Kimmy's second homecoming

11/15/2010...was a wonderful day.  Exciting.  Refreshing and full of hope.  I knew Kim being at home was a lot more work for me, but I was looking forward to it.  Just being able to have her home was a tremendous feeling!

Here was one of Autumn's emails to a friend:

DUDE, GUESS WHAT?! MY MOM IS COMING HOME TODAY!! WOO HOO! ISN'T THAT AWESOME?! OF COURSE IT IS! WOO HOO! TTYL!

11/15/2010
Well, she's done it again! Digging deep, Kim was deemed well enough to make it out of St. Joseph's again...we're praying it is longer than the 20 or so hours that she was home last time!! All of Kim's Dr's. agreed she is well enough to make it home. She can walk to the bathroom on her own and can sit in a chair for several hours now. She was sent home with oxygen and has several tanks for travel to Dr appointments, which she has nearly daily the rest of this week and a large home unit that plugs into the wall and makes oxygen for her (and makes a great white noise that I'm looking forward to falling asleep to). She still has her drain, too, which we are hoping will be removed at Dr. Atkinson's office on Thursday afternoon. It is producing less and the drainage is being tested to see if there is anything funky growing in there. I will give her a daily Lovenox injection to control blood clotting, flush her drain three times per day, and give her pain killers, anti-biotics, etc throughout the day. All of Kim's Dr's and nurses were sad to see her go...she sure touched the lives of many while in that hospital, as Kim tends to do.

We loaded up the back seat of our Toyota Tundra to capacity, with all of the items collected from well-wishers and then had to fit two tanks of oxygen! We stopped by Walmart to get her syringes of Lovenox and Kim waited patiently in the truck for about an hour while I got that prescription filled (no one shops at Walmart for their service!). When we arrived home, the kids had once again decorate our driveway with side walk chalk...if you've ever had a chance to make it to San Diego for their Columbus Day festa in Little Italy, they have this incredible 'chalka estrada', a sidewalk chalk art gallery right on the streets and sidewalks, where artists make beautiful murals on the street - well, our kids brought a little of that festa to our neighborhood, on our driveway for Kim, creating a beautiful mural welcoming her home. As we got inside, she was very tired and I noticed her tank had run out of air! Upon further inspection, I noticed it was not turned on!! Either the tech from the hospital who loaded us up forgot to turn it on when he transferred her from the hospital tank to ours, or, when he placed it in the back of our truck, the handle somehow got turned off during transit. We are not sure how long she was without oxygen, but quickly hooked her up an she had instant relief and quickly fell asleep.

The bambini's were so happy to have her home, they came streaming out of the house at terrifying speeds, and smothered Kim with love. Bella behaved very well, containing her 'Tigger' like demeanor. Betsey had  picked them up from school for us, as Kim and I endured the grinding process of hospital check out, which began around 8 a.m. and saw our freedom come around 3:30. Grammie and Grandpa Jim had spent the day as 'white tornadoes', cleaning our home for Kim's arrival and then taking the kids and Bella across the street to the park. We all ate dinner together, for the first time in nearly one month.

It sure has been a long, surreal month. Kim still has a long journey ahead, and today marked a significant step forward. This week, we have appointments with her surgeon, her vascular specialist, her generalist and her oncologist, who will determine what and when we will be able to go after the tumors that Kim has. We pray that her lungs are ready...her mind is set!

Thanks again for all of your support, the daily dinners that are being delivered, help with the kids, happy thoughts and the prayers, mostly the prayers!!!

'If today your hear His voice, harden not your hearts'...you have all heard and helped!! Thank you and God bless,
Love, Dave"

          I remember being scared - not having the nurses and techs help...and not having a Dr. close by had me on edge.  Giving Kim her lovenox shots, twice a day, hurt me.  She was so sweet and gracious saying things like "Ok, go ahead and give me my shot.  I'm ready!", knowing that I had just injected her, but pretending that I was so good at giving them, that she didn't even feel it!     
          We quickly got on a schedule, lining up a notebook for Kim's medications, monitoring oxygen, scheduling visits with Bayada Nurses, who would come every few days to take Kim's vitals, meals, showers - I took one of our patio chairs and fit it in the shower.  I would move her oxygen down the hallway so her line could reach and she could sit in the shower - something she found such a luxury and cried grateful tears!  She was such a great patient...
          And our first dinner together, with her parents here, was so moving and meaningful...Carole and Jim worked so hard around the house, helping keep it clean, helping prepare meals, helping with the bambini

           I can't describe to you the mish mash of emotions we went through.  On one hand, sheer joy and relief to have Kim well enough to come home.  On the other, feeling a frightened, over the enormous responsibility, with medical back up so far away.  We found 'quality' time in being able to sit together in our own home.  And working for Kim, trying to save her, and any comfort I could provide her, gave us both intimate time together...

          Have I mentioned how much I miss her?


      

Gnocchi...and the 'nice pot'

             Tonight, I entered the closet.  I did not want to.  It still, well, speaks to me.  I feel it telling me Kim is ready to start her day and here are her shoes!  And her slacks!  And her pretty dresses!  Getting cold?  Sweaters!  Blouses, hats, bathrobes, etc, etc, etc.
             But, as it gets chilly, I think of the less fortunate, recall my blessings, and know that Kim would want to help those that need her things...
             Andrea and Janene's sons, David and Brendon, are working towards their Confirmation at Our Mother of Sorrows.  They do a tremendous amount of community service and are energetic and enthusiastic about it.  It is truly heart warming.  They are collecting for a woman's shelter, here in town, called Casa Maria.  This is the same shelter that Autumn and Antonio helped make sandwiches for early this year - Kim and I had helped with this project each year for the last several at Cottonwood.  It is a great cause.
             And yet, here on earth, we become attached.  To our 'things'.  It was like walking into a long tunnel, as I filled one, then two, then three, than four boxes of Kim's pants and tops.  Each one had a story for me.  Each one a special memory.  Thankfully, Autumn has gone through Kim's things several times and we have about 3/4 of my dresser full of clothes for her.  Plus, there are many shirts she wears as night gowns!  And, so far, we have had Angie, Andrea, Janene, Kim, Amy, Betsey and Mary, choose some of Kim's things.  It is hard to express how much that means to me, to have them have some of Kimmy's clothes.  It brings comfort.  And I feel honored that they have them and that they mean something to them.
            Inside the 'tunnel', I felt a myopic effect and I hurried to complete the task...again, having that feeling from Mark Danielewski's book "House of Leaves", about the sentient house...I still have a lot of work to do, but not yet.  Not yet.

