We Climbed before the Klimb 4 Kim...

We Climbed before the Klimb 4 Kim...
1997's Climb

Saturday, June 20, 2020

Music from yesterdays



   "Now I ain't too proud to tell you that I cry sometimes, cry sometimes about it..." J. Cole

         A friend once told me, that the pain we feel over loss, separation, tragedy, life events gone wrong  - lasts 12 minutes.   After that, she said, it is self pity.  I believed that, to an extent.  But as time passes, and it surely does - like a whisper - something barely heard and rarely seen, I understand that in this case, she was mistaken.

        I am truly blessed.  I know that the relationship that I experienced with Kim was so unique - and as rare as the perfect sunrise (how often do you see the sunrise, let alone one that captures you in such a way that you find your breath has stopped as you try to soak it all in?).  I am grateful and have fond memories.  There is no self pity in missing Kim - I know that every moment we shared was special and I never took it for granted.  I often find myself feeling bad for the friend who is going through a divorce, or in a seemingly meaningless relationship.  The spouse who finds that extra errand or excuse for another moment away from home.  The significant other who uses social media to vent or chronical a one sided situation.  I am so thankful for the years of the love we shared.

         We surely had our growing pains - imagine a young Kim, putting all of her  energy, into not only keeping me out of harm's way, but at the same time, trying to teach me, to show me the right way.  I remember watching the Mexican with Kim.  Julia Roberts,exasperated with keeping Brad Pitt out of trouble...James Gandolfini taking her aside, when all seemed lost, and asking, if you are in love, 'when is enough, enough?'...the dawning realization in her eyes as she answered 'Never.'....

         She cleaned me up...scooped me out of the gutter...gave me a chance at something better...

         In the end, there was so much blood...I couldn't wrap my mind around it...how could there be so much blood...???

        I've always been very in tune with music - when a song comes on, I tell the kids 'Oh, I remember this one - 1982, I was bagging groceries at Weis Supermarket in Allentown.'   It's always been that way for me, as long as I can remember.  For Kim and I, the music started in 7th grade - the '70's.  She was that one girl who did not care for pop stars - she liked Motown and rock.  We saw a great many concerts together, I know that I detailed them somewhere in the depths of these writings.  I've turned mainly to hip hop, as 'our' songs were so many.  Our memories so deep, and when I am caught unawares, it is as if a tidal wave sweeps me quickly and violently into our past and into a memory with such clarity, when it passes, I am unsure of where exactly I am, what I was doing or what day/time it is.  I try to stay woke.

       Pandora has a 'funny' sense of humor sometimes.  Randomly, something outside of your preferences will pop up.  I tend towards J. Cole -  he has a Motown feel to a lot of his songs and I like to think he would be Kim's favorite rapper.  I also love T.I. and Joyner Lucas, so I have the three set as my favorites.  Pandora will mix in 'like' artists such as Young Jeezy, Dr. Dre, The Game, etc.  The other day, unbidden, Guns 'N Roses' November Rain came on as I was driving 75 on I-10.  It felt as if I was sliding on black ice in the 100 degree heat, the landscape blurring, slowing and suddenly reversing direction, all as a flood of memories hit me of Kim and I seeing GNR at Phoenix International Raceway summer of '90 and again at the Spectrum in Philly Dec '91...holding her  tight as Axl screeched:
                                                         When I look into your eyes
                                                           I can see a love restrained
                                                          But darlin' when I hold you
                                                          Don't you know I feel the same


        I also remember watching the video together - take a short trip to You Tube if you have a moment - the happy wedding...and the video ending with her funeral...Axl haunted by dreams, waking up in the middle of the night bathed in sweat, screaming...

                                                            Nothin' lasts forever
                                                            And we both know hearts can change
                                                            And it's hard to hold a candle
                                                            In the cold November rain

       Our hearts didn't change...His plan simply did...When I reemerged from the memories this song whisked me to, I could see the miles I had gone behind me in the rearview, through tear stained eyes...no, not self pity - just thankful for the wonderful memories and time shared - Nothing lasts forever...

PS  Did I think I was the best future for my children?  
       Something I've thought about for a long time.

       This is what I decided.

       No one in this world is perfect.  
       Heaven knows I'm not.

