Giving Back

          I found myself mired in a philosphical conversation tonight about why we give back.  I don't have a great answer for that - and, at this point, my ability to stay afloat during any meaningful conversation is still extremely challenged.
          Although, I did find that my first day back at work, after 55 days with the bambini, went well.  Most of all, because of the strong, unselfish team that I am blessed to work with.  They continue to give, as I convalesce at my own pace.  Today, I felt more productive, than my first attempt at reentry, and was able to digest and break down business related numbers! My first attempt, led me to be an over glorified book shelver, which worked fine for me - again, my team was gracious enough to allow me to do what I was capable of doing.
          But, in the back of my mind, nagging...was, missing the bambini.  They had a rough start and a bumpy finish.  We'll work on that.  Once I gathered them up from afar, I took them on a walk with Bella through the desert.  And then I ran a mile.  We got back on the same track and I fed them dinner, that I had made the night before in preparation for my first day back at work (Andrea's stir fried chicken and rice).
           Later, we got the fountain in the back yard working again, thanks to our friends Joe and Jesus!  It was just one of those things.  I had dismantled the fountain back around the end of June to clean the pump filter.  It is an extremely heavy fountain, and I was able to take it apart by carefully wedging the outer bowl against my hip and sliding it down the lower bowl...nearly breaking my lower back.  But, I've been stuck since then, unable to raise the manpower to reassemble the fountain (which we bought in memory of Kim's Dad).  So it was nice to get it back together and functioning tonight.

            Suddenly, it is 10:00 and I have an urge to make Kim's meatballs...Tonio takes up his book, 'Graveyard Book' by Neil Gaiman (one of my favorite authors), pulls a chair into the kitchen, and begins to do his nightly reading to me.  He's getting good at pronouncing the big words.  I'm mincing garlic.  He's telling me about Bod, the main character, who is alive, but living in a graveyard and being raised by the dead.  I'm chopping onions and not crying.  Tonio's reading about a bad man, who killed Bod's family and is after him.  I'm folding in an egg, adding Italian seasoned bread crumbs and thinking 'Maybe I'll make brownies.'. I'm trying to nullify my personal purgatory through baking. Why not?  I've never made brownies.  So, while the meatballs are cooking and Tonio's finishing up a chapter, I get the brownies going.

                Right into the sauce, they came out great!  And, I made them from memory...Kimmy's recipe.  I missed her a great deal today...as smooth as work went, it was a challenge with the bambini and I still have a great deal of work to do there...she made it seem effortless.
                But, back to the brownies.  First try.  Don't know how they will taste, yet.

                         And I'm finally getting the bambini to bed at 11:00, reluctantly, as I missed them so much today and, apparently, they missed me too.  There was some anxiety there.  We'll get it worked out.

                          But why, why do we give back?  I don't think it was too important to me, until after Autumn was born.  It was almost as if someone flipped a switch.  Here Kim and I were, in a nice little house, in an awesome community, with our oldest, Cody, about to enter school (Cottonwood!) and it hit us like a proverbial ton of bricks 'we need to be involved to keep this community special'.  We wanted nothing more in return.  No awards.  No acknowledgement.  Just knowing that we helped a great community stay great and that we were wanting to instill that same feeling in our children. 

                          Of course, the other folks involved, make you want to work harder and become even more involved...but, I remember.  I remember Kimmy, freshly diagnosed, saying 'this is my wake up call.  God is telling me that I've become too involved.  I need to refocus on my family'.  I tried to tell her she never neglected us.  We knew she was busy, but she still baked and cooked everything from scratch.  We didn't miss meals.  She still kept our home looking so nice.  But, she was overextended.  We were.  She was right, in some ways. I try to make sure the bambini come with me to help.  To make them feel involved and a part of what is going on.  They are a big help.

                          We could finally see some stars tonight.  The last few, we have been blessed with rain - Kim's garden looks so nice.  The bambini were delighted, blowing their kisses directly at the Big Dipper, loving the little bit of cloud cover that highlighted the sky, and the cool, fresh smelling breeze that blew across our yard as we said good night to their Mama...

                            Love,

                                    Dave

                

I have writer's block

          I do.  Have writer's block.  Sometimes the memories, the ideas just flow...sometimes they get stuck...I have an idea what the trigger is, but I do not have any control over it...

         This weekend has been one of those times.  My catalyst hasn't come through.  I can't find the thread on my own right now...so, I turned to the bambini.

          'Kids!  I'm stuck!!  I need some stories...about Mama!'...Tonio said, "you could write about how I always asked you guys to sleep with me."  Ok, done.  He is sweet, and I know there are two trains of thought on this.  Some people say 'don't do it', some say 'it's ok'.   We've always leaned towards the latter.  As I know now, life goes way too fast to worry about wether or not a kid wants the security of sleeping with his/her parents...before long, they not only don't want to sleep in your room, but they also no longer want that hug or kiss in front of their friends...or to hold hands while taking a walk...or go on family vacations...

           Autumn had a zillion ideas...

         She loved the time Kimmy surprised her with tickets to go see the My Little Pony Tea Party.  A live performance at the Music Hall down town.  Just the two of them.  Girls night out.  Kim wanted to do more of these...but, as I pointed out above, sometimes life really does go too fast, and she did have the time. 
          Kim did not tell Autumn where they were going...they parked at the cathredal, across the street from the music hall and Autumn thought they were going to church.  As they entered the music hall, a man handed her a My Little Pony coloring sheet and then she knew!  She loved the show and the time to share with her Mama.  Afterwards, they had dinner together at Little Anthony's diner.