             I received the rough draft of Kimmy's Kitchen today!  93 pages, so far.  I dove into the proofing and editing phase of this adventure and made it through the entire book!  I realized that A.  I had forgotten a recipe for gnocchi, and B. I needed to tell the story of the 'nice pot', complete with photos.  Still hoping to have the completed cookbook by the first week of December!!

             Missed the Viro's brunch-a-thon photo from yesterday morning:

              Andrea was busy getting Italian Wedding soup from the buffet...


             As for this time last year, it appears that I did not send out an update on Kimba...but had a lot of 'thank you's' to send out...

             

"Hi Suzanne,

I wanted to say thank you for all of the wonderful food you sent to our family!! The casserole was well loved by all and we had plenty for the next day, too!! That was very thoughtful and generous of you. Kim is doing better today, and if some tests she has tomorrow go well, she may get to come home. It's been nearly one month and we are ready to have her back.

Thanks again for helping our family during this challenging time in our lives.

Dave"

 

"Hi Monica,

I wanted to thank you for the delicious meatballs you sent home for us! We ate one tray and have the other two frozen for later. They were so good - that was so nice of you to cook for us again, we really appreciate it! Kim had a good day today, and, if all goes well on a couple of tests she will have done tomorrow, she may get to come home!! We sure miss her. She is so strong, and has gone through so much over the last month - she is amazing! Generous people like you have really given her inspiration to fight! Thank you again, Dave"

 

"Hi Suzanne,

Thank you for the card you sent our family and for setting up the Mass for my wife, Kim. That was very thoughtful of you! Kim had a good day today, and, if she does well on some tests tomorrow, may be able to come home. She has been at St. Joseph's for nearly one month and we sure miss her. If she is doing well enough, I will try to attend the Mass on Sunday.

As Kim was in the hospital, I was unable to clearly follow the election results...did you get a seat on the school board? Fortunately, Kim and I both mailed in our ballots, prior to Kim being hospitalized (two votes for you!).

Thanks again,

Dave"

 

"Hi Dave

You are very welcome, although it was not much! I wish we could do more to help you guys, but know that Kim and your family is always in our thoughts! I appreciate the updates you send and am glad to hear that she caught a few breaks today, receiving some good news! I know she is anxious to get home, so I hope it works out! We are only a few streets away, so Please do not hesitate to call if you need anything!! (Even if it is just a good street hockey game to take your mind off things:) I know a few hockey guys I will send over! take care and I hope to see you soon!

Love

tara

 

---

---

 Tara, Doug and boys,

Thank you so much for the beautiful card and the Bruegger's

 

Once again, the teachers at Cottonwood, where our pillar of strength!

 

"Hi Apryl, Casey and Patti - Would Wednesday work for Casey and Patti for a
homework session? If so, could you bring them by our home Patti,
afterwards? That has worked out so well for us AND especially for Tonio and
Autumn, to be able to keep up with their homework.
Apryl, thanks for your help with the Christmas project - whatever fabric
you choose will be great!
And if I cannot make Stone Soup day, and it works for you Casey, I know
Tonio would love to see his big sister there - if all goes well with Kim's
tests tomorrow, though, I should be able to make it.
Thanks for everything you guys have been doing for us!
Dave

--------------------------------------------------

> Dave,
>
> I just read your email and it sounds like today's news was an answer to
> your prayers-I'm glad that Kim had a good day and I will say extra prayers
> tonight that her lungs do cooperate so she can come home.
>
> Wednesday seems to be a good day to keep the kiddos after school-does this
> work for you? I have so enjoyed spending extra time with Antonio. He is an
> incredible little boy. He is truly such a loving, caring boy and
> definitely such a trooper. I'm so proud of how he has handled this whole
> situation.
>
> In regards to the "surprise project" that offer absolutely still stands-I
> would love to help out! Do you think Kim (and you!) would like Christmas
> themed fabric for this special present?
> One last thing and then I promise I'm done! For our Stone Soup day, if
> you can make it great. If not that's okay too-I was thinking that if you
> can't make it maybe I can ask Mrs. Rudzena if Autumn can come over and
> join Antonio for our special lunch. Just an option! I am also going to
> send home some Stone Soup and the book with Antonio so he can share it
> with Kim.
>
> Let me know if you need anything else this week. Kristine Impellizzeri and
> I are working on a special project for Kim this week! Can't wait to give
> it to her. It's just to remind her that she is so loved and supported! :)
>
> Have a good night,
> Apryl"

 

And our neighbors, too...

