Amazing Autumn

           She's done it again.  Just when I think she can not get any sweeter.  Or more thoughtful.  Or considerate, compassionate - well, more Kim-like, she surprises me!

          This morning, as I walked through the dense fog into the living room, my bare foot suddenly encountered a wet spot...

          "Ok, who spilled something?"  I asked Tonio and Autumn.  No answer.  But, their silence was damning.  "Was it water?  Or juice?" I asked.  "I dunno.  I didn't spill anything"  they answered in stereo.  "Ok, so what is this wet spot?"...upon closer inspection, I found that Bella had an 'accident'.  These guys like to get her crazy first thing in the morning.  Bella loves it, but they don't let her outside first to do her business.

         I lost it.  Steam started coming out of my ears as I told them that they know better, Bella will go inside more often if she is allowed to and we don't clean up right away.  The house will smell.  Did they want to live in a nasty, dirty house?  The volume rising as I wound up.  When your teachers come for home visits, what will they think?  Do your friends want to come see you at a trashed house? 

        By now, they are in motion, one getting paper towels, the other Resolve and they are cleaning.  I've clammed up, hating when I get upset with these little guys (Heckle and Jeckle) and go to get the steam cleaner, to deep clean it.

         The thing with carpets, is, they always seem to hold the dirt.  And when I was done with this spot, the water was pretty nasty.  I decided to leave the steam cleaner out and would try to 'chip away' (one of Kimmy's favorite phrases) at the carpet over the next few days.  Kim would do this every other month or so.  This would be my first attempt at it.

        After helping out in Autumn's class this morning, I came home and was able to do half the living room before it was time to go get the little ones.  The water from the steam cleaner looked like coffee.  Thick coffee.  I think the carpet has had it - anyone know a discount tiler?  There are multiple 'bald' spots, where, Bella, as a baby, ate the carpet down to the threads.  Kim would chase her around, so mad, trying to get her to stop and put her outside!  At the threshold of Autumn's and Tonio's rooms, our previous pup, Zona, had tried to eat her way out of their rooms, when locked in there for periods of time.  Kim had done a pretty good job of patching it up, but, Bella had dug Tonio's straight out.  Wherever carpet meets tile, there is now a gap, and, every now and again, a barefoot bambini screams in pain as they snag a bit of carpet tacking. 

            Well, when the little ones got home, I got them a snack (Tonio, my banana bread with cream cheese on it and Autumn, some fideo soup I made last night), they started their homework - they are both getting much better at this! Autumn noticed that carpet looked...improved, and said it looked nice.  I left them while I went to pick up Cody and his friend Jesus from high school and when I came back, Autumn presented me with these:

         Just like something Kim would have done for me...

         Yesterday, Tonio felt a little sad while in Mrs. Rienstra's class...she spent some time talking to Tonio, who told her he missed Kim.  She caringly  took him into the pod (room between the classes) and asked if he'd like to draw a picture for her or start a journal.  He drew this:

          The tree, is our largest olive tree in our front yard...our 'angel' tree.  He says it reminds him of Mama.  She loved birds, so, he has a nest of doves living in the tree.  He told me to look carefully at the tree, because, hidden in the leaves are eyes and nostrils - it's a T-Rex!  Note the short arms of the olive tree!  I asked him about the cloud, to explain that.  He says 'That?  It's just a monsoon rolling in!'.  He's still a little lost, just a little out of step...Mrs. Rienstra has already made him feel so comfortable in her classroom and stayed after with him yesterday to help him with homework and play games with him.

..........And Cody?  Cody has immersed himself into high school life.  He is enjoying all of his classes, and, the social aspect of high school, as well.  He's pretty automatic - gets his homework done first and then enjoys playing video games for awhile - often, after the little ones go to bed, we'll watch a movie together.  He's good company.

          We know we have a couple of challenges over the next few weeks or so - but, I feel, that we continue to be better equipped to help each other through...and when I start to slip off of the path, one of them, intuitively, nudges me back onto it...bambini sorprendenti!!  (Amazing children!)

         Love,

                 Dave

The ups and the downs

          In our lives, there are going to be ups....and there are going to be downs...I've had so many conversations, over that last day or so, about appreciating what we have in our lives.  About being thankful and knowing that, in so many ways, we are blessed.

         I used to come home, to Kimmy, give her a big hug and kiss (sometimes sweep her off her feet), and tell her how much I loved her.  Then, I'd relate to her how I saw someone we knew who was now wheelchair bound.  Or someone we knew who was getting a divorce.  Or had been in a horrific accident.  I'd tell her, that I always appreciated her, and felt bad, that it took seeing or hearing about someone else's misfortunes to make me really feel it.  To bring me back into focus on what is truly important.

         Each day, I thank God for times Kim and I shared.  When I see a beautiful sunrise, I thank Him for every sunrise Kim and I shared.  When I take the bambini for a walk, I thank God for every walk Kim and I took.  When I wish someone a Happy Anniversary, I thank God for every anniversary that Kim and I celebrated - and we didn't just celebrate our wedding anniversary, oh no, we celebrated the anniversary of the day we met, the day we started dating in 7th grade, the day we started dating in 1984, the day we moved here to Tucson, etc, etc.  Nearly every day was our anniversary!

         This very day, I had the opportunity to multiple times to remind co-workers of what is truly important.  Family.  I preached to them 'Don't get all stressed out about work or your job - there are plenty of jobs out there.  But, your family, well, 20 years from now, whatever company you work for today, won't even remember your name - but, my hope is, by letting my kids know that they are more important than anything, that they will love me and I will love them - forever.'  Kim and I talked a lot the last two months or so that I was blessed to have her - NO ONE, on their death bed EVER says "I wish I had worked more!".  It seem so simple, doesn't it?  Yet, we still get hung up on bills, finances, office politics, economics, Washington politics...I say, forget about what someone in another state, or even city, is brain washing you into thinking...be here, now.  Be there for your family.  Your school/church.  And your community. That is what is important.