          Another of Autumn's fondest memories (and Cody seconded this one), was, the last time we went to Disneyland, six years ago, we did not tell the kids where we were going - just pulled them from their beds, at 4 a.m., loaded them into the car in their p.j's and kept them comfy with blankets, pillows and put blankets up in the windows to block the rising sun later and took off.

          They woke when we were already in California, but still had no idea.  In fact, we were able to maintain the element of surprise, all the way to the Disneyland parking lot, when, as we approached, they spotted the brand new ride "Tower of Terror".  Cody saw it first, but did not recognize it for what it was - he shouted "Omygosh!  That hotel is on fire!!!".  Autumn and Tonio strained in their car seats to see and began shouting crazily.  Then, we passed beneath the Disney archway and it hit them...we were at Disneyland and they began squealing with delight.

          That was a great time.

          I knew the bambini could help.  They always do.  Everyday!

                  Love,

                      Dave

High School

           Today, Cody's first day at high school...I'd like to say he made it smooth.  Piece of cake...but, being 14, can mean, being forgetful!  He forgot his schedule...so, I drove home, got it, and drove it back to him.  After school, he said he did not get to eat lunch, the lines were too long...and even if they weren't, he had forgotten his student i.d., so they would not allow him to eat.  You would thing, that, after all of the years this school has been open, that they'd figure out how to control the lines at lunchtime...and, to allow a teenager to go without lunch, because he forgot his i.d., seems pretty punative - but, this isn't your dad's high school!
         Other than that, he said the day went great and that he enjoyed his first day of classes!
         My friends, Monique and Joe, who got him there, so I could go to Mass and picked him up, so I could pick up Lexy and Breanna and take the kids to go see Kung Fu Panda 2 (which was excellent, and a must see movie!!), made sure that they snapped a 1st day of school picture, ala Kimmy, for me:

             He's looking so grown up these days...and made his first day of high school seem like no big thing.  I'm sure that I've mentioned, that I'm proud of him!  And yes, that is a Napoli jersey I'm sporting - they managed to come in 3rd place in the Serie A, Italian soccer league - Kind of like if the Kansas City Royals came in 3rd overall in MLB - neither team has been worth anything since 1985 or so.  Cody has on his Hobie surf shirt that he picked out while we were at Laguna Beach - he wore it for his Mama....we thought of her a lot today.

              At San Xavier, I love this side entrance doorway.  The large, rustic wooden door, so ornately carved...leading out to the little side courtyard, where we'd sit with the kids during Mass when it was too crowded to sit inside, or when the kids were too restless to sit inside.  I usually sit by it during Mass and just stare at it...remembering.

            This church is ancient, by U.S.A. standards.  It holds many secrets.  I cannot help but let my eyes roam to the high, domed ceilings, covered in murals - with windows set 30 ft above the congregation.  And at the incredible carved statues of the saints, strategically placed around the church, always looking at the parishoners.  And the decorative scene behind the altar, a conglomeration of statues, paintings and stunning decor, and the large, scenic paintings on the sides of the interior - of the last supper.  They all speak to you.  How many people sat in the mission's pews?  How many prayers have been prayed there?  How many baptisms, first holy communions...weddings??  I know Cody's baptism and our wedding, play over and over in my head as I sit there each week, trying to get closer to Kim...

              Love,

                    Dave

Morning

            5:30 came early today...Bella insisted we run.  We were greeted by the sun, and I was glad we woke up early...

                                          She's Tigger.  Bella gets so excited to get running, that she'll pull me along, usually bouncing and prancing like a circus dog. She's walking me! She has so much spirit.  And I'm so thankful that Kim made me take her to pick out Bella that day, a week or so after we lost Zona.  I wanted to wait, I felt that it was too soon, that we needed to properly mourn Zona's passing.  As usual, Kim was right on - choosing the perfect pup for our family.  She knew.

                                       After our run, she bounced into the bedroom, up onto the bed and began to kiss Antonio, telling him 'Good Morning!  It's time to wake up and play!'.  Then, she did the same to Autumn.  She loves her kids...
                                   They all like to play with her while they get ready for school, throwing her a ball, playing tug-o-war with her rope toy, pretending Bella made them breakfast...She provides them love and smiles...
                                 Our morning runs are a nice way to start our day...
    
                                  Love,
                                        Dave
                                    

Freshman Orientation

         I should've taken pictures.  I know Cody would not have appreciated it, but Kim would have insisted.  I thought I'd better be as low key as possible, for Cody's sake.

         We spent 5 hours at Cienega today, preparing for Cody's first day of classes at high school tomorrow.  I tried to pay attention, but had way too much coffee coursing through my veins...I needed to get up and run!  My friends, Monique and Joe, who had given me a ride, sensed this and came up with a plan to escape...we snuck out of the auditorium and took our own tour of the campus...Cody, meanwhile, was being escourted from class to class, so that he would have his bearings for tomorrow.  He did great.

          So many high school memories came flooding back...we had no orientation.  We walked to school our first day and figured it out, together.  I remembered the classes we had together, meeting in the hallways, going to play frisbee in the parkway, waiting to walk home. Gym class (we did NOT call it P.E.), was so fun, especially swimming. And a lot of our teachers actively rooted for us as a couple.  Except the principal, Mr. Stein.  He did not like any P.D.A. which took me until I was a senior to figure out meant public display of affection.  He'd come hollering down the hallway "NO PDA!!".  I wondered who Cody's 'Kimmy' would be today, as I spied him across the way talking to some young ladies...He's grown so much, his face looking more and more like a man's.  He's ready to go, confident...I'm so excited for him.