 "No Amy, I have not slept so well lately...luckily, thanks to all you have
done for us, I have had more time to research. Speaking of which, thanks
for packing the kids lunches!! Dave

> Dang Dave! Have you slept at all? Or are you researching constantly? I
> am glad that they will refer you to mayo if and when the time comes. I
> hope she comes home tomorrow! Goodnight and get some sleep!>
>
>> Thanks Amy, Kim has had several treatments of lasix (spelling?), which
>> is designed to remove fluid from around the lungs and the heart. Believe
>> me, I've looked into Cancer Treatment Centers of America, and really felt
>> they may be the best place for Kim. Then, I talked to Kim's surgeon
>> about alternatives (he feels Mayo Clinic has the advantage over CTCofA,
>> simply because they have a better pulmonary team).
>> Kim is sold on her oncologist, Dr. Taetle. If you google him, I'm
>> sure you will feel the same. He has had an excellent education, has
>> several patents for cancer treatment and is world renowned. Dr. Taetle
>> and Dr. Atkinson have assured me, that if they become 'baffled', they
>> will recommend Mayo. UMC is not an option. Although they have an
>> excellent cancer treatment facility, they would not measure up to Dr.
>> Taetle and their expertise is not in adenocarcinoma.
>> Don't feel like you are overstepping your bounds by wanting the best
>> for Kim! We value all you do and you are a very smart person, so we
>> value your input. I've done a lot of internet research, in fact, the
>> advice I most often get from survivors and Dr's, is to stay off of the
>> internet!
>> The x-rays and tests show that the nature of Kim's tumor is
>> deteriorating the artery that is feeding it. Additionally, the tumor is
>> cavatized, and the hollow interior has enlarged blood vessels that will
>> naturally weep. Factor in the blood thinners that are preventing life
>> threatening clots, and you have a delicate balancing act!
>> Kim had a better day today and hopefully gets a great nights rest and
>> has an even better day tomorrow!
>> Thanks again Amy, we appreciate you, your family and all that you
>> have done for us!!!
>> Dave
>>
>>> Hey Dave,
>>> I am sure you have been doing your research. But I was reading about
>>> these alternate forms of treatment on Cancer Treatment Centers of
>>> America's website. Also, in the section about lung cancer it talks
>>> about treatment for fluid around the lungs (pleural effusion). Maybe
>>> this is also causing Kim's shortness of breath, etc... Have any of
>>> Kim's doctors mentioned this? I hope I am not over-stepping by asking
>>> or mentioning this. I just want Kimmy to get the best and get better.
>>> Amy"

     And, of course, Rose and Vito...

"Hi guys, Hope Rosa is feeling better! Kim had a better day today, and your cookies really cheered her up! We all enjoyed them today and managed to save some for tomorrow, despite eating way too many!! Again, providing us breakfast was so generous of you guys!! Kim's folks really enjoyed it - they had been asking if we could go there, they remember meeting you both last time they were here, which was 3 or 4 years ago. I bought a jar of the Baresi lupini beans you are carrying now for the kids. They are really good and I think the bean is a little larger than the Pastene brand!

Anyway, thanks again for all that you guys do, Dave"

 

You know I could go on and on with the thank you's...I often said "I'll never be able to repay you..."

 

The cool night air smelled so fresh as we spilled out onto the back patio, Cody lighting his Mother of Guadalupe candle as he left the brick to cross the grass to the Nitcho...deftly handing the lighter to Tonio, who expertly sparked his candle and gracefully hopped up the garden wall to place his St. Jude candle into the Nitcho (yes, Andrea and Janene, two months of use and the candle you got us for the Nitcho are going strong!)...the nightly ritual...the bambini do not go down easily without saying goodnight to their Mama...

 

           Love,

 

                    Dave

 

 

 

The Proverbial Wife

                We only had a month to go together...only we didn't know it.  Lord knows, that I did not want to believe it - and would not accept it...


11/13/2010

Hello everyone,

Kim has now been at St. Joseph's for 3 weeks and 4 days...she had a sad day today, waking up anemic, which increases her difficulty breathing and increases her heart rate. Since entering the hospital on Oct. 19 for what she thought was routine gall bladder surgery, and finding she had adenocarcinoma tumors in her lung and her liver was affected, plus blood clots in the lungs and legs, she has had only one other sad day - she has been a rock. I helped her get cleaned up to help her feel better as we waited for the Dr's to make their rounds. Dr. Taetle, her oncologist, arrived first and ordered two more pints of blood and will have a chest x-ray taken tomorrow to see if anything else is going on that is impairing Kim's ability to breath (her oxygen was increased a little today to help things along). Dr. Bravo came to check on her and agreed she needed blood, and reiterated that this is what was causing Kim's lack of strength, as well as, the increased heart rate and forcing the lungs to work harder. He feels that the tumor in the lung is also contributing to the difficulty in breathing, and is hoping the x-ray will show that the bleeding has stopped in her lung around the tumor area. Once Kim received both pints of blood (last pint finished around 7 p.m.), she told me she felt much better. But, she still became exhausted and winded just getting to the restroom and back.

The bambini's had a fun day with Grammie and Grandpa Jim...I had left for the hospital around 7, so they fed the kids breakfast and came down to the hospital around 10:30. They left at 1 and went to Mama's for pizza and then shopping at Target. Then an afternoon of video games and Yahtzee! with some great dinner supplied by Suzanne Logsdon, a teacher who works with Kim at Rincon Vista (and thanks to Angie and Andrea for bringing me by fish tacos at the hospital and for lifting me up!!). Tomorrow, I'll take them by Viro's for breakfast and then to see Kim.

Father Harry stopped by later in the evening to pray with us and talk to Kim, providing her comfort (Thanks for calling him again for us Janene!!).We know that she will be stronger tomorrow and feeling better - and, we pray that her x-ray provides some answers and some good news for Kim, who really needs a break right now. Thank you all so much for your continued support and prayers - we gain so much inspiration and strength from you all!

                            My sister, Sherri,  graciously sent Kim a t-shirt  with a verse that helps:

"Unto the upright there arises light in the darkness..." Psalm 112:4
 
           And there are fireflies on it...Kimba's newest nickname...

Love, Dave"

             By this time, I don't know whether I'm coming or going...I just want to help Kim.  To give her comfort.  To save her.  And on the other hand, I know that the bambini need me badly - their eyes...look so lost, and they want their hugs to last forever...

