Giving Back

          I found myself mired in a philosphical conversation tonight about why we give back.  I don't have a great answer for that - and, at this point, my ability to stay afloat during any meaningful conversation is still extremely challenged.
          Although, I did find that my first day back at work, after 55 days with the bambini, went well.  Most of all, because of the strong, unselfish team that I am blessed to work with.  They continue to give, as I convalesce at my own pace.  Today, I felt more productive, than my first attempt at reentry, and was able to digest and break down business related numbers! My first attempt, led me to be an over glorified book shelver, which worked fine for me - again, my team was gracious enough to allow me to do what I was capable of doing.
          But, in the back of my mind, nagging...was, missing the bambini.  They had a rough start and a bumpy finish.  We'll work on that.  Once I gathered them up from afar, I took them on a walk with Bella through the desert.  And then I ran a mile.  We got back on the same track and I fed them dinner, that I had made the night before in preparation for my first day back at work (Andrea's stir fried chicken and rice).
           Later, we got the fountain in the back yard working again, thanks to our friends Joe and Jesus!  It was just one of those things.  I had dismantled the fountain back around the end of June to clean the pump filter.  It is an extremely heavy fountain, and I was able to take it apart by carefully wedging the outer bowl against my hip and sliding it down the lower bowl...nearly breaking my lower back.  But, I've been stuck since then, unable to raise the manpower to reassemble the fountain (which we bought in memory of Kim's Dad).  So it was nice to get it back together and functioning tonight.

            Suddenly, it is 10:00 and I have an urge to make Kim's meatballs...Tonio takes up his book, 'Graveyard Book' by Neil Gaiman (one of my favorite authors), pulls a chair into the kitchen, and begins to do his nightly reading to me.  He's getting good at pronouncing the big words.  I'm mincing garlic.  He's telling me about Bod, the main character, who is alive, but living in a graveyard and being raised by the dead.  I'm chopping onions and not crying.  Tonio's reading about a bad man, who killed Bod's family and is after him.  I'm folding in an egg, adding Italian seasoned bread crumbs and thinking 'Maybe I'll make brownies.'. I'm trying to nullify my personal purgatory through baking. Why not?  I've never made brownies.  So, while the meatballs are cooking and Tonio's finishing up a chapter, I get the brownies going.

                Right into the sauce, they came out great!  And, I made them from memory...Kimmy's recipe.  I missed her a great deal today...as smooth as work went, it was a challenge with the bambini and I still have a great deal of work to do there...she made it seem effortless.
                But, back to the brownies.  First try.  Don't know how they will taste, yet.

                         And I'm finally getting the bambini to bed at 11:00, reluctantly, as I missed them so much today and, apparently, they missed me too.  There was some anxiety there.  We'll get it worked out.

                          But why, why do we give back?  I don't think it was too important to me, until after Autumn was born.  It was almost as if someone flipped a switch.  Here Kim and I were, in a nice little house, in an awesome community, with our oldest, Cody, about to enter school (Cottonwood!) and it hit us like a proverbial ton of bricks 'we need to be involved to keep this community special'.  We wanted nothing more in return.  No awards.  No acknowledgement.  Just knowing that we helped a great community stay great and that we were wanting to instill that same feeling in our children. 

                          Of course, the other folks involved, make you want to work harder and become even more involved...but, I remember.  I remember Kimmy, freshly diagnosed, saying 'this is my wake up call.  God is telling me that I've become too involved.  I need to refocus on my family'.  I tried to tell her she never neglected us.  We knew she was busy, but she still baked and cooked everything from scratch.  We didn't miss meals.  She still kept our home looking so nice.  But, she was overextended.  We were.  She was right, in some ways. I try to make sure the bambini come with me to help.  To make them feel involved and a part of what is going on.  They are a big help.

                          We could finally see some stars tonight.  The last few, we have been blessed with rain - Kim's garden looks so nice.  The bambini were delighted, blowing their kisses directly at the Big Dipper, loving the little bit of cloud cover that highlighted the sky, and the cool, fresh smelling breeze that blew across our yard as we said good night to their Mama...

                            Love,

                                    Dave