       Afterward, I dropped Cody at the skate park, where he rode for hours with his friends (David and Brendon came with their new buzz cuts!).

       The little bambini have had a pretty good first week in school - again, their teachers making a big difference!  I'm told that some folks cannot read the comments left by readers (and thank you for all of you who do leave comments!!!), Ami Bunch left his one today, and I felt it embodies how a) Tonio continues to work through the loss of his Mama and b) the loving support these children receive at Cottonwood (thanks so much Ami!):

       

Yay for the angel tree! As I was taking my PM kinders on a tour around school this afternoon, our last stop being the restrooms by Kim's Garden, I noticed Tonio there by himself, checking out all the flowers, bugs and yes, even black widow spider eggs (and consequently, the spider which hatched them), ....He seemed kind of forlorn, so we chatted about "mama" for a few minutes and he and I pulled some weeds while my class got drinks. I'd be lying if I said it didn't tug at my heart...and yet, he smiles on. And I love that he visits the garden. I love that the garden is a constant reminder of Kim. :)

         Tonio told me about this experience himself this evening and you could hear the appreciation in his voice, as he told me he began the project by himself, then, Mrs. Bunch came and helped...

          Other random things...I stumbled across our Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the Moon CD today, it startled me.  I hadn't realized it had been misplaced, until I found it, hidden away - Kim and I got a lot of mileage out of this CD back in the day.  Autumn came home saying her new music teacher was talking about some great guitar player from the '60's named Jimi.  I scoffed.  He was innovative, I guess, but, in my opinion, could not stack up to Jimmy Page, Keith Richards, Eric Clapton or David Gilmour, of Pink Floyd...then I found the CD and popped it in to show her - 'Time', one of his greatest guitar efforts. And the lyrics, I'd always sing them to her (well, I can't sing, but I wanted to!):

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town

Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today

And then the one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but you're older
And shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desparation is the English way
The time is gone the song is over, thought I'd something more to say

I guess a lot of this ended up catching up to me, without me even knowing it...

David Gilmour is one of my all time favorite guitarists.  Kim had surprised me, one year, for my birthday, with tickets to one of his solo tours, back in 1984.  Third row center.  I had broken my hand in a fight just a night or two prior and she was so mad at me - I thought, perhaps, I had finally overstepped my bounds.  But there she was, to pick me back up, lovingly...she had her work cut out for her.  She ended up driving us to the show, which was fantastic.

Further, around 7, out of fruit and the bambini clamoring for some, we drove to Sunflower market to stock back up (and ran into Lydia Crain, Rincon Vista principal, where Kimmy worked and one of the nicest people I know!).  And I found this"

 At last...

         I sat in the third floor waiting room one late evening, waiting for the damn phone to ring.  It was to be Kimmy's final surgery.  I hated that phone.  And, that waiting room was my personal hell, my chamber of horrors.  But I had no choice.  And I'm not complaining about being there - there was no where else I'd be - I love Kimmy, I needed to be there, wanted to be there - it's just that, that waiting room...I cannot write enough to describe the feeling, the coldness, and in the end, the emptiness that I gained there...

          Anyway, that final surgery, where they were helping relieve the swelling in Kim's legs, I resolved that I would not answer the phone...so when it rang, another 'waiter' picked it up and called my name...I reluctantly, yet hopefully, accepted the receiver from her outstretched hand...and I heard Kimmy's soft, sweet voice whisper to me"David.  Write this down.  Infinium"  "What is that?  A treatment?  A CURE??"  I begged.  "No", she giggled, "A beer."  A beer.  Her waking words to me.  A beer.  She wakes thinking not of herself, or her condition, but to tell me about a beer that I might enjoy, that I have to try.  Dammit Kimmy!!  She was so sweet. 

           Her anathesiolgist told me the rest of the story later.  Kim amazed him.  As he was putting her under, he commented to another Dr. that he couldn't wait to get home to pop open a bottle of Infinium by Sam Adams.  Kim, drifting, asked him "is it good?".  "The best" he told her.  "You have to tell my husband about it". she replied, slipping away.  He told me that conversations held while putting patients under are rarely, if ever recalled.  Yet, when Kim was coming back up, it was the first thing she said to him "was that beer you mentioned called Infinium?".  He was amazed!

          "But Kimmy, are you allright?  How did the procedure go?"  I asked desparately.  "I'm fine David, I'm fine."

            I almost did not find it.  The little bambini and I headed directly for the beer section.  My friend, Manny, told me Sunflower did indeed carry it - he looked it up on an app for me.  But I couldn't see it.  The cashier asked if I found everything - and I finally said 'no' and told him the story.  He immediately went to the cooler and grabbed a the large bottle pictured above.  He was the most knowledgeable beer guy I've ever met.

             And it is good.  Kim knew.  She knew I'd like it, and thought of me.  "Write it down"  and I did.  It took 8 months to find it, bitter sweet.  She always looked out for me.

              And for the bambini...I can hear her now "I'm so proud of my big high schooler!"...

                             Love,
                                    Dave

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-XNr5neJ30&NR=1

My Angel

              Last night, Tonio and I sat on our back porch until well after 10, enjoying the light rain falling.  Listening to the rumble of the distant thunder and marveling over the bolts of lightning, momentarily illuminating the dark skies.  I felt like sleeping out back.