       But I love them more than anyone else possibly could.

       In the end, that's all that matters.

       My children are now my chance at something else.
       Something better.

       And there's no way I'm letting go of that...





        

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Woops! There Goes Gravity!



                 All good things must end...for Bella, she was so good.  And we were blessed to have her in our lives for just over 6 years.

   

                  I believe I've told the Bella story before - how, just a couple weeks after our girl Zona passed from spleen cancer, Kim began researching puppy rescue organizations in Tucson. She searched online daily...waiting, watching.  We visited several, finally ending up with B.A.R.K.   And Kim spotted Bella, carefully picked her up, whispering to her, Bella snuggling into Kimmy's hair...I could see the connection and knew...

                  Just 6 months later, ala 'The Art of Racing in the Rain' by Garth Stein, Kim was diagnosed with cancer...by then, Bella was entrenched in our hearts - an integral part of our family.  She was a fixture by Kim's side as she battled...

                 ...and when Kim became an angel, Bella herded the kids.  Literally.  She would go room to room providing comfort and finally we would all be in the same place.  Her job done, she would lay down with us and just watch - to see who needed comforting...the intelligence, the knowing, shining brightly in her eyes.

                  She loved her kids and they loved her...


She would take turns sleeping with each of them...



She loved hiking (Tanque Verde Falls) and we were able to take her up Mt. Lemmon, Madera Canyon and to the beach (Laguna and Ocean Beach).  She was so spirited and enthusiastic!!



                           Bella was so sweet - she always let me hold her, wrapping her forearms around my neck, hugging me...


She loved to play sports with the kids.  She used her paws so well, she could catch a football with her mouth, securing the catch with her paws.  She could trap a soccer ball and really loved when the kids played hockey with her, slap shotting a tennis ball through the house with her in mad pursuit.

About a year before she died, Cody and his fiance' Jessica moved in with us, bringing Bella a new best friend...Simba.


They were pretty unseparatable, playing tug of war with each other, chasing lizards and tennis balls in the back yard, going on walks, curling up on the couch together...

But, then, we noticed a change in our Bella.  Sleeping more.  Needing a hand up into bed.  Cody took her to the vet for me numerous times.  Many tests were run.  Everything came back normal. 













                     I could feel it building.  My tsunami dreams had steadily begun to occur again...I just didn't know why.  Or from what direction it would come.
                    It's that suspense.  Of not knowing.  That makes us most uneasy.  And I wasn't sleeping well again...













                  When I would fall asleep, it was shallow.  I needed to be able to hear Bella.  To hear if she needed my help.  The sound of her ragged, labored breathing evoked flashbacks...and when I did finally go down deep enough to dream, sure enough, Bella would have an episode that would drag me from my dream world back to reality.
                  It is an odd struggle, when one is rushed awake.  One minute, dreaming, unaware that it is a dream...as something from the real world beckons, the fabric of the dream begins to unravel, and for me, it is a desperate, upward struggle, shaking off the world from the dream and clawing back to reality - with urgency - knowing I am needed.
                 When I saw the movie Inception, starring Leonardo DeCaprio, it was an 'ah ha' moment.  The scenes where they are awoken using a technique called 'The Kick'.  That's how it feels.  The world you believe, at the moment, to be real, being heaved apart as you are dragged towards awakening...



Finally, xrays were taken and the diagnosis...lung cancer...floored us all.  Dr. Burrows could not believe the amount of tumors that appeared in Bella's lungs.  We were devastated.  We made Bella as comfortable as we could.  The look in her eyes...pleading...begging me to help...once again, I was helpless.


We are left with many wonderful memories of Bella.  Part of our family.  She came into our lives just as we were about to need her most - only we did not know that.  She gave all of herself to us, there while we cried and grieved.  There to share in our holidays and vacations.  Our family re-building.  So strong, so stoic...


Thank you Bella









Thursday, February 18, 2016

What Dreams May Come



               A guy at work recently told me, that if I want to dream more, I should keep a 'dream journal'...Any truth to that?

                I still dream a lot.  And, in my dreams, I know Kim has passed, but am just so happy to see her and spend some time with her.  If I allude to the fact that I know she is no longer here, she turns her head slightly, never breaking her gaze, and gives me the most wistful look...sad, but in Kim's way, reminding me to enjoy the moment.