         In talking about the current state of economy and what it means for retail, I've made sure to be up front and honest with my team...'Have a plan B', I tell them (Kimmy's words) - that is why I have a real estate license. I am expendable.  I can be efficiently replaced, hell, my team has run my store for me for approximately 9 months, they do not necessarily need me. We saw the passing of the Lizard King - no one saw that coming. But,  I try to look out for them like they are family, because they have worked so hard to keep the business going so that I can take care of the bambini.  Yet, some of them, see this advice as a calamity - I tell them - it's an opportunity to refocus on their families, what is really important to them and to see if what they are currently doing really makes them happy...what a wonderful thing!

         

        And, one of our blessing that I thank God for, is the Barrios family.  Lupe, Manny and Monsi have shown love and caring towards all of the bambini.  Taking us in, primarily on Tuesday nights,making sure the kids get their homework done, giving them snacks, fun activities, sharing their home and dinner table with us - even when dealing with their own family sorrows and set backs.  They have such upbeat, positive outlooks on life (especially surprising/refreshing because they are Cowboys fans! : ) ).  I told them, if there were more families like theirs and more like the Williams' family, and the Croce family, this world would be a wonderful place, all the way around.

         But, I've come to learn, that along with the ups, we need to experience the downs to better appreciate the ups and all that we have - even when we are down.  They can take my house.  They can take my cars.  But no one can ever take the bambini and the love we share from us...and that is all that matters!

            Love,

                     Dave 

Tonio's Star Student

            This week, in Mrs. Rienstra's class, Antonio is the 'Star Student'!    He gets to make and 'all about me' poster and share this with the class, so they get to know more about each other this way.  He came home bubbling with excitement and asked if we could run to Fry's right away to pick up a poster board.  Tonio took great pride in scanning through our photos and choosing the perfect ones for his poster.  He printed them, trimmed them down and laid them out the way he wanted to, carefully gluing them down.  He wrote a little about each photo.  When he finished this part of the poster, he decided to go back and draw some colorful pictures of other things he likes.  I was pretty proud of him!

         First of all, in the upper left hand corner, Tonio put a picture of him, Cody and Autumn at Mission Beach.  He said it was his favorite place to be.  In the right corner, there is a picture of Tonio and Bella sitting together on the couch.  He wanted to put his favorite music artists on his poster and decided on Eminem and Bob Marley! Favorite movie?  'Rango'.   Lower left corner, eating pizza, his favorite food, with Cody.  And lower right - his family, at his favorite restaurant, Zona 78.  His drawings: a lizard, frog, puppy and a star above the heads of him, Cody and Autumn at the beach...He was so thoughtful as he chose each 'favorite', and sweet.

        This morning, I started the bambini, including Brendon, off with a big breakfast of hash browns, pancakes and bacon.  They all ate well.  While doing this, I decided to try to make Kim's banana bread, so the kids could eat it for breakfast or an after school snack.

            It actually came out good - the bambini couldn't wait for me to take a photo of it before they tried it!

               Here's how Kimmy did it!

             Ingredients:
             - 1 cup sugar
             - 8 tbsp ( 1 stick ) unsalted butter, room temp
             - 2 large eggs
             - 3 ripe bananas
             - 1 tbsp milk
             - 1 tbsp of cinnamon
             - 2 cups of flour
             - 1 tsp baking powder
             - 1 tsp baking soda
             - 1 tsp salt

        Preheat the oven to 325.  Butter a 9 x 5 x 3 inch loaf pan.
       
        Cream the sugar and butter in a large mixing bowl until light and fluffy.  Add the eggs one at a time, beating well.

        In a small bowl, mash the bananas with a fork.  Mix in milk and cinnamon.  In another bowl, mix together flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt.

       Add the banana mixture to the creamed mixture and stir until combined.  Add dry ingredients, mixing just until flour disappears.

       Pour batter into pan and bake 1 hr, test to see if it is done with a knife or toothpick.  Set aside to cool on a rack for 15 minutes.  Remove bread from pan and put on rack to cool completely.

       Here's something that used to crack me up about Kimmy - as great a cook/baker she was, she would manage to use every available bowl, pan, pot, plate, utensil, you name it!  I'd come in and get to work cleaning up the aftermath and she'd begin apologizing right away, always saying she didn't know how she ended up using so many dishes!  She'd turn the kitchen into a war zone.  I'd clean it up and then she'd detail her stove.  I always told her, I didn't mind how many dishes she used, because everything came out tasting so phenomenal!!  And, I knew she was making more work for herself by cooking everything from scratch for us.  She was so sweet.

         Well, after the bread was done, we went and met Angie, Janene, Kim and all of their kids at the cheap theaters to see Mr. Popper's Penguins (or Mr. Penguins Poppers, as Janene started to call it!).  All of the kids loved it - Autumn brought her big - I don't know what you call it, purse? Bag?  Tote thingy?  We hit Walgreen's on the way down and stocked up on candy, brought in kettle corn and drinks, too!  It was a great time.  Janene took Brendon and Cody skating - they had a lot of fun!
         The little ones helped me make lunches and get clothes ready and then we took Bella for a walk together.  Autumn reflected on the movie - she thought parts of it were pretty sad.  I told her, that I thought the take away was - life sometimes can be sad, but, if we don't try to hide our emotions, there will be people there for us to help us find happiness again.  'You mean like Angie and her family do for us?', she asked, her head tilted up towards me - those bright, blue eyes (Kimmy's eyes) searching mine for the answer...'Yes, honey, exactly!  We can be sad and miss Mama, but we have help through it, right?'  'We do Dad, we sure do.'...

