Keep on Klimbing

                Another year...same mountain...for Kim...

             Front Row: Breanna, Monsi, Autumn, Tonio, Cody, Alissa, Brittany, Brinley.
             Row 2: Sandy, Mark, Andrea, Jack, Annette, Lupe, Renee, Brittany, Mary, Dawn, Jason, Bobbi.
            Row 3: Ann Marie, Manny, me, Elizabeth, Shawn

                     We began at the crack of dawn (just after 8 a.m.), departing from a medical lot next to St. Mary's Hospital (thank you to Mary and her 'Siri' app on her I-phone!  We had, apparently, discussed meeting here, at this new spot, a year ago as we struggled to make the last leg of the walk back to Pima County Community College.  Mary had told her IPhone to let her know, a year from now, where we were supposed to meet.  Technology.  Thank God.). It means a lot to me and the bambini, that these people took time out of their busy lives to join us today...

                     It was an incredible morning - no need for jackets.  Or multiple, multiple layers.  Our core team of walkers now three year veterans.  Bleary eyed while intaking donuts.  And coffee.  Sporting the beautiful t-shirts that Jack had created for us.  For Kim.
                     We had some new walkers - Mark, Angie's husband, joined us for the first time.  As we headed into the steep incline of A Mountain he quipped "This is a little different than walking to the mail box."  Everyone took turns helping the walkers with strollers.

 

Cody and Tonio perch high up on the A of A Mountain.  They climbed to the top of this peak and down the other side to rejoin us later.  Moments before, Autumn and Breanna had climbed up, beating us all to the top this year!

 

Shawn Ball, near the top, carrying Brinley.  By the time we hit the top, it was 70+ degrees.  Shawn said the views from the top make the whole walk worth it.  It is breathtaking!

 

Mary and Brinley - Mary made the hike 5 months pregnant and with a cold/sore throat!!  Toughing it out  for Kim, she was the first adult from our group to the top of the mountain, an inspiration to us all!

 

 

We all made it to the top!!  The little ones, especially Micah, loved the fire engine and jumping castles.  This year, they served pancakes and peaches.

 

Getting ready to sign the American Cancer Society's banner for Kim...Cody, Autumn, Breanna and Tonio all wrote a message.

 

Brinley is happy to be at the top (and you can see Breanna and Autumn to the right of Mary dancing to the music)!

 

                          I stole Brinley and let her do some art work on the banner.  She used every color available to make a beautiful design.

 

On the way back, we took a 'shortcut' through the desert.  Kim and I always wanted to try this route, but never seemed to make it due to strollers or some other hindrance.  Jack wanted to try it too, so we convinced the group...it was a little bit more challenging than we thought..."Who's idea was this?" Andrea called out now and again jokingly, as we suddenly noticed that Cody, Tonio, Autumn, Monsi and Breanna had found a parallel 'path' away from us.  I called out to Cody to double back and rejoin us.  He said 'We'll meet up with you at the end'.  I had to explain to Cody that not all paths through the desert converge at the same spot, so he let the kids back - and the picture above is them coming down the hill!  We lost track of the path, at one point, feeling our way along a barb wired fence until we found a gap...leading us to this:

 

 

Just before we found Anklam road and our cars, we found this stunning shrine for Mary.  This picture doesn't do it justice.  Such a peaceful, beautiful place to sit and rest.  To pray for loved ones, both sick and gone, and perhaps for dreams and better days...

Another perfect day for the walk.  I love the different conversations, the camaraderie, the folks you meet along the way...and the architecture and sights you see... and the meaning behind our walk. 

 

 

 

And the food afterward!!  At the Mariscos Chihuahua!!

 

The event was a success and a lot of fun.  I know it brought in at least $600 ( I don't have final numbers yet), that will be used towards a recliner for St. Joseph's 5th floor - for patients and visitors to be comfortable...thank you for your help!!  It feels good to be able to keep Kim's giving spirit alive.

                   



              Just the day before was Kim's birthday....I got her this:

 

Blizzard!!

 

 

I texted this pic to my sisters, Laur and Cher, the day of the blizzard, whatever day that might have been.