           The bambini made it to school on time...3 days in a row.  I'm so proud of them.  They have both been ready 5 minutes early, and, aside from me making them breakfast, they do it all themselves!  As we made our way through the little gate between the playground and the 6th grade classes (I tell the kids, it's the scariest time of my day.  It is a small gate, in width.  There are a zillion kids, full of energy and excited for their school day to begin. If you happen to be passing through, when the bell rings, it is absolute mayhem!  I cling to the bambini's hands, in fear they will be trampled in the ensuing stampede.  But I digress...).  Mrs. Maguire, a 3rd grade teacher at Cottonwood, greeted us there and asked if I slept outside last night...for one moment, I couldn't remember, but had memories, flashes of times Kim and I had slept outside...

                            This tree, was lovingly and beautifully decorated with hundreds of angels - some glass, some metal, some silver, some gold - an incredible, stunning array!  We never actively removed these angels, they meant so much to us, each one special, with an inspirational message attached from the person who hung them there...but when the wind would knock one to the ground, we would collect them and have them saved in a big box that we will treasure forever.

                           Two lone angels grace this tree (incidentally, when we moved in, there was a Mesquite tree planted here by Lennar, the builder.  The first thing Kimmy had me do, was, tear it out and replace it with this beautiful olive tree).

                            Here is one of the angels, from Patti (with an 'i'), who worked at Cottonwood and defected to go to Empire High School this year...

And this pretty one from Jen Lofgren, kindergarten teacher at Cottonwood who defected and went to Desert Willow this year...Ahhh, we still love them and miss them and it is nice that their angels are still in Kimmy's olive tree...Our 'Angel Tree'.

Those of you who placed an angle there, thank you.  You must know, that there were many days, where the bambini and I would spend hours beneath the tree, reading and re-reading the loving, caring, supportive messages that each angel had attached to it.  This tree brought us such comfort in our time of need.  We plan on rehanging the angels around December 13th and will leave them up for the Christmas season...to celebrate my angel, Kimmy.

How about our monsoon?  Nice one tonight!  Kimmy loved this time of year - the rains, the smells, the stunning lightning strikes...the one that hit us around 7:00 p.m., left an impression upon us - the skies to the east were dark and wicked, bringing the rain and lightning strikes that had multiple off shoots.  But, to the west, it was perfectly clear as the sun set...creating a rainbow, stretching from north to south along the Rincon mountains...

And now, the night air is cool and fragrant...

Maybe I'll sleep out back tonight...

Love,

 Dave

Waffles, Photos, In & Out Burger...must be the first day of school!

       The first day of school, in our house, could be compared to a minor holiday.  Like Memorial Day.  Or the 4th of July.  Kim baked.  You've seen the legendary cupcakes - like Mt. Everest - how do you top it???

I couldn't find the ladybug or the bumblebee cupcakes...so, the kitty cat cupcakes will have to do!

Kim always took plenty of photos...I managed three:

                           Kim would always make sure the bambini looked sharp in new outfits for their first day.  Autumn is wearing her new shirt from Andrea, and I got Tonio new shorts and a polo.  They made sure I took a picture of them before we left the house and before school started.  At some point, Kim would start to tear up (sometimes outright cry), as she realized her bambini were a year older.  Cody going to high school was something she talked about...she definitely would have cried for his first day coming up.
           Kim always liked to get a photo of the kids with their teacher, but there seemed to be so many extra needy parents today, and I didn't want to add to the first day circus.  First, poor Mrs. Rienstra, was getting loaded down with bags of supplies...there she is, holding at least three heavy bags, parents just handing them off to her, all 7 months pregnant, and parent after parent, just filling her ears with what to expect from their child or how to handle their child, etc., all the while she is smiling, while the bags are sawing through her fingers. I finally snagged the bags out of her hands and took them to her supply stash.  Then, there was a parent in Mrs. Rudzena's class, who long windedly, was asking why he needed to buy 'community supplies', he only wanted to buy for his child and couldn't understand beyond that, despite generous parents dropping off 'community supplies' like copy paper and tissues, right next to where the man was whining.  Mrs. Rudzena remained stoic and professional! 

              But I did manage to take one of them together outside of Mrs. Rienstra's class.  They are so cute together in the morning, giving each other a last hug, telling each other to have a great day and saying 'I love you' to each other, oblivious to the swarms of children around them.  It always melted Kim's heart.  I didn't get a chance to bake any animal-like cupcakes.  But I did make the kids waffles with fresh raspberries for breakfast!
             After their first day of school, Kim would take the kids for ice cream for for something special to eat.  They came out ravenous, so I took them to In & Out Burger and then to Costco (the new one, where Mario works!).

Antonio's homework was to decorate his paperwork folder for Mrs. Rienstra.  He made this colorful frog, jumping for joy (Mrs. Rienstra is a big frog fan, which, I suspect was Tonio's motivation!).

I took drinks to some of the staff and teachers today and found Mrs. Rienstra with her class lined up to go to the restrooms after music class.  Tonio was the line leader and was standing still and quiet...I went to find out what was wrong.  Mrs. Rienstra told me how quiet and good Tonio was today for her and she asked 'Tonio, are you going to be quiet and not talk to me for a few months like Autumn did when I had her for 3rd grade?'.  I told her to be careful what she wished for.  As we talked, I caught movement out of the corner of my eye...Tonio had slinked out of line, unnoticed by us and was stalking a large, black bug!  'See?' I told Mrs. Rienstra.  And she laughed, and asked Tonio to get back in line.'

Meanwhile, Cody and I picked up David from Desert Willow Elementary, where he was with Andrea and Mario at Breanna's first day of kindergarten.  I took the boys to the Park Mall, got Cody some new sneaks and a back pack for high school, grabbed them lunch and then took them to the skating rink...where they stayed for 7 hours of skating!!!  When I picked them up at 8, they were hungry again and we headed for Jack in the Box for a nutritious dinner.  Their legs had to be hurting after 7 hours of skating!!