            Love,

                          Dave

Just Keep Swimming

        Sometimes, I forget to breathe...usually at the damndest times, or over the seemingly inconsequential events.  Yet, it happens...

                   They come in flashes, remembrances, or occasions that I know Kim would have so appreciated....Here's one - Tonio, simply enjoying an afternoon shower (yes, you need to turn your computer sideways)...he is so ecstatic, it is so rare that the bambini get to actually play in the rain.  It typically comes with apocalyptic lightning...or winds that make me want to tie large rocks around the kid's waists, so they do not blow away.  This afternoon shower was just right - Tonio giggled with joy and shrieked "It's so cold!!".  A nice moment...

                 On the way to the Desert Museum last night, Autumn captured the darkening desert...They are open late on Saturday nights during the summer - until 10:00 PM.  Kim loved to go out there several times during the summer.

              Here is where Kim and I had our picnic lunch on our wedding day...we had Baggins deliver the sandwiches to San Xavier Mission, and led our party of 15 out into the desert en route to Old Tucson Movie Studios.  This rest stop is just before you pass through Gates Pass, as far west on Speedway as you can go.

                           Autumn was able to capture these shots as we hurtled through the desert, on winding roads, doing my best Hunter Thompson impersonation (See or read Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas -by Hunter Thompson, starring Bill Murray in the original movie and Johnny Depp in the remake).

                The Desert Museum was pretty crowded.  The temp had dropped down into the 80's following the rain.  So, I passed into the Staff parking lot, past the "Do Not Enter" sign and got an optimal parking spot.  We were greeted by this little guy just next to our vehicle.  Our friend, Yolanda, was working the ticket window - we've known her since 1994 when she worked down the road at Old Tucson.  She's been at the Desert Museum for 11 years now.  She always gives the kids little treats - tonight...flashlights!  And she told me to be sure to tell my 'sister' Janene hi and let me know she gave Janene and her family passes to get in when they went out last week.  She always takes good care of us...

                      This was not on our front porch.  We viewed this rattler and many others in the reptile house, protected by safety glass.

                     Autumn snapped these beautiful, night blooming flowers near the prairie dogs.  The mountain lion was very active tonight, the kids loved that!  They have a lot of fun activities for the kids on Saturday nights, including scorpion hunting with black lights, a live animal show (tonight, was owls flying over the audience's heads in their auditorium) and it was astronomy night.  The kids got to make constellation charts, planet charts, necklaces and bracelets with white beads that change to various colors of the rainbow when exposed to UV rays.

The kids got to see how high their vertical leap was and then the lady would multiply the inches times 9, letting you know how high you would jump if you were on the moon!  She said Cody had the highest vertical leap out of any children she had tested that night, 19".

                                                   Autumn and Antonio both leaped 6"...

And below, the kids are making meteors!  The demo guy, from Kitt Peak Observatory, was there last year.  I remember Kim saying he reminded her of the Heat Miser's brother, Snow Miser.  We laughed so hard, we had to leave the room...and suddenly, I could not breathe and I was sitting down, not knowing whether there was a chair behind me or not...the room, the people, all slowing down...and I hit, the chair, thank God, hard.  Sitting, watching...deja vu.

When time started ticking again, my breath returned, in time to see Tonio add ammonia to this mixture (he's in the orange, striped shirt, slightly hidden).  Cody remembered this guy's every joke and tendency - so this night, it was he and I who were amused.  He raffles off a Galileo telescope, at 9:00, or so he says.  As we put in our entries, Cody said "Watch Dad, he says 9, but then he'll make another meteor at 9 and do the drawing at, like, 9:20 or so."...and I remembered last year, I had to work early the next morning at Barnes & Noble for our Cafe' inventory.  I told Kim I wanted to leave at 9 and she said we'd leave right after the drawing.  She so badly wanted one of the bambini to win a telescope "We'll get a better look at that Big Dipper" she told me with a smile and a squeeze of my hand.  And I remember it exactly as Cody remembered it...the drawing was late, we ended up leaving around 9:30...and yes, it happened that way again this year.  Except, I was hoping one of the kids would win one this year, so we could get a better look at the Big Dipper, for Kim.  No such luck...

We had a good day today.  Great Sunday start, going to Our Mother of Sorrows with Angie (bionic knee doing good!), Andrea, Mario, Lexy, Breanna, Autumn and Tonio (we let Cody sleep in today!) - the we all went to Viro's, meeting Aut's teacher Casey, her husband Jack, grandmother, friends Julie, Josh and Alisha - Vito graciously saves us the 'big table' each week for our family.  We grazed for two hours!!

                            The girls were playing with my phone during brunch and took these shots.

We zipped home, picked up Cody and met Janene at Skate Country so the kids could burn off some of their breakfast energy!  Then, dropped Janene's son Brendon and Cody at the skate park, 'cuz they didn't get enough energy out!

Tonio is ready to skate with the ladies!

Angie's youngest daughter, Kim was hosting 'bunko' night at her house - so Andrea dropped off Breanna (we already had Lexy), we took Brendon, too and we met Kim's husband, Rashon at Peter Piper Pizza, with his two, Mariah and Micah and Andrea's son, David.  It was the busiest I've ever seen it!  This place is huge, too - it used to be the Linens 'N Things that I managed for a couple of years.  It even has a mini roller coaster in it!  The kids went on it several times and played many games, oblivious to the noise around them.

Breanna, David and Mariah enjoy that Peter Piper pie!

As if this wasn't enough fun, Rashon said 'let's go get ice cream!'.  A new burger place, called Culver's just opened - it was equally crowed and chaotic!

It was pretty late by the time we were done with ice cream and swung by to pick up Brendon and Cody at the skate park...we dropped the girls off to Mario and kept Brendon with us to sleep over with Cody. 