"Help!  I'm in hell!"  I believe I might have inserted some f-bombs in that sentence, as well, but, since this is a 'family blog', I left them out.

 

 

 

My wipers worked double time to erase the large, fast falling flakes, building up beneath them.  I thought that the beauty of such a driving snow storm in Tucson, is, that it does not accumulate on the road surface...but, by the time I was about a mile from home, I noticed that, indeed, it was getting a bit deep on the surface streets!

At Drexel and Houghton, just over a mile from our house, I saw the first accident.  Three cars, having slid right into the other.  The next, was just a half mile up, where a pick up truck sat in the middle of the road, and two other cars were pretzeled together.  A few blocks up, two cars had careened into the drainage ditch on the east side of the street.  They were smallish cars, and the amusement came from watching them spin their wheels, in a futile attempt to free themselves from the abyss.  Obviously their very first time stuck in the snow!  Spinning tires, shooting snow and gravel harmlessly into the air, gaining zero traction and making up no ground.  They'd have to wait for a push.

 

 

I made it home, with minor rear-end slippage.  I had forgotten how loose the rear end of a pick up truck is in the snow, having very little weight over those rear tires.  However, I regained my snow driving abilities honed in Pennsylvania and Colorado and even hit the accelerator as I head east on Valencia to encourage a bit of a tail spin.

 

 

Looking west down our street...

 

 

And across the street at the park...an invariable winter wonderland!

 

                 Tonio was sick.  He began the week with a 99 degree temp, going to 100 Tuesday.  I brought him to work.  He sat, stoic, invisible, in a comfy chair, watching 'Natcho Libre' (arguably the greatest movie ever made), "The Crocodile Hunter" and "Aladdin" - I'd love to be able to leap across roof tops like that dude.  But, like the loving father I am, I allowed him a brief respite into the snowy abyss.  He promptly made a large snow ball, encased it in a gallon sized Ziploc baggie, dated it and stashed it away in our freezer for a sunny day...

 

Cody was my favorite.  He got out there, as soon as school let out, with Bella.

 

He tossed snowball after snowball, tirelessly.  Bella fielded each and every throw, enjoying it as much as Cody.  Maybe more.  She is a snow dog!

 

Bella (left), waits anxiously for Aut and Tonio to throw snow balls to her!

 

 

Whoa!  White stuff!  What is it?  I suddenly forgot how to drive!! LOOK OUT!!!

 

Aut built a small snowman...Bella stalked it's carrot nose...

 

 

Bella loved the snow.  She was in.  Then out.  Then in, looking for bambini support - "Hey!  Come outside!  There is slippery white stuff!"  And, sure enough, she'd come running toward the porch, hit the bricks and slide like Pete Rose into second base!!!

 

The olive tree was truly burdened and the nitcho looked Heavenly in the snowfall.

 

Bella waits at the bottom of the snow covered sliding board for Tonio to come down...

 

 

At Aut's school, Desert Sky Middle School.

 

The wind.  The wind was blowing hard to the east...these Saguaro's were plastered.  Road signs were rendered invisible...and the February blizzard held sway over all...

 

 

 

 

 

Futbol

                        I didn't know where to start today, but I wanted  needed to write.

                       So, I thought I'd start with this:  Most days are gray.  And I think, or like to think, that Kim sent me this to remind me - that even through the gray, their may still be sunshine left out there for me somewhere...
                       

                       It's been awhile since she's sent someone to talk to me.  It happened so often after she passed - meeting people at San Xavier that had a similar story or connection with my family, or the random person at Barnes & Noble that touched my otherwise gray day.  She certainly made sure that the kids and I had the right support structure around us, as well.
                       Recently, I decided to up my insurance - for the bambini, just in case.  I have the best insurance guy in the business, Emilio Montes (let me know if you need his number!!) - he found me a great price and sent a nurse to my home to do a blood draw.  I love the questions they ask, especially in front of the bambini. 
                     "Have you ever used tobacco products?"
                      Glancing out of the corner of my eye, I spied Aut watching closely...
                     "No!"
                     I snuck a sideways look at her and she mouthed 'LIAR!'  at me.  I winked.
                     "Have you ever used illicit drugs?"
                     "You mean like if I 'borrowed' someone else's prescriptions?"
                     "No, like illegal drugs."
                     "Oh.  Not today."  I told her.
                     "You're heart rate is high."
                      "Does it hurt that I just completed a 1 hr cardio work out?"

