For our 40th birthdays, Kim and I had talked about and planned to get matching tattoos. We wanted some symbol or writing that meant 'infinity' as a testament to our love for each other. Although we searched for the perfect design, we never did quite come up with one that felt like us. Also, as parents of 3, we had determined that there were better ways for us to spend those $$...
Since Kim passed, I have added quite a few tribute tattoos to remember our times together. Some focus on the kids and the here and now, but most represent 'us'.
Cody and I have had a chance to get ink together, and did a bit of a matching piece. He designed the rising sun with a white dove flying to honor and remember his mom. I found it so touching, beautiful and perfect, that I had the same done. It was a neat experience going to Tattoo Artistry together, to have our old friend, Dave Williams, use all of his talents to bring these designs to life.
So when Autumn wanted one, naturally I was excited to see what she chose and to have a tattoo created with her.
I asked what is your idea for a design?
"Love yours" she explained, a Kim-like sparkle in her eyes, smile spreading like a sunrise. To those who don't know, Aut will patiently tell you "Love Yourz" is a song by J Cole - one of our favorites. She is often met by 'Who?', yet she is undetterred in continuing - 'it's a song about how there is no life better than yours - so love yours!'. Again, so Kim-like. (I always tell her when people say who is J Cole, let them know he is their favorite rapper's favorite rapper). And in Kim's handwriting. Dave replicated perfectly!
Love yours
No such thing as a life that's better than yours
(Love yourz)
No such thing as a life that's better than yours
No such thing, no such thing
Goes for all y'all
It's beauty in the struggle
It's beauty in the struggle , ugliness in the success
Hear my words or listen to my signal of distress
I grew up in the city and though some times we had less
Compared to some of my niggas down the block man we were blessed
And life can't be no fairytale, no once upon a time
But I be God damned if you don't be tryin'
So tell me mama please why you be drinking all the time?
Does all the pain he brought you still linger in your mind?
Cause pain still lingers on mine
On the road to riches listen this is what you'll find
The good news is you came a long way
The bad news is you went the wrong way
No such thing as a life that's better than yours
No such thing, no such thing
For what's money without hapiness?
Or hard times without the people you love
Though I'm not sure what's 'bout to happen next
I asked for strength from the Lord up above
Cause I've been strong so far
But I can feel my grip loosening
Quick, do something before you lose it for good
Get it back and use it for good
And touch the people how you did like before
I'm tired of living with demons cause they always inviting more
Think being broke was better
Now I don't mean that phrase with no disrespect
To all you out there living in debt
Cashing minimal checks
Turn on the TV see a Rolex
And fantasize about a life with no stress
I mean this shit sincerely
And that's someone who was once in your shoes
Living with nothin' to lose
I hope one day you hear me
Always gon' be a bigger house somewhere, but feel me
'Long as the people in that motherfucker love you dearly
Always gon' be a whip that's better than the the one you got
Always gon' be some clothes that's fresher than the one's you rock
Always gon' be a bitch that's badder out there on the tours
But you ain't never gon' be happy till you love yours
No such thing as a life that's better than yours
(Love yourz)
No such thing as a life that's better than yours
No such thing, no such thing
It's a great song. Kim would have enjoyed the Motown vibe J Cole brings. It's all smooth. His lyrics grab me, especially this piece of the song:
Or hard times without the people you love
Though I'm not sure what's 'bout to happen next
I asked for strength from the Lord up above
Cause I've been strong so far
But I can feel my grip loosening
Quick, do something before you lose it for good
Get it back and use it for good
And touch the people how you did like before
I'm tired of living with demons cause they always inviting more
I don't know how many times I've told you, these kids, I am so blessed. I have truly enjoyed the times we have spent together. Especially right now, with COVID - Autumn, Tonio and I have had a sit down dinner nearly every night, followed by movies, a bike ride out into the desert with the dogs.
I've felt a little isolated, beginning with my knee surgery in March, my friends are busy taking care of families, trying to work through this and social distancing. I sure miss the family events, birthdays, dinners, etc and pray daily for their health and safety. I get it. This is crazy.
It's the first time since I moved here in '94 that I thought maybe I should have gone back east, nearer parents and sisters...I am grateful for one friend who texts nearly daily to talk - she has been the picture of 'quarantine' only having left her house once from mid March through June. In July,
venturing to the Desert Museum after I told her the kids I went and to one restaurant (she said even
that was too much!).
The bartenders at Lonchos and Serial Grillers have provided much needed conversation ; )
As always, the kids are always in tune and have kept me going through all of this!!
All three kids have turned out amazing, so much like their mother. I will update you on Cody soon!
Next year, when Tonio turns 18, it will be our turn to go visit Dave...can't wait to see what design Tonio comes up with!!
Until that day...Love yours
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