              It was appropriate that the day dawned with a gentle rain, on this, 11 months since Kim passed.  The temperature was mild, and we all wore short sleeves to church this morning - seeing a rainbow, reaching across the desert, along the way...Kim loved a day like today.

              As I walked the bambini through the courtyard at Our Mother of Sorrows, to take them to class, a figure stood in the center holding her umbrella - "Look kids, it's Mary Poppins."  I told them and got the laughter I was fishing for - the raincoat Laura, religious education director, wore was a perfect fit for the character.  She is so nice.  She typically greets everyone in the courtyard on a Sunday, gets us all in a huge circle and says a morning prayer.  Today, she stoically stood in a puddle making sure everyone knew where they were going...

             Cody and I met Andrea and Lupe in church...Monsignor Tom read from Proverbs today:

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

^{10 [b]}A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

       One of those moments where I felt someone was trying to speak to me...

       Mass was good...followed by a great breakfast at Viro's with Andrea and the girls.  Lexy and Breanna came back to our house, to be joined by our neighbors Hadley, Mitchell,Alex and later, Janene's son, Brendon.  I made Janene's recipe for chicken strips for dinner and Lexy, Breanna and Brendon stayed with us to watch movies.

        It was a great day to keep on the top of all of the good memories, and not have a chance to get swept under by the cloudy weather...Thanks for carrying me today.

          Love,

                   Dave

     
PS Today is the feast day of St. Francesca Cabrini, also known as, Mother Cabrini.  She came here from Italy in 1889 and helped many immigrants establish themselves in the U.S.  She was the first U.S. citizen to be canonized by the Catholic church.
      There is a shrine to Mother Cabrini just west of Denver on Rt 70.  It has a beautiful little chapel at the base of 300 steps and a gigantic statue of Jesus at the top.  Kim and I once ran those steps back in the day (1990)...I tried to run them back in '07, during a snow storm and blistering winds...I did make it to the top, but it wasn't pretty...

Into the Desert...

"Hi Kimba, It's just me...it's been so long, since I saw your smiling face...and felt any sort of warm sunshine..."

11/12/2010

Whew! Another loooonnnnggggg day for Kimmy!! We had our prayers answered this morning, when, after being rolled downstairs and prepped for her vascular embolism procedure, to stop the bleeding in her lung, Dr. Zaetta, who was scheduled to perform this surgery, examined Kim and found that, in her opinion, the surgery was premature. She consulted with Kim's pulmonary guy, Dr. Riley, who ordered the surgery and let him know she was not going to play 'look see' and since Kim has not been coughing up blood, she wanted to let the natural healing process take care of things. Dr. Zaetta did reposition the drain for the abscess where Kim's gall bladder was removed to make it more productive and that was successful. Our neighbors, Betsey, Amy and Tom sat with me in the waiting room for hours to keep me sane...'I feel like I'm on crazy pills!' Will Farrell, Zoolander.
Anyway, it has been an emotional few days and I met with Dr. Taetle, oncologist and Dr. Atkinson, surgeon to let them know that we needed them to make sure that any new Drs. brought on board to help Kim had as high a level of communication with them, as they do with each other. All of the Drs. have been top notch, best in Tucson for Kimmy, but, we have started the process to have a new pulmonary Dr. brought in. Dr. Atkinson, at my request, sent over a thoracic surgeon to review Kim's case and examine her and he agreed with Dr. Zaetta's assessment and that Kim should be allowed time to heal, without the vascular procedure and that he and Dr. Zaetta are on hand with an 'emergency net' when and if needed.
The bambini's wanted to skip school today to meet Grammie and Grandpa Jim at the airport, but I would not support such truancy. So, when Betsey picked them up and dropped them off, they literally burst through the door and smothered them with hugs. We all went to the hospital and visited Kim, who was so excited to see Carole and Jim. The kids and I dined in splendor in the hospital cafeteria (Tonio loves the cheeseburgers here!), and then they all left for home. The kids are looking forward to a Target run tomorrow!
Kim is a little exhausted and will need extra rest this weekend what with all of the medication changes, extra Dr. consultations (again, to keep me sane!) and the visits...to keep fighting. She is tired, but her eyes...her eyes still sparkle and she has strong resolve...which is fueled by all that you do! I cannot begin to list every incredibly thoughtful and generous thing that you all have done...word cannot express our gratitude. And the prayers help!
Tomorrow's another day and we are thankful for this one!
God Bless,
Love, Dave

                  And this was where it started getting pretty scary with Kim's bleeding lung.  She shared a few moments with me, which she called 'pity parties'.  It was good having Carole and Jim back in town - I stayed longer with Kim and ended up at Viro's later and later to regroup.  And, as you might be able to read between the lines, a lot of 'back seat' doctors were offering 'advice' on Kim's course of treatment.  Believe me, I was up all night researching, making calls and speaking with the team that worked on Kim.  Kim and I believed we had the best right where we were. 
                Dr. Atkinson was unbelievable.  He had given me his cell phone number to call anytime I needed to talk.  Even if it was not medical related.  He was from Bristol, PA where my Dad grew up and I'd call and we'd talk about cheesesteaks, the Phillies, etc.  I called him about Kim's lung, because the only Dr. who seemed completely unstable was Dr. Riley.  He answered the phone while at a party and sent over the thoracic surgeon.  I wanted him to operate immediately if not sooner...but, Kim's condition was not good and I worried that she may not be able to pull herself back up from such extensive surgery.  So I ran steps.  And prayed.  And we watched back to back to back to back episodes of Law and Order together.  And told each other how much we loved each other.  My rosary collection grew.  And I wore them out.
                I don't know.  Sometimes, in the deep of the night, I think 'what if I had done this?'  'Or that?'...but I don't know.  I suppose that I never will.  And it has to be OK.

