Kimmy's Cache

         Two year anniversaries abound...the night air has grown cooler - we love to leave the doors open and bring in the fresh air.  Halloween approaches.
          Cody got up into the attic the other day to bring down the boxes of Halloween decorations and costumes (Breanna and Autumn delightedly grabbed double handfuls wigs, dresses, etc and an impromptu fashion show broke out erupted!).  I noticed, in the fray of costumes that the girls left in the boxes, that some of them were costumes that Kim had hand made for the bambini.  The scarecrow.  The lion.  The fearsome dinosaur.  And, the Jack in the box.  I decided that I would clean out my Nana's cedar chest that we have in our entryway and store all of her incredibly and lovingly made costumes to better preserve them.
           I couldn't exactly remember what I already had stored in there...and when I lifted the lid, I found a bunch of old Cal Ripken Baltimore Orioles memorabilia.  A box of Wheaties with Cal on it.  A statue of Cal belting a home run.  A Cal bobble head.  A Dan Marino action figure.  Kim was a Miami Dolphins fan! A boxed set of Upper Deck Micheal Jordan cards.  A Mike Piazza tin of trading cards - yes, Kim was a LA Dodger fan, as well.  A Billy Kilmer Washington Redskin jersey from when I was 9 or 10.  Rolled Disney movie posters for Beauty and the Beast and Pinocchio that I had gotten for Kim when they were re-released in the theaters back in the '80's.
          And. Another cache of Kim's.  Memories.  As soon as I saw the heart shaped box, I knew I should buckle up...

            Kimberly had taped the box shut.  To keep her treasures safe.  For the day that I would stumble across them?  I like to think so.  I continue to wonder if I will find some last letter from her - and she continues to surprise me - our house just isn't that big.  Over the last two years, you would think I would have uncovered every last thing.  But, I have to tell you, I am so glad I have not.  It makes the darkest part of the night just a little bit less black.

          I hesitated, box in hand - did I want to open it - yet?  Autumn sauntered by.  "Oh, I love that box.  Did you get it for Mama?".  She broke me out of my daze.  Of course I wanted to open it - I look so forward to finding Kim's hidden caches, as if she chooses times to drop by and give a hug.

 

For such a small box, Kim managed to fill it with vintage '80's 'greatest times' that we shared.  Beginning with my Shippensburg University phone # (somebody dial this # and see if I'm still there...).

 

There were chopsticks and a business card from Oriental Palace.  The first Chinese restaurant I ever ate at.  Perhaps the first green veggies I ate in a decade, too!  This place was right next to the movies and we would eat here and then go see a show (Kim with a bottle of Cold Duck stashed in her suitcase sized purse for the movie!)

 

 

A letter, from me to Kim from Shippensburg.  Return address: Banana Man

                                                                                                   Dole, Africa

I can't remember what book or magazine I read - it may have been Mad Magazine.  They had letters with fake return address - always something witty that would make me laughed out loud.  So, each letter I would send to Kim would have a made up return address, hoping to get a giggle out of her.

 

A sorry card.  Apologizing for being a train wreck.  An yet she never gave up.  We loved the Little Rascals, trying impersonate them to make the other laugh.  "Get outta der Petey!  That's not for you!!" or "and there was a monkey with an alligator suitcase on his back!".  I'd always get a laugh out of Kim with one of these classic Our Gang quotes!

 

One of the movies we saw together at the aforementioned movies, was Gremlins.  Kim thought the Gremlins, pre-water, were so cute.  I ended up finding a plush Gremlin somewhere and buying one for her.

           A ticket stub from a Buddy Hackett show that we saw at Caesar's at Atlantic City, NJ.  Kim was the queen of travel deals.  Even before she mastered Kayak.com or Priceline.com, she could find incredible deals.  We paid $10 for a bus ticket to Atlantic City.  In return, they gave us $10 in quarters and a FREE Buddy Hackett ticket.  It was a surprisingly good show.  Kim liked Buddy Hackett because of his role in the original Herbie and the Lovebug movies.

 

A piece of stationary that Kim had designed and had made for me when I got a job with Toys R Us all the way back in January of 1988.

 

A key chain, from our favorite hotel on Long Beach Island, N.J.

