Kimmy's Dinner Photos

       Thank you to Annette and Kirk Perrini and Ami Bunch for taking photos at Kim's dinner Saturday!!  It was such a fun night!!

       Here are some of the wonderful people who's hard work and enthusiasm made the evening a fun success!!!

The Perrini's!

                            
                                           Three generations!  Patti, Casey (Aut's teacher) and Kay.  Patti and Kay traveled to Viro's to get us more supplies, while Casey spent the majority of the night serving, after helping to decorate!!

 Lupe and Angie selling raffle tickets, preselling Kim's cookbook and bracelets!!

Kirk, Dave Hopkins, yeh me and Manny conduct the raffle.

Andrea's family won three prizes!

But Alyssa Perrini walked away with the big prize...an autographed Derek Jeter ball!!

The Bunchkins had a blast!!  Hunter, Colton and Ethan are so cute and entertained us all.  They are so good!!

            

Brinley and Emilio Montes.  Brinley is such a good little baby, and beautiful!

Tammy and Sarah LaPlant helped everywhere from start to finish!

Dave and Denise Hopkins helped us close down the event.

Will and Olivia Rivas with the Castillo Family.

Micah had a ball! (sorry, couldn't resist.  He really did have fun on the jumping castles!)

Monique, Bella and Joe Longo - who sweated it out in the kitchen!

Manny, Lupe and Monsi Barrios - from set up to clean up and selling raffle tickets, wristbands and cookbooks!!

And, of course, my Southwest family!  Angie, Mario, Andrea, Breanna, Andy, Rashon, Kim, Maleah, Janene and Bryson - selling tickets, raffle tickets, wristbands, cookbooks, collecting donations, clean up and moral support!!

None of this could have happened with out the support of Desert Sky Middle School principal, Micah Mortensen, who graciously opened up his campus for us and was pivotal in planning the event!

Actually, Cindy Petersen, Office Manager at Desert Sky Middle School, really did the planning while Micah and I talked sports.  Cindy also orchestrated set up, decorations and clean up!!

Tonight, we went to Viro's to tally everything up with Vito...we walked away with a check for $1802.00 to go to Kimmy's Foundation!!!  John Gimmler attended the dinner to talk about where this money will go - towards helping build a new chapel at St. Joseph's Hospital.  Actually, it will be $6,802, thanks to Len Riggio's generous donation of $5K!!  I spent a lot of time in their make-shift chapel and can say that a new chapel is so needed/necessary for the mental well being of patients, visitors and workers.  A place to find peace...and hope...

Once again, I am completely overwhelmed by the outpouring of support.  Mentally, physically, emotionally - all of these people, and so many more that were not pictured (Cheryl Devitt, Melissa Grossheim to name a few!) worked hard to pull this off.  For Kim.  I feel like this keeps her spirit of giving, unselfishly, alive.  There are no words to express how important that is to me and how much all of your help means to me.  And the bambini.

Thank you!

Love,

Dave

Running. Tired.

 

          "Hi Kimmy.  It's me.  How are you?  I'm so tired honey, so tired..."



         And so it goes. We thought there was some progress being made on Sunday, Oct 24 and Monday, Oct 25, 2010.  Kim needed less oxygen.  Was switched to a less powerful pain killer.  There was talk of moving her out of ICU!  This is what we had been hoping for.  This is what we had been praying for.  It had only been a couple of days, but, it already seemed like an eternity and we knew it was going to be a long road to recovery.  So we dug in and readied ourselves...

10/24/2010     

"Hello everyone, Kim had a good day today, spirits higher, she got out of bed twice to sit in a chair next to me for an hour or two and took her first solid meal since being admitted! Also, her oxygen level and painkillers were reduced. However, she is still in ICU, as she need the oxygen, due to the tumor and blood clots in her lung. We had a nice time sitting together talking and watching movies...if I haven't mentioned it, I truly enjoy her company and she is the most amazing person I've ever met.

Tomorrow will be a challenging day. In the a.m., she will have an MRI of the brain. At two p.m., she will have a 'power port' installed, just below the skin, high on the left side of her chest. This will allow the medical staff to draw blood and administer treatments without having to constantly find a vein. I've read that often, the medicine used to treat tumors can destroy tissue around the vein, this port will prevent that. They are timing it with the blood thinning medication switch from Heparin to Cuminin(spelling?), so they don't have to stop the thinners later to insert the port. We should also get the Thyroid scan result and are praying our hardest for clear results!!

Thanks your for all of the calls (I may hire a staff to try to help answer them as the phone rings non-stop and petition Sprint to lower the cost of my minutes - I only get 500/month!) - I'd answer them all if I could, but between lousy reception, focusing on my wonderful wife or children, sadly, I am unable to, but you know, I'll do my best! Hey, maybe the East Coast could switch to Arizona time, where we are blessed to be totally Daylight Savings Time free!!

Also, thank you for all of your prayers, support, watching our children (and feeding those hungry little guys!), food (Vito and Rosa, you ARE the best!), etc, etc, etc - you've all been great and Kim, Cody, Autumn, Antonio, Bella and I all appreciate all you do! Through Him, all things are possible!

Love, Dave"

10/25/2010
      "Pretty great Monday for Kim today! First, this morning around 9, she had an MRI to check out her brain - the results were clear - a HUGE win that really buoyed Kim's spirits. At 2, she had the power port installed that will be used for future blood draws and to administer treatments. This surgery went well, Dr. Atkinson, her surgeon was pleased and Kim bounced back in record time from the anesthesia. The ultra sound on her thyroid showed two cysts, that will be biopsied tomorrow. Other progress today: Kim was removed from morphine drip and is taking percocet (spelling?) and the dilaudel (spelling again?) at a reduced level. Her oxygen level was reduce too, but she remains in ICU. She will be taking off of the heparin tomorrow and begin cuminin(spelling?) for a blood thinner. She is also off the contingent of drips giving her liquids and nutrients and had two solid food meals today! Special thanks to Ursula and Sam, our neighbor, Betsey's, folks, who delivered a beautiful rosary, blessed at the Vatican, that we have put to good use - it's working!