               On a gray day, rain threatening, the bambini and I ventured deep into the desert.  6 miles for Aut, Tonio and I - more like 11 for Cody - in Fantasy Island.  Someone had vandalized Kim's bike.  The memorial that the bambini lovingly painted.  They were visibly shaken, in fact, Autumn vomited, poor little dear.  We fixed it best we could, prayed, and continued into the desert, the skies darkening, winds picking up and the first droplets of cold rain splashing our faces...

               

11-11-11

                   Last year, this day,we were praying.  Praying hard.  For a miracle...

                 

A Prayer to St. Peregrine for Sick Relatives and Friends

O great St. Peregrine, you have been called "The Mighty", the "The Wonder Worker" because of the numerous miracles which you obtained from God for those who have turned to you in their need.
For so many years you bore in your own flesh this cancerous disease that destroys the very fiber of our being.
You turned to God when the power of human beings could do no more,
and you were favored with the vision of Jesus coming down from His cross
to heal your affliction.
I now ask God to heal these sick persons whom I entrust to you:
Kim Conca
Aided by your powerful intercession, I shall sing with Mary a hymn of gratitude
to God for His great goodness and mercy. Amen.

That was from our friends, Jen and Dan Corbelli...

...this prayer from Fred Falgiano, of the Knight of Columbus...

I am picking 2 people who have touched my life and who I think would want to
receive this. Please send it back to me (You'll see why).

In case you are not aware, Saint Theresa is known as the Saint of the Little
Ways, meaning she believed in doing the little things in life well and with
great love.... She is represented by roses.

May everyone who receives this message
be blessed. Saint Theresa's Prayer
Cannot be deleted.

REMEMBER to make a wish before you read the prayer. That's all you have to
do. There is nothing attached. Just share this with people and see what
happens on the fourth day. Sorry you have to forward the message, but try
not to break this, please. Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive.
Read the prayer below.

Saint Theresa's Prayer

May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that
has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to
sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us..
*************
Now, send this to
11 people within the next 5 minutes. And remember to send
this back.
I count as 1........ You'll see why.

'Worry looks around,
Sorry looks back, Faith looks up.'
This angel is sent to you..
You must send her to 11 people including me.
In 8 minutes you will receive something you have long awaited.

Have faith...

     I did.  And believe me, I sent it to 11 people, including Fred...

     ...and it was a better day for Kim...

11/11/2010

Hi Everyone, Kim is doing better today, better rested, better spirits and she just got to eat her first solid meal in a few days. More good news, she is out of ICU, on reduced oxygen flow and pain killers and up on the 5th floor. We remembered as kids, hearing that the 5th floor was for the mental patients...and had a good laugh. She had a cat scan of her lungs earlier today, and the news there was not what we wanted to hear. Despite being taken off the anti-coagulants, the cat scan revealed that her lung is still bleeding. So, tomorrow, she is going to undergo a bronchial embolism to cauterize the arterial flow to the affected lung. That will happen 'first thing tomorrow morning', which, we've found, means anytime between 9a.m and noon. So please dial us in during this time and let's pray for some good news for Kim on this procedure! While in ICU, she was reunited with two nurses, Deborah and Vivian, who took such good care of her while she was previously there and when she moved back to floor 4 the first time. They were there to greet her and made her feel good. When the bambini's came down, they had a bucket of puddings, jellos and drinks waiting. Today, when Kim was moved up to the 5th floor, Deborah made sure she pushed a comfy recliner up to Kim's new room for me.
The kids had off for Veterans Day - so I made them a big breakfast and brought them down to visit. They sure got a great tour of the hospital, as they started in ICU, went downstairs for Kim's cat scan and then up to the 5th floor, all via stairwells. Cody, his friend Alex and Antonio, spent some time going up and down all 5 flights while we waited for Kim to get hooked up in her new room.  They are so excited that Grammy and Grandpa Jim will be out tomorrow! The cavalry is coming!
That's all for tonight, thank you all, once again for the food (Melissa & her mom, Mary, brought me a big salad tonight!), incredible thoughts (thank you to the Knights of Columbus, who were ready to come down here tonight to donate blood for Kim!!) and, of course, motivational prayers!!
God Bless,
Dave

              And back here, on 11/11/11...we woke early, Mario brought Breanna by around 8 on his way to work.  There was a big breakfast with eggs and rice, pancakes, watermelon and pineapple.  We went to see Jack & Jill today.  All of us thoroughly enjoyed it - laughter is the best medicine, they say, and today, I think that was so.

             While we waited for Andrea, we worked on making Kim's tortilla soup.  It is a soothing thing, recreating her recipes.  In her kitchen...and it came out good.

               Love,

                      Dave

The Donkey

             Flu shots today...well, flu inhalations, anyway!!  For the two little ones.  Autumn was particularly relieved to hear she could get the inhalable version this year, after having the full out shot last year.  All of us got the shot last year, as Kim could not be exposed to the live virus.
            Driving home, we were coming down the hill on heading south on Houghton, passing Tucson McGraws and nearing the horses...when Autumn suddenly started shouting "donkeedonkeedonkee!!!" and doing some tribal form of dance, restricted only by her seatbelt.  Tonio was craning his head from the other side of the car "IcantseeIcantseeIcantsee!!!"...Donkey?  Really??  I caught a glimpse as I took the turn off of Houghton onto the gravel driveway leading to the horses...a 90 degree turn at about 50 miles per hour...the rear end of Kim's Expedition trying to fish tail - but I've seen the movie Cars plenty of times and learned from Lighting McQueen how to turn with the sliding car and made it handily...

As soon as I jumped out of the car, thumbing my 'smart phone' to get a photo, the donkey made its way to the fence...seeming to know why I was there...

                                             It wanted to be friends, or as Kimmy used to say 'it wants to make friends'...I don't know what it means, that the donkey is back.  But, I do know that it brought the bambini immediate joy...

Like this donkey brought joy to Kim back in 1972...