                     It was a downhill conversation...until she asked if I was married.
                     "Uh.  No, widowed.  Lost her in a knife fight."
                   
                     And then, the floodgates opened!!!  She asked me if I ever heard from Kim, if I believed.  I explained that I felt more in tune with the sunsets, the clouds and when a hummingbird lingers in our backyard, etc.  And about a few of the incredibly lucid dreams...and yes, I do believe.
                    "I had a daughter who died at the age of 20.  Her first time on a motorcycle, she was the passenger."  I could tell it was difficult for her, but she motored ahead.
                    "A week or so before she died, she told me 'Mom, when ever I die, you know I'll still be here with you'  "Uh-huh, me too"  'And I'll give you signs, to let you know I made it and that I'm allright' "Uh-huh, me too" 'And you can even donate my organs if you want.' "Uh-huh, me too".
                   She said it was a light conversation they were having.  Nothing deep.  So she didn't think much of it.
                   Her daughter got on the back of a motorcycle, got in a crash, was thrown and hit head first. 
                  She proceed to tell me story after story about how her daughter made sure she knew.
                  Turning off the A/C while she was at work - a battle they had constantly over the years.  She even had the system checked to be sure it wasn't somehow a mechanical problem.  And, during an appointment, like the one she was having with me, the patient suddenly leaned into her and said "I'm a psychic"  And she was like 'Uh...yeh, so?"  "Well, I need to tell you that there is a young lady behind you.  She's smiling and dancing around.  And she wants me to tell you something."  "Go on..."
 "Go to bed."
                  Well, it seems that my nurse habitually would watch t.v. on the couch and end up falling asleep there.  And each night, when her daughter got home from work, she would wake her up and say "Go to bed.".  It became quite the joke over the years.
                   There were other neat stories too and she said that sometimes, our loved ones won't materialize if they feel that they might startle us or cause and distress...And I thought...maybe?  She was filled with info on quantum physics, etc and by the end of our visit - I just felt that Kim had sent her my way to talk and for me to learn.
                  She even got me a lead on a guy to repair the pinball machine I got way back in 1978, saying that the guy who works on the arcade games at Golf 'N Stuff does housecalls.  Turns out, Janene's husband, Brad, a Tucson Police Officer works there Saturday nights and got me the name and number...I've tried, over the years, to convince Kim to let me sell the pinball machine and she would never relent.  I found it too coincidental that this was a part of my nurse's conversation - as I had just been thinking about selling it again because it hasn't worked in about 4 years...

                    Today, following the Blizzard of '13 (I'll post pics later), it was 65 and sunny.  We don't have  a lot of good sports opportunities in Tucson.  Spring Training, where we once had the Colorado Rockies, Arizona Diamondbacks and Chicago Whitesox (their manager, Ozzie Guillen, hated Tucson and led the movement to Phoenix).  There was a game everyday during the month of March.  I'd often tell Kim that my dream was to take the month off and see a game everyday.  And, the running joke, was that for her birthday (March 1st), I had gotten us primo Spring Training tickets!  She was such a sport, going along with it every year for 17 years!!
                   Three years ago, Major League Soccer began doing some of their Spring Training here - just four teams, but it was great soccer.  This year their were six teams and a month of MLS that culminated tonight with a championship game, called the Desert Diamond Cup.

 

The bambini get comfortable in the grass watching a little pro soccer action.

 

We mainly went to watch the NY Red Bulls (who, ironically, play their games in NJ).  Their big start, Thiery Henry, was once captain of France's national squad, and the best player, next to Alessandro Nesta, in MLS right now.  He controlled the field today and was great to watch.

 

 

Henry is the size of an NFL tight end and has great speed and agility.  That's him buried in the corner preparing for a corner kick.

 

 

                                       Tonio, a little tuckered out from running the hill, catches a quick nap.