 

Admission ticket stubs to the Arizona Desert Museum and to Old Tucson from May of '89.

 

                  Always fascinated by Inspector Gadget, I brought Kim this action figure home one time.

And a 1985 Date Book.

 

She appreciated everything, no matter how big or how small.  A rose.  She felt strongly enough about that single red rose to make an entry in her calendar book.  The best part about Kim?  Not only did she appreciate everything, she expected nothing!

 

She was pretty sweet...

 

 

There were a couple photos of Kimmy - here with her sister, Terri.

 

And on the couch with her two dogs, Whiskey (right) and Niki (left). 

 

                           Finally, actually way to soon, came the bottom of the box.  Strewn with memories of carnivals, night clubs, concerts, movies and favorite beers (mine, since Kim was not yet a beer drinker in the '80s, preferring Gin and tonics!).
                           The treasures within this box brought back so many wonderful memories, times, smiles...

                           There were some other photos, deep in the darkest corners of my Nana's cedar chest, a nostalgic breath of cedar captures your nose as the lid of the chest yawns open...

 

Holding each other at San Xavier Mission...

 

Scaling sand dunes at White Sands, NM.  Kim had a beautiful dress on that day...I LOVED this dress on her!!.  The dunes were steep, and you can see the track Kim had left sliding down the mountainous dunes...in a dress!!!

The dunes were beautiful.  So impressive.  We had Cajun with us and we literally ran in the sand until we were exhausted.  Sliding down hills, trying to run, awkwardly, back up them. 

 

Always looking back.  I loved this look - it always was if she'd look back, reach into my chest and just squeeze my heart!

 

 

One of our early, 'Climb 'A' Mountain' American Cancer Society walks!  Cajun proudly sits upon a boulder.  Cody is sleeping soundly in the jogging stroller!

 

Kim and Cody at Sabino Canyon.  Kim and I frequented the canyon - hiking the Butterfly trail and swimming in the many water holes along the creek. 

 

Cody helps Kim decorate our Christmas tree.

 

                            My Dad and Kim dancing at my sister, Laur's wedding back in '97.

 

Tonio and Kim at the Desert Museum...she blessed us with 3 wonderful bambini!

 

It was a great day to be thankful for the memories we made!!

 

The memories take their toll - someone recently asked if I'm sleeping at night.  Sometimes...others, I struggle...and although it's late again tonight, the memories I rediscovered today will take me deep...

 

Sweet dreams Kimmy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                
          

Window People

                Before I chose 'Window People' for a title, I had to scroll back through the 380 posts - because I swear I've used that one before.  In fact, almost every time I have a story to tell, I think 'I must have told this one by now'.  But I guess I haven't.
                 Where do they keep coming from?  There were so many things we got to do together - the memories keep surfacing.  Imagine working on a jig saw puzzle for nearly 30 years...and the table, violently being flipped over - the horror in seeing your puzzle explode into millions of multi-shaped pieces..
                ...you dive to the floor, hastily attempting to put it all back together...hastily?  DESPERATELY But, the pieces are somehow...different...
                ...And every so often, you flip a piece that looks familiar  - that has a story to tell...here's one now...

                    Years ago, before we lived together, Kim and I would go out together - to carnivals, to see bands, to malls.  But, we did not want our night to end and after everything had closed, we would just drive.  Sometimes, we'd just sit in the car and talk.
                   One night, Kim noticed, that the windows in our car (the 'Silver Bullet', my Dad's 1977 Chevy Malibu) had fogged up.  She drew a smiley face in the fog.  Then another.  And another.  When she was done, she turned to me and said 'Window people'.  And the Window People became ours.  Looking back, how I enjoyed those times...
                   Over the years, the Window People found a home in our bathroom.  Kim would shower, draw a couple of Window People on the mirror...they'd fade by the time I got in there, but, to my pleasure, they'd reappear while I was showering, greeting me as I stepped out.  Kim could always find a way to make me smile.