A psychologist poked her head in today, Dr. Selz, and offered her services...Kim's infectious personality and strong attitude chased her away in record time! At 5 pm, a EKG was performed on her heart -we will get results tomorrow. I left Kim's side just after 9 and she was comfortable and in the best possible mindframe for the situation. The nurses and staff have really taken excellent care of her, as she has shown to been an extraordinary patient.

The bambini's are doing very well too. The leadership at their schools have stepped forward to give us an extra hand in making our kids feel loved and make sure they are on top of their lessons. Their teachers have put in extra time to help them with homework, give them rides to our neighbors houses and have let us wander in late to school to get the kids an extra hour of sleep. Our neighbors,  continue to pick the kids up at school so I can stay with Kim, help them with homework, pack their lunches, get them ready for bed and clean house. Today, a friend of our family, Janene, cooked two huge trays of chicken pasta for our family that will keep the kids in dinners for a few days.

Thank you all for the prayers, positive thoughts, offers of assistance, etc - it is all so appreciated! Our good friends Kirk and Annette Perrini

Love, Dave"

           By now, I was running the stairwells at least three times a day..."I'm feeling sleepy Dave.  If I fall asleep will you run downstairs to get me a fruit salad?"  Kim always knew when I needed a little break.  She was so perceptive and intuitive.  Those steps were my salvation.  I needed to run to clear my mind and to think of what to do next.  For Kim.  And the bambini.  Those stairwells became my vacation getaway.  A kind of warped combination of Afghanistan meets Jamaica.  And Kim knew, like she always did, how to chase my dark clouds away...

          That 9 month old terror Border Collie, Bella, has truly been a remarkable transformation.  I remember Kim commenting on how she had changed from a non-stop, Taz type of pup, to one who wanted to be petted and gave kisses.  Kim would have been so pleased to see how, over the last few months, Bella has become one of the most affectionate and well behaved dogs that we have had.  She still jumps a lot, but, besides that, she had graduated to having the run of the house to herself.  She is alone for at least 8 hours a day, with no accidents and has not chewed, torn, scratched or vomited on any of our stuff.  Each morning, she happily greets each of us and will stand up for me to give her a hug.  She's a happy pup.

               Love,
                    Dave

Brief Intermission

        I want you to remember, amidst the horror, despite the surrealness (is that a word?), there were laughs.  And hugs.  And kisses.  Hand holding, reminiscing.  Smiles.
       We had not been alone together for 14 years.  No dates.  No baby sitters.  We were in it for the children, yet made time for each other and never regretted it.  We looked back on those 14 years, and the 13 years before it, leading up to it.  We had a lot of fun, and went on many adventures.
       Tonight, while looking for old Halloween costumes, Autumn stumbled upon a heart shaped box of Kim's.  I had no idea what might be in it...Turns out, it was filled with her sweetness.  A couple of the homemade Halloween costumes she had made.  The lion, which all three bambini wore.  The jester cap, which went with the Jack in the Box costume that Cody wore when he was 5 and again at 7.  There were a couple of letters I wrote her back in college.  And several poems.  Yes, apparently I thought I was a poet (please do not try to suppress or stifle your laughter, I even rolled my eyes!).  There were movie stubs.  And concert tickets (Bowie at Veterans Stadium - 84,000 people attended the Glass Spider tour!).  Napkins, chop sticks and business cards from our favorite restaurants in southeast Pennsylvania.  There was an old hotel key from the Hotel Elton in Beach Haven, NJ, which we frequented.  That place had rooms so small that when you opened the bathroom door, it hit the bed!  They had rooms without bathrooms, with a shared bathroom at the end of a long hall - but, we splurged!  Autumn sat there for over an hour pouring over everything.  And over.  And over.  Asking endless questions.
          These are the things Kim and I would talk about, together.  Where we went.  Our favorite states.  Hangouts.  People we knew.  High school stories.  Jr. High stories. 
         
           It has been hard.  This last week especially.  Surprisingly hard.  I know there will be ups and downs over the next few weeks - again, the 'anniversary thing'.  But, I find, on a day like today, when I was surrounded by positive people (you know who you are!), I can remember all of the best times - or, as Kim and I liked to say after a particularly great night, weekend, roadtrip, whatever - 'another greatest time!'.  Too many to mention - but, I guess, over the last year, I may have told you most of them!

Couple more photos of Kimmy - her graduation photo - Class of '83 from Liberty High School and sleeping on the love seat at her friend Tracy's in Alexandria VA.

We have  a triangle of loss in my 'hood.  Right here on my corner.  I spoke to my neighbor, Rob, tonight.  His wife sent him a 'Dear John' letter from Afghanistan while he trained for special forces.  The guy behind me, his fiance committed suicide.  Rob is struggling with his loss, and I spent some time refocusing him and trying to lighten his load.  When comparing myself to these two neighbors, I feel blessed to have had the wonderful 33 years Kim and I shared.  Oh sure, we had our ups and downs, just like anyone else.  But overall, it was an amazing time.  And I had the chance to share her last days, say our goodbyes - did I have more to say to her?  More to ask?  More to discuss?  Absolutely.  But, unlike my neighbors, we expressed our love for each other, prior to Kim leaving...and, as I've told you a bajillion times, I have a great morale support system.  Thank God.

I will get back to the emails.  I know they seem dark.  But I need to exorcise those nights, those horrors, those feelings of 'why can't I save Kim?'

But, for tonight, I wanted to share the good memories of those times...which were so much more plentiful and amazing. 

 Don't worry, we'll find our way...

Love,

 Dave

The Slideshow

Thank you Brian for putting together yet another masterpiece highlighting Kimmy's life.  These were some precious memories.  Thank you Ami for the YouTube direction!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_MPba3h94A

This was playing during the Night in Italy for Kim dinner on Saturday 10/22/11.  I was mesmerized when Cindy Petersen set this up and hit play...
Enjoy!