                   I told the kids that we'd go catch some Mexican food after the game.  Kino Field is not too far from the best restaurants in town.

                     Just south of Park and Fair, I  pulled into a familiar parking lot.

                    "Hey" Cody said quietly. "I remember.  You guys used to take us here after the Rodeo Parade."
                    The parking lot was empty.  The place looked deserted.  Tonio (just into front of the door waving in this photo) ran up to try the door...it opened!
                   "Cerrado."  Said a man, who was just inside the doorway, painting.
                   "Cerrado? No bueno!"  I told him and asked him what he suggested.
                   "Rigo's.  4th and 36th."
                   "Gracias!" 
                     We were off!  On the way, I remembered the times at the El Doradito.  The carne asada.  The mom and pop feel, that Kim so loved.  Drinking iced teas with limes in them.  I looked forward to our time there, after the parade, more than the parade itself.  It was a rite.  A ritual.  Never taken for granted, always a wonderful time.
                    Rigo's lived up to it's name.  As we pulled up, a a deaf and dumb man, stopped us on the porch.  He gestured to a sign that read "I need $3.68 for each diabetes treatment" and then showed us a blood sugar reader.  He gestured wildly at the bambini, smiling.  I helped him out and he embraced me.  I told the kids, this is why we are here.
                    The food was fantastic.  Cody literally inhaled their machaca.  I failed to take any pictures, swept up in the moment.  These beautiful kids...I was so thankful for them.  And when I had asked Cody if he wanted to see a little MLS, I expected that he'd tell me 'not this time', but he didn't hesitate when he said 'Sure. I'll go.'

                      There was my bright spot on a gray day.  And I'm grateful.

                       I was going to get to the blizzard tonight, too.  But, maybe I'll save that for later.  I want to sit in the 'red chair', Kim's red chair for a little while. 

                       Just in case...

 

 

 

Ashes/Valentine's/Bikes in Trees

             Some days in Purgatory are better than others...and some days, I'm just done. Toast...but, it's the Lenten season, so I will just shoulder that cross and bear it...

             It was one of those days, I got the bambini up early, made it to Mass, breakfast, grocery shopping and then home, where I did wash, made lunch while packing lunches for tomorrow, then started dinner, since I had to leave for work at 1:00....
             Got home a little after 10:00 in time to write.

             Ash Wednesday, a blur, like the ashes Father Harry swiped on my forehead as I raced across town after working en route to pick up the bambini, who were in the safe, caring home of Mary (their kindergarten teacher!).
             St. Pius has an awesome set up for folks on the fly, like me.  They set up a fire pit out front in the courtyard - framed with orange trees and the majestic Catalina Mountains just behind the church - the spot where we released balloons to the Heavens for Kim, the day of her celebration.  There are scraps of paper available, so you can write down your sins, or what you plan to give up and then toss them onto the fire.  I wrote a novel, the size of a telephone book,  and set it ablaze.
            "I thought you'd never stop writing" deadpanned Father Harry.
             "Did you see Juve beat Celtic 3-0 in the Champions League yesterday?" I asked him (he's from Ireland, but a Manchester United fan).
              "Nice match, that"  He replied as he anointed my forehead with ashes.
               I didn't have time to bring the bambini with, so I asked him if he'd bless some ashes and put them in a tissue I had and told him I'd apply them to their foreheads later.  Father Harry is so in tune with today's family, he readily did that for us.
       
              I knew I had to get running and actually started heading to the parking lot.  Yet.  The church pulled me back.  Like a magnet.  I hadn't been inside of it in about a year.
              I entered through the southeast door, like we used to, as a family, before we were broken - all of those years ago...and the flashback hit me with the force of lightning and tsunami...the church was packed to standing room only and I was facing the pew where I sat that day, holding my babies, trying to stay strong...
              ...and then I was back.  The church was dark, except for night lighting.  My gaze stuck on the northwest facing doors.  So ornamental and beautiful.  But such a sad, mournful quality and meaning to them.
                 Tuesdays, our day with the Barrio's family, I related to them my feelings towards these doors. Wonder. Horror. How, before Kim even got sick, I dreaded those doors. Prayed I'd never have to see a loved one pass through their artistically adorned arches.
               "Did you notice them? That day?"  I asked.  Lupe told me that they had been seated behind me, so their backs were to those doors.