                  The Window People evolved again when we had the bambini.  When Cody made it to first grade, and it was time to pack lunches, Kim simply shifted the Window People to napkins, packed lovingly with a nice homemade lunch.  A way to make Cody - and then Autumn, and finally Antonio, smile when they unpacked their lunch.
                 Her drawings inspired the bambini.  In fact, Autumn saved nearly every one!  After school, they would tell Kimmy about their day and always thank her for her napkin artwork.  The smileys helped them through their day - giving them their own smiles.
     
                 I don't know where the time has gone - I only know that it has passed.

                The Window People on the kid's napkins is one Kimmy tradition that I have kept going - and the bambini love it.  Autumn has even gotten into the act.  She takes great pains to 'secretly' draw me a Window People napkin and stash it in my lunch.  I have to tell you, by lunch, I forget that she has 'secretly' done this and it always gives me a rush of nostalgia and a huge grin.  She's so Kimmy.

                Here are some of mine.  And Aut's.

 

Two 'classic' Window People renditions

 

Autumn's butterfly for me

 

                                         Even Tonio gets into the act, drawing me a pic of Bella!

 

These two were to me from Autumn

                                       I made the shark scene for Tonio, who loves all things sharks

 

Both kids have gotten the Chesire Cat grin - they love the new version of Alice in Wonderland, starring Johnny Depp and both quote the movie.  I love when Tonio says "You don't slay?", a line he's borrowed from Depp's Mad Hatter character!

 

 

This is my favorite from Autumn. Her drawings and hand writing remind me more and more of Kim's

 

                      There.  That is a lot of our collection.  How we connect at lunch time, even though we are all apart.  The kids love the surprise.  When they help pack their lunch, they will always leave when I am doing their drawings, so they don't see. 

                       They love their napkin people!

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Angel

 

"How do angels get their wings?"  Kim asked me one day, out of the blue...

 

"I don't know, how?"

 

Kim loved classic movies,  Shirley Temple, Alfred Hitchcock,  "Cool Hand Luke", starring Paul Newman, "On the Waterfront" with Marlon Brando.  Joan Crawford. And James Stewart.

 

Each Christmas, we'd watch "It's a Wonderful Life" - I'd try to imitate James Stewart to make Kimmy giggle "I'll lasso you the mooooonnnn"  I'd drawl.  The movie was ok, but, what made the movie was being able to curl up with Kim on the couch to watch the movie!

 

                 In the story, James Stewart's character, George Bailey, has fallen on hard times and has given up.  He is on the verge of suicide.  St. Joseph, calls upon Clarence, an angel who has not yet earned his wings, to go save George.  St. Joseph tells Clarence, if he can save George, maybe he can earn his wings.
                 Clarence shows George what a terrible place Bedford Falls would be without him, and convinces George that he has a wonderful life.
                 "No man is a failure who has friends" he tells George.  At that moment, a bell rings on George's family Christmas tree, signaling that Clarence has earned his wings!

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              I cannot tell you how many times we watched this movie together...Kim could have watched it twice as many as we did.

                So, nearly every time we were out and about - no matter where, or what, we might have been doing - if we heard a bell ring, we'd pause and listen, then turn and look into each others eyes and Kim would whisper "an angel got their wings!" - her smile would warm the darkest depths of my heart...

               I can clearly remember the day that I heard the sweetest bells, tinkling over the wind.  The day Kimmy got her wings.  The clarity of the moment - it was unmistakable, as if I was an audience to her ceremony.  It may have taken 'Clarence' 200 years to earn his wings in the movie, but it was no surprise to me, that Kim earned hers in a year and a half!

              It was at Tonio's 3rd grade luau...Lupe had worked so hard planning a perfect day for our little ones.  Monsi and Tonio were inseparable, going on the jumping castles, playing all of the games that the Lupe had set up, eating a buffet of food and running through the downpour created by our Rita Ranch fire department! All of the 3rd graders and their teachers had a blast!!

                                             Tonio works hard on signing a shirt, with Monsi and Lupe in the background...

 

Wait to LIMBO!!!

 

Jenny Rienstra (Mons and Tonio's teacher) and Lupe enjoying the day...