                                                  In school today, we took time to celebrate Autumn's teacher, Casey Rudzena as she gets closer to the birth of her son, Jackson!!

                        Rose made her this beautiful, gluten free cake, complete with little boy angel on top!  It is made with almond flour and had an apricot filling = incredible!!

Our friend, Monique, who's daughter, Alanah is in Aut's class, had this cake made for the kids to eat. And a couple of the other moms, Maria and Aimee, helped out with decorations and favors.  It was a nice shower and we got the chance to show Mrs. Rudzena just how much she means to all of us.  She's done so much for Autumn!!

        

No Thursday would be complete without Italian Wedding Soup!!  Aut insisted on taking the photo tonight.  Cody's buddy, Wyatt, joined us.  His mom, Amy, gave Cody rides all week to school for me - some paybacks are not a b*tch, as Wyatt enjoyed some stuffed shells!!  Tonio's digging into a eclair, having finished off a bowl of wedding soup.  Autumn ate two bowls.  Cody went with some bruschetta and fried egg plant and zucchini...I chose the manicotti and one of Brianna's beautiful cappuccinos...The chill air and the warm atmosphere of Viro's made me think of last year...when Rose and Vito would have me call them on my way home from the hospital and sometimes stop by to provide a safe haven...a shelter...and comfort...It did not matter to them what time I was on my way - they were unconditionally there for us...and still open their hearts and their kitchen for us!

11/10/2010

"Hi Tom, My poor girl cannot catch a break! Here's the latest, as she ends up back in ICU. I spoke to her mom today and she is going to pull the trigger on getting plane tickets and getting out here...Thank you, Dave"

 

From: conca5@cox.net

Sent: Wednesday, November 10, 2010 10:11 PM

To:

Subject: Kimmy Tucson, AZ

Hello everyone, sorry I did not get an update out last night...it has been an exhausting two days...and if I'm this tired, you might imagine how Kim is feeling...She has had a challenging time, not being able to get off of the oxygen following the removal of the blood clots in her right arm and the insertion of a vent to prevent the blood clots in her legs from reaching her heart. In addition to struggling to catch her breath, she is anemic and her heart rate was seriously increased as she tried to keep up with all of this. She was given two more pints of blood yesterday.

A lung Dr. was brought in, Dr. Riley, who felt she may have pneumonia and he ordered a scope of her lungs done this morning. He found that her left lung was clear, but her right one is bleeding. Could be the blood thinner she is on, could be the cancerous tumor in her lung, could be the blood clots, could be a combination of these complications. He stopped her blood thinners and had her sent to ICU. Our good friend Janene (who not only brought me dinner at the hospital the last two nights, and also cut my hair so I no longer look like a 60's reject!), contacted Father Harry, the pastor of our church, St. Pius. Father Harry showed up within 20 minutes and prayed with us and visited for some time, brightening Kim's spirits. She could not have Communion, as she is on clear liquids only right now. She told him she knows this is not how it ends for her...God has more for her to do. She had a good fire in her eyes...but, by the time the bambini's and I left her tonight, she was just plain tired after another round of blood draws, bed changes and medication.

Mrs. Schrantz, Tonio's teacher and Mrs. Rudzena, Autumn's teacher were awesome again today, keeping the little ones after school and helping them catch up on their homework!! Mrs. Schrantz teaching Tonio to eat hot sauce on his snacks, as every south westerner should, and loves to tell me about his experiments! These teachers have been great for our kids! Mrs. Rudzena's mom, Patti, then took the kids back to our house and fed them home made soup (thank you Rachael and Mike Franzen!!) and brought them down to St. Joseph's for a visit, were we played the Battleship game that Patti brought to us to pass the time. Tonio's pretty good at it. Cody likes to bring my laptop to play games at the hospital. I tried to send this out from there earlier, but there was a bomb threat called in to the hospital and they cut off all communications just as I hit 'send' and I lost the whole message! No bomb was found, thank God.

Hopefully, Kim's lungs will have healed themselves by morning...they are testing the blood every 4 hours and may run some other tests in the morning.

Please continue the happy thoughts and prayers - this whole community has been overwhelmingly supportive, we appreciate it!

Our good friends, Vito & Rosa, sent this email to us last week and it brought us comfort, so I wanted to share...

Love, Dave

HAD AN UNEXPECTED VISITOR THIS MORNING. HE ARRIVED EARLY, SAT DOWN WITH ME AND CHATTED FOR A WHILE ABOUT HOW THINGS WERE CURRENTLY GOING FOR ME IN MY LIFE. AFTER VERY CAREFULLY AND COMPASSIONATELY LISTENING TO ALL THAT I HAD TO SAY, HE SAW THE SADNESS ON MY FACE AND THE TEARS IN MY EYES. HE STOOD UP, WALKED OVER TO ME, LEANED OVER AND GENTLY HELD ME FOR AWHILE BECAUSE I WAS HAVING A REALLY BAD MORNING. THEN, AFTER REASSURING ME NOT TO WORRY, THAT EVERYTHING WOULD WORK OUT FOR ME AND BE JUST FINE, HE ASKED ME IF I KNEW OF ANYONE ELSE THAT COULD USE A VISIT FROM HIM. I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU MY FRIEND. I GAVE HIM YOUR NAME AND TOLD HIM WHERE YOU LIVED. HE GAVE ME ANOTHER REASSURING HUG, THANKED ME AND I WALKED WITH HIM TO MY FRONT DOOR. HE TOLD ME THAT HE WAS ON HIS WAY TO YOUR PLACE. When He gets to your PC, escort Him to the next stop. Please don't allow Him to sleep on your PC. The message He is carrying is very important and needs to go around. I asked him to bless you and yours with peace, happiness and abundance. Say a prayer and then pass Him on to bless others as I sent him on to bless you. Our assignment is to spread love, respect and kindness throughout the world. Have a blessed day and touch somebody's life today as hopefully I have touched your life. I won't go into detail on this day last year...the day I lost it at St. Joseph's, because of the donkey...and Casey's shower...and Viro's...too many blessings today.  And, I want to sleep. Love,      Dave

The Red Chair

           11/9/2010

Hi Dady! How was your day today? Love you!