                During such a dream, Kim told me she was hungry for Chinese.  And in the way dreams do, suddenly we had arrived.  An older Chinese restaurant, but the type of place that upon sight you immediately know it is going to be a good spot.  No validation necessary.  Kim usually had good instinct that way.

                "I love a good joint.  This is a joint."  she would reason.  9.9 times out of 10 100% correct (I'd like to say 'spot on', but find that phrase pretty overused of late and Kim never once used it.).  She had the nose for a mom and pop establishment.  This place fit the bill.

                 We ate.  It seemed like we were there a lifetime.  Kim's smile brightening up the oriental decor.  The restaurant was really neat inside and the food was some of the best that we had found since moving away from the cuisine of Arch St in Philadelphia.

                 Of course, I didn't want it to end...but, like dreams do, it faded off as I woke to my alarm reminding me it was time to sell books.

                 Dreams with Kim, her visits, always leave me feeling so good.  It is always so good to see here.  To hear her laugh and see her smile.  This one stuck with me, as most do...and...

                 ....about a month or so later, I got an order from Pima County Community College at Barnes & Noble.  It was a pretty large order and I was excited and surprised since they don't purchase from us often.  When the books came in, I loaded them into the Expedition, Kim's Expedition, and started off...

                At the first light I came to, I realized that I hadn't checked to see where they wanted the delivery.  Pima CC is pretty well spread out through Tucson.  I figured it was for the west campus on Anklam (where the Klimb 4 Kim originally started!), then I thought, maybe it was the one off of Speedway and the 10...But, the address was one I never heard of...on a 'Bonita' street.  Thank God for 'smart phones' - I quickly spoke the address into my phone, without looking at the map, and let the voice direct me to my destination.

               Google had me exit I-10 at Speedway, head west a short block and then make a left onto Bonita.  I didn't think I'd been back that way previously, but found the campus, well, my phone found the campus for me and I off loaded their books.

               I nearly headed back up Bonita towards Speedway to head home.  Even slightly turned the Expedition's wheel in that direction before I flipped the wheel the opposite direction, without thought, and headed south towards Broadway instead.  At the moment, I didn't think about my sudden change of route.  I just did it.

               About a quarter of a block from Pima, I rounded a small bend...and on my left...was THE RESTAURANT!!!!  The one from my dream!!  OUR dream!!!

               The world began to blur and the scenery began to go backward in a very dream like feel...my world had lost it's boundaries, for a split second...and I realized the Expedition was drifting...I quickly pulled over for a better look.

               'The Dragon's View' the sign read.  I couldn't believe what I was seeing.  The dream had seemed so real - had I been here before???  After much memory searching, I remembered we had been here before!!  With neighbors from the Tanque Verde Apartments we lived in when we first moved here 22 years ago.  I think.  I actually cannot remember exactly who we had been here with, but I knew without going inside, that I would know what it looked like.  Not just from my dream - cuz you know how things are usually different in your dreams (kinda like places in tv shows are different from the real place they are based on....like Cheers.  We went there one summer in '89, waited an hour and 45 minutes to get inside and it looked nothing like it did on tv!!).  I didn't go inside, I felt numb.  Dazed.  After a few minutes, I drove away....


               The Dragon's View would not quite leave my mind, so one night, we decided to go check it out....


Autumn and her friend, Izzy, at the entrance.  See?  A joint!


Walking inside, was like being back in my dream...or stepping from a time machine into 1994...well before everything went sideways...It looked exactly like I knew it would...and I knew the food would be tremendous!



Monsi, Lupe, Manny,, Aut, Izzy and Tonio - it was a GREAT meal!!  They have a secret menu, too, if you ask!!  I have a friend from Korea and one from Jakarta, who both told me that this is the best Chinese that Tucson has to offer and it is the only place they feel comfortable taking visitors!!

A little overwhelmed, I had to ask our waiter and his Mom, who was hostessing, how long they had been in this location.  'Just over 23 years' they told me.   It fit.  I told them I thought I had been here years ago, and about the dream - the service that night was amazing!!  Thankful for Lupe to drive the White Whale for this occasion!!  We will go back!!

This dream journal thing...hmmm, I wonder....