 

                                                Here, the kids formed a circle, getting ready to play a game where one child gets a sponge, soaking wet, with  ice chilled water.  He/she chooses to douse another classmate on the head, at which point, the soakee must chase down the soaker before he/she gets back to their spot...
          ...while setting this up, just after snapping this photo, I was began to experience that sensation of time slowing down...and noticed how beautiful a day it was, the park was gorgeous that day.  I was staring off across the park, when I heard the familiar singing of a hummingbird.  I turned to see a pretty, green hummingbird, landing on the branch of the mesquite tree just above my head.  I squinted through the sun's brilliant rays to see her better...a breeze rippled across the park....
             ...and then, I heard the bells, unmistakable, carried by the breeze...I looked left, toward the source, to see if I could see anyone that might have been carrying a small set of bells - such a soft sound, yet clear. It seemed as though I could hear nothing else - not the squealing of the happy children, or the birds in the trees, or the cars passing by on Rita Road - all was absolutely silent - except for the bells. I looked back up at the hummingbird, which seemed to lift off in slow motion, hovering...when the jingling of the bells stopped, she swooped away, off into the blue sky...
  
                                At that moment, I knew what had just occurred, without a shadow of a doubt...it seemed an eternity passed as I processed the beauty of what had happened - the joy I felt, welling up inside me - how happy and proud of Kimmy I was at that moment....I cannot do this moment justice with words - the feeling was overwhelming, the moment so clear, so beautiful...just about indescribable.  The feeling of peace  that swept over me as I felt the cool breeze, eyes locked on the hummingbird and then, the jingling of the bells, from somewhere off to my left...

              Just like that, my time bubble burst - I could hear the children's laughter again and turned back to the game, which had just started...

               I've thought about that day often...I know that it was a perfect day for Kim to get her wings.  During the 3rd grade luau.  She had planned Cody's...and Autumn's.  Lupe had done such a fantastic job of making it a memorable, perfect day for the 3rd graders - Kimmy would have to have been there, for Antonio.  For us.  She'd earned those wings...my angel....

 

 

 

 

               Maybe, just maybe, the next time you hear bells ring - it will be your guardian angel who is receiving their wings...

 

 

Mission Impossible

                 It's been a long day...tomorrow will be longer...

                 But, I managed to still get Bella out into the desert, the air cool from monsoon activity and fragrant with creosote...
                 Tonio decided to join me.  "Can we climb through the barb wire, into the desert?"  he asked.  He's such a sweet soul, a broken soul, a not quite lost, but almost, soul.  I could not say no.
                 He watched intently as I carefully lifted Bella through a gap in the barb wire fence - not really a 'gap', but, just an area where someone had lifted one strand of barb wire high enough so you can wiggle through...He told me 'Be careful Dad!' as I followed Bella...and then, I turned to lift him, but, thought to boost his confidence and talked him through...he made it flawlessly...
                 ...and we walked, down a long abandoned dirt road, deeper and deeper into the desert, toward the Rincon Mountains, the sun setting behind us...trail bordered by ever tightening, cholla prickly pear cacti...Tonio spotting every lizard, quail, rabbit and chipmunk...with watchful eye out for the herd of cattle that graze this section of desert.
                  He's deep, Tonio, and asked question after question on our walk...it was nice to spend time with him and I told him stories of the hikes Mama and I used to take.  He wanted to know every detail - what had we seen?  Who was with us?  What was it like?

                 Autumn and Tonio always want to have 'movie night'.  I tell them, if they get ready for bed fast enough, there will be time.  They wanted me to choose a movie tonight.  So, I chose Mission Impossible 2.  I am not a Tom Cruise fan, but this is a great movie.
                The soundtrack is fantastic and really sets the mood.  The bambini were mesmerized by the action and Autumn was able to call what would happen next enough times that it made me fell as if a) it was Kim sitting next to me, pulling a 'Columbo' or b) she'd already seen this movie...
                "I don't really like Tom Cruise", she said at one point, "But he's pretty good in this movie.".
                 I would let them know when my favorite scenes were coming up...
                 Tom Cruise, as Ethan Hunt, must rid the world of a deadly virus, fight his arch enemy and previous spy partner, and, you guessed it - save the girl in the face of overwhelming odds.
                
                 The girl, played by Thandie Newton, trying to save Ethan Hunt from sure demise, injects herself with the virus (which, she knows, is a viable way to transport it) - as the bad guys unload round after round of lead trying to stop Hunt.  The bullets stop once the bad guys realize the girl has the virus in her blood stream and Ethan Hunt is ready to escape...
                