 Love, Autumn : )

 

        Autumn, emailing me as there'd be long stretches that we did not see each other....

 

         11/9/2010

 

      

Ok, thanks Mrs. Rudzena! So..............I don't do my homework today?

From: Casey Rudzena

Sent: Tuesday, November 09, 2010 10:27 AM

To: conca5@cox.netconca5@cox.net

Subject: Re:

Sure! The math is from this week. It is EASY it's just adding and subtracting decimals. You should have no problem but if you do, let me know.

I will put the spelling words on the moodle soon. Autumn! You should be resting! Don't worry about this stuff! We will catch you up :)

On Nov 9, 2010, at 7:17 AM, <conca5@cox.net> <conca5@cox.net> wrote:

Dear Mrs. Rudzena,

I'm still feeling yucky today, my stomach still hurts but I think I'll be back tomorrow. I was wondering if you could e-mail me the spelling words so I can go on the moodle and do the spelling homework. Also, for the math on the moodle, is it stuff we learned last week or stuff we learned this week? I haven't looked at it yet and I don't want to do it wrong and if the math is stuff we learned this week then I won't know how to do it. Could you e-mail me the spelling words, if the math is stuff we learned this week or last week?

 

Your Student, Autumn

 

          Autumn was beginning to feel the strain...and it manifested itself as stomach pain...

          11/9/2010

Team Barnes & Noble,

Where do I begin to express my gratitude? I can tell you, this past 3 weeks has been a surreal blur for my family. It has been like one of those bad dreams that you just cannot wake up from. Kim now has pneumonia and will have a scope of her lungs tomorrow to see if they can determine if it is the cancer in her lungs, the blood clots in her lungs or complications from the drain for the abscess where her gall bladder was removed. We appreciate all of your positive thoughts and prayers!

           Also, I appreciate all of the extra hard work you have done to allow me to be at Kim's bedside. Tom calls me and tells me how great the store looks and how everyone has stepped up nicely. And the basket of fun for my family was awesome! My kids and Kim had a nice time picking through all of the surprises you included (nicely done on the soccer and Mother Teresa mags!). We will enjoy it for a long time to come. We hung the happy thoughts chain from Kim's ceiling - great mojo! We really appreciate all that you guys have done.

    

I miss you all and hope to get Kim well enough to come home so I can return to work. Until that time...keep up the great work and keep sending us your positive thoughts and prayers!

 

God Bless,

Dave

 

       What would I have done (what would I do?) without the wonderful people at B&N??

 

  

        Today, a special visitor!

 

                     

                       Brinley and Mary Montes (Autumn and Tonio's kindergarten teacher)!!  Brinley let me hold her while Mary checked out the Nitcho and danced with Bella...and she made us rice krispy treats (my kryptonite!)!!

 

                      Later, we found a photo of Mary, in that same red chair (different house, though) from a Christmas party we had 8 years ago...

Mary and Tonio! (See Mary?  Not too much hair on Tonio!)  He fell asleep in Mary's lap a little later on!!  Those red chairs have certainly gotten a lot of mileage over the years...

Andrea had a connection to bring Santa to our party...Here's Angie having a little dinner with Santa! Her whole family came, a yearly tradition. All of the kindergarten teachers (Mary, her sister, Ami, who Cody had and Anabelle Pearson (then Rios). It was a full house. All of the kids had so much fun that night.

And still later...I took Autumn to Pier 1 to see if they still had any Halloween left on clearance.  She wanted to buy a ghost, if they had one 'with good eyes'...

...what strikes you when you walk in, is the Christmas merchandise...remember, Kim helped set it last year.  Look at the displays...

And the amount of product on them!  Kim was perfect for the display factor in this set up!  You know she must have worked so hard.

Here's one with all Venetian ornaments - Kim always chose ornaments made in Italy and loved Pier 1's selection!

Another memory occurred to me today...a small one.  I had to run from Barnes & Noble to the Ellie Towne Community Center, where I take books, games, etc and help talk to folks, etc.  I used to always call Kimmy as I left to make these runs to say hi.  When she'd answer, I'd tell her that I was loose, a double entendre, as I meant I had escaped...but...  And she'd giggle "Yes, but where are you?"...

Bella was upset that I never posted a photo of her in her pirate costume from Halloween. 

And at the end of the day, we are counting our blessings....

Love,

     Dave

From the B&N parking lot

                     

            

Nightmares

           Dammit.  Four nights in a row.  Nightmares.  Can't remember the lines from "Fight Club" about having insomnia, but they were brilliant!
           But, I do have this one:
      
             "I was living in a state of perpetual deja vu. Everywhere I went, I felt I'd already been there.  It was like following the invisible man..."