 

When we first started attending Mass at St. Pius, after Kim's unceremoniously exit from St. Frances, we both admired these doors.  Kim loved the artwork.  The angels.  Beautiful.

However, we attended the funeral of Vito's Uncle Angelo, who Cody and Autumn adored and was such a nice man, and found out that this set of doorways, was the ones used to send off the deceased. 

That day, Father Harry explained that this was the doorway that led to Heaven.

I looked for the proverbial stairway, in my grief, but found none.  And a lyric from an old favorite song came to mind:

"This is not an exit, there's no way out"

                                     -Anthrax (certainly from my heavy metal days)

And from that point on, each and every Mass, I stared at that door.  Foreboding.  Gripping me. Mesmerized and praying that I'd never have to see my loved ones pass through it.

 

I stayed at the back row of the church, as far from the door as possible and prayed.  For the bambini.  Our friends and family.  Kim.

And then, on leaden feet, I stiffly approached it to take this photo.

Again, so beautiful, yet so sad.

             The big save was the support that we have - especially Aut and Tonio.  We had a great dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings with Mary, Emilio and Brinley.  Autumn and Tonio walked Brinley to the arcade area and  played the claw machine until they won a stuffed dog for Brinley and a Angry Bird for Tonio.  Aut and Tonio love that little girl - she makes their day!

             Before I knew it, St. Valentine's Day was upon us. I found myself helping Tonio fill out his class' Valentine's after our dinner with the Montes'.  I helped him place them all in a brown bag, telling him that is how I used to transport my Valentine's to school, too.
             For the first time, I heard the satirical "Valentine's is 'single awareness day'" and thought it had been soooo many years since I was in that category.  I loved surprising Kim with flowers, or a bit of jewelry.  Or a movie, DVD or shoes (she was, after all, the Imelda Marcos of the U.S. ; ) )  And Kim, she would always make me a shrimp dish for dinner, my favorite. 
            Would I have loved to take Kimmy out for dinner?
             We ended up at Viro's, sharing a table with long time regulars, and I had shrimp and scallops (Kim's favorite)....A place of comfort for us.

                            I miss the brilliant sparkle in Kim's blue eyes the moment I handed her roses...she was always so amazingly appreciative of every gesture...so supportive...

                            Saturday, after I worked a 9 hour shift, a gorgeous day, Cody said "Hey, it would be a great day to ride Fantasy Island!".
                           As broken as I felt, after my week, I hadn't seen that smile on his face and that desire to do something with us in a while...I could not say no. 
                            He's so quiet these day.  Loves his X-Box.  Best friend, Brendon (Janene's boy) comes over every weekend, or he goes there.  It's hard to keep him with us...and I do my best to give him his space.  So, you see, I had to go...
                            "I'm not going."  Autumn stated flatly.  "That place will be the death of me.  I've had dreams."  Like my tidal wave dreams?  I wondered.
                             We tried to persuade her. 
                             "It's so nice out!" 
                              "No."
                              "It will help you with your exercise log for P.E. class!"
                              "I'll exercise in the house."
                              "We'll see Mama's bike!  And touch it up!"
                              Hesitation.  Serious thought.
                               "I want to...but I can't."

                               And so it was, that the boys and I set out into the desert.  Tonio's first time on his new, 20" bike.  No foot brake, just a hand brake.  And as we began on the tight, cholla and prickly pair cactus lined path, I questioned my own judgement....
                          
                               It is so undeniably beautiful and pristine out there.  The winding path, the wild life.  The trees, plants and mountains!  The temperature was just right, near 70 degrees.  My boys.  Riding under perfect conditions.  Tonio, comically close to being punctured by a variety of cacti, and totally unaware, jabbering away...
                              "Wow!  A chipmunk!" he'd cry. 
                              "Look at that saguaro!  It must be at least 90, no! 100 years old!"
                              "How soon until we get to Mama's bike?"

                         Cody, leading the way, found it first.
                         "It's pretty faded Dad."  He worried.
                          Ahhhh, but I had brought the huge marker...just in case.
                           "Please Cody" I told him "You do the honor."