                   "You can't get us both out of here, can you?"  She asks Hunt....No, of course he cannot, but, he vows that he will save her.  The emotion of this scene, brought back every effort that I made to 'get us both out of here', during Kim's fight.

                   My favorite scene...

 

The white dove, through a flaming doorway, heralds the arrival of the hero, aiming to get the bad guys....and save the girl.

 

The white dove.  When Kim's father, Ken, passed away from cancer a decade ago...a white dove visited our home.  Kim was sure.  Certain.  That is was her Dad visiting us...so, the white dove in this movie held some meaning for me. 

 

I remember seeing this show with Kimmy.  She'd indulge me my action movies and was not a Cruise fan either.  But, she enjoyed this one.  We enjoyed it together, chuckling at some of the impossible stunts, but enjoying them just the same.  Even Aut, during a scene where Ethan Hunt has his motorcycle on one wheel, pulling a 180 and shooting a the bad guys the whole time, commented 'Yeh, he's good, but that's not really Tom Cruise doing these stunts...'

 

And, in the end, as the girl is about to jump off the highest cliff to rid the world of the virus...Ethan Hunt comes through, swooping in to save her...

 

I am a sentimental guy - I hold on to certain memories...moments in time.  Connecting events to make meaning out of them...

...and I have a story about an angel for you.

But not tonight.  It's late, I'll be on the road by 430ish, and need to get to sleep...to dream...

 

 

 

 

               

More memories...

                   In my last post, I talked about how the memories that I have keep me going.  Talk about rocket fuel!  We sure had some wonderful times...
                   Long Beach Island, NJ holds so many - as I read about hurricanes hitting the east coast, I remember the time we were staying on L.B.I. when the tail end of one hit.  I do not recall what the hurricane's name was, but, that doesn't seem important. 
                  I believe I've written about L.B.I. before, and mentioned that it is a barrier reef island, situated six miles from the mainland.  It is 18 miles long and only a mile wide at it's widest point.  We had been from tip to tip more times than I can count, but favored Beach Haven, near it's middle. 
                 When hurricanes hit, the island had a propensity to flood, as, there was no where for all of that rain to go and with heightened surf activity, well, it just compounded the issue. 
                 We were staying at one of our favorite 'hole in the wall' hotels, the Elton, during one of these hurricanes (thanks Brian Duffy, a island native and one of my Shippensburg University roommates, for this photo!).
        

 

We liked the Elton, for the price (about $40/ night, with shared bathroom, or $60 would buy you your very own bathroom!), the location (about one block off the beach and walking distance to our favorite pubs, night clubs and watering holes) and the escape.  We'd bring peanut butter, bananas and Wheat Thins, which would serve for breakfast and lunch.  After a few days, our room would smell of bananas. 

We liked to either fish for our dinner or we'd splurge and go out to eat.  One of our favorites, Stefano's, is still there.  Our friend, Brian Duffy (master photographer), worked at this restaurant and would provide us with the house hookup.  When he sent me this photo, I asked him if Stefano's was still there.  He texted back 'Actually, I'm just leaving there right now'...

Anyway, the surf the day the hurricane was coming was fabulous.  We'd body surf, risking sand burns, and more, then crawl up to our towels to 'get some color' as Kim loved to say.  By afternoon, the skies were gray and foreboding...and then, the rains came. 

We ran back to our room, laughing, getting drenched.  Oh, I forgot to mention, that along with the p.b. and bananas, we'd also bring the large size bottle of Tanqueray. Gin.  Our special favorite.  We'd walk over to the 7-11 and get some tonic and limes to go with it, but, sometimes just pour it over ice and plop a couple of olives in it.  So, when we got back to the Elton, we braced ourselves for the storm and mixed up happy hour!

When the rains finally stopped, the roads were impassable.  We did not mind.  We literally waded down the street to a diner, had breakfast then splashed down to the beach to watch the turbulent and majestic Atlantic ocean pound the beach.