Monday, January 4, 2016

Klimb 4 Kim 6





                       Here we are in 1998, our 3rd walk, climbing with Cody, not yet one year old, and Cajun, who had just turned 4.

                       It's that time again!!  The Klimb 4 Kim SIX will be on Saturday, March 5th.  Jack LeDuke, will once again grace us with his artistic abilities and design a shirt to commomerate the event!  The shirt will be a $10 donation to help Kim's Fund.  All $10 will go towards helping families here in Tucson!!

                      As you may have read, Kim's Fund, is now benefitting the Pio Decimo Center located here in Tucson.  They do wonderful work for families in need.  They provide services for infant to adults.  We have been focusing on the pre-school through 6th grade needs, but have also helped with older children and adults.  Check out their  website via the link below - this place really spoke to us when the kids and I visited it.  We loved working with the previous admistrator, Carondelet, but they have turned into a 'for profit' organization and could not longer help us.  Our search took a few months, but we feel in our hearts Pio Decimo would have been a place that Kim  wanted to, felt compelled to, help.

                     How much to walk?  If you can donate $25 to walk with us, that would be great - but any amount you can afford will help!!  Or, just choose to walk with us, enjoy the day and help us remember Kim.  Help us to keep her giving spirit alive!

                     The walk is approximately 6 miles round trip.  We walk up the road from St. Mary's to the top of A Mountain and usually cut through the scenic desert on the way back.  Please bring your Kim stories with you!

                     If you cannot walk - I know everyone is so busy, or out of town - you can help by ordering a t-shirt and/or sending a donation.

                    Checks should be made payable to:  Pio Decimo.  Please remember to put 'In memory of Kim Conca' on the memo line.  Mail  to us at 10513 E Satiny Willow Dr.
                                                                         Tucson, AZ 85747

                                                                                or to:

                                                                        Pio Decimo Center
                                                                        848 S. 7th Avenue
                                                                        Tucson, AZ 85701
                       You can also donate online at : http://www.ccs-pio.org
                        Simply click on the 'Donate' button in upper right corner.  There will be a place for you to put Kim's name as reason for giving.

                      There are no registration forms.  Help out as much as you can, when you can.  You can even bring cash/check the day of the walk.  We go over to Pio Decimo at least once a month.

                     We typically start our walk at 8:00 a.m. -ish sharp. ; )  I will post pic and address of starting point back to this post soon...

                      Join us if you can, we'd love to walk with you!!













         


"Gone Away"  The Offspring

Maybe in another life
I could find you there
Pulled away before your time
I can't deal it's so unfair

And it feels
And it feels like
Heaven's so far away
And it feels
Yeah it feels like
The world has grown cold
Now that you've gone away

Leaving flowers on your grave
Show that I still care
But black roses and Hail Mary's
Can't bring back what's taken from me
I reach to the sky
And call out your name
And if I could trade
I would

And it feels
And it feels like
Heaven's so far away
And it stings
Yeah it stings now
The world is so cold
Now that you've gone away

                           

Friday, December 25, 2015

Christmas....5 years after...



    I really didn't expect to find myself here again....Five years after we lost Kim, on Christmas Day.

    What have I learned?  I've been thinking about the blessings in our lives - more than I can count.  And sometimes, when I find myself slipping, I need to stop and start counting them.  One by one.  1.  My children.  How precious they are.  And resilient.  So caring, I cannot begin to relate how they take care of me, putting me before their own needs.  Especially Autumn, who has become such a little Kim, it is sometimes painful.  And Antonio, who is so caring.  His boxing instructor, a young man of about 17, Elijah, told me the other day that when he is having a bad day, he thinks to himself 'I need to handle myself more like Antonio does'...made my heart swell.  Cody, who is so much like me it is terrifying in some ways, became engaged on Christmas Eve.  Because that is when I proposed to his mother back in 1993.  And he wants to get married when he is 28.  Just like we did.  2. Kim.  How could I have such wonderful, caring, respectful and grateful children without her?  They THANK me when we leave the grocery store.  I ask 'What for?'  'For buying us food' they answer!!!  And I am thankful for the years we had together.  And the memories.  And the holidays we shared.  How special she made me feel.  3.  I am thankful for the people in my life that God has blessed me with.  Those who help get the kids to school.  And after school activities.  Those who call or text them from time to time to see how they are and how their day went.  Those who include us for birthdays and holidays, making us feel welcome and a part of something special.  Connected. One, today, told Autumn they'd help teach her to drive and said she should call him Uncle.  It all may seem small to those who include us, but, when we get home...the kids, you should see/hear them - they feel they are a part of family here, thanks to those who include us!!  Means so much, it is, perhaps, the biggest blessing.  I know they need strong women in their lives.  Not to replace their Mom, because that is not possible.  But to fill in some of the void.  The hole in our hearts.  4.  My job.  Barnes & Noble may not be doing well, Amazon is amazing, but it is still a great place to work.  And the team that I work with is perhaps the finest in my 28 year career.  I am blessed.