         Love,
             Dave

FUBAR

     Autumn is the great communicator in our family....she is so good about keeping up with email with friends and family.  So it is no surprise that she continued to keep everyone up to date on what was going on with her Mama...

 

Dear Emma,

What's up?! It's not your fault. She is doing a lot better though! She felt better the day before yesterday and yesterday she felt better too so I think she is starting to get better. Still, I don't think she will be home for a while. I know one night she needed more care or something so they had to move her in a different room where she would get a lot more care and stuff and a better air breather and if the air thing stays at 100's or in the high 90's then she is better enough to go back to her old room or a room on same floor like her old room which is really good. I think if it stays like that today then she'll be moved into her old room or a room on the same floor like her old room tomorrow but yesterday the whole time I was there, her breathing thing stayed in the 100's and high 90's. I think she is doing a lot better. Maybe she will be back next week or something. I don't know when she'll be back home. The doctors didn't say. Well, I have to get ready now. We're going to the hospital for a little then our neighbors( Hadley's parents) are going to watch us which is good cause then I have Hadley to hang out with and then I think we're going to go back to visit her in the afternoon then come back to Hadley's house until my dad comes and picks us up to go home. I have to go now.

 

Dear Grammy and Jim,

How are you? Mom says she is feeling better! We visited her yesterday and the day before yesterday and each day she said she was feeling a little better. I still don't know though when she'll be able to come home. I hope soon. We took Bella for a walk this morning! It's really nice out lately in the morning. We didn't see any animals though except for Bella. Well I have to go get ready now, we're going to visit mom this morning. I miss you and love you!

Love, Autumn

 

Notes to my sisters...

"Hi guys, thanks for your thoughts and prayers. They mean a lot to us right now. Sorry I can't pick up the phone, but I'm not as strong as Kim and can't speak. I feel like I'm walking through deep water and time moves so strangely. Like one of those bad dreams you have where you can't wake yourself up. FUBAR. Kim actually had a better day today - her pain where the gall bladder came out isn't spasming as often and her breathing is improving, though she is still on oxygen and blood thinners for the clotting in her left lung. The Dr. hopes to stabilize her breathing and clots enough that she can be moved out of ICU by tomorrow evening. Her spirits are still so high - I was there from 9-9 today and enjoyed every moment of her company - she is truly amazing. But, it will be an incredibly long road to recovery. I spoke to her oncologist today, who told me the tumor in her lung is 'old' and has 'cavitized'...I pictured this thing pooping out crap into the rest of her system. So her left lung is pretty compromised... and who knows what other organs this thing has affected. Once she is stable, they can do a PTscan, fill her up with radio active dye, that attaches to bad things in her body and allows them to create a roadmap of where they need to work. So I'm paralyzed of how to proceed - I know eventually I'll have to figure out how to go to work - my D.M. has been so cool, offering to lend me his jigsaw to help out and telling me to just focus on Kim and not worry about work. The schools the kids go to and where Kim work had been incredible - her principal visited last night, Cody's principal called tonight and Aut and Tonio's called yesterday offering assistance. Kim's principal is seeing that she gets paid for this week and next, too, which will be needed. Kim was able to eat jello, broth and drank cranberry juice today, which she really enjoyed...I learned how to be pretty adept at handling a bedpan. And so it goes...

I'll try to call you when I can keep it together enough for you to understand me...Love, Dave"

 

    And, my message to the masses;

OK, So day 5 at St. Joseph's is over, perhaps our longest day yet...

Trying to make things 'normal' for the bambini's, woke up and made them bacon/eggs and took Bella (our 9 month old border collie) for a walk and made it to St. Joseph's by 9:30...Kim had a sad day today. She has been such a ROCK since having her gall bladder out Wednesday and finding that her liver/left lung have tumors and blood clots in her left lung. We shared a good cry around 5. The kids hung out until 1ish and then Amy, our neighbor and Kim's co-worker at Rincon Vista Middle School, came and got the boys. Betsey, our neighbor and another co-worker at Rincon, came and got Autumn shortly after. The kids were able to celebrate Betsey's son, Mitchell's, birthday and had a lot of fun - I just picked them up.

The BIG WINS today: Less morphine and dilaudal (yep, still can't spell that pain killer) and less oxygen need to keep Kim's breathing stable - we are praying that this will lead Kim out of ICU tomorrow and back to a regular room. Her PTT shows her blood levels are now good, too and her blood pressure is good. We were sorry to see the Phillies lose, especially with the mighty 'Casey' at bat, Ryan Howard. We were able to watch the entire game together -something, with 3 kids, we've never done. She is still on Heparin to thin her blood, they did not feel the need to switch to cuminin (oooh, another tough one to spell.) I got Kim a Dr. Pepper t-shirt that she has wanted for a long while and hung it on the chair in her room, willing her to get better to be able to wear it. Tonight, I am printing photos of Laguna Beach and have promised her to get her there as soon as she is strong enough and will tape them to her wall as a motivator.

Thank you to the Knights of Columbus for the beautiful floral display that arrived at our home today - it is appreciated! And thank you all for the continued support and prayers - they help (I brought in a relief rosary today, as the starter wore out)! And, we've learned 'red socks' can be fun in a hospital (thanks for the pair on my windshield Patti, so I can fit in). And my team at Barnes & Noble who have sacrificed their own personal time to be sure that the store is running great so I can be with my family - thank you!

God Bless,

Dave "

 

    I was sure.  So sure.  I knew that the docs could get it.  Keep after it - all of the medical advances over the years?  Kim's resolve?  You kidding me???  I felt that if I could just give her motivation...she wanted to go to the beach so badly over the last 3-4 years, but one thing or another (excuses.  On my part.)  prevented us from getting there.  So I thought to print photos of Laguna (actually, my old assistant from Toys R Us, Denise, beat me to it!) and hang them in her ICU room...along with the Dr. Pepper shirt she had wanted for a long time...