Later, we walked through thigh deep water on the street (no dangerous current like here in Arizona during monsoon) to the nearest bar to catch a band and a beer.  I believe we would have been happy to be 'stranded' like this the rest of our lives....

 

....the rest of our lives...Today, driving home from church and Viro's, questions began to formulate from the rear of Kim's Expedition...

"Dad?  Were you surprised with how fast Mama went?"  Autumn.  "I mean, didn't it take Grandpop more than 8 years to pass away from the same cancer?"

Surprised?  How about bowled over?

I mean, seriously.  Technology.  Advances in medicine.  Faith and prayer.  I knew Kimmy would beat it.

"Dad?  Mama went in for gall bladder surgery, right?"  Yes.  "So, when they found cancer, why the heck didn't they just cut it all out?". 

Well Autumn, that is exactly what I asked Dr. Atkinson, the day he decided to show me 8x10 glossies of Kim's liver, following 'successful' gall bladder surgery - just after the room stopped jouncing up and down like a large tray of jello.

"I knew Mama wasn't going to make it Dad."  Autumn again.  "I mean, I prayed and hoped, but, I just had this feeling...you know what I mean?"

Tonio: "Really?"  his voice a mere squeak.

Some days, I just don't want to.

 

Gas prices.  Kim would always laugh, every time I talked to my Dad - "Did youse talk about gas prices?"  Yes.  "Why?  It doesn't matter how much it cost, cuz you need it anyway" she'd reason.  Correctly.

Gassing up the other day, I noticed we were directly across the street from the Tanque Verde Apartments, where our Arizona adventure began.

 

      We hand picked this place, with my Dad's help.  Off street parking!  BONUS!  An exercise room!  Our last apartment in Philly?  My weight bench was where you would typically put the dining room table - that was our 'excercise room'.  Not one pool, but two! No pool back east.  Movie night once a month.  Sunday morning breakfast.  This was not apartment living...it was resort living!  And we took advantage of all of the amenities and had a blast living there...walking across the street to Udall Park - sometimes with a soccer ball to kick back and forth to each to other, or with our pup Cajun to run her.  We'd walk, hand in hand, down Tanque Verde Ave to the Safeway for groceries and liked to go to Bruegger's Bagels on Sunday and sit out front with Cajun enjoying our bagels. 

         Autumn always uncovers 'treasures' that evoke wonderful memories...

         Lord only knows where she came across this ancient relic...a ticket stub from a Philadelphia Wings game.  Lacrosse.  We saw the team's inaugural game versus the Pittsburgh Bulls and were hooked!  Fast paced, lots of action and very little stoppage time.  The crowd was always very enthusiastic, too!

          Finally, back to songs...I recently introduced the bambini to Elvis Costello.  'Watching the Detectives'.  I told the kids, that one of the lines in this song was written for their Mama.  They were intrigued...'She pulls his eyes out with a face like a magnet'...there, that's the one!  I had to explain it to Tonio, but could tell that Autumn immediately appreciated the sentiment.
         Muse - one of Kimmy's favorites, has their new one "Madness" out..."I can't get these memories out of my mind..."  And one by T.I. "Dead and Gone"..."I've been traveling down this road too long, just tryin to find my way back home, but the old me's dead and gone. Dead and gone."  Maybe I'm the pillow man...
         The bambini delight in relating to one another through music.  Cody is the DJ and Aut and Tonio will shout out requests:  "Can I hear 'Nocturnal Rainbows'?  Aut will ask.  "Sure" Cody replies, queuing it up.  "How about 'Invincible'?" Tonio asks.  Machine Gun Kelly.  The other day, we are sharing a meal at Viro's, and one of the new cooks comes out from behind the counter.  Tall, skinny.  Wearing a bandanna.  Cody leans in to the kids and whispers "LOOK!  It's Machine Gun Kelly!".  Aut and Tonio were convinced it really was.  Even this morning, when he walked in for work, Autumn caught my eye, tilted her head subtly in his general direction and mouthed "MACHINE GUN KELLY" at me, with a wink and a Kimmy grin.
         And then there is Redlight King - "I know what how it feels, when you have to start over.  Only this time, there's no one to save me."

         We miss Kimmy, but we love to share the memories.  The stories.  The smiles she gave us....