      Each day has it's challenges.  I wish I could have done some things differently, but am at peace, because I know that I cannot go back and change anything.  But, I know I was a strain on those who helped me most and I am sorry for that.


There are so many blessings...I don't have time to write about all of them.  And, as always, the kids need me right now.  It is harder to find time to write.  But they are good, they had a good day.  We brought Kim up quite a bit, as we continued traditions like making ciopinno (seafood soup) on Christmas Eve.  And making pizzels and biscotti.  And making homemade raviolis on Christmas Day for lunch before heading to Angie's.  All good. I will try to find the time later to transfer Christmas photos from my phone to the PC so I can share them with you.

Merry Christmas!!




Tuesday, September 22, 2015

All Souls Day Procession

<div id="fb-root"></div><script>(function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) return; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = "//connect.facebook.net/en_US/sdk.js#xfbml=1&version=v2.3"; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs);}(document, 'script', 'facebook-jssdk'));</script><div class="fb-post" data-href="https://www.facebook.com/AllSoulsProcessionWeekend/posts/693448717424040:0" data-width="500"><div class="fb-xfbml-parse-ignore"><blockquote cite="https://www.facebook.com/AllSoulsProcessionWeekend/posts/693448717424040:0"><p>From Dave Conca: &quot;I met my wife, Kimberly Conca, at the age of 12, when we were in 7th grade, in Bethlehem, Pa. She was...</p>Posted by <a href="https://www.facebook.com/AllSoulsProcessionWeekend">All Souls Procession Weekend</a> on&nbsp;<a href="https://www.facebook.com/AllSoulsProcessionWeekend/posts/693448717424040:0">Tuesday, September 22, 2015</a></blockquote></div></div>




            All Souls Day Procession will be on Sunday, November 8th this year.  We've gone the last 5 years.  They do a huge slide show on the side of one of the tall buildings down town.  Thousands of loved ones who have passed on.
             Each year, I've told myself, how nice it would be for Tucson to see Kimmy up there, larger than life, on that building....
             And yet, there have been obstacles that I could not seem to clear...
             Until this year!  Melanie, from the All Souls Day Procession committee, helped me get Kim's pic submitted.  If you are in the area, stop by and see!!!

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Klimb 4 Kim 5...SATURDAY!!!


Here's where we will meet Saturday morning for Klimb 4 Kim 5!!  Just behind St Mary's Hospital on Anklam.  We'll gather and start walking promptly around 8:00a.m.ish.  Hope to see you there!!  We've had a great donation response, thank you!!! 

Today would have been Kimmy's 50th birthday! !
The kids wanted to go to the DeGrazia chapel and light her candles.


Followed by dinner at Kim's favorite, Zona 78!



Mary,Brinley, Kinsley, Emilio, Andrea, Mark, Angie...






And kids...Tonio, Breanna, Brendon, Cody, Lexy and Autumn...
Always a nice time...

And Kimmy, timeless...with Cajun...



Please help if you can... or help by joining us to walk...

Checks can be made payable to the Kimberly Conca Fund and mailed to Carondelet Foundation
2202 N Forbes BLVD
Tucson, AZ 85745...
Or get it to me and I can run it over - I'm there often.
















Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Klimb 4 Kim 5





            Here we go, another climb up A Mountain!!  I remember the first climb we made, shortly after we moved here.  Kim found the event in the newspaper (we did not have a computer or internet - ahhhh, the simple times...).


             "Let's do this Dave.  It's for a good cause."