And, getting the two little ones out of bed, dressed, fed and ready went remarkably smooth this morning.  I was a little less grizzly bear, and the kids did a lot to be ready a full 5 minutes early!  It was not a crazy, running in circles, episode of Heckle and Jeckle...maybe they are maturing...?

The bambini had a great first day back at school...they were happy to see their friends again, but, I feel that their teachers made a huge difference for them today...our extended family!

Tonight, Tonio told us that the clouds looked like a beautiful painting that Mama made for us, as we wished Kim a good night...

Love,

 Dave

Sunday

This morning, I woke around 6...Bella incessantly telling me it was time to run in the desert.  She does not understand the term 'rough night', so I thought it best to just humor her and get out of bed. The sun was already heating things up as we ran, and recent rains has the neighborhood green and flowers beginning to bloom.  The rangers in front of our house are in full bloom.  Kimmy would always have me wait to trim them until after the last blooms had fallen off the bush.  She loved them full and bright.  She would tell me each time, how she wanted them trimmed.  Flat on the bottom, rounded from the top.  Kim was unable to trim them herself, as, each time she tried, her eyes would itch and water for several days.  I had no problem trimming them to spare her that.

In these early morning hours, I miss her.  Today, when I realized this, I thanked God for everytime I lumbered out of the bedroom, bleary eyed and hating morning, to have Kim ask me how I slept and give me a sweet good morning kiss, her brilliant smile lighting up the room. And thanked God for the enthusiasm with which she faced the new day, eventually rubbing off on me to get me started.  And thanked God for how much she appreciated the chai tea I would make for her to take with her to work.  She'd always offer to make me something, but I'm strictly a water person in the morning.  Ice water.  She was really good at mornings...thank God.

Today was the last day of the bambini's summer vacation - well, Tonio and Autumn's.  And the last weekend.  It turned out to be a good one...

We spent some time Saturday with Angie and her bionic knee.  She graduated from walker to cane, when Mark presented her with a brand new one he purchased for her.  She deftly navigated through the kitchen with it.  Her resolve to rehab her knee is strong and it shows in her progress - she's a hard worker!

Then, we went to see Janene, who really helped make our summer great, including us in many family outings, planning them, bringing everyone snacks, etc, etc.  It was amazing!  She was able to give me a haircut, bringing me back to respectability, and then we went next door to Az Pizza for lunch!

HUGE slices!!

Sunday, we made it to church at Our Mother of Sorrows and then to Viro's to eat some breakfast with Autumn's teacher, Casey, her husband Jack and their friend Tara.  Rosa and Vito joined us (Happy 33rd wedding anniversary!) and presented us with this:

 A WHOLE case of Lupini beans!!  The bambini wipe out a jar in minutes, like locusts in a wheat field.  What a great, end of summer gift!  Immediately, Autumn and Antonio asked if they could take some in their lunch tomorrow!

After filling ourselves with food and enjoying good company, Andrea picked up Autumn for a girls day out of shopping (she bought Aut a beautiful shirt for the first day of school and an owl watch!), movies and dinner at Applebees.

Meanwhile, I took the boys to Toys R Us and met Kim, Rashon, Mario and their kids at Wild Wings and Things for dinner.  The kids had fun playing video games.  Afterward, we all met up with Andrea and the girls at Baskin Robbins for ice cream.  As we all walked out into the a light, falling rain, the kids started going crazy...

A double rainbow spanned the sky...the kids were delighted that they could see it from beginning to end.  A beautiful way to end our day together.

 Autumn was glowing after her day with Andrea, Lexy and Breanna.  And the boys had fun with David, Mariah and Micah.  Once again, Angie and her daughters, Andrea, Janene, and Kim made our weekend!  And, as I'm typing, her daughter Kristie, in N.M., texted best wishes to the bambini for their first day of school!  We are blessed.

We were blessed with a great summer together...Autumn and Tonio do not want to go back to school tomorrow, although, once they are there, I know that between seeing their friends and having wonderful teachers, that they will settle in quickly.  I will miss them.  Cody and I have until Friday together when he starts high school!

When we stepped outside tonight, the rain had begun again.  The bambini love the smell of the creosote bushes after the rain...we opened up the house to bring it inside...They craned their little heads towards the cloudy night sky, letting the cool rain kiss their faces and wished Mama a good night, sweet dreams and blew their kisses in the general direction of the Big Dipper...

Love,

  Dave

Back to School !?!?!

             We are on 'year round' school here in the Vail School District.  A lot of none Vail parents do not like that idea.  I do.  I mean, shouldn't our kids be in school year round?  Just kidding.  I love the 'year round' thing, because the kids get multiple breaks throughout the year, instead of one long, drawn out summer.  And who wants to be off during August in Arizona anyway when it is hotter than hades and 100 degrees from 9 a.m. through 9 p.m.?  Better to be in the air condition splendor of a class room and then have three weeks off for fall break, the last week of September and first two weeks of October, when it is cooler out and an excellent time to hit the California theme parks with no crowds!

              But the summer did go flying by...I never once thought 'can't wait until the kids go back to school.'  It was so nice to be with them and help them continue to heal and create good summer memories with them.