     Here's the thing.  We've all experienced the pain of loss.  It's not going to just go away.  These early emails have been excruciating.  But, I am resolved to meet them head on and deal with this.  Not just pretend that everything is going great and that time heals all wounds (the biggest bunch of bs I've ever heard).  I am using these feeling to motivate me towards furthering Kimmy's Foundation.  And getting even more involved at school.  And in our community.  I'll get past it.  For now, though, I need to revisit it.  To face it.

     The only thing keeping me at all sane at this point, was the tremendous support - which you can read into the emails I sent out. 

     That remains the same today.

       Love,

            Dave

 

 

 

 

Where was I?

             Oh yeh, October 22.  2010.  Out of the frying pan and into the fire...
 A day where our friends, Annette and Kirk Perrini, tried to keep me from imploding when they sent me this:
                   

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths.

                   I read it day after day after day.  It's one of those verses that provides you comfort.  Unless your prayers are not being answered the way you want them to be answered.  Maybe I was asking for the wrong thing...?  None the less, it made me stop wasting time on trying to understand, and be able to give that energy to Kim and the time that we had left together...

                 

  "OK - the good news is, Kimmy had a much better day today than yesterday, in terms of the pain she is in and her breathing improving. She is still in ICU and will be there until they can rid her lungs of blood clots and get her breathing on her own again. I was there from 9-10 today, by her side, enjoying her company - she is a remarkable woman and I believe it is her positive attitude that is her best chance of beating this. If all goes well, she will be stable and moved out of ICU back into a regular room by tomorrow evening. Then, they can get a PTscan ordered and figure out all of the organs affected and establish a plan. Her oncologist said the large mass in her left lung has 'cavitized' and spread out in her lung and who knows where else - so it will be a long road to recovery. She was able to eat jello, broth and have cranberry juice today.

Kids are good - I dropped them at school and Betsey picked up Tonio and Cody for us. Autumn stayed after with her teacher, Mrs. Rudzena, who helped her work on writing a resume, as I've been unable to help her. She then dropped Autumn off at Betsey's who brought them down to see Kim. Tomorrow, I'll take them all down in the morning and see what the day brings us.

Thanks for all of your prayers, support, etc!! Love, Dave

PS Vito, thanks again for all of the food, we still had enough left over for today, so I did not call tonight for more - the kids LOVED it!"

"Cavitized" is a term that you do not want to hear.  Dr. Taetle explained that the tumor in Kim's lung was very old, he could tell by the size and the cavity.  It's like these little, brown puff balls we used to find in the grass as kids.  They almost looked like a brown blueberry.  You could squeeze them, and thousands of spores, like so many pieces of dust, would ride the winds to who knows where.  I'm sure that they would land and grow a new puff ball.  That's what happened in Kim's lung.  The puff ball had been squeezed, sending the cancer wafting through the wind to land, well, everywhere.  And to grow.  New puff balls.

   I don't have a lot for this day.  I'm writing this early...the bambini next door - a rare moment alone (yes, I did get the wash done, all the lunches packed, committee work completed, dinner results wrapped up, etc, etc) so, I thought I'd knock this out...as the shadows grow longer, the quiet stretching out, it all comes back...just part of the whole thing.  It's only been an hour, but, I miss the bambini and believe I'll go get them now...

                                        Love,

                                                     Dave

                  

A Night in Italy for Kim....

           The bambini and got home close to 10...lit St. Jude and Mary of Guadalupe candles for Kim in the Nitcho and talked about the night...

            "Do you think Mama liked the dinner we did for her tonight?"  I asked them.

             "Yeah...I think she did." Tonio answered.

              "Uh-huh!"...Autumn.  Cody is spending the night at his friend, Jesus' house - his parents, Joe and Monique put in several hours in the kitchen serving dinners tonight!!

               "What was your favorite part?"

               "The slideshow."  said Tonio.  My neighbor, Brian, put together a nice one - I'll see if I can figure out how to post it later.  Thanks Brian!!


                It was a nice night to honor Kimmy.  There were so many people involved, who worked hard, gave selflessly and smiled the whole time - just like Kim.  I felt that the night's MVP was Cindy Petersen - Desert Sky Middle School's office manager - she helped plan the event, chaired decorations and really ended up directing the whole evening, arriving around 3 and we left together around 9:30.
                There are countless people to thank - Micah Mortensen, principal at Desert Sky, for offering his school as the venue, helping to plan and to promote and helping to clean up and take the extra food back to Viro's.  And to his Student Council, for volunteering to help work the event and their generous donation of $250!! Vito and Rosa Croce, owners of Viro's, who also helped to plan, made some incredible food and at a loss to help Kim's Foundation.  The Perrini family, who helped plan, rounded up volunteers and worked from set up through clean up (Kirk won the Derek Jeter autographed baseball during the raffle - which was great payent for his hard work, as he is a avid rabid NY Yankees fan.). Cheryl Devitt - for helping to set up, clean up and manage the kitchen!  The LaPlant family - worked the entire event and went wherever needed.  Lupe and Manny Barrios - who sold raffle tickets, 'Rando Acts of KIMness' bracelets and pre-sold 'Kimmy's Kitchen' cookbooks (Due out first week of December!).  Monique and Joe Longo, for their kitchen help.  Casey Rudzena, for helping with set up and serving while 8 months pregnant!  Angie/Andrea/Janene/Kim for help with raffle prizes, clean up and moral support!  My neighbor, Amy, for taking care of the 'Random Acts of KIMness' bracelet orders and promoting the event.  Lydia Crain, principal of Rincon Vista, for promoting the event.  Bobbi Mayeux, principal at Cottownwood for promoting the event.  Deb Bryson, principal at Desert Willow for lending us the inflatable projection screen, which was way cool, so we could show Lady and the Tramp (how Kim is that?), Melissa and Greg Grossheim for their help with said projector, ticket printing, placemats thanking our sponsors, promoting the event, helping get PTSA to make a donation of $100, etc.  Matt Donaldson, principal at Empire High School, who allowed us to sell tickets at his school. And, of course, all of the wonderful people who donated raffle items and who came out to eat and support the event (and those of you who just donated!!).  My apologies to anyone who I may have neglected to mention - you are appreciated, not forgotten!