              At the time, we didn't know anyone with cancer.  No one.


             And now, now so many that have touched our lives are fighting courageously, just as Kim did...This is why this event is so important to me.  To us.  It will be the major fund raiser for Kim's foundation, as well.  I'm running out of steam.  Kim was tireless.  I'm pretty much down to work...and the kids.  I'm one place or the other.
             This walk is special for so many reasons.  To remember.  To share time with so many of you that have been there for us, to walk, talk, laugh...


              So Saturday, March 7th, we will do it again.  Starting promptly at 8:00ish, we will depart from the St Mary's Medical Center at 1702 W Anklam, just west of St. Mary's Hospital.  Please join us.  We are asking a $25 donation to Kim's foundation, or whatever you choose to contribute.  Please make checks payable to the Kimberly Conca Fund.  You can get cash or check to us and we will deliver it to the foundation or, you can mail it to:
                                                                               Carondelet Foundation
                                                                               2202 N Forbes Blvd
                                                                               Tucson, Az 85745
                                                                                c/o Kimberly Conca Fund


              To date, the fund has helped countless families here in Tucson with loved ones in the Carondelet hospitals by providing grants for food, gas, bills, etc.  $10K towards the new, all faiths, chapel at St Joseph's Hospital, $6K towards diagnostic machines for St. Joe's and, we just completed paperwork for the purchase of industrial strength recliners for ICU ($16K)!!


              Thank you so much for all you do!











Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Klimb 4 Kim 4


                         Klimb 4 Kim 4.  Klimb 4 Kim FOUR.....FOUR?!?!?!  Did I actually participate in Klimb 4 Kim 1, 2 AND 3?!?!?!

                         Sometime in the middle of the first week of February, the thought occurred to me "I wonder when the Cancer walk is scheduled this year."  I googled it and my heart was immediately warmed to see the date; 3/1.  Kim's birthday!!!  How very appropriate!!!
                          BUT according to my limited math skills, that was in about 3 1/2 weeks!!! 
      
                          It was 'fun' putting together the flyer and the poster.  I spent about 6 hours working on the Print Shop software Kim had installed on our PC.  Wait a minute.  Working?  Struggling.  Before the PC crashed.
                          Whenever I am computer challenged, which is often, I call Ami for help....in an excruciatingly short time, Ami sent this:


 
Perfect! 
She posted it on the Facebook for me and on Kim's blog.
 
 
Ami wasn't done yet...she created this one for posters!!
 
 
 
I hastily sent out texts, emails and FB messages...
 
Andrea's cousin Jack, artist who created the beautiful shirts for previous walks, asked 'what about shirts?'  I let him know that I thought it was too late.  I had waited too late this year.  I just wanted him and Sandy to come down from Phoenix to join us.
 
Jack insisted.  "What do the kids want on it this year?"  He puts such a personal touch on these shirts.  His creativity and inspiration fueled by Kim - he's told me that it's important to him that the bambini choose what's on the shirt.  Something that reminds them of their Mama.  And he adds colors/sunsets that remind him of Kim, that capture her essence..
"I love a challenge" Jack told me.
 


                                 The kids were in awe when I showed them the design Jack had come up with...

                                                            "Wooowwwww..." was the best they could come up with.  If I could take a picture of their faces...or, a video, to show the range of emotions that play out.  They are always amazed at Jack's ability to capture their Mama and their appreciation for what he does is beyond their words...
 
 

 
(Carson, Jaimelyn, Autumn, Tonio, Kim, Andrea, Lexy. Jackie, Bobbi, Cody, Alyssa, Annette, Me, Shannon, Jack, Krista, Scott, Jason, Emily (Tonio's teacher this year!), Dawn, Shawn, AnnMarie, and Kirk) Angie, Sandy and Micah road the bus, and we missed them for this shot!
 