                         Cody carefully, artfully and with full concentration, retraced our words on Kim's memorial, dangling from a large Palo Verde tree in the middle of nowhere.

                                       I love these boys...and Cody's smile!  He did a great job resurrecting the verbiage on Kim's memorial.  We shared some water...and then...
                                     " Mind if I take off Dad?"...Cody asked.

                                     Tonio and I stayed a bit longer, Tonio asking me questions..."Do you miss Mama?  Do you ever see her?  I miss her right now.  So bad."  And then, "Ok Dad, let's ride."

                                     He did so remarkably well.  Navigating rutted paths, with 90 degree turns, amidst cacti that would slice and dice him at the slightest hint of a mistake.
                                    And the whole way, he's narrating...
                                    "Look, a cactus wren, our state bird!"
                                    "Oh my, quail!"
                                    "Dad!!!  Jack rabbits!! They are bigger than Bella!!!!"
        

                              It was a joy.  A pleasure.  To ride with my youngest son, in this moment, he was tireless, energetic, so observant.  What great company.  And, about three quarters of the way through, I heard the sound of a fast, approaching rider, overcoming us.
                             "Tonio! Move off the path to your right!" I called.
                             I heard a chuckle.
                              "It's just me Dad."  Cody said.

 

  

"Haul A**!" I'd yell at Tonio - he'd be giggling and pedaling hard.  He worked so hard to make it through this 6 mile journey in about an hour, his best time. I was so proud of him - no accidents and he made it through so quickly (he did confide in me this morning that his thighs were sore from the ride). Cody took paths that were about 11 miles and was not even winded.  I was done.  It was so peaceful and beautiful out there though.  And I felt a great connection with my boys....

 

I don't have an emphatic ending for this post, sorry.  Just trudging along, through my Purgatory and t what happened.  What I have been blessed with.

 

Thank you.

                             

                          

                                      

The Monkees

                  Leave it to South Park.  And Cody.  Not watching this show while 'studying'....it's only on for 'company'.
                  The little ones are tired - we are running just a little harder and later than usual...Aut asked me if we could go out and say goodnight to Kim.  As I walked down the hallway to get Cody, I heard a song that took me blasted me back into the '70's...

                    "Here we come..."
                
                   The theme song to one of our favorite t.v. shows...

                    "walking down the street..."

                    Countless nights we watched episode after episode...

                    "we get the funniest looks from everyone we meet..."

          Remember when your T.V. remote only had five buttons?  The 'power' button, a 'up' volume button, a 'down' volume button, a 'up' channel button and a 'down' channel button.  And it was big.  And clunky.  A door stop.

                  'hey hey we're the Monkees!"
 
          One of our favorite part of any episode was the them song and the medley of shenanigans that the Monkees were involved in.

                    I ran the rest of the way to Cody's bedroom. 

                   "Cody!  This was one of Mama's and my favorite shows!  Of ALL TIME!!  Is it on Netflix?"

                   "Uh.  No Dad.  It was a South Park episode."

                    Instead of going right out to say goodnight, I ran back down the hallway, to the computer.

                    "We have to YOUTUBE the Monkees! You HAVE to see this show!"

                     I told them I believe the Monkees were the predecessor to MTV.  They always played their songs during their shows...and hi jinx ensued.

                   Our favorite was always Mickey Dolenz, the drummer.  We loved his delivery - and he had a better voice than Davey Jones (which was David Bowie's original name, but he changed it because Davey Jones of the Monkees was a bigger star...for the moment.). 

                 These guys were big. They toured with Jimi Hendrix.  Did Nerf, Kellogg's, etc. commercials and had a lot of top 40 hits.
                 We watched a bunch of episodes - it is amazing how much you can find on YOUTUBE!  The bambini enjoyed it - well, they at least enjoyed my enjoyment of the episodes.  I didn't have to tell them that it seemed as if Kim was sitting next to me, laughing along at the slapstick comedy...
                 The sound effects were brilliant.  The 'boink' sound when someone hit their head.  Or a creaky hinge sound when one would close their gaping mouth.  There's a great boxing episode and everytime Mickey punches the champ, there are sounds of breaking glass, etc.  And the laugh track was unmistakable, but adds to the period feel.  I always remember the laugh track from the old Scooby Doo episodes, too...of which we owned them all!  We got Cody pretty hooked on Scooby Doo when he was younger.