              In fact, it was something akin to shock that I remember tonight was 'Meet the Teacher' night.  A formality, as I've known the bambini's teachers for many years...and Autumn had Mrs. Rudzena last year, who gave one of the finest presentations to us parents that I have ever seen.  Autumn is so excited to have her again this year (no, she wasn't held back - we were blessed that Mrs. Rudzena moved up to teach 6th grade!).  She is such an excellent teacher and, having lost her father to cancer 4 years ago, has been a great comfort for Autumn. But, I wanted to go to see everyone, and let Autumn and Tonio see all of their friends and classmates.  And to support our new principal, Mrs. Mayeux - who did a great job keeping things moving along tonight! 
             Tonio was also feeling a little nervous about moving on to 3rd grade.  He wanted to know who was going to be in his class.  And, although he has known Mrs. Rienstra for years (Autumn's 3rd grade teacher!), I think he just needed to talk to her one on one in her classroom to see that she truly is a nice person.  Mrs. Rienstra did a great job, too.  She was very upbeat and set the kids at ease.  She is due to have a baby boy, Nathan, on September 9th, looks great and seems to have more energy and enthusiasm than ever!  We are excited to have her this year.

           Time flies...as I said, the summer went by so fast - and so has a year.  It seems like so short a time ago, Kim and I were attending 'Meet the Teacher Night' for Tonio going to 2nd grade and Autumn to 5th.  We got there early, to be able to talk to parents about impending budget cuts that would affect our children and their education.  Kim was so passionate about that.  After Mrs. Bryson opened the evening, to a crowd of parents in the MPR room, she asked for nominees for the Site Based Council, a group of teachers/parents/administrators that guide policies for the school and help advise the principal on issues, Kim raised her hand and nominated Mimi Thomas, a hard working, dedicated parent, who went on to get elected to the council that night.  Kim, the 'I'm a behind the scenes person', had just shaped leadership for the year, and got behind the movement to appeal for more dollars for our schools to be able to keep art/music/p.e. and smaller class rooms...unfortunately, she was unable to see this movement through, before getting sick (and we've lost art and classroom sizes are increasing rapidly - Autumn's up to 29 students in her 6th grade class.  When Cody was in 6th grade, three years ago, he had 18 in his class.).  She also stepped up to be co-vp of the PTSA (pulling me along as the other co!).  Passionate about our school wouldn't begin to do Kim justice...she believed strong education was not an option and worked diligently as a district employee, a volunteer and a parent to help deliver that.  She walked the walk.
           There were constant reminders of all she contributed to Cottonwood and our children tonight...and as we left Mrs. Rienstra's class, Lupe (who's daughter Monsi will be in Tonio's class again - they were thrilled!) and I looked towards the setting sun...where there was a handful of incredibly shaped clouds, touched by the setting sun, turning them brilliant shades of pinks and peaches...I stopped walking and shut my mouth, staring.  I noticed that Lupe had done the same.  And she said 'Kim'.  I nodded and said that sometimes I think I force it, to find Kim in every little thing...Lupe said, "No Dave, she's here".  I knew she was, I could feel her the entire time we were there...the brilliance of the clouds and the sunset just woke me up to it.

             We've got a weekend left together.  This 55 days has gone so much faster for us all than the 55 days that we had Kimmy before she passed.  We've tried to make the most of every day and every moment...
             This morning, we started our day at San Xavier Mission...it is the feast day of St. Bonaventure, an Italian Franciscan, same order of the Mission, who is considered one of the greatest theologians and philosophers of Christianity.  He was declared a Doctor of the Church and remains, to this day, as one of the most important authorities on the interpretation of Christian thought among Catholics.  Google him.  He was pretty deep.

          We chose to light a candle by St. Bonaventure's statue at the Mission.  It was Tonio's turn to light his inside the church and he placed it just below this statue.  Autumn and I took ours to Mary's chapel, where I cleaned Kimmy's photo and we lit our candles close to her picture.
          After Mass, we headed over to the zoo to meet Janene, her mother-in-law, Jane and her kids.  It was warming up, but our zoo has a lot of shade spots, plus a small splash park for the kids to stay cool and we had our zoo cups - free refills (thanks Kim!).  Janene had brought a ton of bread, and after the zoo, we walked to Reid Park, next door, to have the kids ride the little train and feed the ducks.

                                          Tonio, Tanner and Taylor (whoa, that's a lot of T's), feed the ducks.

                                                       Autmn throws bread to the birds.

                  The kids had so much fun seeing the animals...the elephant habitat that Kim worked to make a reality is coming along nicely.  It was a good morning, Janene had it all dialed in for us, and a great way to kick off our final weekend of summer vacation.

                  Oh, I almost forgot...I have a high schooler!  It's nearly an ungraspable idea.  We went and picked up his books, got his i.d. and had his 'health screening' yesterday, feeling every bit the cattle that we were for those couple hours that morning.  So proud of this guy...I know Kim is too.

                 Love,
                        Dave

Bethlehem

        When I was Tonio's age, I truly thought that my home town, Bethlehem, Pa, was the birth place of Jesus.  Yes I did.  How special, eh?  I thought so.  And up there, on top of South Mountain (more of a hill, really) was the Star of Bethlehem - PROOF! 

          I don't remember when, exactly, it was that I realized that there was a Bethlehem in some country called Isreal, where Jesus was really born.  I do remember realizing that our forefathers, who were desparate to get our of the old country, had absolutely no creativity when it came to naming places in the new country!

        I have some great pictures to share with you.  Of Bethlehem.  Pa.  Where Kim and I started.  Thanks to her niece, OUR niece, Niki.  She took time out of her busy life to capture these timeless, treasured places where so many memories of Kim and I and our youth are still alive...