I am always humbled by the amount of people who remember Kim on walk day...it sounds corny, but it warms my heart.  This year was especially challenging.  Our first day of rain this year.  Every day leading up was sunny.  The day after the walk was perfect. 
But, the forecast, this day, was 90% chance of rain. 
One of the faithful walkers, a teacher at Cottonwood Elementary School, Pam, told me Friday, when I picked up Tonio, 'Don't worry Dave, it won't rain until afternoon.
Just in case, I tell the kids - LAYER - just in case!  Walk shirts, covered by long sleever, concealed by jacket.  With hat.
But it's a push to get out of the house.  After all, I had admonished everyone to be there by '8ish'.  Promptly.
We did begin, beneath a steely grey sky, around 8:15 or so, a good time to go.  I had texted out 'It looks like we will beat this rain!'
I was telling Angie, as we neared the base of the mountain, the worst year we ever walked, was back in '04 - walking in memory of Kim's Dad.  We had about 12 walkers from Linen's 'N Things, where I was managing, and the rain was coming sideways from the start.  And it was near freezing temps.  We made it near the base, before saying we had given it our best.
When we approached that point, I said to Angie 'we made it to about here.'...and the Heaven's unleashed!!!
"Oh my gosh!" Angie exclaimed, as if I had conjured up the rain.
 
Well, remember that I had coached the Bambini on proper dress attire?  I look to Autumn, who was wearing a hat and jacket....to Tonio...Short. Sleeve. Walk shirt.  Dammit.  I quickly put my long sleeve shirt on him, as I noticed Lexy with no coat and wrapped her in my jacket.  I searched for Cody...short sleeve walk shirt too.  Bad Dad.
The rains on the south facing side of the mountain were driving, pelting our exposed arms, as we hustled to the top.

 
"Are we taking a group shot this year?" Andrea quipped...we managed to pull it together long enough to snap one.

 
The bambini, with their friend Alyssa, still wanted to climb the gianormous A.  Carson, son of Bobbi and Jason Mayeux, Tonio's principal, is halfway up!

 
The rain did stop, and we were able to walk back down, taking the scenic path through the dessert.
 
We did it in record time this year!!
 
One of my favorite things about this core group of walkers that have been there with us year in and year out, are the stories that they offer up about Kim along the way.  It's like a walking eulogy.  I love it.
 
As has become a tradition, we converged on the Mariscos Chihuahua, a Mexican seafood restaurant not far from where the walk ends.  22 of us showed up this year - the most since we've walked in Kim's memory.
Every time we would pass by this Mariscos, I would tell Kim "take me there for my birthday'.  I always loved the paintings of the waves on the outside.  Inside, it's like being beneath the sea.  There is a huge marlin, rock formations (Tonio spotted a likeness of Jesus carved in one), fish, sea kelp - it's beautiful.  The food is tremendous (I feel like I am doing an infomercial!).  It's just nice to keep the spirit of the walk going, share a meal and talk about the day's event.
 
 
(Emilio, Mary, Kinsley and Brinley)
 
The Montes family made the trek from the eastside on this rainy day to join us, resplendent in their walk shirts! 
 
It was so fun!  And to honor and remember Kim on her birthday was wonderful.  We had a lot of first time walkers too!  Andrea's cousin Shannon, who drove down from Phoenix.  Cottonwood Elementary teachers, Jackie, Krista and Tonio's teacher, Emily.  From Barnes & Noble, Jaimelyn brought Dan for the walk (he took the group photo for us at the top!).  Again, I am so thankful for this event and the time to spend with these people.
It continued to rain, into the night.  I took the bambini up to the DeGrazia Gallery, a Kim favorite.  There was a book signing for a bio on Ettore DeGrazia that had just come out (I sold 18 copies the Friday before the walk!).  We met the authors, who signed our book and talked to the kids.  I finally got to introduce them to Lisa, the manager there (the one who permanently put Kim's photo on the altar in the chapel DeGrazia built) and we lit candles (I realize we do this weekly, in various places, but we had to today for Kim's bday!!)
 
 
Tonio and Autumn solemnly, reverently, light their candles....

 
And a sunflower for Kim...one of her favorites!!
 
Happy Birthday Kimmy!!!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Still one of my favorite birthday shots - Cody (about 4), Kim, Andrea, Lexy (1ish) and Autumn (1ish).
 
Leading up to Kim's birthday....well, the bambini - I tell them; when you are faced with a decision.  A choice.  Any decision or choice.  Think about what your Mama would do.  What would make her proud?
 
Here's one of the things Tonio was absolutely insistent we take care of - touching up the memorial in the middle of Fantasy Island. 
"When do you think we could go Dad?" he'd persist, literally, each day. 
'I will not go into Fantasy Island' Autumn informed us, inciting her brother's immediate ire.
 
