"We taking the stairs Dad?" Is there any other way? We looked at our feet...flip flops. What the hell were we thinking? Flip flops are not exactly great stair running shoes, yet, we knew we had to make the best of things...it's become our way, along our new journey...and up we went...only three flights, but, I was winded - it's been awhile...
Today, Angie had knee surgery. I told her I'd be in that 3rd floor waiting room, where I had been so many times while Kimmy was in surgery, praying for her. Autumn insisted that she wanted to come, too. "Wake me up, Daddy, I will pray with you for Angie." she told me as she got ready for bed near midnight last night. The only thing I couldn't decide, as I tucked her in, was which rosary to bring...and the thought entered my mind, before I could stop it "especially since, none of them seemed to work, for Kim"...I work hard each day to block out thoughts like that. Unproductive thoughts...they aren't 'functional' as Kim would have joked. They just bring the darkness... And besides, I knew that the prayers would help - I've come to believe that God does answer all of our prayers...it's just that, sometimes the answer is 'no'.
I woke Aut at 6:30 and we snuck out...driving the same route we did 100 years ago when we would be racing to see Kim. As we looked for parking, in the garage, "I Need a Dr" came on the Ipod...Kimmy's sweet voice, haunting me...The security guard in the garage, had to steer me towards the stairs...I told him I hadn't had any coffee yet..
We hit the top of the stairs, entering the 3rd floor waiting room...across the room, my eyes saw Mark, already sitting there, but, my mind was looking over his shoulder, to that spot where Dr. Atkinson had met me following Kim's gall bladder surgery and explained to me that he had found cancer...sending me spiralling, as the room swirled and turned...
...and then I was back. We sat with Mark, Janene and Kristie - and the mood was much lighter than when they all had been there to sit with me and support me and pray for Kim when she was having her sugeries - we were able to talk, laugh and drink coffee (and have Breakfast Jacks - thanks Kristie!). It was good to be in the presence of such positive people, and although I cringed each time the phone rang, jarring another memory, I felt that I was putting to rest the waiting room demons that sometimes plague me. It took about two hours, but, sure enough, Dr. Dixon came out smiling. He told us that Angie had absolutely no cartiledge left in her knee! But that he felt the surgery went well. We all smiled, too. The prayers had worked. I had chosen a rosary made from rose petals, that our friends, Ursula and Sam had brought back from the Vatican, today...and the answer was 'yes'.
Autumn insisted that we go into ICU to say hi to Dr. McCarten, the Dr. in charge of ICU who was so inspirational to our family and worked tirelessly to save Kimmy, and Deborah and Vivian, who work on that ward, too. We found Dr. McCarten, who warmly welcomed us and found that it was Deb's day off and that Vivian was covering up on the 4th floor of the Women's Center, where Kim had convalesced following her gall bladder surgery. As we made our way up there, we ran into Wendy, the hospital chaplain, who took us on a quicker, back route to find Vivian. She was happy to see us...
Wendy led us back to the elevator, where we said our goodbyes...as the elevator door opened, a lady asked us 'are you coming on board?'...Autumn and I looked at each other and both said at the same time "no thank you, we're taking the stairs!" and bolted.
We sat out front, on a stone bench near the statue of St Joseph's for awhile, talking, reflecting. We were both a little emotionally spent, after our 3 hour visit. The stairs hadn't changed. The waiting room still held it's memories of those desparate days. But, today, we were able to leave feeling relieved. Happy. Wishing Angie a speedy recovery!
Love,
Dave
Today, Angie had knee surgery. I told her I'd be in that 3rd floor waiting room, where I had been so many times while Kimmy was in surgery, praying for her. Autumn insisted that she wanted to come, too. "Wake me up, Daddy, I will pray with you for Angie." she told me as she got ready for bed near midnight last night. The only thing I couldn't decide, as I tucked her in, was which rosary to bring...and the thought entered my mind, before I could stop it "especially since, none of them seemed to work, for Kim"...I work hard each day to block out thoughts like that. Unproductive thoughts...they aren't 'functional' as Kim would have joked. They just bring the darkness... And besides, I knew that the prayers would help - I've come to believe that God does answer all of our prayers...it's just that, sometimes the answer is 'no'.
I woke Aut at 6:30 and we snuck out...driving the same route we did 100 years ago when we would be racing to see Kim. As we looked for parking, in the garage, "I Need a Dr" came on the Ipod...Kimmy's sweet voice, haunting me...The security guard in the garage, had to steer me towards the stairs...I told him I hadn't had any coffee yet..
We hit the top of the stairs, entering the 3rd floor waiting room...across the room, my eyes saw Mark, already sitting there, but, my mind was looking over his shoulder, to that spot where Dr. Atkinson had met me following Kim's gall bladder surgery and explained to me that he had found cancer...sending me spiralling, as the room swirled and turned...
...and then I was back. We sat with Mark, Janene and Kristie - and the mood was much lighter than when they all had been there to sit with me and support me and pray for Kim when she was having her sugeries - we were able to talk, laugh and drink coffee (and have Breakfast Jacks - thanks Kristie!). It was good to be in the presence of such positive people, and although I cringed each time the phone rang, jarring another memory, I felt that I was putting to rest the waiting room demons that sometimes plague me. It took about two hours, but, sure enough, Dr. Dixon came out smiling. He told us that Angie had absolutely no cartiledge left in her knee! But that he felt the surgery went well. We all smiled, too. The prayers had worked. I had chosen a rosary made from rose petals, that our friends, Ursula and Sam had brought back from the Vatican, today...and the answer was 'yes'.
Autumn insisted that we go into ICU to say hi to Dr. McCarten, the Dr. in charge of ICU who was so inspirational to our family and worked tirelessly to save Kimmy, and Deborah and Vivian, who work on that ward, too. We found Dr. McCarten, who warmly welcomed us and found that it was Deb's day off and that Vivian was covering up on the 4th floor of the Women's Center, where Kim had convalesced following her gall bladder surgery. As we made our way up there, we ran into Wendy, the hospital chaplain, who took us on a quicker, back route to find Vivian. She was happy to see us...
Wendy led us back to the elevator, where we said our goodbyes...as the elevator door opened, a lady asked us 'are you coming on board?'...Autumn and I looked at each other and both said at the same time "no thank you, we're taking the stairs!" and bolted.
We sat out front, on a stone bench near the statue of St Joseph's for awhile, talking, reflecting. We were both a little emotionally spent, after our 3 hour visit. The stairs hadn't changed. The waiting room still held it's memories of those desparate days. But, today, we were able to leave feeling relieved. Happy. Wishing Angie a speedy recovery!
Love,
Dave
No comments:
Post a Comment