Just getting settled in at 11 - the boys watching the classic "Fight Club"...'this is your life, and it's ending one moment at a time.' Tyler Derden, Autumn and Antonio watching Rango, starring Johnny Depp, together...tired, but happy...

And they have the day off from school tomorrow!!

"He gives strength to the weary..."

          Isaiah 40:29

Love,

   Dave

  

                    
            

      

          

     

Kimmy's Blog

         I pulled up Kimmy's blog tonight, as I do everyday...if your computer is functioning properly, her song list automatically begins to play...Tonight (well, actually, it is already tomorrow), when I pulled it up, 'What a Wonderful World' began to play.  This is not the first song.  Typically, the player starts with what ever song I have lined up in the first position.  Which got me to thinking...

        10/19/10: Kim was sick, we just didn't know how badly.  I was calling and texting family and friends to let them know we were at St. Joseph's.  In the E.R.  My D.M. at Barnes & Noble,Tom, told me to hang up and take care of Kimmy, that he knew the store was fine.  Kim and I sat, side by side, in the stark E.R. waiting room, watching drama unfold all around us, yet, in our own little vacuum.  Alone with each other.  Me telling her we'd be out of here in no time.  She smiling and squeezing my hand, as if to say "I know".  She was so thankful that I dropped everything to join her - I wouldn't have done anything any other way.

        10/20/10:  We know it's Kimmy's gall bladder.  It looked bad during x-rays.  And I'm already struggling to keep up with calling/texting.

        Following her surgery, Dr. Atkinson delivers that news that sends our lives into a unstopping tailspin...

        Kim stayed in the hospital until 11/5/10.  Each day, it grew harder and harder to keep up, delivering the roller coaster replay of events that each day held for us.

        With Kim at my side, in our home, we decided to create her a blog (with the technical support of Ami Bunch and Jen Corbelli)...she was so touched, that I would do that for her.  I explained "Kimmy, there are so many people rooting for you out there.  So many people who love you and have to know.  They need updates, news...hope.  I can't keep up."  There she was trying to give me more credit than was due.

         She enjoyed helping me select those first photos that I posted - you have to scroll down for, like, half a day, to get to them - Kimmy's still smiling all the way at the bottom of her blog. She told me what to say about her in her bio.  What her interests were, favorite movies, favorite music and favorite books.  A snapshot of Kim.  Ami walked me through how to get the photos posted and taught me about the music player. I asked Kim, "what song would you like to start off with?"   We locked eyes while she thought a moment, then, a sparkle appeared and she said "What a Wonderful World, Louis Armstrong."  Perfect.

        And when I pulled up her blog tonight, and that song started in, it brought this moment in time back to me, as if Kim were sitting next to me, in her big, red, Lazy Boy recliner, waiting for my next question...

         

          ...I started my day with her, at San Xavier.  Today, I could see her coming down that long aisle.  Coming towards me with the absolute brightest smile I had ever seen on her - I waited at the altar for her to arrive, just soaking in the moment...

                                               My Angel...and the St. Jude candle that I lit for her today...

                   After selling some books, at Barnes & Noble, I scooped up the bambini, including Lexy and Breanna - these kids coming streaming out of school starving.  If I didn't spend so much time in their school, I would suspect they were not allowing our children to eat all day!  But they do.  None the less, they are famished, clamoring to please go get something to eat...

                        Breanna, Autumn and Lexy discuss the meaning of life over their Eegees!  Tonio and I shared our own booth.  He told me he had library today and about the neat books he got.  I remember when I was in 3rd grade (insert dinosaur joke here) - and had the double irony of having a teacher named Mrs. Hiney (say that with a straight face when you are an 8 year old boy!) and our librarian was a woman who was about 300 years old and named Mrs. Web.  I thought she reminded me of a spider and remember her halitosis was overwhelming.  Our library, at Calypso Elementary, where I went, was one of those mobile, manufactured home looking things...it got pretty hot during the warm months...

                    On the way home, I commented that we were near Angie's house and Breanna shouted 'let's go surprise Grandma!'...I gave her a 'courtesy' call, despite us being about 2 minutes away.  Her knee is recovering great following her replacement surgery.  The kids were excited to see her.  Angie asked how Mass was this morning and I told her how I'm getting to know some of the regular parishioners.  There are about 6 or 7 of the same people there each Friday - and we are always sure to shake hands during the exchange of peace.

                   We got home in time for me to make everyone some pasta (well, it was nearly 6 and they were hungry...again!) and then we picked up Cody at his friend, Jesus' house and went to see the Tucson Padres.

            We joined the Perrini's, Alyssa, Kirk and Annette in the outfield to enjoy the game.  The kids played on the jumping castle and inflatable obstacle course for hours, catching a little baseball between jumping, kettle corn, etc.  The Tucson Padres are the AAA team feeding the San Diego Padres - and we had the opportunity tonight to see a young man named Anthony Rizzo play.  He was with San Diego for part of the season.  In AAA, he is batting 370 and smashed a monster home run that came pretty close our way.  Kirk and I gave up trying to get it, when we noticed the maniacal throngs advancing on the ball!  The Padres won 6-1 and the kids went on the field afterwards to run the bases.
          I took my 6 kids to Circle K for after game drinks, which has become a tradition...and got them home near 11:00 p.m., sweaty, tired, but well fed and they all had fun!!
          Cody is staying the night at Jesus', and after we said goodnight to Mama, the little ones wanted to watch a movie.  It was close to midnight, but I told them go ahead.  Rango had barely been tossed from the comfortable back seat of his family's vehicle, onto the blazing hot tarmac of the stretch of highway running through the Nevada desert, while the Ave Maria is playing in the background, when I noticed they had fallen fast asleep! (if you haven't seen Rango, Red Box it!  It is one of Johnny Depp's finest and the animation is great.)
              Love,
                     Dave

           

                    

Scrambling

          Well, I know the week is not quite over, although we did have 'Friday Night' at my house last night, to take the edge off, one more day!!  It's been a wild one, coordinating the bambini's, their schoolin', homework, keeping 'em fed and cared for...and returning, once again, to the book store - thankfully, Barnes & Noble (some people thought I worked for Borders, which, unfortunately, is closing its doors putting another 11,000 workers on the street.)