"WHY?"
 
"I already escaped harm and death there several times." she calmly explained to them, as if they were kindergartners (no offense Ami and Mary, but you know my boys! ; ) )  She deftly describes the time I had to carry Cody's bike out after his rear rim bent and would not turn.  The time we got caught by darkness, her and Cody speeding ahead, racing the daylight - Autumn vomiting when they made it to safety, as she was worried for Tonio and me.  Calm, Cool Hand Luke, Tonio, turning to me as darkness fell and a coyote stopped on the path ahead of us, as if to size us up, flipping on his bike light...."Will this help?", he asked as the beam of the light lit up our path like a large tiki torch.  Oh, and the cow, no bull! that we saw just scant feet from our trail, threatening to impale us..."I. Am. Done."  She repeats for emphasis.
 
 
Cody does the honors of darkening the lettering and we all re-sign our names.
Moments after we sign, Cody is gone - racing off to more technical corners of Fantasy Island. Tonio and I cannot hope to keep up...

 
Tonio actually kept up an amazing speed - his fastest time ever!  But, I did almost lose him twice.  To creosote bushes, thankfully not jumping cholla, which reach out at every turn.  He literally ran through a huge creosote, which sucked hold of his front tire midway through, sending him flying, Superman style, over the handlebars and depositing him in the dead center of the bike trail - a classic belly flop, driving the very air from his lungs and leaving him speechless.
 
I shouted his name, grabbing him, picking him up and simultaneously dusting him off (as if that would help)...He began giggling "Did you see that Dad???"  Uh, yeh son, you just chopped off 6.5 years of my life....
 
 
 
 
 
And then there is my way of honoring Kim...ink.  Immediate reminders.  Kim was my balancer, so I need to 'write' reminders on me in the way we used to write phone numbers on our hands with pens.
 
To make it even more special, I ask Cody to make the prelim design for me.  He is taking Computer Graphics (Kim's major at Kutztown U!) and acing it!!  He got right to work and nailed it on the first try!!

 
My tat artist, at Tattoo Artistry, Country Club and Pima (yes, a shameless plug), Dave Williams.  Now, I've told this story a billion times, but, just in case, I hired Dave at Toys R Us several centuries ago.  He was about 16 and had that natural ability to excel at video games and gaming systems that seems inherent in our youth.  He quickly became master of our electronics department. 
Over the five plus years that we worked together, I noticed that Dave had an extraordinary artistic talent.  One day I asked what he wanted to do with all of that talent - "Open a tattoo parlor" he told me. 
Well, Dave was great to work with - knowledgeable, great with customers and coworkers, big heart, etc - I told him when I was ready for a tat, I'd look him up.
Kim and I always talked about getting matching tattoos with a symbol for 'forever', but never got around to it...
And, it other 'small town' news, Cody's kinder teacher and flyer creator, Ami, used to babysit Dave along with her sister Mary (Aut and Tonio's kinder teach cuz Ami fled to the distant planet of Phoenix. Briefly.),  Their families are very close - in fact, I've had an opportunity to meet and have dinner with Dave's Mom!  So, he is the perfect person to entrust serious artwork, in Kim's honor, in the form of tattoos.  He is so incredibly talented!!
 
 
For me, most definetly, the hardest part of getting a tattoo, is, that I drink so much iced tea, and let's face it, I'm getting old, and have to hit the men's room often!!!
 
So here it is.  St Jude.  Patron Saint of lost causes.  Yes, I've been the lost cause.  Most of you did not know me before Kim came along and cleaned me up.  Saved me.  However, you've seen the zig zag pattern I've left across the landscape over the last 3 and a half years since Kim left me.  So, you know this is appropriate.  Right?
 
 
The backside of my right calf.  The shaded areas typically hurt the most, but, recently, Dave studied with a tat artist from Sweden and learned a new technique that does not hurt as bad, but the detail looks great.  I was the second person he has applied this new found knowledge on and let me tell you, it is the best!

 
The white dove...Cody added it to symbolize Kim...
 
 
Finally, as we were driving sometime after the walk...
 
 
 
 
Kim sent us a little 'thank you'  ; )