        Niki is the loving mother of two, with her husband Matt.  She is the carbon copy of Kimmy - in looks, in heart and in spirit.  A wonderful woman.  I am blessed to have her in my life.  And here are the memories that Niki so lovingly captured for me to share with you:

        Here's where it all began.  715 5th Ave.  3 blocks or so from my house.  Downhill, so that it was conducive for skateboard transport (quick getting there, which was important...slow going back uphill so I could reflect on Kim).  In the early days, we rarely left the front porch...preferring to sit there talking.  Kim's bedroom, like mine, was on the 3rd floor.  Back in those days, we had no A/C up there.  It got pretty hot in the summer and pretty cold in the winter.  So what?  My buddy, Jimmy Kromer, lived in the house to the right of Kim's.  His bedroom window faced the side window in Kim's closet.  Back in 1984, when I was trying to convince Kimmy to get back with me for good, I remember talking to her from Jimmy's window...her sweet, smiling face beckoning...I could have lept from Jimmy's window through Kim's...and died trying...
                                         
              This is the back alley, where the garage was.  On these cement pads, if we only had a short time together, we'd set out little lawn chairs and get some sun together...It was also the back alley that I'd choose to drop Kim off at night...a little more private...and darker, than the front entrance.  We'd walk between the garages to say our goodnights...

              And here is Nitschmann Junior High (now Middle School), where Kimmy and I went and were in classes together.  We'd walk there and enter into in the right hand doorway.  There used to be a Boys entrance and a Girls entrance, before our time, thankfully.  The entrances had the gender engraved in the stone above the doorway.
                                          
           This is a civil war statue in the Rose Garden, across the street from Nitschmann.  Kim and I would walk through the roses and bring picnics here.  We'd often come at night to see band concerts and chase lightning bugs...
          And then there was Liberty High School.  Here's our football stadium.  We saw many games there together.  And they used to set off the fireworks from here.  We'd lay together on the soccer field and they would explode right over our heads.

                    Here's the main entrance. I'd wait for Kim after school near the black fencing.  Or across the street, from where Niki is taking this photo.  There was a drug store, called Kostas.  They had old fashioned fountain sodas and I'd buy Kimmy a vanilla or cherry coke for our walk home...two miles of bliss....

                This is the Language Arts building...the 'catwalk' that connects this building to the main building was not covered when Kim and I went there and you had to brave the rains and snows...we'd go to the ground level, where the library was, and cut across the bottom.  There was also a science building and the the gym, band room, weight room, etc. building.

              The Boyd theatre...where Kim and I saw such classics as "Herbie Rides Again"  and "Come Home Snoopy"...we'd pay $.75 or so to see first run shows, walking the 6 blocks or so to downtown Bethlehem.  It was a big, one screen theatre with a balcony.

            Here's Main St, viewed from Niki's car...Kim and I would come here often...I bought her engagement ring (that now hangs around my neck) at Musselman's on Main.  We'd go to a little mom and pop bagel shop here for breakfast.  My cousin, Josh, worked at a pastry shop, baking, on Main and he'd give us incredible pastries that he'd made.

           Sim's was a little market, on the corner of 5th and Broad, that our parent used to send us to for small amounts of groceries.  I'd love it when I'd run into Kim there...It used to be called Steve's.  I think Steve became the manager or the butcher or something when bought out by Sim's.  I could make it to Sim's via alleyways, virtually unseen.  Not sure why that was important...but, at the time, it sure seemed to be...

                   The Bethlehem Steel...once, the second largest steel producer in the WORLD.  Golden Gate Bridge?  Bethlehem Steel.  Our Dad's both worked here making the steel!

                The Star of Bethlehem...that drew the three wise man to baby Jesus...nestled atop South Mountain...Niki took a great night shot of this!  I was always fascinated by it as a kid.

It's hard to see during the daylight, but, atop the mountain, nearly dead center, you can see a nitch cut in the trees.  Kim and I once hiked up there to get a close up look at the star.  It was an Autumn day (yes, that is what inspired us to name Autumn, Autumn!) and the leaves were so bright - reds, yellows, oranges...in the crisp air...

That's it.  We sure enjoyed growing up there...but loved the move we made to Tucson so much, that we never looked back....

Today, 7/13, marks the 7 month anniversary of Kimmy's passing...time flies.  I received an invoice today, from the City of Tucson, from Kimmy's final ambulance ride to St. Joseph's.  I noticed that the date of service was 12/13...and the miles travled?  13. 

I woke Autumn, Lexy and Hadley today, at 11:00.  They told me they finally fell asleep at 5:00.  I had gone out at 4 and reminded them that I needed to get Lexy to Angie's house in the a.m. and Autumn to her teacher's classroom, Casey, to help set up for school.  I made them pancakes, bacon and hashbrowns.  We got to see Angie - she is doing so good, keep the prayers coming!  Her knee replacement is healing well.  The afternoon helping Casey and Julie Shivonanda set up their classrooms was nice.  Dedicated teachers.  And it was good to be back on campus with such positive people...

At the end of the day, following 7 months without Kimmy, I reflected on all I have to be thankful for...

Showers.  My Southwest family, who continues to buoy our spirits.  Teachers.  Healthy bambini!  The time I did share with Kimmy.

There you go.

Love,

 Dave

  

On Funerals

           It was one of those odd, surreal type of days, where I found myself beginning my day at a funeral for the son of a friend, off on an insatiable search for a donkey and ending the day at 10P.M. at Sonic with a car load of kids...

            What do you say to the bereaved at a funeral?  Must you say anything at all, or is a firm hug and your presence enough?  I've had this conversation often, and feel that we all feel we need to come up with something to say, wanting to provide comfort in a time of need.  I've always felt awkward in this role, as no words can take away the pain of the moment, so feel so small coming out of my mouth...I thought of how Kim always knew what to say - so genuine and from the heart. 

