tonio's classroom and she asked if we would like her to take a picture for us...thus leaving the 'first day of school photo' streak intact!

 

Which prompted me to take this shot next to Kim's garden...the salvia is growing, lush and flowering brilliant reds. 

They had a great first day of school!  Tonio has Ms. Irwin, his teacher from last year's daughter and Autumn liked all of her teachers, especially Mrs. Paton, who Cody had for Science when he was in 8th grade.

 

That was it.  That was the rest of their summer.  I truly believe that they enjoyed their time and I know they were so appreciative of all the people who helped make it so fun.  That's a big reason I choose not to leave them at home.  Alone.  I am nearly obsessed with making their days more enjoyable and creating memories for them and with them.  To the point, that when I go back to work after a day off, I tell everyone how nice it is to get breaks and lunches at work.  It's a full time job, the bambini - I'd still like to hit the lottery for enough to stay home until Tonio turned 18 and just make their days memorable.  They are great kids.  They deserve it.

 

But wait, here's a view of some of these events through Autumn's eyes!:

 

Ami and Mary sure helped make the summer a successful one!  Even though they have busy lives, they have made room for the bambini.

One day, Cody came along with me to pick up the little ones from Ami's house...and here's what happened:

 

The Bunchkins were elated to meet the proverbial son, Cody.  They implored with him to come play with them!

 

Tonio absolutely loves his time with Colton, Hunter and Ethan...

 

Autumn's little flip phone captures some amazing shots!  Tonio getting some air while Colton watches amazed.

 

 

Beneath this loving pile of Bunchkins is....Cody!  They have overwhelmed him!

 

Here, they try to take him down again.  I love seeing Cody like this - he loves the kids and had a blast playing with them on the trampoline.  His smile radiating, he showed the kids some good tricks.

 

The Bunchkins want Cody to play 'pirates' with them on their Little Tikes Log Cabin.  They have tremendous imaginations and creativity and it was so cute as they yelled:

 

"Shivery timbers!"  (instead of 'shiver me timbers'!)

 

 

Autumn had Tonio snap this shot of the girls...great perspective...

 

And a close up of Breanna...

 

Autumn took this one of the girls getting their toes pampered.

 

And Tonio got this one - Breanna cracks me up!

 

Autumn poses with Tigger at Toys R Us.  I had gotten a stuffed Tigger for Kim when she was pregnant with Autumn...she has a soft spot for this tiger.

 

And I love how Autumn always snaps pictures as we are walking, driving or at school.  Capturing more 'Kimmy Clouds'...

 

The celestial light from the sun was dazzling...

 

She speaks to us still - we can see her in the clouds, so beautiful....

 

 

 

 

 

The world can be a lot better than we settle for....