           Monday and yesterday almost drained me of my will to go on...and, once again, the Cottonwood teachers came through, as I raced at break neck speed to get back to school - Casey Rudzena kept Autumn until she had to go to class, as she works towards a 2nd MBA, while being 5 months pregnant and Jenny Rienstra kept Tonio and then watched Autumn, graciously staying late until I could get there, around 4:30...and Jenny?  She's nearly 8 months pregnant!!  These teachers work hard and continue to inspire me.  Once I got the little ones fed and settled, I put in another couple of hours of work, before officially kicking off 'Friday Night' a few days early...

            I should start paying attention to the miles I'm putting on...

             The teachers continue to give and give.  I spent most of the day in Casey's class, helping grade papers, file, etc.  It is incredible to watch her developing our children, teaching, nurturing in a structured, yet entertaining environment.  I am constantly humbled by their commitment and dedication, along with their passion.  I came across Jenny, several times during the day, who would give me updates on Antonio, knowing it would soothe my mind and just showing just another example of how much they care.  Couldn't do it without them...

             And some left some beautiful comments on the last blog I posted:

Rebecca said...

It is so interesting to see you write about inspiration- you are a huge inspiration to me... To be a better person, to live life fully, and to love wholeheartedly. Thanks Dave

Ami said...

Dave, I was going to say just what Rebecca said...there are SO many of us who draw our inspiration and motivation to do just about anything, from YOU.

          I cannot tell you how inspiring and humbling comments like this are - I don't see it this way, and, these two are a part of our school system, tirelessly working hard to provide a safe, caring, learning environment for our children.  Ami is not pregnant, but her sister, Mary(Aut and Tonio's K teacher) is - Ami was Cody's kindergarten teacher and we were blessed to have her come back full time at Cottonwood.  Rebecca was on of the 6th grade teachers at Cottonwood when Cody was in 6th grade there, and moved up to Desert Sky, working as a student achievement teacher.   I seem to have lost the ability to reply to comments, so, thought I would publicly thank these two for their enthusiasm and energy - THEY are the true inspiration!!

          Following volunteering at Cottonwood, I was able to come home, make some pasta to go with the meatballs I posted pictures of the other night - and actually share some with a friend, the highlight of my day...it was weird to slow down a little, and, I think it made me feel even more tired!  But, it was brief, as I picked up the bambini, fed them and we all went to Cienega H.S. tonight to meet Cody's teachers...I think I posted that he has Economics (took it twice in college, never in high school), Physics (never took it, highly allergic to it!), Geometry Honors (huh?  'Honors'?  definitely got that from Kim!  I told his teacher I would be unable to help Cody and we discussed tutoring options, although, I'm sure Cody will be fine - he is great with math), World History Honors (there's that word again, but, at least I may be able to help him some here...at least with Italian history : ) ) and English. English sounds so boring and tame compared to the rest of his classes!!  But, once again, as has become our expectation as parents in the Vail School District, all of his teachers seemed nice and top notch (we are blessed...and spoiled!).  It was a nice evening, the kids did good - I always wonder, at these events, where most of the kids have both parents there (in my mind, I held Kim's hand as we moved from classroom to classroom, as we always had), how they are feeling.  They stuck close, as has become their way...and kept their smiles on...God bless them, THEY inspire me, too!!

         

        And this year, it seems, that the bambini have been able to adapt back into school life quicker...they are getting it, the new routines (or lack of!!), that are part of their journey.  I'm pretty proud of them...

       James 1:17  Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights...

       

        I believe this of the bambini!

                            Love,

                                  Dave

PS Whoa!  and I just discovered the blog has spell check!!  I'll be delivering better posts for sure!

          

Inspiration

          On Monday, August 1, the Vail School District holds its annual 'All Staff Welcome Back'.  It is a huge event - every employee - teacher, administrator, custodian - everyone, attends.  It is so big, it is held in the auditorium of the Pantano Christian Church, as, no school facility is large enough!
         I was honored and touched to receive an invitation to attend this event this year, by Darcy Mentone, principal of the new high school, Andrada Polytechnic High School, as I was a part of its planning committee.
         Last year, our whole family was there - Kim, as Volunteer Coordinator of Rincon Vista Middle School - excited for the event, yet nervous about having to speak about Vail Pride Day...looking professional, yet beautiful, in her gray suit and lavender top - her blue eyes flashing with excitement.  The bambini and I manned a table to help raise awareness about the budget override vote coming in the fall. 
         We all had breakfast together, outside.  They had such a nice spread of bagels, muffins, danishes and fruit.  The kids played with other friends who were there.  There was no mistaking the buzz among the V.S.D. employees...this was something special - you could feel it.

          Kim was so excited to hear the district's superintendent, Calvin Baker, speak.  She loved his enthusiasm and energy. He makes you want to work hard and succeed!  And he did not dissappoint on this day, bringing in thunderous applause and shouts several times during his speech.

          We snuck inside several times to see Kimmy and hear her angelic voice, as well as, to catch some of Mr. Baker's motivational speech, kicking off yet another successful academic year in style. 
           The All Staff Welcome Back is a day in our lives that I will not soon forget...