 

 

 

Too close to the sun...

             In the end, we flew just a little too close to the sun...

                                                                   Myrtle Beach 1986


                   Autumn asked me today...'Dad, if our house was on fire, and you could only save one thing, what would it be?'  "You guys".  "No Dad, we are already safe.  Outside.  So is Bella."  "Our wedding album...NO, the computer - there's so many pictures of your Mama on there..."

                  The memories...they keep me going.  I am so thankful for each and every memory. 

                  While at Viro's on Thursday night, enjoying the Italian Wedding Soup...Vito's cousin Mauro pulled up in a new Lexus FSI.  First time I had ever seen one, beautiful car.  Mauro told us the story, about how he had been looking online for one for many months, finally finding one in Chico, CA.  He flew into San Francisco and drove the three hours to Chico to get his car.  He told Vito, the bambini and I about driving back along the Pacific, the scenery, the wineries and the beaches. 
                 "I've never made it north of Huntington Beach" I confessed.
                   There followed a stunned silence.  Vtio and Mauro couldn't believe Kim and I never made it farther north.  "We meant to."  I told them and maybe, one day, I will take the kids there.  I told them how we had been as far north as Quebec, Candada, to the tip of Florida, on the east coast....but had only talked about, dreamed about, getting to visit northern California...the Redwood Forrest...Monterrey...and driving the coastal highway.
                 But, I have the memories of the roadtrips we did get to enjoy...
                 Memories are a funny thing...sometime bringing a smile, floating out of the mist...sometimes, pulling a tear.  Instead.
                  I embrace them both.  Either way, memories are a beautiful thing...
                  The walks...we loved them.  The first two years that we lived in our current house, we would walk every day, taking the 'loop' around the perimeter of our neighborhood, out into the desert. The bambini and our pups always enjoyed this.  Cajun and Zona.  Then just with Zona.  And now, with Bella. We'd see animals, like javelina, coyotes, road runners, quail, chipmunks, rabbits and the occasional stray cow from the neighboring ranch.  This time of year, Kim would be on the lookout for a wild vine, growing on the barbed wire fence between us and the desert.  Sometimes, we slip beneath that barbed wire fence and escape, into the desert beauty.  We'd follow the rugged, dirt, ranch road.  Or the paths that the cows would forge.  Or, we'd make our way, carefully through the cholla and creostote.  These walks were fabulous, through the pristine desert.  We found a watering hole,  She always wanted us to collect the gourds that grew there, as the monsoon faded from our summer.

                   We took one tonight.  The clouds and the sunset evoking fond memories.  The bambini reciting them, like folklore.  And Tonio, spotting the vine first, "DAD!!  There they are!!!  Can I pick one??", already sprinting forward. Of course.  We picked three.  And saw two road runners and two bunnies.  Thanks Kim!
                   Working in her garden.  Trimming the olive trees that we planted together, after Kimmy had me rip out the mesquite trees that had been planted by the builder.  I worked on hanging some more angels..

                  ...lately, I notice, the tears fall from memories pulled to the surface by songs.  And movies.  When I am 'alone', on my way to work, or on my way home.  In the darkness of the theater (or so I believe).  And late at night, writing.  Remembering...
                   Music.  Anberlin. Train. Autumn has recently discovered "50 Ways to Say Goodbye"  Any Motown or Bowie. The new Muse - "Madness". 
Skylar Grey and her haunting voice, in "Rescue Me".  Again ("I Need a Dr", I think her voice sounds like Kim's).  Giving the highway that far away feel as they take me back.
                  The movies.  I notice that the ones we've gone to seen lately (Batman, Spiderman) or watched on DVD (Bourne Identity) have a common theme.  There is a hero.  He falls in love.  The girl is in perile.  The hero saves the girl and they enjoy another day.  Brings to the mind the 'Why couldn't I' questions.  I mean, Spiderman, bullet wound in the thigh, but with the community of crane operators support (I certainly had the community support, but couldn't save the girl), is able to make his way across NYC and save his girl.  Shot in the thigh!  And he still made it.
                 Always makes me wonder...

                                                     Hard to see, but, as I hung the angels, I noticed a little dove in the tree, sitting on her nest...watching over me...