            On Nov 8, 2010, at 7:34 PM, <conca5@cox.net> <conca5@cox.net> wrote:

> Today, Kim had a trying day. She had hopes she would be released
> from St. Joseph's today, but is really having a difficult time
> breathing, due to blood loss from surgery, chemo and the drain to
> relieve the abscess where her gull bladder was removed. She will
> remain on oxygen through the night. She was given two pints of
> blood to try to relieve the anemia. A pulmonary Dr. was called in,
> Dr. Riley, who feels the tumor/clots in her lungs also make it
> difficult for Kim to breath and her heart rate has been increased as
> her heart tries to replace her blood and work to keep her lungs
> going. So, she is understandably tired today. Dr. Atkinson stopped
> in and told her he did not want to remove her drain today - it is
> better the blood come out, rather than pool up inside of her. He
> ordered the blood to be tested so he can decide if he needs to be
> concerned with internal bleeding. Dr. Leon, the vascular surgeon,
> checked on Kim's arm today, following the successful thrombectomy he
> performed yesterday and said she was doing nicely. She says her arm
> is still tender, but not painful like it was yesterday.
> Kim is now totally converted to the blood thinner Loverox. I
> gave her an injection in her stomach this morning and will give her
> another shot tonight. She said it didn't hurt, but as it was the
> first injection I ever gave, I know she was just being sweet.
> Tonight, I brought my laptop with me to St. Joe's, so Kim is
> helping me remember her day. She wants you to know she is trying
> her hardest to get healthy, but it seems that her body does not want
> to cooperate. She will be given lasix tonight to get rid of any
> fluid around her lung and heart and Dr. Riley ordered new x-rays
> over Kim's chest in the morning. Kim is overwhelmed by the support
> and prayers pouring in from the community - she says it really keeps
> her going.
> Special thanks today to the hard working team over at Barnes &
> Noble!! I spoke with my District Manager, Tom, today, who has done
> so much to make sure that I can spend this time with Kim and my
> family. He is so impressed with how well the team is keeping the
> store looking great and preparing our store for the holiday
> season!!! I cannot say enough good things about everyone over there
> - it is so great to work with all of them as partners in that
> operation and to know that the store is in great hands is such peace
> of mind.
> Today, Autumn stayed home sick and slept on our neighbor's,
> Brian and Betsey's couch. Antonio's teacher, Mrs. Schrantz,
> reported that Tonio had a 'sad' day and he told me that she did so
> much to make him smile. Cody keeps going strong, as the wear and
> tear of the last three weeks catches up with the little ones. Our
> neighbor, Amy, just brought the bambini's down to visit with Kim -
> they love to see her and have made her some adorable cards and
> pictures.
> So, we are spending some quite time now that the kids have gone
> home with Amy, who does such a great job getting them dinner,
> showered, lunches packed and to bed for us...and we're watching a
> little Monday Night Football - Emilio, I know you must be glued to
> your set, looking for a Bengals comeback and Brad and Janene are
> happy that the Steelers are winning! We're right there with you and
> we know that you are all right there for us! Thanks again for
> everything,
> God Bless,
> Dave

            Our Tuesday night 'therapy' session with Lupe and Manny Barrios was a hit, as usual!!  We look forward to the wonderful meal and conversation...

       


               

            "I know why I'm in this hell...I just don't want to believe..."

Sunday

         "The greatest weapon any warrior can carry into battle is absolute certainty of her eternal soul."

          I read this today and thought, how appropriate for Kim.  The situation she was facing this time last year.  And although her resolve never wavered, her body just was not cooperating.

          Sundays.  They've always been the sticking point.  Seemingly more so, now, as the calendar flips back around at astonishing speed, but with horrendous slow motion in the moment feeling.

The morning sky today was beautiful and the air chill over the De Grazia Gallery in the Sun...

 

It was cold, but not so cold that I could see my breath...this chapel so beautiful and peaceful...

I had to work today and I got up early so that I could stop by the De Grazia chapel and pray...for Kim...the bambini...our family and friends...to try to be more humble and to be able to stand up, on my own, and put this month to rest...and then the next one...

The bambini were so cute today, as I prepared to leave...they send me off in style, making sure that I have my lunch...check...my briefcase...check...my large Phillies cup filled with ice water...check...keys...check...and Autumn yells "sell a lot of books and Nooks today!"...they stand  leap about in the driveway, like Lord of the Flies castoffs, waving wildly, blowing kisses and shouting "have a great day!"   "drive safe!"  "Love you!"

Andrea picked them up around 8:30 and took them to their C.C.D. classes at Our Mother of Sorrows with Lexy and Breanna.  Afterwards, she took them to breakfast at Viro's, where they had the buffet with Rose.  I got a funny text from Micah Mortensen, principal of Desert Sky Middle School. "Dave, your kids are here at Viro's."  "Tell them hi for me Micah" I texted back.  "Well, who are they here with?"  "Andrea."  Long pause...."Oh, I see her!"  It's nice to know there are others looking out for the bambini! 

They had a fun day, watching movies, drinking hot chocolate (yes, it is getting cold here!) and then going to Lexy's dance performance.  Andrea kept them busy and well fed!!  She even brought some penne pasta and meatballs home for Cody and I to eat for dinner!!

I was glad and grateful that they had a nice day...I'd love to hit the lottery and just be able to be there for them all of the time!

           Autumn and Antonio watched the Ravens v Steelers game with me tonight (well, between packing lunches, doing wash, dishes, floors, etc.)...Autumn was very enthusiastic and asked a lot of questions.  She thought that the Steelers, James Harrison, had too much energy, as he seems to be in on every play.  And wondered why players like Troy Palalamu of the Steelers and Torrey Smith of the Ravens, let their hair grow so long "won't somebody pull it?".  She rooted hard for the Ravens, because her Pop is a fan, living just north of the city of Baltimore.  And thought she had 'jinxed' them, when after the third quarter ended, with the Ravens in the lead, she wondered out loud 'Wouldn't that be awful if the Steelers came back in the last quarter and won?'  Those two added some great color commentary...Cody and his buddy Alex decided to play out front instead!

           I apparently did not send out much last year this day...sometimes, it's just too hard.  You just want to lay down, give up. Kim, she kept us going...  But, I did send this one:

  "Hi Tom, Kim had a bit of a setback, as her body rejected the cumadin blood thinner. She'll undergo a procedure this morning at 11:30 a.m. to try to correct clots and protect her from them. They are trying her on a different blood thinner. I hope she can be re-released on Monday. Thank you.  And my family thanks you, Dave"

         

             The clouds were spectacular tonight, as the bambini lit their candles and placed them carefully in Kim's Nitcho...

                   Love,
                        Dave