Cancer
Turn away
If you could get me a drink
Of water cause my lips are chapped and faded
Call my Aunt Marie
Help her gather all my things
And bury me
In all my favorite colors,
My sisters and my brothers, still,
I will not kiss you,
Cause the hardest part of this,
Is leaving you.
Now turn away,
Cause I'm awful just to see
Cause all my hair's abandoned all my body,
All my agony,
Know that I will never marry,
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo,
But counting down the days to go.
It just ain't living
And I just hope you know,
That if you say, (If you say)
Good-bye today, (Good-bye today)
I'd ask you to be true (I'd ask you to be true)
Cause the hardest part of this,
Is leaving you...
Cause the hardest part of this,
Is leaving you...
I don't know how Cody finds the tunes that he finds...I truly believe that they find him. Seek him out. I added this song, by My Chemical Romance, to the playlist a couple of weeks ago. I've said that I can tell when Cody is feeling blue, thinking of his Mama, by the songs he chooses to play when we are driving (which is most of the time)...When he played this, with its sad and soulful sound, I knew it was one of those moments. Then, I caught some of the lyrics...He's ever stoic, though, keeping the grades up and finding time for friends.
As for the other two...I just forced them to bed, after another meltdown (Ami, you have no idea!), my head spinning around, words just spewing out, with no rational thought behind them...just needing a moment to decompress - but not able to find that sliver of time....and having 'lost' my ability to pour it out daily on the blog, as some feel that not enough 'acknowledgement'? was included?
...and each night, as Autumn progresses (digresses?) through her little OCD routines (bed readied, pillows fluffed, shower started, ice water by bed, stuffed animals arranged, re-arranged and arranged yet again, door/window locks checked, everyone said goodnight to more than an old episode of the Waltons, etc, etc), and Antonio needs 'just one more thing' which ends up being one more game on the NOOK or playing with Legos...and they fall into the late night Heckle and Jeckle routine, which usually ends badly for one of them - Antonio, more often than not...I start calmly herding them to bed "Big day tomorrow, please get in bed by 9:30", "OK, 10 more minutes, almost time!" "Now it's 10:00, what help do you need?"...then, a little more sternly "OK, no movie tonight, unless you make it into bed in 10 minutes"...then, telling them the consequences "We don't have to go anywhere tomorrow, we can just stay home and clean!"....finally - erupting...no more Kimmy to keep me balanced...
...leaving me to feel low...knowing I will apologize in the morning...
Tonight, Bella piled on, throwing up bile at 10:30, moments after there was quite from the little ones...we'd forgotten to feed her dinner and she has a pretty sensitive tummy...Cody came quickly "Sorry Dad, I'll get it." "No worries Cod, thanks. I got this." "At least she got sick on the tile." He offered. True that.
Untethered is how I feel right now.
As Kim would tell me "Tomorrow's another day".
Turn away
If you could get me a drink
Of water cause my lips are chapped and faded
Call my Aunt Marie
Help her gather all my things
And bury me
In all my favorite colors,
My sisters and my brothers, still,
I will not kiss you,
Cause the hardest part of this,
Is leaving you.
Now turn away,
Cause I'm awful just to see
Cause all my hair's abandoned all my body,
All my agony,
Know that I will never marry,
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo,
But counting down the days to go.
It just ain't living
And I just hope you know,
That if you say, (If you say)
Good-bye today, (Good-bye today)
I'd ask you to be true (I'd ask you to be true)
Cause the hardest part of this,
Is leaving you...
Cause the hardest part of this,
Is leaving you...
I don't know how Cody finds the tunes that he finds...I truly believe that they find him. Seek him out. I added this song, by My Chemical Romance, to the playlist a couple of weeks ago. I've said that I can tell when Cody is feeling blue, thinking of his Mama, by the songs he chooses to play when we are driving (which is most of the time)...When he played this, with its sad and soulful sound, I knew it was one of those moments. Then, I caught some of the lyrics...He's ever stoic, though, keeping the grades up and finding time for friends.
As for the other two...I just forced them to bed, after another meltdown (Ami, you have no idea!), my head spinning around, words just spewing out, with no rational thought behind them...just needing a moment to decompress - but not able to find that sliver of time....and having 'lost' my ability to pour it out daily on the blog, as some feel that not enough 'acknowledgement'? was included?
...and each night, as Autumn progresses (digresses?) through her little OCD routines (bed readied, pillows fluffed, shower started, ice water by bed, stuffed animals arranged, re-arranged and arranged yet again, door/window locks checked, everyone said goodnight to more than an old episode of the Waltons, etc, etc), and Antonio needs 'just one more thing' which ends up being one more game on the NOOK or playing with Legos...and they fall into the late night Heckle and Jeckle routine, which usually ends badly for one of them - Antonio, more often than not...I start calmly herding them to bed "Big day tomorrow, please get in bed by 9:30", "OK, 10 more minutes, almost time!" "Now it's 10:00, what help do you need?"...then, a little more sternly "OK, no movie tonight, unless you make it into bed in 10 minutes"...then, telling them the consequences "We don't have to go anywhere tomorrow, we can just stay home and clean!"....finally - erupting...no more Kimmy to keep me balanced...
...leaving me to feel low...knowing I will apologize in the morning...
Tonight, Bella piled on, throwing up bile at 10:30, moments after there was quite from the little ones...we'd forgotten to feed her dinner and she has a pretty sensitive tummy...Cody came quickly "Sorry Dad, I'll get it." "No worries Cod, thanks. I got this." "At least she got sick on the tile." He offered. True that.
Untethered is how I feel right now.
As Kim would tell me "Tomorrow's another day".
Oh my God Dave, I love you so much and it breaks my heart to know what you are going through. I can't even begin to imagine... Please know that we are here for you in any way that you might need..please let me know how I can help
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