             ....but sometimes I do forget - how to stay motivated and up.  Still on a bit of a roller coaster, I've found.  Although it is no where near as crazy - in the beginning, it seemed to flucuate from scared to sheer terror to collapsed.  Then, from sorrow to anxiety to collapse.  Then, from hope, to hurt, to happy.  Now, it is more like 'ok, I got this', to 'do I?'  and back.  Much more manageable.  Mostly. 

              The days start early, end late and get long...I try to squeeze it all in and make sure the bambini do not feel too rushed and get some love.  Our friends Lupe and Manny took care of dinner for us tonight, which was a relief - and, we got to watch some soccer - my favorite soccer team from the Italian league, beat Club America from the Mexican league 1-0 at Mets stadium.  I don't get that channel, either, so it was nice to watch.

              And when I do forget, I have been blessed to be propped back up - reminded - and it is as motivating as a Calvin Baker speech! Making me want to do better and be better. I am able to focus, give the bambini the encouragement and nurturing that they need and keep a smile on my face.  It can be a struggle, some days, to keep the negative element out and to stay inspired - but, I am learning ways to keep the sun's warming rays on my face...

                  Thank you,
                                : )
                      Love,
                             Dave

Giving Back

          I found myself mired in a philosphical conversation tonight about why we give back.  I don't have a great answer for that - and, at this point, my ability to stay afloat during any meaningful conversation is still extremely challenged.
          Although, I did find that my first day back at work, after 55 days with the bambini, went well.  Most of all, because of the strong, unselfish team that I am blessed to work with.  They continue to give, as I convalesce at my own pace.  Today, I felt more productive, than my first attempt at reentry, and was able to digest and break down business related numbers! My first attempt, led me to be an over glorified book shelver, which worked fine for me - again, my team was gracious enough to allow me to do what I was capable of doing.
          But, in the back of my mind, nagging...was, missing the bambini.  They had a rough start and a bumpy finish.  We'll work on that.  Once I gathered them up from afar, I took them on a walk with Bella through the desert.  And then I ran a mile.  We got back on the same track and I fed them dinner, that I had made the night before in preparation for my first day back at work (Andrea's stir fried chicken and rice).
           Later, we got the fountain in the back yard working again, thanks to our friends Joe and Jesus!  It was just one of those things.  I had dismantled the fountain back around the end of June to clean the pump filter.  It is an extremely heavy fountain, and I was able to take it apart by carefully wedging the outer bowl against my hip and sliding it down the lower bowl...nearly breaking my lower back.  But, I've been stuck since then, unable to raise the manpower to reassemble the fountain (which we bought in memory of Kim's Dad).  So it was nice to get it back together and functioning tonight.

            Suddenly, it is 10:00 and I have an urge to make Kim's meatballs...Tonio takes up his book, 'Graveyard Book' by Neil Gaiman (one of my favorite authors), pulls a chair into the kitchen, and begins to do his nightly reading to me.  He's getting good at pronouncing the big words.  I'm mincing garlic.  He's telling me about Bod, the main character, who is alive, but living in a graveyard and being raised by the dead.  I'm chopping onions and not crying.  Tonio's reading about a bad man, who killed Bod's family and is after him.  I'm folding in an egg, adding Italian seasoned bread crumbs and thinking 'Maybe I'll make brownies.'. I'm trying to nullify my personal purgatory through baking. Why not?  I've never made brownies.  So, while the meatballs are cooking and Tonio's finishing up a chapter, I get the brownies going.

                Right into the sauce, they came out great!  And, I made them from memory...Kimmy's recipe.  I missed her a great deal today...as smooth as work went, it was a challenge with the bambini and I still have a great deal of work to do there...she made it seem effortless.
                But, back to the brownies.  First try.  Don't know how they will taste, yet.

                         And I'm finally getting the bambini to bed at 11:00, reluctantly, as I missed them so much today and, apparently, they missed me too.  There was some anxiety there.  We'll get it worked out.

                          But why, why do we give back?  I don't think it was too important to me, until after Autumn was born.  It was almost as if someone flipped a switch.  Here Kim and I were, in a nice little house, in an awesome community, with our oldest, Cody, about to enter school (Cottonwood!) and it hit us like a proverbial ton of bricks 'we need to be involved to keep this community special'.  We wanted nothing more in return.  No awards.  No acknowledgement.  Just knowing that we helped a great community stay great and that we were wanting to instill that same feeling in our children. 

                          Of course, the other folks involved, make you want to work harder and become even more involved...but, I remember.  I remember Kimmy, freshly diagnosed, saying 'this is my wake up call.  God is telling me that I've become too involved.  I need to refocus on my family'.  I tried to tell her she never neglected us.  We knew she was busy, but she still baked and cooked everything from scratch.  We didn't miss meals.  She still kept our home looking so nice.  But, she was overextended.  We were.  She was right, in some ways. I try to make sure the bambini come with me to help.  To make them feel involved and a part of what is going on.  They are a big help.

                          We could finally see some stars tonight.  The last few, we have been blessed with rain - Kim's garden looks so nice.  The bambini were delighted, blowing their kisses directly at the Big Dipper, loving the little bit of cloud cover that highlighted the sky, and the cool, fresh smelling breeze that blew across our yard as we said good night to their Mama...

                            Love,

                                    Dave

                

I have writer's block

          I do.  Have writer's block.  Sometimes the memories, the ideas just flow...sometimes they get stuck...I have an idea what the trigger is, but I do not have any control over it...

         This weekend has been one of those times.  My catalyst hasn't come through.  I can't find the thread on my own right now...so, I turned to the bambini.

          'Kids!  I'm stuck!!  I need some stories...about Mama!'...Tonio said, "you could write about how I always asked you guys to sleep with me."  Ok, done.  He is sweet, and I know there are two trains of thought on this.  Some people say 'don't do it', some say 'it's ok'.   We've always leaned towards the latter.  As I know now, life goes way too fast to worry about wether or not a kid wants the security of sleeping with his/her parents...before long, they not only don't want to sleep in your room, but they also no longer want that hug or kiss in front of their friends...or to hold hands while taking a walk...or go on family vacations...