            The food was incredible, the music complimentary (Vito put together five discs of Italian music!).  We had jumping castles, a giant slide and obstacle course for the kids, in addition to the movie.

            Thank you Nancy  Kirk and John Gimmler, from Carondelet for coming out tonight and speaking about the foundation, handing out literature, etc.  Nancy administers Kimmy's Foundation and John is in charge of the new chapel project.

             The night went by so quickly.  Everyone was so wonderful.  I felt Kim everywhere, but managed to not break down (well, a little during the Student Council check presentation, but I ducked behind the big screen showing the slide show Brian masterfully put together).  Everyone was very supportive.  It was a perfect night.  For Kim.

            And I never got a chance to take a photo...but, people who did, will email the to me and I will post them so that you can see...

             Thank you all,

                             Love,

                                    Dave

On the edge...

If a Dr. comes to you, bearing 8 x 10 glossies...do not look - there's no reason to see them.  If the Dr. insists, turn and run.  Fast.  I think that is where the real terror began. The words brought icicles to my heart, but, seeing the photos, that deadly menace inside of my Kimmy...put me over the edge...

10/21/10

"Hi everyone...sorry for the late update, but to quote Pete Townsend, it was 'another tricky day'...I get no cell reception in the hospital (clever design) and between contacting the school to keep tabs on the kids, calling Rincon Vista to cover Kim's shift and Barnes & Noble to cover mine, I have low battery/no minute syndrome, not to mention nothing left in my tank.

Kim's gall bladder surgery went fine, but while in there, Dr. Atikinson, her surgeon, saw something with her liver that he wants to further check out. This caused the operation to be 1 1/2 hours, instead of 15 minutes.

I just got home and she is resting comfortably and is doing much better since having her gall bladder out. We took a few spins around the hospital and she did great. They have her on morphine for pain, which helps (she needed more after seeing the Phillies game, unfortunately).

Tomorrow, at 10:30 a.m., Dr. Tsai, Kim's G.I. Dr., will perform an upper endoscopy and a colonoscopy to further research her liver. She will be in the hospital until Friday. St. Joseph's has been great - the doctors are fantastic and the nurses are attentive. She's only able to eat broth and jello, so she's staying hungry, having only eaten an apple for breakfast yesterday.

The bambinis have been super too. I picked them up at school and hustled them down to see their mom. They were able to knock out their homework their and enjoy some fine cafeteria dining, as well. They miss Kimmy and we hope to get her home soon. I wore out a rosary today over there. She is even served communion and they have morning and evening prayer over the intercom.

 

Our neighbors have been great, taking the kids in the early evening so I can stay longer with Kim and we get them into their own beds to keep things as normal as possible for them. The schools have been great as well. In fact, Tonio's and Autumn's principal, Ms. Bryson called me personally to ask if she could cook for us or let me know if I needed her to help them with homework after school she'd be glad to. But they are doing fine.

 

I will be heading back down to see her after I drop the kids at school in the morning and will do my best to keep you all in the loop - bringing a notebook tomorrow to better write down the Dr's findings, please excuse the spellings.

 

Kimmy sends her love to all! Love, Dave"

 

 

And one from Autumn, to her friend Hadley...

 

Hey dude! What's up?! How was school? My school day was pretty good. My mom had her operation! We are going to visit her in a couple of minutes. She is coming home tomorrow I think. The doctors have to do a few more tests on her. We got up at 5:00 A.M. today!! The only reason we did was cause we saw my mom before school. Well, GTG! I just wanted to tell you! Autumn

 

....my little Kim...our optimist! 

 

    But, later, she found out more...

 

Dear Emma,

What's up?! It's so so ok! I understand! That's awesome your in band! Sorry your teacher is mean. Awesome, a funny music teacher!! I saw Mrs. Rienstra today! I am so so so super sad though! My mom is in the hospital!! Sorry I didn't e-mail you the night it happened. She has been there since Tuesday. Her ribs have been hurting for a couple weeks and it kept getting worse and worse so she called her doctor and she couldn't get her in to Monday and her doctor said if it was that bad then go to the emergency room. So she did, she went to St. Joe's hospital and had to get or gall Bladder removed. She is still in the hospital even though her gall bladder is removed. They found something wrong with her liver and she has blood clots too I think. I am so sad! I don't even know if she will be home for the weekend!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! She has been gone for 3 days, I think this is the third. Well, I got to go now. Sorry I didn't e-mail you in such a long time!

Your BFF, Autumn

 

 

And one to my District Manager, Tom:

 

 "Tom, another day down...feels like a week...I keep waiting to wake up from this bad dream and time is moving pretty strangely.

So, Kim's upper endoscopy and colonoscopy had to be canceled this morning, as the liquid they gave her last night to cleanse her system did not do their job. They decided to do a cat scan of her chest this morning and discovered multiple blood clots and a mass in her left lung. At the time, they had suspicions that she had either TB or advanced valley fever, but further tests ruled them both out, which was our good news of the day. She was moved to ICU, placed on oxygen and blood thinners. Now, they must get rid of the blood clots and get her back off oxygen before they can proceed to treat her liver and lung. They are also wanting to do a CVC and PTscan to figure out where else she might be affected...on top of it, she is in a lot of pain, despite morphine, from her gall bladder surgery.

She is such an amazingly positive person and has kept a great attitude during this whole thing...we're praying tomorrow brings some answers on how to help her get healthy and back home. We've had tremendous support and help from friends and neighbors, including you and the team at the store, for which we are so appreciative.