 

 

             I swear this one was filmed at Old Tucson Movie studios - same sound stage that I did the 'The Big, the Bad and the Ugly"  about a zillion years ago, prior to the big fire...but that's a different story.  There's a great 'spooky' episode, starring 'Jaws' from that old James Bond movie, too.

           Ahhhh South Park.  Even as I type, I hear Butter's explaining Scientology, as Tom Cruise hides in his closet...But, looking at the 'bright side', if Cod wasn't watching South Park, I wouldn't have heard the Monkees theme song, and a brilliant memory revived, however briefly, a moment of warm, bright, sunshine...I told Aut that I was going to stay up all night and watch every episode.  She sternly told me that I had better not, that I needed my sleep.  And who would take them to school in the morning?

             ....somewhere, far away, Kim is giggling....

The Chapel

 

 

More mountains...!  Here's the Catalina's from atop the parking garage at St. Joseph's Hospital. 

 

I found, that when I parked, those mountains pulled my eyes to them like magnets.  Looking at the hospital itself, I tried to see the windows for each room that Kim stayed in...while giving birth to the bambini, and while fighting

 

I was there for a planning meeting, nearly the last one, for the new chapel.  John, the director of the Carondelet Foundation that administers Kim's Fund, led me through the construction site. 

 

 

This is a view as you enter from the east side of the site, just beyond the Outpatient entrance.

 

This cinder block wall will have Kim's name on it....

 

This will be a little seating and garden area.

 

I was stunned with how much progress had been made.  More so by the transformation of what was essentially a dirt lot, stuck between Outpatient and leading to the main set of elevators.  When I try to describe to people the new chapel's exact location, no one can quite pinpoint it.  In some ways, I am glad - because they have not had to be around the hospital so much that they had explored every garden, staircase, corridor...even the basement.

 

 

This will be the entrance into the chapel.  The existing rooftop to the second floor provides extra cover.

 

A garden/meditation area tucked behind Outpatient services.

 

These pillars have always been there, propping up 4 stories of hospital above.  Just beyond them, will be a sliding partition, that will open up the chapel for larger services/events. 

 

What I remember most about this soon to be forgotten (and never discovered by many) dirt lot, are the races the bambini and I had across the dirt, coming to see their Mama and taking them home again.  Their small footprints the only evidence that they had been there...

 

 

Inside is still a work in progress...

 

Straight ahead will be the altar.

 

I watched, amazed, as this hard working man made his way on stilts, applying mud to the ceiling.  I stopped him, apologetically, to ask if I could take his picture.  I told him the bambini would be fascinated.  He smiled and told me ok, for one hundred dollars!  His boss laughed harshly and told me to be sure to show my children - and tell them this is what they'd end up doing if they didn't do well in school.  I told him everyone contributes in what ever way they can.  I let him know that they were doing a great job and how important their work was to bring this chapel, where people could pray for loved ones, hospital workers could find strength to go on...a small place of peace.

 

After the meeting, John walked me towards the parking garage...but, I told him, I needed to run the stairs, as was my ritual.  I ran to the 5th floor and walked those hallways...

...then down to the 3rd, where I saw Alejandro, a patient transporter, who had wheeled Kim through the halls on her way to xrays, sonograms, surgeries.  We worked together at Kohl's...

Then, on to ICU, where I saw Vivian, a tech who brought so many smiles to Kim's face.  To the bambini's faces. 

And Dr. McCarten.  In charge of ICU.  The poor soul that had to tell Kim and I it was time to say goodbye to each other.  One of the most compassionate men I've ever met.  Who fought tirelessly to find a way...

...it was his last day at St. Joseph's, as he is moving on to Florida.

 

I always take a little bit away from that hospital, where I had left so much behind...

 

....and, as I got back into my truck...

 

                               ...once again, it was the mountains that captured me.