           Autumn had a zillion ideas...

         She loved the time Kimmy surprised her with tickets to go see the My Little Pony Tea Party.  A live performance at the Music Hall down town.  Just the two of them.  Girls night out.  Kim wanted to do more of these...but, as I pointed out above, sometimes life really does go too fast, and she did have the time. 
          Kim did not tell Autumn where they were going...they parked at the cathredal, across the street from the music hall and Autumn thought they were going to church.  As they entered the music hall, a man handed her a My Little Pony coloring sheet and then she knew!  She loved the show and the time to share with her Mama.  Afterwards, they had dinner together at Little Anthony's diner.

          Another of Autumn's fondest memories (and Cody seconded this one), was, the last time we went to Disneyland, six years ago, we did not tell the kids where we were going - just pulled them from their beds, at 4 a.m., loaded them into the car in their p.j's and kept them comfy with blankets, pillows and put blankets up in the windows to block the rising sun later and took off.

          They woke when we were already in California, but still had no idea.  In fact, we were able to maintain the element of surprise, all the way to the Disneyland parking lot, when, as we approached, they spotted the brand new ride "Tower of Terror".  Cody saw it first, but did not recognize it for what it was - he shouted "Omygosh!  That hotel is on fire!!!".  Autumn and Tonio strained in their car seats to see and began shouting crazily.  Then, we passed beneath the Disney archway and it hit them...we were at Disneyland and they began squealing with delight.

          That was a great time.

          I knew the bambini could help.  They always do.  Everyday!

                  Love,

                      Dave

High School

           Today, Cody's first day at high school...I'd like to say he made it smooth.  Piece of cake...but, being 14, can mean, being forgetful!  He forgot his schedule...so, I drove home, got it, and drove it back to him.  After school, he said he did not get to eat lunch, the lines were too long...and even if they weren't, he had forgotten his student i.d., so they would not allow him to eat.  You would thing, that, after all of the years this school has been open, that they'd figure out how to control the lines at lunchtime...and, to allow a teenager to go without lunch, because he forgot his i.d., seems pretty punative - but, this isn't your dad's high school!
         Other than that, he said the day went great and that he enjoyed his first day of classes!
         My friends, Monique and Joe, who got him there, so I could go to Mass and picked him up, so I could pick up Lexy and Breanna and take the kids to go see Kung Fu Panda 2 (which was excellent, and a must see movie!!), made sure that they snapped a 1st day of school picture, ala Kimmy, for me:

             He's looking so grown up these days...and made his first day of high school seem like no big thing.  I'm sure that I've mentioned, that I'm proud of him!  And yes, that is a Napoli jersey I'm sporting - they managed to come in 3rd place in the Serie A, Italian soccer league - Kind of like if the Kansas City Royals came in 3rd overall in MLB - neither team has been worth anything since 1985 or so.  Cody has on his Hobie surf shirt that he picked out while we were at Laguna Beach - he wore it for his Mama....we thought of her a lot today.

              At San Xavier, I love this side entrance doorway.  The large, rustic wooden door, so ornately carved...leading out to the little side courtyard, where we'd sit with the kids during Mass when it was too crowded to sit inside, or when the kids were too restless to sit inside.  I usually sit by it during Mass and just stare at it...remembering.

            This church is ancient, by U.S.A. standards.  It holds many secrets.  I cannot help but let my eyes roam to the high, domed ceilings, covered in murals - with windows set 30 ft above the congregation.  And at the incredible carved statues of the saints, strategically placed around the church, always looking at the parishoners.  And the decorative scene behind the altar, a conglomeration of statues, paintings and stunning decor, and the large, scenic paintings on the sides of the interior - of the last supper.  They all speak to you.  How many people sat in the mission's pews?  How many prayers have been prayed there?  How many baptisms, first holy communions...weddings??  I know Cody's baptism and our wedding, play over and over in my head as I sit there each week, trying to get closer to Kim...

              Love,

                    Dave

Morning

            5:30 came early today...Bella insisted we run.  We were greeted by the sun, and I was glad we woke up early...

                                          She's Tigger.  Bella gets so excited to get running, that she'll pull me along, usually bouncing and prancing like a circus dog. She's walking me! She has so much spirit.  And I'm so thankful that Kim made me take her to pick out Bella that day, a week or so after we lost Zona.  I wanted to wait, I felt that it was too soon, that we needed to properly mourn Zona's passing.  As usual, Kim was right on - choosing the perfect pup for our family.  She knew.

                                       After our run, she bounced into the bedroom, up onto the bed and began to kiss Antonio, telling him 'Good Morning!  It's time to wake up and play!'.  Then, she did the same to Autumn.  She loves her kids...
                                   They all like to play with her while they get ready for school, throwing her a ball, playing tug-o-war with her rope toy, pretending Bella made them breakfast...She provides them love and smiles...
                                 Our morning runs are a nice way to start our day...
    
                                  Love,
                                        Dave
                                    

Freshman Orientation

         I should've taken pictures.  I know Cody would not have appreciated it, but Kim would have insisted.  I thought I'd better be as low key as possible, for Cody's sake.

         We spent 5 hours at Cienega today, preparing for Cody's first day of classes at high school tomorrow.  I tried to pay attention, but had way too much coffee coursing through my veins...I needed to get up and run!  My friends, Monique and Joe, who had given me a ride, sensed this and came up with a plan to escape...we snuck out of the auditorium and took our own tour of the campus...Cody, meanwhile, was being escourted from class to class, so that he would have his bearings for tomorrow.  He did great.