I'll keep you updated. Thanks again, Dave"

 

And by this time, the rush of support was incredible!  From our  Southwest family, Viro's, our 'hood, our schools, our church and the Knights of Columbus...

          The 'time thing' that I mentioned to Tom, how it moved strangely...it still does, in a different way...seems like we just do all we can to get through the day - I get the bambini to bed, avoid sleep...especially now...and hope, when I do sleep, that the dreams do not go back to these days last year...

 

         I'll try to include all of the email updates that I sent out, prior to us building her blog together - she wanted me to print them.  So, when she was feeling better, she could read them all...Here is one I missed from 10/19/2010:

 

"

Hi everyone,

Kimmy has had some stomach/rib pain over the last few days...she called her Dr. this morning, who asked her to proceed to St. Joseph's Hospital. They've just decided to keep her and schedule gall bladder surgery. I'm rounding up some stuff for her and the bambinis are headed next door (Autumn to Brian and Betsey's and the boys to Tom and Amy's). I'm going back to the hospital now and will keep you all posted.

Love, Dave"

 

 

 

    

The Emails...

         The thing is, when it happened ('it' is the only adequate word that I can apply to the events that I described in yesterday's post), I was on the phone.  Non-stop.  Literally.  I'm holding Kimmy's hand, trying to tell her..my phone is ringing.  I'm holding her, consoling her...my phone is ringing...she drifts into an uneasy sleep...I'm on the phone.  You get the picture. 
         Texting was better.  But killing me.  You see, Kim and I were not into any of the tech gadgets.  We had the old fashioned little flip phones that did not even take pictures.  We had no text plan.  It was costing me $ .20 per text.  I reached out to Sprint and told them about 'it'.  In a compassionate move, they set me up with 1000 texts per month...which I handily exceeded!
         Thus, the mass email was born to better spread the word to Kim's well wishers, friends and family!

          October 20th, 2010 - I woke the bambini close to 5:00 a.m. to go see their Mama.  None of us were too concerned yet.  Kim and I spent much of the night talking.  She did not seem too anxious - hell, our neighbor, Amy, had just had her gall bladder out recently and was over to our house for dinner like a day later.  Why worry?  I guess, in the back of our heads, left in the dark shadows, we knew the dangers associated with anesthesia - Kim, as a vet tech, had seen several operations go bad on cats and dogs due to an allergic reaction, or too heavy a dose, etc...she knew this could happen to humans.  But not to us...not to Kimmy..

           " Quick update: Got the kids out of bed at 5:15 this a.m., snuck them up to see Kim - she looked much better and we were able to visit with her before they prepped her for her surgery. I know it did the kids good to see her, but boy, did Kim light up seeing her little ones! She was unable to see Autumn or Tonio yesterday, as you must be 13 or older to enter the portion of the hospital she is in, so she only got to see Cody for a brief moment yesterday (so how'd we get them in this a.m.? It helps when two orderlies on duty used to work with me at Toys R Us and at Kohls and one of the RN's is a family friend).

Kim should be wrapped up in surgery by now, I just dropped the kids at school and am headed back down to greet her in recovery. I'll let you all know how she did. Thanks for your prayers and all of your support!!

Love, Dave"

          First of all, this is where the "Love, Dave" comes from that I typically end posts with (except on particularly dark nights).  Quickly, as Kim's condition digressed, I realized that I could not keep up via phone, email or text...and that's where our friends Ami Bunch and Jen Corbelli came in "you need a blog!"  and helped us create this, so everyone who wanted to cheer for Kimmy and pray for Kimmy and leave an encouraging note...could.  So I'd sign the emails to our family "Love, Dave" and when I expanded to the blog - I was still writing to friends and family, so it just felt right.

            Secondly, this was the day we discovered the stairwells at St. Joseph's, as the friends I described above assisted us in getting to Kim.  We were instantly hooked, seduced by their dim solitude.  It was calming, relaxing and gave us our own bit of enjoyment as we literally ran, no sprinted, up them to see Kim and ran back down them to exorcise our fears.

            When I sent this email, I still didn't know...so I was alone when the news came, and gravity deserted me.  I had that anti-gravity feeling for the entire 55 days, it was surreal as it slip in and out of my existence, creating a dream like feeling.  It hung around for a few months, I could literally feel it coming back, little by little each day...until it was back.  Today, it side slipped for an instant - I can only say surreal, as it is difficult to explain the sensation of everything around you slowing down to a crawl and the feeling of weightlessness as the enormity of the situation overwhelms you...

            I was relieved, though, despite the news, to have made it back in time to see Kim wheeled out of the O.R.  Guess what?  She was smiling...and her hand was slightly lifted off the bed, waving to me..'Hi Dave.'  So soft, so sweet, but with such relief and emotion...that was to be short lived...

                          I know the meaning of the word 'deflated'...

                          ...and I'm looking to follow the little red dotted line...

                         Thanks for listening,

                                             Dave

Unbalanced

              Thank you for checking back in, faithful reader.  You know, sometimes those of you who log on late night, might catch a different, rawer, version of what appears in the morning.  I may be a little more emotional while writing...and, when I doze off, I sometimes wake with a start thinking "What did I write??" and go back and do some revisions...

              I guess you can make an anniversary out of just about anything.  Kim and I did it all of the time.  These next 8 weeks, there are quite a few of them coming...

              How I felt today was...numb.  Unbalanced - wait, off balance - same thing?  I don't know.  The bambini, too, struggled today.  There is so much running through our collective heads right now, I don't know where to begin to sort it out and put it into print...

              But, at least I wasn't alone today...and that made a difference...

              ...and, as they have through this fuzzy time in my life, the Barnes & Noble team propped me up through my shift...on my way out to the 10, I detoured, drawn, like a magnet to DeGrazia...I bypassed the galleria in the sun and headed toward the small chapel that DeGrazia himself built, stone by stone, with his own hands.  He was such a giving, caring, compassionate man - you can feel it in his paintings and the chapel's atmosphere...