             And when the funeral is for a child...it is impossible to make sense out of it.  As Cody said, when I broke the news of the passing of James Thelen, at the tender age of 12, he blurted out 'that is jacked up'.  He was initially mad...then numb. We talked about how fast life is and how important it is to cherish every moment and to appreciate what we have...as Kimmy always told us.
            The Thelan's were neighbors of ours, when we lived across from Cottonwood Elementary.  Some of the nicest people you'd ever want to meet.  Cody and their daughter, Megan, were in classes together since kindergarten and James was just ahead of Autumn in school.  
            So it was a shock - and I think the thing I thought to say 'I may not be able to understand exactly what you are going through, but I do understand loss...and am here to help', worked in this situation...I hope.  And, the comfort of knowing that James was greeted by Kimmy in Heaven...I hope helped.
            James' Mass was a nice one.  It was held at St. Rita in the Desert, where Kim and I used to go from time to time at the old chapel.  I thought the priest did a nice job tying in the readings and applying it to the situation...only, right now, I can't remember which verses he used, I left them at the church today. And the church was filled to capacity with well wishers.  Today, I was able to better take in the people that made up the crowd today. See things with greater clarity and detail. At Kimmy's Celebration, I was overwhelmed with the support and it was so heartwarming to see so many people there - but I could only take in small groups at a time, unable to process, or get my arms around the make up of the crowd.
            What I noticed today, was a loving community in that church.  There were representatives from the police department, the armed forces, neighbors, co-workes, relatives.  Teachers.  You know, as a child, I used to think that teachers had the greatest job.  Working 8-3.  Weekends and evenings off.  Summers and holidays off.  Right?  Then, my bambini went to school and I quickly came to find, the hours these teachers put in are more like 6-5 or until 6.  And then there are after school and weekend events.  Meetings.  Training.  Ongoing education.  Conferences.  Carnivals.  Fund raisers...someone please stop me when I've touched on them all.
           Today, it was crystal clear, that a teacher's comittment continues to extend beyond the school and beyond their current classrooms.  They become extended family in many ways.  They play such an important role in our children's upbringing.  The children, too, become such a big part of the teacher's lives. I was so touched to see many teachers and staff there today who had taught Megan and James and were there to show their support.  And, for once, I am at a loss for words to adaquetly convey how important these teachers/staff are to our families.
           The final piece of today's crowd really tugged at my heart.  James' football teammates who showed up wearing their jerseys.  The were scattered throughout the congregation, there to pay their respects to their fallen teammate...James was a smart, athletic young man and will be missed by all.
           God bless the Thelen's.  We will keep them in our prayers and pray for them to find peace.
          Again, I do know loss, but today's start, once again, put things into perspective for me...I am blessed.  Good family.  Good friends.  Healthy bambini.

          Later, I took Autumn and Tonio across town to look for a donkey...

         Autumn has wanted one for our garden for a while.  I thought they might have one at the place we picked out the St. Francis statue for Kimmy's nitcho.  We drove across town, to the west side and stopped in.  We saw a similar planter that was a goose.  They had colorful iguanas and lizards, but no donkey.  I thought of a shop over on Ajo and Mission that Kim and I used to go to get our pots when we first moved here and we headed south...only to find it has gone out of business.  So, we drove over to 12th and then down 6th...nothing.

      All the while I'm thinking 'why am I taking Autumn all over to find her a donkey?'...and it hit me.  Kim.  She loved donkeys.  Always asked me, if, one day we could buy a piece of land so she could own one.  And, like Kim, Autumn wanted to buy the donkey, not for herself, but for our garden, so we all could enjoy it.  It all made sense...but our search will have to continue on another day...

       Things got hairy, as it neared time for me to show some houses.  I went to drop the bambini off at roller skating, and Autumn got sick.  And, it was thanks to my super parenting skills.  She had eaten a small bowl of cereal around 9:30 a.m.  I dragged her around in 107 degree temps and around 2, she wanted something to eat.  A Dairy Queen was nearby!  How about a sundae?  Carmel!!  Tonio was the voice of reason, saying he thought he'd better have some lunch first.  So I got Aut the carmel sundae and headed to healthy McD's for some nuggets for Tonio.  "Maybe I should have some, too, so I don't eat junk at skating" Autumn said.  Great idea!!  She had already downed half of her carmel sundae and began piling in the nuggets.  As soon as we pulled up to the rink - barf-o-rama ensued!  She's so concientious, even when sick.  She grabbed her empty Happy Meal box, pulled her hair back into a pony tail, got sick and quickly put the box in the parking lot!  Then, she apologized. Talk about breaking my heart!! 

          Around 9:00P.M., we ran over to the skate park to pick up Cody and Brendon, who, after roller skating for 5 hours this afternoon, still had not burned off enough energy (especially considering, David, Brendon and Cody had stayed up until 4:30 a.m.)!  I had to drop Brendon off at Janene's, and had Lexy and Hadley, who are sleeping over with Autumn, Cody and Tonio - so, we ended up at Sonic at 10:00 P.M. - another great choice!  Actually, this ended happily, as the kids ate their ice cream (Autumn and Lexy got the rootbeer floats, Hadley opted for a lemon slush - and I did make them a nice, home cooked, pasta meal for dinner!) with no incidents and had a lot of fun - they love Sonic!

             So it was a day of high emotion...and running...and, ending the day on a positive note.  As we said good night to Kimmy, we asked her to watch out for James...the clouds were, once again, so spectacular tonight...

                 Love,

                      Dave