          So many high school memories came flooding back...we had no orientation.  We walked to school our first day and figured it out, together.  I remembered the classes we had together, meeting in the hallways, going to play frisbee in the parkway, waiting to walk home. Gym class (we did NOT call it P.E.), was so fun, especially swimming. And a lot of our teachers actively rooted for us as a couple.  Except the principal, Mr. Stein.  He did not like any P.D.A. which took me until I was a senior to figure out meant public display of affection.  He'd come hollering down the hallway "NO PDA!!".  I wondered who Cody's 'Kimmy' would be today, as I spied him across the way talking to some young ladies...He's grown so much, his face looking more and more like a man's.  He's ready to go, confident...I'm so excited for him.

       Afterward, I dropped Cody at the skate park, where he rode for hours with his friends (David and Brendon came with their new buzz cuts!).

       The little bambini have had a pretty good first week in school - again, their teachers making a big difference!  I'm told that some folks cannot read the comments left by readers (and thank you for all of you who do leave comments!!!), Ami Bunch left his one today, and I felt it embodies how a) Tonio continues to work through the loss of his Mama and b) the loving support these children receive at Cottonwood (thanks so much Ami!):

       

Yay for the angel tree! As I was taking my PM kinders on a tour around school this afternoon, our last stop being the restrooms by Kim's Garden, I noticed Tonio there by himself, checking out all the flowers, bugs and yes, even black widow spider eggs (and consequently, the spider which hatched them), ....He seemed kind of forlorn, so we chatted about "mama" for a few minutes and he and I pulled some weeds while my class got drinks. I'd be lying if I said it didn't tug at my heart...and yet, he smiles on. And I love that he visits the garden. I love that the garden is a constant reminder of Kim. :)

         Tonio told me about this experience himself this evening and you could hear the appreciation in his voice, as he told me he began the project by himself, then, Mrs. Bunch came and helped...

          Other random things...I stumbled across our Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the Moon CD today, it startled me.  I hadn't realized it had been misplaced, until I found it, hidden away - Kim and I got a lot of mileage out of this CD back in the day.  Autumn came home saying her new music teacher was talking about some great guitar player from the '60's named Jimi.  I scoffed.  He was innovative, I guess, but, in my opinion, could not stack up to Jimmy Page, Keith Richards, Eric Clapton or David Gilmour, of Pink Floyd...then I found the CD and popped it in to show her - 'Time', one of his greatest guitar efforts. And the lyrics, I'd always sing them to her (well, I can't sing, but I wanted to!):

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town

Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today

And then the one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but you're older
And shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desparation is the English way
The time is gone the song is over, thought I'd something more to say

I guess a lot of this ended up catching up to me, without me even knowing it...

David Gilmour is one of my all time favorite guitarists.  Kim had surprised me, one year, for my birthday, with tickets to one of his solo tours, back in 1984.  Third row center.  I had broken my hand in a fight just a night or two prior and she was so mad at me - I thought, perhaps, I had finally overstepped my bounds.  But there she was, to pick me back up, lovingly...she had her work cut out for her.  She ended up driving us to the show, which was fantastic.

Further, around 7, out of fruit and the bambini clamoring for some, we drove to Sunflower market to stock back up (and ran into Lydia Crain, Rincon Vista principal, where Kimmy worked and one of the nicest people I know!).  And I found this"

 At last...

         I sat in the third floor waiting room one late evening, waiting for the damn phone to ring.  It was to be Kimmy's final surgery.  I hated that phone.  And, that waiting room was my personal hell, my chamber of horrors.  But I had no choice.  And I'm not complaining about being there - there was no where else I'd be - I love Kimmy, I needed to be there, wanted to be there - it's just that, that waiting room...I cannot write enough to describe the feeling, the coldness, and in the end, the emptiness that I gained there...

          Anyway, that final surgery, where they were helping relieve the swelling in Kim's legs, I resolved that I would not answer the phone...so when it rang, another 'waiter' picked it up and called my name...I reluctantly, yet hopefully, accepted the receiver from her outstretched hand...and I heard Kimmy's soft, sweet voice whisper to me"David.  Write this down.  Infinium"  "What is that?  A treatment?  A CURE??"  I begged.  "No", she giggled, "A beer."  A beer.  Her waking words to me.  A beer.  She wakes thinking not of herself, or her condition, but to tell me about a beer that I might enjoy, that I have to try.  Dammit Kimmy!!  She was so sweet. 

           Her anathesiolgist told me the rest of the story later.  Kim amazed him.  As he was putting her under, he commented to another Dr. that he couldn't wait to get home to pop open a bottle of Infinium by Sam Adams.  Kim, drifting, asked him "is it good?".  "The best" he told her.  "You have to tell my husband about it". she replied, slipping away.  He told me that conversations held while putting patients under are rarely, if ever recalled.  Yet, when Kim was coming back up, it was the first thing she said to him "was that beer you mentioned called Infinium?".  He was amazed!

          "But Kimmy, are you allright?  How did the procedure go?"  I asked desparately.  "I'm fine David, I'm fine."

            I almost did not find it.  The little bambini and I headed directly for the beer section.  My friend, Manny, told me Sunflower did indeed carry it - he looked it up on an app for me.  But I couldn't see it.  The cashier asked if I found everything - and I finally said 'no' and told him the story.  He immediately went to the cooler and grabbed a the large bottle pictured above.  He was the most knowledgeable beer guy I've ever met.

             And it is good.  Kim knew.  She knew I'd like it, and thought of me.  "Write it down"  and I did.  It took 8 months to find it, bitter sweet.  She always looked out for me.

              And for the bambini...I can hear her now "I'm so proud of my big high schooler!"...

                             Love,
                                    Dave

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-XNr5neJ30&NR=1