           I love this painting of Padre Kino, the same father who founded the San Xavier Mission...

Kim always talked about making tin flowers like these that adorn all of the doorways...

                                 
                    DeGrazia was a master at creating a mood.  The paintings he chose to do on the walls of his chapel bring you peace...

DeGrazia's altar.  His Mary of Guadalupe watches over, comforting...

How many times, was I blessed to visit DeGrazia, and sit in this very chapel with Kimmy?

                                
                                     Here is Autumn, last October, in the chapel's doorway.

  

Cody and Tonio, my little angels, inside the chapel.

Kim and I enjoying a moment, outside the chapel...I can remember how relaxed I felt - on top of the world.  Which is how Kim made me feel.

A year ago, tonight, Kim was finally getting into a room at St. Joseph's after nearly 10 hours in the hallway of the ER..it would be the first of many sleepless nights for us (I'm in for a long one tonight!) as the wonderful life Kim had built for us began to blow up.

The two little ones would not let me out of their sight when I picked them up from Lupe's.  They had fought, and felt bad, but could not explain why, what had happened.  They cannot quite get their little arms around their feelings today.

And after they lit candles in the Nitcho for Mama, they hustled back to the porch and wrapped their arms around me, one on each side, squeezing, looking to the sky to say goodnight.

They said goodnight, telling Cody and I that they loved us, giving each other hugs and wishing each other sweet dreams and off to bed they went.  While Cody and I turned our attention to the next Jason Statham movie, '13' (the numerical coincidence was not lost on either of us), which breaks in theaters next week on 10/28 (don't ask).  It is an indie film - Kim and I could not get enough of them - starring Mickey Rourke, 50 Cent and Jason Statham.  Well done.

It was nice to spend some time at the DeGrazia chapel this afternoon.  The temperatures are getting so nice again.  Our house has several prints that I bought for Kim there.  I think about our visits there a lot as I walk through our house and view that pieces that she had framed and hung throughout. 

Just another piece of Kim turning our house into a home...

Love,

 Dave

PS Just a few more days until Kimmy's dinner - proceeds go to her foundation, administered through Carondelet and will help build a new chapel at St. Josephs...link above can tell you more...click on her picture that says "Kimberly Conca Foundation"...but you knew that!

Gall Bladder

  What does a gall bladder do?  I still am not clear on that, and, I guess, in the scheme of things, I guess that I do not have time to really make it matter...

    One year ago, my Kimmy, who had not seen a dr in over 6 years, was going to see more in two months than probably her whole, too short life.

    It had become unbearable.  The pain in Kimmy's rib cage area.  She went to work Tuesday morning, one year ago, despite my escalating objections.  She was so stoic.  So brave.  So strong.
    But, she could not quite make it through.  Her RVMS team could fill you in better here, but, at some point, in tears, I believe it was my neighbor Amy, who convinced her to call her dr.  
     Now, I had, less than 24 hours before, talked her into letting me make her an appointment.  She wouldn't have, otherwise.  The bambini came first, than me, than Kimmy.  I begged her, telling her I'd change any work schedule that I had to make sure she could see a dr.  Finally, she relented and I made one with her dr for 10/25.  She never made that appointment.

    She was so strong.  For so long.  And, a year to reflect upon, I wish I had seen it coming.  The bambini are beat up this week, as well, subconsciously remembering a year gone bad.  Especially Tonio, who I give a medallion of Mary each morning, before school, to let him know that Mary will watch over him and that I am close, thinking of him.  He and Autumn will not be separated at night.  Cody is quiet...reflective...

     Yet, I am daily reminded that it was not all in vain, as I receive messages from other who tell me that Kim continues to inspire them and when times are tough, they think of her....that helps.  But, these last two days, I have felt especially alone...

     And so it was, one year ago, that my cell phone rang while I was at Barnes & Noble, around 10:30 a.m.  It was Kim.  I picked up "I told you to never call me here..."  I joked.  It was our joke.  She typically giggled and proceeded to tell me whatever was on her beautiful mind.  Not today.  "Dave.  I'm on my way to St. Joseph's"  My mind blanked.  "What?"  "I called Dr _____ and she told me, if I could not wait until my appointment on 10/25, I should go to St. Joseph's."  Crying now.  When was the last time I heard Kimmy cry??   ?   "OK.  I'll meet you there."  I told her...
          I remember calling my D.M. to let him know something was amiss...
        Then, I was there.  In the ER waiting room.  With Kimmy.  Holding hands, like we always did.  Telling her it was going to be ok.  She telling me she knew.  Gall bladder was the idea.  Our neighbor, Amy, had hers removed just weeks ago.  Kim would rebound quickly, just as Amy had done.  Piece of cake.  Right?
          Except the minutes turned to hours...and finally, Kim got a gurney, not a room, but a hall way space.  She was evaluated, while I stood next to her, holding her hand.  We talked. 
           And then, after what seemed like days, the ER drs said they would do an ultra sound...and, yes, it was the gall bladder.  No biggie, right?  Surgery to be performed the next day.
           I spent the next several hours with Kim, in her hallway gurney.  There was a homeless man brought in, drunker than me, who was babbling about being left faced down in front of Circle K.  He was wanting full treatment...We prayed for him...and waited.  Finally, around 9:00 p.m., 10 hours after Kim first walked into the ER, she was given a room...and I left her side to go take care of the bambini...
             I woke the bambini at 5 a.m. the next morning to go say hi to their Mama, before school.  Before her operation.  They were ready!!  We raced up the stairs to see her and they were getting ready to transport her...We followed her down to that dreaded third floor, I kissed her and gripped her hand, our finger tips trailing as they led her through those irrevocable double doors...
            The drive to Cottonwood and back was excruciating.  I went faster than the speed limit, as is my way, and hurried back to wait for Kim, making it in plenty of time.
            I sat there alone.  Head in hands.  Hands in lap.  Praying.  Praying.  Waiting.  Endlessly.  I knew, just knew, it would be fine. 
            Then, around 9 a.m., Dr. Atkinson, came out through the dungeon doors and called my name...He was holding 8 x 10 photos.  Glossy.  I did not think anything of it at the time.  "Mr. Conca?"  "The gall bladder surgery on your wife went fine."  Relief.  I knew it!  "But."    "Look at this." 
             The glossies.  I should have known.   Never.  Never trust a dr, especially one emerging from surgery, who is carrying glossies.
              "This is a photo of your wife's liver."  Black.
               "Wha?"  I wondered, my world begin to teeter. And toter. 
               As far as I could get.  "Cancer."  He told me.
               My mind went a zillion different ways...not Kimmy...no....no way...they can get this...curable..
               "We are going to find out where it came from...."
               "When.  When can I see her???"  I needed to see Kimmy.  Needed to hold her.  Needed her to tell me she was ok.



         
                 
                 The bambini.  They know.  Without me saying, that the year is approaching...especially Antonio, who is in tuned and affected.  I give him a Mary medallion each morning before school and tell him that Mary will watch over him.  Keep him safe.  I kiss her and tell him that he now has a kiss from me if he needs one...Our time at the Nitcho has increased, too.  The kids lingering...remembering..

                   And yet, we are here, to help others, as they face challenging times.  Our neighbors, who lost their boy...we talked to them this morning, to help them to find peace, healing.  Not 'closure'. I am convinced that there is no such thing.
                   My good friend from high school, let me know his Mom passed yesterday...he told me that he was sure that time would heal the wound and his had not yet started to scab.  I told him:
          Anyway - we all know loss...it's a challenge. It will take time to heal, my friend. Do not set a time frame, or let anyone set one for you...but, with good support, it does get more manageable..
              Reconnecting with my past...

                   I'm not alone in experiencing loss...
                   We've all been there...or will be....but, the people that are immediately around you, will make a difference!
                   Does 'time heal all wounds'?  I dunno.  I've always hated that phrase.  And still don't have an answer.  Rather, again, I find that everything, anything, is more bearable if you can surround yourself with positive people.  And we have been blessed, over and over, with that.
                   I've discovered that there is so much that I do not have control over, no matter that I think I might! 

                     "He makes everything work out according to his plan"  Ephesians 1:11

                   In Kimmy's garden, the Mexican sunflowers are blooming....
                 

I have something to tell you...

             ....but I can't.  Not yet....

                Here's something else.  This Sunday, last year, Kim was getting ready to leave to go to Pier 1 Imports for her second overnight, helping to set the store for their seasonal items.

               She didn't want to go.

               Not because she did not like the work.  As I've said before, she really enjoyed it.  Even though it was hard work and she did not get much sleep before going to work in the morning.  She didn't feel good.  Her lower rib cage was hurting.  Her head hurt.  I thought she had some sort of bug.  But, we had gone to church that morning and over to Viro's for breakfast, as we always do.  Followed by errands, etc.  So, I thought, in Kim fashion, she'd be all right.

              I didn't really try to talk her out of going.  I was so thankful and proud of her for taking this opportunity to make Christmas gift money, money I wasn't sure where it would come from otherwise.  I told her to stay home if she wanted and she could work the next shift or wait until Carmella needed her on day shifts to help with the Christmas rush.  I feel badly about not forcing her to stay home  But, it seems that is what Christmas has done to us, making us feel pressure to be consumers and buy, buy, buy.  I didn't know than, that we had so few precious moments together in our home...

              Of course, Kimmy went.  It was her way.  I like to tell myself that she would have gone no matter what I said or did...but I know that's just to make myself feel better.

               She came home around 2:30.  I was dozing, but waiting to hear how she felt and how it went.  She looked pained.  "We had Mama's pizza."  She told me by way of explanation.  Now, Mama's has always been one of Kimmy's favorite pies here in Tucson.  We started going 18 years ago to their location on 22 and Kolb, a dark, quite little restaurant with great food.  And, again, as I've told you, we would go to the newer one on Broadway and Houghton.  The pizza is truly phenomenal.  We took Cody and his buddies there after their 8th grade graduation - they make a huge pie that filled up a lot of hungry 8th graders!!
              Kim thought she had a bug too.  And, she believed eating pizza at 1 in the morning had not been a fabulous idea, but she could not resist Mama's pizza!! 
             I helped her get ready for bed and begged her to let me call her out for work at Rincon Vista in the morning (obviously feeling guilty for letting her go to Pier 1 in the first place, I was going to make amends dammit!).  She ignored me and began to tell me about her night, the nice people she was meeting and working with, the product (spending her paycheck before she even go it, but with the idea of making our home even more beautiful, if that was possible - Kim could do it!).  Once again, she told me what a hard worker Carmella was and great leader.  She drifted off into an uneasy sleep telling me stories...I watched her angelic face, looking peaceful in sleep, for awhile and then fell asleep myself.

                The next morning, as I readied for work, Kim was not doing too much better.  She hurt.  She looked pained.  "Kimmy, please."  "No, I'll be all right.  Chai tea."  I made her a chai tea and she sipped it, smiling, eyes twinkling "You make the best Chai tea David"...I was not convinced.  "Kimmy, how about at least going in late and working a later shift?".  "I'll be ok."  End of conversation.      

               She made it through her day, prepping for a Vail District Meeting the next afternoon to plan for Vail Pride Day...came home, called me to tell me about her day, as she always did and took a nap before going to round up the bambini at school.
               When I came home, she still was not feeling too good.  I made dinner and then we laid down together to watch Inglorious Basterds starring Brad Pitt.  Kim and I enjoyed it and I still thought she'd be feeling just fine the next day...she talked again about hoping to work 15-20 hours a week at Pier 1 and we discussed logistics about how we'd work that out with the kids. 

                I did not know how fragile the wonderful life that she had carefully (and with a lot of hard work) built for us had become...

                                                                          October 2010

                                                           Damn.  I miss that smile...!